I bought some more new trainers today 🙂 lol and I got myself a really nice magnetic bracelet which is meant to help with joint pains. So we shall see if it does help.
I bought T a present today. I got her an ornament of a little westie dog. Her westie got stolen a few months back and he’s still not been found. She loved it though 🙂 I’m glad I can make her happy as my friend.
I’m feeling good today considering I did drink half a bottle of wkd blue last night. Last time I drank I felt really depressed the next day. So all is good.
Saw my brother and lil Jack Jack today, we went for milkshakes 🙂 which was nice.
Oscar and Marley
Tank girl x
Group went well this morning, although I had to leave early to be home in time for my cooker to be delivered and I had to answer a load of questions to see whether my choice to leave early was coming from a mindful place, which was a tad annoying, but I suppose it’s the point of therapy and it’s only my second session so I really need to show willing and commitment. Which is all fair points. So Yes I had tried to change the date and I did try and find someone who would be able to sit at the flat, but was unsuccessful in both! So yes it was a choice coming from the wise mind.
I finally got my contract sim delivered today! YAY no more stupid pay as you go! So spent some time registering my new sim and getting numbers and stuff. T bought my old phone off me. She’s been after it for ages. I’d do anything to make her happy. I have spent about half hour burning some CD’s for her. She’s coming over in the morning so I can find her a free wallpaper of Twlight I can download for her. 🙂
I made some dinner this evening and it wasn’t the fact that I didn’t like it, I just couldn’t eat it! I had about 2 mouthfuls and that was it I was full! *sigh* I keep losing my appetite. I will have a day where I’m really hungry, but the rest of the time I can just have a bowl of cereal in the morning and then eat hardly anything for the rest of the day, as long as I drink something I’m fine. I know I am over weight and I hate it! Last year I lost a lot of weight by just not eating hardly anything, so I don’t know whether I am going back to how I was last year… But not consciously doing it if that makes sense? or is that me reading too much into my own head?!
I now have really bad heartburn… maybe I’m stressing about something. I woke up this morning feeling really anxious and I still have no idea why! Think I’m just going through a funny time… well more then usual anyway lol!
Tank girl x
Maths lesson this morning was fine but taxing on my poor lil brain. Just feeling really tired and defeated at the moment…. not sure why! everything seems to me such a challenge…
Got a new phone, but that was a fucking mission…. URGH! well the sim for the new phone is smaller then my current one so they snipped it down to fit in, but they didn’t do it properly so it wouldn’t work so I’ve had to order a new sim to fit my new phone but cex were really good, he came to the orange shop with me to explain and gave me a free game and said he’d give me a couple of quid of whatever I next buy for all the trouble and gave me a free pay as u go sim to use, but obv i had to top it up… so yes! lol not fucking impressed as I have lost ALL my contacts! ARGH!
Need to do my meds and get to bed really, I’ve had enough of today. I can’t really concentrate… (this has taken about an hour to write) My head is all in a spin and my heart hurts and I just wanna go to bed a cry 😥
Tank girl x
I got my new washing machine delivered and all plumbed in this afternoon 🙂 I have already done a big load of washing 😀
Got myself a ps3 today and a rachet and clank game for it 🙂 signed up so I can play online and signed up for nexflix as well so I can watch films and stuff in bed.
I may have myself a little job as well! T is going to try and convince her manager to keep the shop open until xmas and that I help out there, cash in hand! Will be great 🙂 T makes me so happy!
Feeling so positive! Getting things all back on track and working really hard to get where I want to be and in the process making my dad proud 🙂
Peace & Love
Tank girl x
Had another good day 🙂
Felt a bit funny on this afternoon on the bus home. I was really hot and it made me feel really sick and dizzy. But after I cooled down and rested I felt ok.
This evening I put my Lego batwing and joker helicopter together! Took me just over an hour. I used my mindfulness skills, so I did it one mindfully and non judgementally, which all helped me to sit and concentrate and I got the end result 🙂
Heads hurting this evening so may head to bed soon.
Peace & Love
Tank girl x
Well group went well this morning, was a bit slow because it was just in induction session (which I’ve done before) and the other girls in the group seem nice and they haven’t been there that long either so I have probably done more skills then they have, as I was there in 08 and did one cycle of the skills and up at the skills group set up by the p-doc while I was waiting for DBT I did all the skills once through. We went through the diagnostic criteria and we noted down how many we ticked. I did this last January and I hit all 9, today I only ticked 6 🙂 which is really great and I am hoping after doing DBT once round again that I hit under 5, cuz that I can get BPD taken off as a diagnosis, which is my over all goal of DBT.
I am starting to see changes in myself and my behaviour already, which is really good. I am feeling much less angry all the time, feeling much more chilled out and relaxed. It’s nice to just feel not so angry. I mean I still have my bad days where I feel manic or depressed, but that is just part of my bipolar, so not really something I can do much about. But my self harm thoughts and actions are becoming much less, which is really good, but I’m just taking it each day at a time. It feels nice not to have to cut just to feel better or to feel something. My sense of self seems to be much more stable, am having less problems with feeling numb and empty.
I’m going to continue to work hard and reach my goals in DBT and then see where life takes me. I’m feeling much more positive about things. I’m going to work hard to continue to get myself better and to make my dad proud 🙂
Peace & Love
Well my appointment for my second opinion went really well! It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. He was really nice and asked me lots of questions and actually wrote down what I was saying. In his opinion he thinks I have BPD, but not a severe personality disorder, bipolarII and ADHD.. (which explains a lot) So yea I’m happy with what he thinks as it really explains me! He is going to suggest that my p-doc sees me every 6months whilst I am doing DBT, but if I really need to see someone then I am to ring and make an appointment. But other wise I am to talk to my 1:1 therapist and ring them in the day time for skills coaching. When I do have a p-doc appointment then it is to be longer then just the standard 20mins. When I have finished DBT I am to be appointed a STR worker to help me into work and or education and keep me in work and or education. Not to change my medication while I am in DBT, but when I have finished to maybe try lamotrigine. Um that’s all I can remember!
Used my new dyson hoover! OMG I am in love with it! The carpet never looked so clean lmao! So going to get new carpets!
I am fucking shattered, it’s been such a long day! I think I am going to do my diary card for today and then get myself to bed. I’ve got an early start tomorrow. I start in the DBT group session 9.30am-12pm! Means I gotta get up at about 8am :s lol
Well that’s enough from me!
Peace and Love
Well yesterday was great. I ordered a new washing machine and a new cooker, I also bought a new dyson ball hoover! My 1st ever decent hoover 🙂
After I took my hoover home, I went shopping! 🙂 Bought myself some cool new trainers, clothes etc!
I took (never) Respected out for dinner and a movie last night. We went to see The Sweeney which was a brill film. The only trouble was it was really packed and we both had people sat next to us each side, so I had to sit still and as a result of that my lower back started to hurt and then my left leg went really numb and it freaking hurt bad.
After the film we went to the shop (another 24hour shop) and I bought some more Lego batman! I got the bat wing, I have yet to assemble it, but I’m sure I will have fun doing so.
I have my DBT 1:1 session this morning. I’m really looking forward to it. This afternoon I have my appointment for my 2nd opinion at the local mental hospital. I’m quite anxious about this appointment, as its 2 hours long and my concentration has been shocking this week…. So yea lol should be interesting. But I will let you all know how it goes.
Right better fill out my diary card for yesterday! The head off. Wish me luck guys 🙂
Peace & Love
Tank girl x
I had a fucking awful nights sleep! I think I finally crashed out at about 3am-ish. I think it was because I didn’t really do anything at all on Saturday. I pretty much just stayed in and watched t.v.
So after that I decided that I had better go out today and actually do something! rather then just staying in my pit! Too much time to think is not good for your head. Even though I haven’t got a lot of money I managed to scrap some together so I could go see a film. I went to see Dredd 3D. It was fucking amazing! So gruesome! This 1 guy got shot in the cheek and it went in slow motion, so I saw his face explode! it was so fucking cool!
I really needed that few hours just to escape my mind and life. Before the film I walked down to the beach and had a little walk round. I took some pics of some squirrel’s, I managed to get quite close to them. They are so friendly!
Just chilling this evening. I got some chicken out of the freezer, because I really need to cook something proper!
Maths class tomorrow, then I’ve got to come back home and wait in for the people to come and “fix” my water heater… I have lost count at how many times they have been out to “fix” it! Fucking idiots!
Mentally feeling a little brighter then I have done this week. The back of my head is fucking pounding! MED’s!
Tank girl x
I woke up this morning all snotty and gross! Yup I have a cold! AWESOME! no gym for me then! Too freaking tired.
Had some breakfast and did a load of washing then went back to bed for a few hours.
Went to the shop, ordered some more ranitadine from the chemist, as I have totally run out like the dumbass I am. But my order will be ready by Friday to pick up. I wandered round the shop aimlessly not really knowing what I wanted, but I came out with a small bottle of lucazade and a packet of jelly tots 🙂
I did 2 more loads of washing this afternoon and I watched all the dvds I bought yesterday. Well haven’t started Harpers Island yet. Maybe tomorrow.
I text T today and she’s losing her job in 4 weeks time! 😦 her manager is closing the shop. I feel so bad for her, but I did say I will keep an eye out for jobs for her. I’m going to be lost without going to see her everyday. She is such a lovely person and takes me for me. I hope she can find a new job soon. Prayers for T please. She needs to work cuz I worry if she’s out of work for too long she will start drinking in the day rather then just evenings.
Indie fell asleep on me like this. What a cutie
Tank girl x