Big achievement :)

Another un-planned yet epic day! 

Woke up just after 10:30 am. Had something to eat, had a shower and got dressed. Pottered about got some DVD’s together that I no longer want. Took Foxy girl for a wee, then went over to CEX and got some money for my DVD’s. Headed down to the tattoo shop, but there was only 1 guy on tattooing and he wouldn’t tattoo me…. I was NOT impressed :/ I really needed some pain therapy!!! Sat and chatted to the girl on the desk for a bit, but I was starting to feel a bit restless and agitated. So I left and went home. 

I know I needed to do something to focus my energy into. So I had this massive Batman Lego set. I wasn’t going to put it together till I had a nice shelf to put it on, but screw it I decided to make room for it. 

I managed to sit and concentrate for 4 whole hours! 🙂 I am so proud of myself. It was starting to take shape. I had a break for a bit to stretch and eat dinner. It then took another 2 and a half hours to complete it! and OMG it looks freaking awesome! Time and money well spent and I feel so much better for it.

Its now 10:30 pm. I need to take a foxy girl for a wee. Again I have nothing planned for tomorrow. I am thinking maybe gym or a swim or both…. or if the weather is better  I will take for another walk. We shall see.

 The complete set 🙂

Even if I didn’t actually do a lot, I still manged to achieve a lot

Peace out

Tank girl x

I will rise again! <3

I saw this and it really struck a cord – I am wounded but not slain. I shall lay me down and rest a while. And then I will rise and fight again.

I will rise again! You can’t keep this tank girl down I tell you that. 

Group (the living with bipolar course) was painful today. I was exhausted, I think the lack of sleep is catching up on me. I didn’t perk up till about 11:30 am lol. We then did an activity and I got stuck in a group with two men… Which I wasn’t really impressed with as I don’t like these two. But to be honest I’m not really keen on anyone in the group. I haven’t really made any connection with any of them, yes I know it’s only the second group. But I’m just not feeling it, if that makes sense. Maybe I need to try and be a bit more social and upbeat next week. So yea we had to write a list of how we feel when, high, low and well. The man that wrote down what we said kept writing down something different to what I was saying, which was really fucking annoying I wanted to punch the stupid cunt! He finally sat back like he’d finished so I got hold of the paper and started writing what I had actually said! and he kept saying on yes that’s a good one! I’m like yea I know I already suggested it to you when you chose to ignore more, fucking prick! So yea I felt very irritated and he kept calling my by someone else’s name, which yea ok that’s fine, but the name he got me confused with was a 60yr old woman, it’s like dude we don’t even look alike! WTF prick! I will try not to let this colour how I view him and the group next week.

After group I met up with my auntie (mom’s sister) and my little cousin. We played about in the park for a few hours. It was nice to spend some time with them. My auntie dropped me and as she pulled up Layla shouted from the back “well get out then” lmao from the mouth of babes! So cute.

Took my foxy girl out for a wee and when I came back I cleaned up the flat a bit. It seems to take like a day before it gets untidy again! So annoying, it’s not like a family live here. It’s just me and the animals haha. 

This evening I did my usual sat on the sofa, t.v on, laptop on! Boom! How great is my Friday night, totally rocking. 

Mood is rising again, maybe a bit too much. Urgh can’t wait till Wednesday till I see my 1:1 cuz I really need to see my p-doc about this mania. But I’ve got to play their little game 1st. GP said wait to see my 1:1, so I am. Mood still hasn’t changed much. App on the 22nd, it couldn’t come any sooner. I’m just grateful that its not a mixed mood state, cuz they fucking suck. Just enjoying the high.

Here’s a cute pic.

 

Peace out

Tank girl x

Mixed bag of shit

Today has been a mixed bag of feelings. I didn’t get to sleep till gone 3am I then woke up at about 9:40am. I went and met the girls for a drink and a natter. 

Just relaxed this afternoon because I was so so tired. I tried to have a nap but couldn’t. I discovered that D has removed me from her friends list. This hurt massively. I inboxed her to ask her why she did it etc. She’s seen the message but not replied. Not sure what to do now. My heart hurts so so much. 

So fake face on and I went to the youth group. It went really well they are a great bunch of kids. They got me to fill out membership forms for the few new people we had and with one girl a situation come up that I needed to hand over and I did, so I was praised for that and I have been invited back next week and asked to bring some of my comics 🙂 so really pleased about all that. Be nice to get back into the work environment.

I’m so tired so its off to bed now, with a very heavy heart and soul 😥 

Peace out

Tank girl x

Good Tuesday

Today has been good. I went for a cooked breakfast this morning! Man I cannot get enough of cooked breakfasts lol. Then I got a bit of food shopping. Feeling a bit flat today……hard to explain, just feel a bit low. 

One of my best friends came over today, for the 1st time in 5 years as she’s been too poorly. But it was great to have her over to meet the animals. We had a little look round town. I got myself some joggy bottoms for when I’m training in the park and the weather isn’t nice and omg they best thing were they were age 13 yr boys lol and only £12! EPIC win! I got myself some new tops as well 🙂 We came back to mine and chilled out and just chatted. Was nice to chill at mine for a change.

Just been sat relaxing this evening, had some dinner, wrote a list of all the youth work jobs I have done, just so I remember everything for tomorrow. I have my “chat” tomorrow at 11 am with the lady from the space youth project. I’m so excited, but really nervous as well. 

Not feeling so great tonight, think my mood is finally crashing after being manic. My heart is hurting so so much, I just want D and K back in my life now, I don’t want to be without them anymore :/

 My best friend and I 

Peace out

Tank girl x

Monday again

I struggled to get up and moving this morning, but once I got going I was ok. Maths class was hard! It’s funny the harder you work the more tired it makes you…. Is that normal lol. 

After maths I just relaxed at home for a few hours, then I nipped over to the advice center as I needed some advice on what to wear for this “chat” for the voluntary job. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone for an interview, also asked about outstanding certificates from the things I have done at thee center. I came home and went all through my certificates and put the relevant ones together and rang the advice center to let them know I have 3 missing.

I cleaned the flat top to bottom, which took a few hours, but felt great for doing it 🙂 Boiled eggs for dinner and a snack at 10:30pm lol! Yum… stupid period cravings, the other craving is jam doughnuts. 

Just been trying to relax tonight, been having racing thoughts again. Just been trying to ignore them! But it’s really hard, I’ve got so many ideas and so much in the pipeline. I just need to keep writing everything down! 🙂 The future is looking exciting! Just two things missing…. :/

Hopefully got a friend coming over tomorrow 🙂 she’s not been to my house in about 5 yrs due to ill health, but now she is well Eeeek so excited!

Peace out

Tank girl x

Finally rested

Friday 10th May – It was a long difficult day. 

I had my 1st session at the bipolar course. It went ok, we just went over group rules and learned a bit about everyone there. A few of them seemed a bit “weird” one was clearly on edge, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I am one of the youngest there in the group, there is one other young person and the rest are I’d say 40+ We were all sat on these really comfy sofa’s which made it hard to concentrate as I was so tired, so I took off my shoes and curled up and tried to listen. Towards the end of the group, the guy on the sofa next to me started to really bug me, he kept sniffing! URGH I wanted to punch him in the face, so irritating. After the group I got the bus back into town and waited outside Costa to meet the group of people attending the funeral.

1pm a group of us met outside Costa, a few of them got drinks. There wasn’t really space for all of us, so we ended congregating outside. I rounded everyone up and we all walked up to the church. The funeral was for Bruce, who was manager of an advice center for young people. He helped me lots over the last 10yrs. Such an amazing passionate man! I aspire to be like him in my work with young people. I feel so much for his family especially his 9 year old daughter, such a massive loss for such a young life. My heart truly goes out to her. The church and the service was lovely and at the end they played Rod Stewart Sailing, which was very fitting as Bruce was an amazing sailor, he won many awards. 

After the funeral, I came home and had half an hour just to relax and have some alone time, it was really needed, I was so exhausted! But I had to go back out again, so I got my stuff together and my foxy girl and headed off to my friends house where I was looking after lil Ollie pie. It took an hour and half to get there! Bloody traffic, there was an accident. Only usually takes an hour. But got there to some yummy potato wedges 🙂 and pie and I watched Dr Who 🙂 I’ve really got into it since looking after lil man. But him to bed at 8pm and I just chilled out trying to stay awake. My friends came home, we chatted for a little while, but I didn’t stay long as I was just wanting to get home. 

I got home just after 11pm. I watched t.v for a bit just to unwind, then I took my meds and snuggled down in bed. For once I slept really well! I actually felt rested when I woke up this morning.

I didn’t do a lot today. I mainly rested, which I think I needed to do after such a long busy week. I went to the post office to pick up a package my batman car magazine 🙂 I treated myself to some sweeties and got some dinner stuff. Took foxy out for a quick toilet break. Had a shower, I couldn’t have one till the afternoon because yet again I woke up to no water! Urgh I hate my housing association so much. I spent the rest of the day plonked on the sofa watching T.V. I did clear up a bit and do a load of laundry. Although I’ve felt a bit lonely and down, I needed this day of rest because it has helped my mind slow down a lot, which is good and I feel so much more rested then I have been feeling. Bedtime very soon.

Peace out

Tank girl x

Tried to rest!

Well yesterday was cool. I met up with my friends in the morning and went for a nice cooked breakfast 🙂 then we went to costa for a bit, where I managed to get a little bit burnt. So I went home and put some sun cream on, grabbed my foxy girl and went over to J’s house where we were all meant to be helping her pack as she’s moving, but we ended up sitting in the garden for most of it lol.  Urgh I think I spent to much time in the sun, I got heat stroke!

Today I had my hair cut and that was it. I decided that I needed to rest! My mind has been all over the place with a million ideas everyday! Which makes me think I’ve been a bit manic, which would explain why I’ve also had trouble sleeping. I took foxy for a wee earlier and my eyes felt all weird, like they were hyper looking at everything, I saw everything in real clear detail if that makes sense. So I decided to take things easy to try and slow my mind down a bit. So I booked a GP app for tomorrow, booked a dentist app for next week as my last app was all messed up and changed my mobile number with them AGAIN! I also emailed someone about getting foxy into pet therapy, things like taking her to homes for the elderly and in to children’s wards at hospital and into special needs schools. So they are going to send me a form to fill in. She’ll be great, she’s really social, very gentle and really patient and doesn’t mind being poked and pulled about. Yesterday I also got an email about volunteering at the Space youth project, they sent me a form and I filled it in and emailed it back. So very exciting stuff going on. I need to get some more poems written, not nearly got enough for a books worth. Been a nice relaxing day, I still feel really tired, but I have had a migraine and my joints are sore today. I can’t say I feel rested, but I certainly feel a bit calmer then I have done. Still got so much running through my head, I’m just trying to ignore it. I’m not sure whether or not to see my p-doc.

 Mr Gizmo 🙂

 Me! 

Much love ❤

Peace out

Tank girl x

Not a bad day. Had a little bump,

Not a bad day. Had a little bump, but I got over it.

I went for a nice cooked breakfast 🙂 which I think I deserved after doing so well in general. I then got my foxy girl and met up with my brother and his gf and we went for a walk in the park. Foxy girl got hissed at by a momma goose as she was getting too close to the babies lol. We were only out for about an hour and that suited me fine as I was so tired still. 

I came back and chilled out for an hour, but as it’s such a nice day I felt like I needed to be out, so I went and had a look round the shops and treated myself to some sweets. 

 I cleared up the flat a bit and did a load of washing and just been relaxing. I’ve been throwing myself into everything I think I needed a few hours to just chill.

Tomorrow am meeting up with my group of girlies for another breakfast! 🙂 so looking forward to that.

I do need to book at gp app though, as my voice box feels bruised and it hurts to swallow, plus the bottom of my foot really itches and I can’t see why, it doesn’t look like athletes foot. So I must book an app this week!

Peace out

Tank girl x

Epic session!

This morning yet again I was the only one that turned up the the Thai boxing sess. It was with a lady today as R went out last night lol. But man did she work me hard! but it was fucking epic. I had a blast! But boy do I hurt lol. She showed me how to do sit ups, press ups and squats properly. So I might start doing them at home, just to keep up the fitness each day. I will lose a bit of weight and tone up.

After a great work out I came home, showered and got dressed and wore my new tankgirl top 😀 I then went to have a look round town. I needed to find a pair of black trousers for the funeral on Friday. I was so tired and achy I gave up and just went to Asda. I picked up my prescription and managed to find some nice black combats, so they will do for the funeral along with a white vest top. I picked up a few other things too.

Just relaxed all afternoon with my foxy girl. It was much needed. I am totally shattered! but it’s a bit too early for bed yet lol. 

Foxy and I are taking to train to visit my mom, her bf and Jack Jack. Bit nervous about the train journey, only takes an hour but I’ve never done it before. I’m sure I’ll be alright though, I’ll have my foxy girl with me.

 ME and my Foxy girl and her new toy 🙂

Feeling a little anxious tonight, but just trying to distract myself. 

Peace out

Tank girl x

 

Relaxing day

Today’s been nice and relaxing. I got up this morning and chilled out in front of the T.V watching good old Jeremy Kyle, who always makes me feel better about myself lol. I then sat for just just over an hour and filled out all the psychometric tests they send you before and after DBT. I was so pleased I managed to do them all in one sitting. It felt weird to sit and concentrate for that long.

After that I got showered and dressed and took my foxy girl for a quick walk and toilet break. Which of course she enjoyed a little run 🙂

Came back and got my post, one of which was a note from a friend (who’s currently in hospital) it was to go in the memorial book for Bruce from the advice center. So I walked over the road to the advice center and trimmed down the note and stuck it in the book and had a little chat with the staff. The funeral is going to be open for the family and all the young people that want to attend which is great and it will be held next Friday.

I went to the sweet shop and treated myself to a few bits 🙂 and went home and had a nice chip butty and a snuggle on the sofa with my two girls (foxy dog and marley cat)

I have lots of poems all over the place, I’ve been writing them up today and putting them in one folder. It’s not nearly enough for a book, so I better get pen to paper.

Just been such a relaxing day today and I’ve really enjoyed it. It’s been nice to have some “me” time.

Peace out

Tank girl x