Goodbye 2013 its been a hell of a year

So what can I say, its the last day of 2013. Just sat here eating cheese and drinking Pepsi thinking about everything that has happened this year.

It’s been a hell of a year, I’ve been in love, I’ve been happy, I’ve been heart broken and hurt, I’ve lost friends and gained friends. I’ve got new pets. I’ve pushed myself, I’ve been hard on myself. I’ve done voluntary work, I’ve dressed as a zombie, I’ve laughed lots, I’ve cried lots. I was there just after baby Albert was born. I’ve walked lots, I’ve rested. I’ve achieved so much, passed my maths, finished therapy. I’ve grown, I’ve fought through. I’ve seen Paloma and Russell Brand. I’ve seen old friends. People in my live have passed away *R.I.P BRUCE* *R.I.P HARRY AND CODY* *A BOND LIKE NO OTHER* I’ve worked hard and played harder. I am proud of myself and what I have been through. This haven’t always been so easy, but I am a fighter and a survivor and I will never give up. Every day I strive to do my best and make my dad proud! 

2014 holds so many new and exciting things, I go back to voluntary work, I am doing some fund raising work. I have many more things up my sleeve that I am going to put into place. But the most important of all I am going to continue to grow, continue to keep well. I am going to love myself, my animals, family and friends and do the best I can 🙂

The future doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom! You make your own happiness and success.

Keep strong, keep fighting, keep LIVING 🙂

Peace out

Tank girl x

BUZZING! :D

It’s been a productive day 🙂 got so many exciting things coming up. 

My alarm did go off this morning and I had every intent to get up, but as soon as I heard that wind and rain I snuggled back in for a few more hours lol. Mr postman woke me up, I was excited as it was the T-shirt I had ordered for my friend, but once I had opened it I was pretty disappointed as it was tiny! It was meant to be a ladies large, but looked like a kids t-shirt, so got straight on to them an emailed them to say I was not happy! It wasn’t cheap either. So awaiting a reply from them. 

I surveyed the state of the flat and did NOT know where to start, my heads been so buzzing lately I just wanted to do it all lol. But I used my mindfulness skills just to calm my head down and complete one task at a time. It was hard work, but eventually the flat all got cleaned. As I was cleaning I had a brilliant idea! and have since put that idea into action. I was thinking about all the stuff I have and that I need a proper sort through, but instead of selling it for my own gain, I decided to have like a coffee morning to sell cakes and biscuits and have a bit of a rummage sale in order to raise money for a charity called Vasculitis UK, which is a charity that helps raise awareness for people like me who have different forms of vasculitis conditions. So I got straight on it and made an event for it on FB and contacted a few friends and family members to see if they have anything to donate and one friend is lending me a few hours to help with making cakes and biscuits and just to get everything ready. I am going to have an open house for the whole weekend and every penny I raise will go to this charity. I have also decided that in the new year I am going to try and do more to raise money for this charity. 

After all the excitement of my little buzzing head, I got showered and dressed and had cheesy beans on toast for lunch. Then I said to fox do you want to go for a walk and OMG did that pup get excited lol. So got us ready and we went for a walk, it wasn’t a long walk, we were only out for about an hour.

Got back and chilled out, my brain still going at a million miles an hour. But watched a few films on tv. I do need to write a list of everything I need to do for this fund raiser, its not till the 18th, but I will do a list soon. I need to do a few lists and get myself organized! Got so much to do and plan, so many things in my head. But I need to take it easy lol. I am going to do my weekly routine sheets again to get me back on track. But pointless doing this until the first full proper week of the new year, because up until then things are still a bit up in the air. 

I am not spending new years alone! I am going to spend it with C and her bf 🙂 I cannot WAIT! should be fun.

New years day I am having baby Albert for the day 🙂 and I am having him on Saturday as well. I can’t wait. L needs a break from him as his dad isn’t being very helpful! So I am more then happy to have lil man. 

Feeling SO buzzed! 🙂 and so excited! I’ve got so much planned, so many exciting things going on. 

Pics from today’s walk

Peace out

Tank girl x

 

Good Sunday :)

Last night was NOT cool! 1st I got woken up because I was laying on my back…for some reason it always wakes me up, then about 5 minutes later then main fire alarm went off! OMG it is SO loud! but did I get up… did I FUCK! I was nice, warm and snug in bed lol, like fuck was I going outside, beside if there was a fire then the firemen would knock on the door to get me out. It was something stupid like 4 am! Anyway the firemen finally came and the alarm was turned off! And not a moment too soon, its SO loud I hate it. I finally got back off to sleep, it took me ages to get off in the 1st place because I felt sick, from the tail end of a migraine. 

I woke up around 11 am… man I didn’t want to leave my bed! But got up and flopped on the sofa for a bit, just to wake up…. well try too lol. Finally got off my ass and had breakfast…. I think I need to start having readybrek in the morning again, it fills me up for longer… anyway I got showered and dressed and made a little shopping list of the things I needed for the beef casserole and nipped to the shop. 

Got back and put the shopping away, it was too late in the day to cook it for 8 hours, so I got foxy ready in her new hoodie and OMG was she excited to go out lol, she shot to the front door like a little rocket dog 🙂 I think she wanted to go for a walk.

We headed out and we were out and about for 2 hours. We walked down to the Quay and through Baiter. I was going to go around the lake at the park, but we got to the under past and well it was like a swimming pool! I started to walk through it, but it got deep real quickly lol, so we had to cut our walk short and just go home. But that was ok as it was getting cold and time was getting on. 

Got home and I washed my hands and chopped up the onions and red peppers and shoved everything in the slow cooker, stirred well and put it on for 4 hours 🙂 Now this is my kind of cooking! I struggle to stand for long periods of time cooking a meal just for me, so being able to just chop stuff up and throw it in for a few hours is awesome 🙂 I ordered myself a slow cooker cook book. 

Just been chilling out this afternoon, watching films and stuff. I think I am going to try and have an early night as its like 8 pm now and I am totally ready for bed lol.  Foxy is currently licking Gizmo on his face… he doesn’t mind, its so cute to watch. 

Tomorrow I am going to have myself some readybrek for breakfast because I am trying to lose some weight so want to try and eat a bit better. So yeah I want to try and have 3 meals a day and try not to snack in between. Also need to get back into a routine of going to bed at a reasonable time and getting up at a reasonable time. I’ve been going to bed so late and getting up late in the day, I feel like I’ve wasted a day getting up so late. 

Tomorrow the plan is to get up, have breakfast, clean this shit pit of a flat! and if its not pissing down with rain, then I’m going to take foxy girl for a walk and if its raining, then I may just have to relax with my fur babies, maybe play some xbox and nap. Or I can do a bit of everything 🙂 

Here’s some pictures from Christmas and boxing day.

 My mum and Jack

 My presents 

 Foxy’s new Adidas style hoodie! 🙂

Peace out

Tank girl ❤

Falling down that dark hole

Not sure where to start.

Did the usual waking up, watching tv and having breakfast thing. And fell back to sleep for a bit. Stupid periods make me so tired and I’m all chesty and coughing up shit again. 

Got up about 12 pm ish. Showered, dressed. Took foxy out for a wee and she had a little run about 🙂 I dropped her home and sorted out my chicken casserole in my new slow cooker and went into town to pay bills and pick up a few bits and bobs. I got a dvd and some t-shirts with the vouchers I got for Christmas 🙂 and I bought foxy a new little hoodie! 

Got back and put my shopping away. Then just chilled out the rest of the evening, waiting for my casserole to cook. 

Feeling all snotty and chesty again and my ears hurt 😦 Will see if I can get a doctors appointment on Monday. 

The casserole was ok, but the stock wasn’t strong enough so didn’t taste to great. Going to try beef casserole tomorrow. 

Feeling so down about this whole J thing…. 😦 I don’t know what to do. 

Not sure what to do tomorrow, got a few things in my mind that I could do, but not sure if I can even be bothered! I want to get up early, get the food from asda that I need to make the beef casserole and put that on, then take foxy for a nice walk and then come back and start sorting though my stuff and my paper work. Perfect Sunday. But all I really want to do is hide in bed and cry! The reality is I will probably just take foxy for a wee, get stuff for dinner and do nothing…. 

Looks like I will be spending new years the same way I started this year. On my own with my babies. Have asked a few friends what they are doing, but they are busy. Mind with everything going on with J atm I don’t want to see anybody, less stress and worry. Least if I am alone I won’t hurt anyone. :/

Feeling pretty fucking shit! 

Tank girl

 

Sleepy sleepy sleepy *yawn*

I was going to take foxy out today, but I have just been so exhausted! stupid period and maybe a cold coming on has just totally wiped me out.

Woke up around 10 am, came into the lounge and had breakfast, then fell back to sleep till about 1 pm.

I had a shower and got dressed, took my foxy for a wee. Dropped her back, then went into town to see if I could get anything with the vouchers I got for Christmas. Animal didn’t have anything and HMV was so busy I couldn’t stay in there long. I felt so weak and dizzy. So I just walked back through town and nipped into Asda and got a few bits.

I got in and swapped my jeans for pj bottoms. Made myself some lunch and snuggled up on the sofa and watched the Doctor Who Christmas special. I did like it, but it wasn’t as good as some Christmas specials. I thought the regeneration bit could have been better. But Goodbye raggedy man! My favourite Doctor ❤ 

Afterwards I put something on the TV and I just felt so exhausted I snuggled back up on the sofa and fell asleep for about 2 hours. I must of needed it. I woke up feeling achy, tired and full of cold. I’m chesty again and I’m not sure if its earache or just eczema in my ears playing up or a bit of both. 

I then put the oven on pre-heat, took some pain killers and put on a dvd. Dinner was nice, but my head was hurting and made me feel sick :/ 

Just sat watching TV this evening and playing FB games. I really don’t feel too good and I am just so tired! Feel like I could sleep for the next week lol. 

Well I tried to do something nice, but it wasn’t taken that way. Ages ago I made up a fb profile to contact D about the money thing. I thought while J blocked me I sent her a message from this fake profile saying hope she had a good Christmas etc. But omg she has just threatened me with the police… not sure what for lol. Apparently I did something to her art page… all I have done is share her work…oooh so bad lol. It’s so sad she has to be like this. I am now blocked. I have done nothing wrong and she has no proof other wise she would prove it to me like I have asked! It’s just so pathetic. I really have NO idea what the problem is I really don’t. I am totally innocent! It’s a shame really, but I’m not going to hold hate or a grudge about it. She’s obviously has issues that she needs to work through. 

Not really got plans for tomorrow, depends if my money goes in or not, a few friends have had trouble with their payments. But fingers crossed it will go in ok. 

Going to use my slow cooker tomorrow and make chicken casserole. If I do get paid I am going to get some bits to make beef casserole, not made that in ages. 

Peace out

Tank girl x

HAPPY CHRISTMAS <3

WOW well my Christmas was amazing 🙂 I am so glad I chose to spend it with family. 

Grandad picked me and foxy up yesterday just before 11 am and went to his house. Foxy was excited to be there and got all fussed over. Nan was back and forth to the kitchen keeping an eye on dinner, which smelt so nice. My uncle, aunt and cousin came over for a bit and gave and received all their presents. Was nice to see them as I don’t see them really at all, they are always too busy.. Anyway they didn’t stay long. Then it was time for dinner 😀 omg it was so nice and I was so hungry I ate the lot lol, which doesn’t happen often. Then chilled out! Nan was so funny after a few glasses of wine, we just sat around talking with some classical music on. I gave them their presents 🙂 which they loved. I got them both some Christmas chocolates and Christmas socks and a game of draughts but made out of chocolate 🙂 hehe, its pretty cool as the bit where the chocolates were in you can use to make more moulds of the pieces. We just chilled out the rest of the afternoon just talking, which was nice. No fb,laptop, or tv. Just me, nan, grandad and foxy talking 🙂

Mum came and picked me up at about 5 pm and she gave nan and grandad their presents. Then got to mums just before 7 pm, on they way mum and Colin took me round the houses to see this road which had some amazing Christmas lights. 

Got to mums and got settled. Then we did presents 🙂 both mum and Colin liked what I gave them! I love making people smile. Mum and Colin got me a t-shirt, some chocolate coins, a voucher for Animal, a slow cooker and an awesome Lego Batman clock 🙂 eeek! So pleased with what I got! I can’t wait to make a nice beef casserole! We just chilled out and watched T.V. Although I haven’t watched the Doctor Who Christmas special yet, I recorded it and I’m going to watch it tomorrow. I slept on the sofa with foxy, I think I feel asleep with the T.V on for a bit….I vaguely remember waking up to turn it off… my T.V turns off by itself after a while. 

Mum came in the lounge and woke me up at about 10 am, I really could of slept longer. We just sat watching telly for a bit. I fell back to sleep for a bit while mum and Colin got washed and dressed, but got woken up again lol. My head was pounding and I had a visit from mother nature lol! So I took some pain killers and had a nice bath, its the first bath I have had in years! it was nice to sit and relax 🙂 I do sometime wish I had the choice of a bath and shower, but I compromise by sitting in the bottom of my shower, holding the shower head over me lol! 🙂 

My bro, his gf and my Jack came over and omg was Jack excited to see foxy girl lol. I gave him my present I got him and he loved it. I bought him a book and a wooden train. Mum them gave him more presents, my word was that boy spoilt. He had presents from, daddy, mummy, nanny Sandra, Grandad Pete, nanny Elaine and Grandad Simon and that was just immediate family! lol. One spoilt little boy. Dave and Kimmy stayed for a bit. Me and mum took foxy out for a walk to the shop and bit, mum got a few nibbly bits for tea. After Dave and Kimmy left Jack and I played with his toys 🙂 1st we played with the octons, which are octagonal shapes that slot together, then we made ice lollies out of play dough, then we looked through the book I got him, then we played cars and then we rolled a ball to each other. I’m not sure who had more fun with the playdough me or Jack lol. It was so much fun playing with Jack. I’ve never seen him at Christmas before. Had some nibbly bits, but I didn’t each much as I had just been picking all day. We just chatted, played, watched films and had a good laugh 🙂 

Colin dropped me home just after 7 pm. I didn’t want to stay another night as I am so tired, I need a good nights sleep. I don’t think I would get that staying at mums as it would be 4 in a bed lol! Me, mum, Jack and foxy. As mum only lives in a one bed place. 

Got back and put all my stuff away and flopped down on the sofa and neither me or foxy have moved since! Just been catching up on here and FB. 

I am feeling so great, so happy and contented. I cannot wait for bed time. 

Peace out 

Tank girl ❤

Happy Christmas 2013 <3

Merry Christmas 🙂

So I’ve been up since 6:30 am! Why I don’t know why. I had such a restless nights sleep gah! Today is going to be LONG! I’m not in the slightest bit tired. 

I might not post now till after boxing day. But we will see how it all goes. 

Not getting picked up till about 11 am and its like 8 am… *sigh* lol. Going to have some breakfast and then get my stuff ready for staying at mums. 

Actually quite excited about today. Not really spent Christmas with family in a few years. I know it maybe a testing period, but I have my DBT skills at the ready.

Well that’s all from me.

I hope you all have a fantastic day ❤

Peace out

Tank girl 

Christmas eve :)

The weather is SO much better today! thank goodness. 

Just chilled out this morning, did the usual morning routine. Foxy was much happier about going out this morning lol.

I went out to lunch with my Aunt and little cousin which was nice 🙂 

Got home, took foxy for a wee and I had to brave the shop to get some Pepsi to take to nan’s BUT I was surprised the shop was just like a normal day which was cool.

Watched a few Christmas films on T.V and got a few bits ready to stay at mums tomorrow.

Gave the cats their stockings! They were very happy!

Had dinner late, but wasn’t really hungry. Just been watching tv and playing games on fb. 

Got to do a bit of last min cleaning up before bed time. 

Actually quite excited for tomorrow 🙂 can’t wait to see Jack ❤

Hope you all have a fantastic Christmas, I wish you all love, peace and happiness. But don’t forget to spare a thought for those who are having Christmas in heaven and those who are less fortunate then yourselves ❤

Miss you dad so so much ❤

See you all after Christmas 

Peace out

Tank girl 

Pre Christmas eve ;)

So I woke up at a reasonable time of 9:30 am! Did I want to get out of bed?! Did I fuck lol! 

Flopped onto the sofa staring into space. Then got my butt into gear and cleaned the flat and did 2 loads of laundry. OMG it was painful lol I hate cleaning so much! 

Then I did the usual, shower, dressed and took the rubbish out. And then I literally dragged foxy out! The weather is diabolical! We’ve been having winds of up to 70mph! and raining SO hard! We were out and back in about 5mins lol..

When I got back I put on my dinosaur onies and haven’t been out of it since. I snuggled up on the sofa with my fur babies and we’ve been watching films all day.

I had a nice steak dinner 🙂

OMG my nan rang my mobile, I tell her to ring the house phone and she rings my mobile again lol! So I ring her.. she was like I have two numbers for you. I was like yes one a mobile the other the house phone lol bless her I love my nan. 

The weather is still awful out, so later when it comes to take foxy for a wee I am going to stay in my onsie and just put on my waterproofs over the top and my welly boots 🙂 sorted! 

Meant to be seeing my auntie and cousin tomorrow, but I know Layla has been poorly. So I’ll see in the morning.

I seem to be reading a lot of my friends statuses about not feeling happy and Christmasy I say look up see that roof over your head be thankful you have a roof, look in your cupboards see that food, be thankful you won’t be going hungry. Now put your hand on your heart, feel it beating? There is someone I wish who’s heart was still beating. You may not be feeling great, but your alive, warm and fed. Be thankful for what you have this Christmas ❤ – a status from earlier….. I’m sure this applies to a lot of people on here too

Peace out

Tank girl x

Mega lazy Sunday!

Didn’t sleep till about 3am… and didn’t wake up till 1:30 pm lol! and fell back to sleep on the sofa for a bit lol.

Eventually got up showered, dressed etc and took foxy for a wee.

Just been chilling out today. 

Tonight I am going to bed at a more reasonable time and set my alarm to get up at a reasonable time. Tomorrow morning I am going to clean up! so I don’t really have to worry about it the rest of the week. 

Feeling pretty good! 🙂 just chilled and content. 

Peace out

Tank girl x