Manic…Zzzzzzzz Mon…ooh look a penny..

I eventually got my clean on today! 🙂 So feel better for having done that, tidy house, tidy mind and all that. 

My nose is red where I’ve been blowing it loads..I am feeling so run down again! still a bit chesty and very snotty. GAH! I just wish to be well for longer then a week! 

I watched Carrie this afternoon, it was ok… really not as good as I was hoping, just glad I didn’t buy the dvd, just watched it on sky box office.

S locked himself out his flat lol, so he came here for a bit till he had to go pick up his hubby, so he could get in lol.

Nipped to Asda for a few bits. 

Had myself some actual dinner! I know shock horror lol and watched Frozen. I am in love with this film and the song Let It Go. 🙂 

Watched Our Gay Wedding: The Musical, so sweet 🙂 

Just been relaxing this evening. Head is buzzing full of STUFF! 

Its just gone midnight and my body wants to sleep, but I’m not sure what my mind wants to do… 

Batcat is annoying Miss moo, grr that boy needs his nuts off noisy cat lol.

Urgh feel like shit!

I finished reading my 1st book on my kindle! Ah I love it so much 😀

My ears are sore..

Peace out

Tank girl

Sleepy Sunday.. :D

Woohoo gay marriage is finally legal! 🙂

Sat here and I don’t even know what to say…

So Saturday, pottered about in the morning. Saw my bestie at hospital in the afternoon. It was nice to see her and I really hope she gets out soon! Love her loads. Got back into town at about just after 6pm, went and got KFC for my friend L and Harvey. Harvey was in hospital over night as his asthma was really bad, poorly boy. Stayed there for a bit and gave my boy a snug. Went back to S’s and we went to mine and got my stuff and went to pick up G, stayed at their friends for a bit and ate some weird vegetarian stuff. Got back to G & S’s at gone 10 pm. S and I watched some films and chatted and stuff. Got to sleep at gone 4 am.

G and S dropped me, foxy and Sammie at mine. I slept for a bit, got dressed and got a few bits at the shop, came back and had lunch and have done sweet f.a all day 🙂 I’ve been asleep the most of today lol! It’s been awesome! 

Harvey is ok now and home 🙂

Tomorrow I do really need to clean! 

Feeling ok, just tired.

Peace out

Tank girl x

Got that Friday feeling :)

Today I’ve felt much better. I woke up with just enough time to, shower dress, eat a banana and get the bus to my O.T app. 

I thought this was going to be useless… as I am already doing voluntary work and am going back to education in Sept… But I went with an open mind and a hope that she can help. It turned out that she was ok and really willing to help keep me in voluntary work and education. We did touch on how it will all effect my benefits, so may ask her more about that. But yeah she was good and we covered all I wanted to talk about and what I want from her. We spoke for just under and hour, so that was good. I am seeing her in 2 weeks time. OMG though… in the waiting room was my EX, my 1st ever gf sat with her wife.. urgh so awkward. But whatever lol I survived.

Got back to mine to a super excited fox! lol, she’s so funny running about like I had left her all day. I eventually got her harness on after she had stopped jumping about like a lunatic. We went into town to take back the sweets we didn’t sell at work last night and I might of got myself some sweeties 😀 Pepsi, sweets and cheese are my downfall lol! Never mind, its my only vice. Anyway I took fox across the road for a wee and she had fun playing about with a few dogs that were over there. I love watching her play with other dogs, she’s not scared of anything! She’s fearless. 

Foxy and I got back, I had some lunch and pain meds. I’ve been so achy today, I don’ think this change of weather has been helping. I snuggled up on the sofa and read for a bit and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. I think I needed it. 

I watched a bit of TV…my guilty pleasure.. of The real housewives of New Jersey. Love it! 

Felt a bit agitated, restless and edgy. It was 5:30 pm and it was still light and it was fairly nice out. So I grabbed a hoodie and got fox ready and we went out for a walk. It was just what I needed. The weather was nice and breezy, just what I needed. Met some nice dog walkers that I chatted to and foxy played with their dogs, so that was nice. I got some really great pictures too. We got home just as it started chucking it down with rain. We were out for about 2 hours, I so needed it. I took some more pain relief and had scrambled eggs on toast for dinner. 

I’ve been snuggled up on the sofa this evening. I think I wore poor fox out, she’s been asleep pretty much since we got in lol. I have just been catching up on here and FB, posted my pictures and chatting to friends. 

Tomorrow I am going to see my friend who is in hospital. I’m a bit anxious about going, but I can’t wait to see her. Going to do her a little care package to cheer her up 🙂 Not doing much else tomorrow, just chilling out.

Feeling in a much better place today 🙂 hope it continues.

 Foxy girl 🙂

 

Peace out

Tank girl x

Crazy head.

1 am… I really need to sleep, but I’ve got so much running through my head. 

My thoughts are with a very close friend…I just wish things were different for her.. 

Work is good.

I hope this O.T that I am seeing in the morning can actually help… and give me the support I need.

S/H thoughts in my head GAH! will they ever go away for good? I know why though… I was triggered.. 

Am I ready for this job?! 

I am exhausted.

Feeling anxious right now, chest feels weird.

I don’t know what to do for the best at the moment as I’m not really sure what’s going on for me..

Peace out

Tank girl

Tired and feeling weird.

Tuesday – Sammie got dropped off early. I tired to go back to sleep for a bit… but I couldn’t get back to sleep.

I met up with a girl I had met online, that went really well, she’s really nice. I like making new friends. We chatted for just over an hour. 

Chilled out in the afternoon. Mega happy that I completed my lego movie mini figure collection! BOOM! 

Met D before work and we went out for dinner.

Work was good. 

Didn’t get to bed till late.

Woke up this morning to my shopping being delivered (cuz I am lazy) Put it away.

Had some breakfast and watched a film… but it wasn’t very good so ended up falling asleep.

I was asleep for a few hours, so I had some lunch, got showered and dressed and took foxy girl for a walk. It was really nice to get out with her. If it’s nice tomorrow and I feel like it, I want to take both the dogs for a walk. 

Chilled out for a bit this afternoon, that walk made me feel so tired. I cleaned up a bit… I hate that cat litter gets all over the place Grr. Made myself some dinner of which I ate most of.. but wasn’t really up for eating. I can’t seem to eat proper meals.. just pick at my food eating little and often. Better then not eating at all I suppose.. 

Just been relaxing this evening watching America Horror Story – Asylum. 

I’m feeling really tired and run down… not sure why though. I’m still chesty. Not really sure what to do. 

Mentally I still don’t feel right… I can’t even explain it. I suppose I feel down..Had a few auditory hallucinations… Stress maybe. Meh I’m just all over atm…

Peace out

Tank girl

Ok start to the week

Well today I was out for 12 hours 😀 I think I needed it. I woke up at midday.

I just sat chilling out on the sofa for most of the day, I didn’t really have the energy or motivation to do anything else. So I finished watching American Horror Story season 1, it was SO good.

I really needed this day to just chill and go at my own pace. I eventually got up and cleaned up. Having a clean flat always makes me feel good. I was a bit lazy and ordered my food shopping online 🙂 screw it though, I hate food shopping and having to carry it back. So that will be delivered on Wednesday.

I still had to go to the shop to pick up my meds. I was looking for a new clothes horse, but they didn’t have any. Am in real need of a new one as mine is falling apart. Argos have the one I really want, but its not as cheap as the one they had in Asda, so I am going to have to wait to buy that. In Asda they were making fresh pancakes! omg they smelt amazing, so bought some lol.

Had my dinner, it was ok. I wasn’t really hungry… Just been sat chilling, started season 2 of American Horror Story. It’s so good!

So yeah meeting up with this girl tomorrow, but with the intention of making friends. But never say never I suppose. I’m a bit nervous, but will be nice to meet someone new.

Back to work tomorrow. Can’t wait 🙂

Mentally feeling ok I suppose…Not feeling so scared at night right now. So that’s a bonus. Physically no change…

Peace out

Tank girl

Feeling ok…

So doc referred me back to the Thoracic medicine (chest doc) To look at my chest again and maybe my windpipe. Yeah just chatted about my treatment of my WG etc… so we’ll see how it all pans out.

Spent Fri with L and the boys. So proud of Harvey for getting a certificate for trying to be good 🙂 We chilled out, had KFC for dinner, yeah it was good.

Saturday was spent mainly chilling out on the sofa! watching American Horror Story, which is my new addiction. I got up and showered etc and was in town by 4:30 pm and did a few bits. Paid rent, put some money on a gift card so I can save up for the PS4, got some sweets. Went out for dinner with, S, M and W, so that was nice. Came back to mine and packed up my stuff and S came and picked me up.

Me and foxy stayed and G and S’s for the night. We spent the evening chilling, eating and chatting. I got to sleep at gone 2 am and was woken up early by G as he was off to work lol.

S made us breakfast after I had a shower etc, then we caught the bus and took the dogs for a nice walk. It was good to get out with the girls for a bit. S dropped me and fox home about 3 pm. I went to Asda to get a few bits and bobs. Came back, sorted my bag out etc and put the tv, ended up falling asleep for a few hours on the sofa, didn’t mean too, but I felt so tired. 

Just been relaxing this evening. Addicted to playing odd socks lol. Going to go to bed soon. I’m tired.

I am meeting up with a girl I met on Plenty of Fish on Tues 🙂 so looking forward to it.

Been feeling a bit nervous and anxious and not really sure why… hmm

Peace out

Tank girl

Mixed up day

What do I say about today…. Hmmm my chest is still bad! GAH! Docs tomorrow. 

Sammie pup got dropped off this morning, man I love that pup. But I do think her daddies need to get her hearing tested as she’s not very responsive even if you shout at her. She was rescued so you never know what they did to her.

Met up with my best mate this afternoon, we got into town and I felt like bursting into tears for no reason, so just sucked it up and got on with it. We had a good day, neither of us knew what to do with ourselves, so we just ended up having a little look in town, chilled at mine and she took us out for dinner 🙂 So that was cool!

Again I feel about weird and floaty…I don’t know whether its to do with my chest or whatever.

My head is pounding! Bed soon, docs tomorrow.

I don’t have much to say other then the same old crap…over and over….But if I see my p-doc he’ll be all like its just BPD! 

WHATEVER! lol I’m out, I am DONE! (and no I’m not going to cut or whatever…)

Peace out

Tank girl 

Mid-week burst of energy

Boom! Productive day despite feeling ill.

S woke me up this morning with a phone call at 8:30am asking if I wanted to go for a walk… URM yeah that was a no lol. So I fell back to sleep until about midday. I woke up to the sound of music… in the 6 yrs I’ve lived here not ONCE! have I been woken up by music! I fucking HATE my next door neighbour. 

I felt so unmotivated this morning… like I didn’t want to do ANYTHING other then maybe go back to sleep… But the flat was a state and I hate it when it looks messy. So I cleaned up, did a load of laundry and everything. I took fox for a wee. Went into town to post something and to get bits to clean out the rats. I was all done by about 4 pm. I feel better now that everything is clean and tidy. 

I spent the rest of the time watching the Chucky films! 😀 I am currently on The Bride of Chucky! Love it! Obsessed much! 

Had my dinner… although it was nice I didn’t really want it. But ate as much as I could. 

I am exhausted! Physically I am SO tired, but I know if I go to bed now I will just get agitated… My chest is still bad and its my last day of antibiotics.. I’m so over this shit right now *sigh* I just want a break from it all. 

So yeah whatever… MEH! 

Hopefully I’ll feel better in the morning

Peace out

Tank girl x

Floaty tank….

Took me a while to get off to sleep last night. I was achy and couldn’t get comfy. But eventually the pain killers kicked in and I went to sleep. But it was a restless night. 

Sammie got dropped off early this morning. I was still so tired, so we snuggled up on the sofa till about 11 am. Got up and dressed and took the girls out for a wee and boooya! Sammie went to the toilet outside 🙂 and she sat for me before crossing the road. I will train this puppy lol. 

I dropped the girls back and went and paid my bills and pottered about the shops a bit. Got some goodies for myself and a few bits to make up a care package for a good friend. She has WG like me but is always in and out of hospital. So hope this cheers her up 🙂 I got a few bits to make a sausage and bean casserole for dinner.

Got home, sorted out the shopping. Went to put the electric on and not only was the £20 added, but another £135!! omg so I rang up thinking it was another fuck up…but to my surprise it was my warm home money 🙂 awesome… only if they had actually helped me out when it was cold lol! But better late then never. Anyway so prepared and put my dinner in to cook. 
 
Took the girls out for a wee… so far so good! Sammie hasn’t been to the toilet inside at all! 😀 Woohoo!
 
Just been chilling out this afternoon…I keep zoning out. Took the girls out again for a wee, I love watching them race about. 
 
Had dinner. It was nice. I know I needed to eat a proper dinner, but didn’t really enjoy it. 
 
Right now I feel all floaty and weird and don’t know why. Nothing feels real…… I feel like I’m in a dream. I hate feeling so weird. My head feels dizzy, but not like I’ve felt before… I can’t explain it. 
 
Sammie went home to her daddies who are proud of her 🙂 for not peeing in my house lol.
 
So I left my groups I run on fb in the capable hands of friends. Mainly because I don’t have the time and because I can’t be dealing with other peoples shit. I am just about dealing with my life. One group I left, I also unfriended the creator…. much to her disgust, but whatever… she can’t see that the term “lifer” is so negative and not something I want to be apart of. 
 
I watched this thing about a doc going to different places to see people who claim they can cure gay people! *sigh* I can’t believe conversion therapy is available… let alone available on the NHS. If being gay is a disease I pray they never find a cure. 
 
Anyway its like 1 am… So much for getting my life back into routine. How am I meant to when my head is all weird. I feel floaty, not even because of meds, as I’ve had no pain killers or anything. I need a hair cut..I was thinking of growing out the top so I can tie it up, but have back and sides shaved so short… Hmm. Hope I sleep better. I’m trying to get my thoughts in order by writing, but its hard. 
 
Peace out
 
Tank girl