Yup ill again and still really ITCHY :(

It is midweek again…seriously time just goes in a heart beat.

Managed to get myself to bed at 12:30 am. I took the pups out for a wee, dosed up on pain killers and my other meds, had a very nice relaxing shower, dried off and got into my fresh pjs and then into bed with my fresh bed sheets…Ah nothing BETTER! šŸ™‚ Pups snuggled up under the covers with me, I played on my tab for a little bit and then snuggled up and went to sleep.

Ah woke up around 9 am and woke up not doing too great. My face is red, really really fucking itchy and really warm to the touch. My right ear is itchy, red and swollen as well. As the time wore on my ear started hurting inside..:( just generally started feeling run down.

I went down to the chemist to see if they had any ideas of what it could be, but she wasn’t sure and because of ALL my medication she didn’t want to give me anything over the counter.

Rang up the doctors and she booked me into see the nurse that afternoon. I had a little time to kill and I felt a bit sleepy, so I set an alarm on my phone, so I didn’t miss my much needed nurses appointment and I snuggled up on the sofa and all the animals joined me šŸ™‚

Saw the nurse she says I have an ear infection, but she thinks the rash is an allergic reaction so gave me antihistamines for that and some cream. I have an ear spray for my ear infection.

Got home, took my pain killers, antihistamines, put the cream on the face, sprayed the stuff in my ear and led down on the sofa with the pups. Watched tv for a while and had a nap for a while.

After about 2-3 hours, my face was still soooo itchy and sore šŸ˜¦ not impressed. Felt too tired and run down to do much so just chilled out on the sofa. I cooked the pups the chicken breast I’d got out for my dinner, as I wasn’t hungry at all and I didn’t want to waste it. It was safe to say the pups and Marley enjoyed their treat.

This itch is unbearable now….I actually want to peel off my skin! Ear is sore and itchy inside as well. Don’t have many options…I thought I would try calamine lotion and I nipped to the chemist to get some…Yeah I look like a ghost boy now lol. It helped a little at first…but now I’m still really fucking itchy.

1 am and I’m still writing. My face is still really red and really itchy šŸ˜¦ my eyes have been sore and itchy on and off all day, but not sure if that’s just tiredness. I feel really run down and just feeling fucking shit! Not sure what to do next….do I ring out of hours tonight, or ring my specialist tomorrow..:( Maybe I’ll wait and see how I feel in the morning. I don’t think its an allergic reaction…surely the antihistamines should have worked by now??

*SIGH* It’s been one thing after another lately. I did reach out on facebook, saying that recently I’ve been isolated because I’ve been ill and it would be nice if some of my lovely friends would be able to come keep me company, even if it was just for an hour.. No one has reached back…YET :/ fingers crossed.

I do have good news, despite everything my mood is doing ok, I’m not feeling low today. But I think I have been preoccupied with feeling ill and trying not to scratch too much.

Also my feelings about wanting/being a boy is getting much stronger. Been referring to myself as he, boy and daddy when I’m talking to the animals and when someone doesn’t know about my gender identity stuff calls me she or whatever it feels like they are talking about someone else. Which I think is lots of progress! I’ve decided to stop shaving (again) under my arms and legs..now this is difficult, because when I have a shower I’m a bit OCD and I have a little routine of how I wash. I was my hair, then my face, then my body then shave. So I know its going to take a while to adjust to stop shaving. I’ve moved my razor from the shower to a draw, just got to break my shower routine and see how I go. When I was washing myself before bed last night, I did it using mindfulness as it really helps with relaxing. So I was trying to be present and I was washing myself with my hands with lavender baby wash. As I was running my hands over my chest, washing myself down and I realised that I was really wishing my chest was flat and that I had a male body…now before I’ve been happy in my skin, with my body etc. Now not so much…. I’m definitely going further in my little gender journey. I suppose the next step is to talk to my family… :/ that’s pretty scary! But I’m not going to rush it. But its hard keeping it a secret. Time will tell.

Peace out


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