Had a fall that wasn’t my fault

My day didn’t start to well, I got out of bed and had a fall. I literally just fell to the floor like a sack of shit, my legs just gave away. It was so weird, I smashed my arm and I now have a nice bruise. My arms and wrist is a bit sore now from where I fell. But I’m ok now, it was just a shock, I’ve not had a fall like that before.

I met my friend this morning for a drink, I had a nice hot chocolate πŸ™‚ It was nice to catch up with her, I met her at DBT and I’ve not seen her since about February. I’m going to try and keep in touch with her more, she’s so lovely. We sat and chatted for ages, it was really nice.

I went up to the doctors to pick up my sharps box and yay finally it’s the right one! Thank god for that, hopefully when I see my new doctor next month I can be changed onto something different.

Got home to my happy pups and cats πŸ™‚ My legs were really achy and sore, so I went for a nap and they all joined me. It was nice and just what I needed, it helped my joints a little.

I took the pups out for a quick run after my nap, it was cold and windy out there.

Just been relaxing this evening, had some dinner, watched a film. I’ve decided to get myself a walking stick, just to help me when I’m having a bad day. I don’t want one but I think I need the extra support, plus its a visual aid for others when I’m out and about.

Anyway I have group tomorrow, I’m looking forward to that. My head is sore now, so better get off the laptop and get some rest.

Peace out


Mindfulness is the best way to start the day

Wow I have had one busy day and it’s been non stop, but it’s been good and I got all my jobs done which is even better. I did start the day with some mindfulness and I think that helped me to keep going.

I’ve been up since 7 am and I was out with the pups by half 8 am. I was in town by 9 am paying bills and having a look in a few shops. I went up to the doctors to sort out my sharps box and I’ve got to go back tomorrow to pick it up, which again is a bit frustrating but… I’m over it now. On my way home I popped into the pet shop to get the cats and dogs food and some treats.

Got home to my happy pups and chilled with them for a bit, before heading back out to the shops to get something for lunch and dinner and maybe some more Lego lol πŸ™‚

After that quick shop, I chilled out for a bit and had some lunch. I did some stretches because my legs were and still are so sore and achy, it didn’t help much and neither are the pain killers. It’s just the side effects of the methotrexate injections from what I’ve been told about it anyway, it’s just frustrating as I have to deal with this on top of the joint pain too which has been bad today.

After my rest I took the pups across the road for a run, then went to the vets to get Foxy her booster jab done. She was so good bless her, she let out this quietest little squeak ever it was so sweet. The nurse was really impressed with her because she’s a perfect weight and very healthy, which is really great to here. The only thing she may have a problem with in the future is her knees on her back legs. He knee caps don’t sit in the joint properly, so in the future it could cause her a few issues and she may even need to have an operation. But as long as I keep her at a healthy weight and just as healthy as possible she shouldn’t have an issue.

We got home and I was actually hungry, so did my dinner straight away and ate the whole lot. I sat and played with my Lego for a bit but came over feeling a bit restless so I took the pups for a walk on our usual route.

It was a really nice walk, we talked to lots of people and other dogs and just had a nice little wander along the water. Feel really peaceful, centred and just settled, it’s a really nice feeling.

Just been relaxing this evening, I’m going to put fresh bed covers on, have a nice shower and do some mindfulness to finish off my day.

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for a hot chocolate in the morning and after I’ll go pick up my sharps box. But the rest of the day I am going to relax and do some research on getting a bigger fan base on YouTube.

Well that’s it from me for today πŸ™‚

Peace out


Just another day, just another post

Monday is here and I must say it’s actually been ok so far. I’ve got all my jobs done and I’m feeling good mentally, not so much physically. My lil legs are really sore and achy again today and my shoulder is still sore.

I slept quite well last night, I did wake up at 6 am but I managed to get straight back to sleep until 8 am. Woke up with really achy legs and a bit of a chesty cough 😦 so I had some breakfast, took some pain killers and went back to bed until about 11 am and I did feel a bit better for it thankfully.

Relaxed for a bit watching tv, the man that was delivering my shower stool rang me to get directions and it didn’t take him long to find the flat and deliver my stool. I absolutely love it and it fits in the shower cubical perfectly πŸ™‚

Spent a bit of time doing the housework before jumping in the shower to test out my new stool and omg I totally love it! made having a shower so much easier, especially as my legs were still really achy. I am so so happy with it.

Just been relaxing this afternoon, convertingΒ some files from rtf to pdf as I am hopefully going to get my poems published on the kindle. I got a friend helping me with it πŸ™‚

Going to sort my dinner out soon, take the pups out and hopefully someone will be along to collect my box of CD’s.

Going to my trans* group tonight, which I am really looking forward too πŸ™‚

Peace out


Mindful Sunday

So the week has come to an end once again and it’s been an interesting week, a bit up and down and all over the place. But The main thing is I got through it with the help of my beautiful pups and the use of my DBT skills.

I slept ok-ish last night and woke up briefly quite early this morning but managed to get back to sleep until a reasonable hour.

Just chilled out this morning, playing with the pups and watching cartoons.

The weather was once again that of a winters day…in the middle of July! So I threw on some joggy bottoms and a hoodie and took the pups out so they could pee and poop, although foxy wasn’t impressed with the rain lol.

I a little bit got myself some more Lego, another 3in1 set so I spent some time making them this afternoon which was cool. Spent some time playing with all the animals πŸ™‚ which was fun. Just chilled out watching tv and relaxing.

The weather cleared up so I took the pups for a walk, we ended up at Baiter just where I scattered my dad, I didn’t walk any further though. Even though it was cold scrappy still went in for a swim lol, he’s so crazy! Foxy was just happy running about saying hello to everyone and other pups. I walked a different way home and there was one point I wasn’t quite sure where I was, as I had walked through the houses but I managed to find my way and got home.

When I got in I sorted through some drawers and stuff, threw some junk out and moved stuff about. Feel better for it πŸ™‚

Had myself some dinner and watched a film, Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It’s such a top film, it’s fucking hilarious!

Thought I would get my blog done early tonight so I can spend more time playing with my Lego and I might colour in another manadal mindfully πŸ™‚ just to end the week and start a new week totally relaxed and in a good place.

I got a few bits to do tomorrow, I have to wait in for my shower stool and I am hoping that comes in the morning.. but we shall see. I do need to pop up to the doctors for my sharps box, gotta do the housework and stuff. I am also starting my new regime I suppose you can call it where I’m going to start and end the day with a glass of water and 5 mins of mindfulness. I don’t drink nearly enough water so I want to get into a better habit of drinking it and I think if I start the day with a bit of mindfulness it will set me up for the day and if I’ve had a stressful day then it can help me unwind πŸ™‚ so fingers crossed it will make a bit of difference to my life.

That’s it for now,

Peace out


Back on track :)

Sat here on a Saturday night feeling better then I did when I last posted on Thursday. My shoulder is really achy though and it’s uncomfortable.

Friday was just a miserable day all around, the weather was horrible! It rained and was grey all day long it looked like a winters day, not a hint of summer at all. All the non sleeping at night caught up with me and I ended up sleeping away most of the day and I did feel better for it πŸ™‚

I did manage to get the dogs out for a bit when the rain had finally stopped for a moment. It was nice to get out, I found Β£2 but I also had an argument with a complete prick of a dog owner! Basically he made me panic when my dogs ran up to him and his dog, thinking his dog didn’t like small dogs, anyway I ended up just losing my shit with him and just shouting at him because he really annoyed me and just got my back right up.

Anyway in the evening by about 9 pm I realised that I needed to centre myself, calm myself right down and just be back in the moment. So I sat down and did some mindfulness to help me get back on track, I coloured in a mandala πŸ™‚ And wow did it make all the difference! I felt so much better. I even sat down and wrote out my plan for the next week and even set myself some goals, things that I’ve been meaning to do, like read stuff on my kindle, do some research on making youtube videos about transitioning etc. This boy is motivated and back on track πŸ™‚ and you know what it is totally ok to have a melt down now and again, as long as I always get back on track I’ll be fine.

I didn’t get to bed until late but that was fine because, I would have woken up for the 1st time about that time lol.

Slept well-ish and only woke up once, which is an improvement on previous nights this week.

Just relaxed this morning, I was going to go out with L and the boys but L was ill again.

Eventually got myself showered and dressed and met a guy to sell some lego mini figures too and made myself Β£8. Went to the shop an got lunch and a drink to take out, I may have a little bit bought a Lego set! LOL! It was a 3in1 set so worth the money πŸ™‚

Got myself and the pups ready and we went to Hamworthy park for the afternoon. We were out for about 3 hours, it was really nice just sitting by the sea with foxy, while scrappy was playing about in the water πŸ™‚ did a bit of mindfulness while we were out, it’s such the perfect setting to be totally in the moment and at one with nature and the pups totally needed the exercise and we all needed the fresh air.

I was so shattered when I got in, but I still had the energy to sit and play with my new Lego, I sat and put all 3 of the creatures together that can be made from this one set, there was a dragon, scorpion and a snake. The dragon was definitely my favourite and I’ll be making him again πŸ™‚

Put my dinner on and just tidied up a bit while it was cooking, I do the house work properly tomorrow. I ate most of my dinner and the pups finished it off for me.

Just been catching up online and relaxing, I made a group on fb called pets are the best therapy πŸ™‚ and it’s going well so far, as it my group called mixed breed dogs.

I have no solid plans or any real idea of what to do tomorrow but I’ll just go with the flow and it will probably be pretty much the same as today which is fine with me.

That’s it for now but here’s a few pictures

Β Scrappy wanting to play ball even though its bedtime

Β Foxy girl happy for bedtime

Β Harley saying hello this morning πŸ™‚

Β Barrel jellyfish washed up!

Β Scrappy having a swim

Β Scrappy waiting for my to skim more stones for him to chase

Β Miss Foxy girl happy to be out in the sun πŸ™‚


Peace out


DBT rules in times of stress

Not even sure where my head is at right now, I don’t know where to start or what even was right about today! Ok maybe it wasn’t THAT bad but my buttons were pushed today and I did get mega angry and stressed. I am a lot calmer this evening I am worried that tomorrow will be a repeat of today but I shall explain that in a bit.

I was thinking today about Tuesday when I suddenly came over feeling rather ill and it dawned on me that it wasn’t a bug because it was so short lived and a bug would have at least lasted 24 hours. I only had a bad stomach for a few hours and it was the classic symptoms of a reaction to my methotrexate! I haven’t been ill with it for a while so it didn’t click straight away. I’m glad it wasn’t a bug though.

I couldn’t sleep last night, which again is frustrating. I must have woke up at least 4 times and I was finally up by 7 am. I had something to eat, drink, showered and dressed and just straightened up the flat a bit. Took the pups out for a run for half an hour before I headed up to the doctors..

Now the trip to the doctors was a complete waste of time, the chemist had picked up my prescription for my new sharps box. I knew that once I got to the chemist that they would not have the right box as the box I need they do not stock. So the anger and frustration rises. I dropped my full sharps box and the doctors and headed back into town to the chemist.

Got to the chemist and not to my surprise at all they had the wrong size sharps box! Right colour but it was small and it only fits a few of my pens in it and that is at a push. Anger rises while talking to the chemist! I said in future that they are NOT to pick up and prescription for my sharps boxes because they do not stock the right ones and if the receptionists do not write the right prescription I can sort it out there and then at the doctors.

I then had to ring the doctors up and try and explain the situation without totally losing my shit! Which I did but I was so fucking angry and frustrated with them that I just couldn’t hold back the tears, I was that angry I cried! and I’ve not been that angry in a long time. She said she’d sort something out and to ring her back later, at that point in time there was NO FUCKING WAY! I was speaking to any of them again today!

I just sat on the sofa shaking, trying to choke back the tears as it wasn’t long till I was leaving for group and I did not want red eyes. I ended up just sucking my thumb to calm myself down, I totally zoned out just to briefly escape those intense feelings and to let it die down a bit before dealing with it again. I used my DBT skills in a very skilful way to get my feet back on the ground after being on the ceiling and it was really effective.

I composed myself and got myself ready to go to group. On the bus trip there the events of the morning kept going over in my head but I just tried to concentrate on listening to my music and looking out of the window.

Group was good, well the teaching part we were talking about grief. We looked at Worden’s 4 tasks of grief and it was really interesting, sadly we didn’t get through it all but I still have the handout that I might finish reading at some point. Some of the group dynamic stresses me out though and I did text M right after group saying that if she was talking to a certain person because another person had complained then I wanted the chance to have my say on the situation but if I was way off then to ignore me. She didn’t or hasn’t replied just yet but I feel some tensions in the group and it’s hard to find it enjoyable when there are such tensions present and as usual it it involves the same circle of people…so I left group just as stressed as when I went. Which sucks but it’s not going to be perfect when you have a group of people with mental health issues and or learning disabilities.

I was quite glad to get home to my happy pups and my kitty cats πŸ™‚ they are always happy and stress free. I took the pups across the road for half an hour to run about and play.

I had calmed down enough to ring the doctors back up and sort out another prescription to pick up tomorrow. I then had to go down to the chemist to stress to them NOT TO PICK UP THE PRESCRIPTION FOR MY SHARPS BOX! or I may just fucking explode! So fingers crossed for tomorrow and everyone does what they are meant to do and I should be coming home stress free with the RIGHT! sharps box.

Had myself some dinner, just did some little potatoes, beans and cheese πŸ™‚ filled a lil hole.

Spent the rest of this evening chilling, watching some films and taking hours to write this whole story out lol!

I am feeling very tired and my legs are really achy again today but I’m not as angry as I was this morning, just apprehensive about getting my sharps box sorted tomorrow but now use me stressing now because I now cannot control what happens tomorrow.

Going to take the pups out in a min and then get to bed. No solid plans for tomorrow but I could really just use a day to chill. But we shall see.

Peace out


Poorly boy…again! Tummy bug hits batman ;)

Urgh this week hasn’t been so great so far and it’s only Wednesday lol.

Well Monday was ok, Lou and the boys came over for the afternoon, we were going to go out for a walk but the weather was a bit weird. It was really muggy and it kept raining on and off, it was giving me such a bad headache.

They all came up to Flirt with me before peeps from group got there and we had something to eat. I managed to get a picture of all 3 pups sat together πŸ™‚ it was sooo cute!

Group was good, had fun chatting to everyone and met a few new peeps πŸ™‚ so that was cool.

Tues morning was ok, my brother came over in the morning with Leo. It was my brothers birthday so I blew up a couple of balloons for him lol just messing about πŸ™‚ but Harley popped both of them and scared herself both times! He liked his present (considering he picked it lol) We just chatted for a bit and he left to meet our step dad.

I started sorting myself out to get ready to go to my 1:1 but I started to get sulphur/eggy burps. I had a shower and came over feeling not well, my stomach was killing me and I felt a bit sicky. So I knew at some point I was either going to be sick or have diarrhoea and I really didn’t want to sit on a hit sticky bus for 45 mins there and 45 mins back again feeling really unwell! So sadly I had to cancel my 1:1 gender counselling and re-book for two weeks time. I went to bed and went to sleep for a few hours and I did end up having diarrhoea for most of the day. I spent the rest of the day either sat on the toilet or fast asleep. My lovely brother went to the shop and got a few bits for me, which was cool. Although he bought me a massive family pack of cornflakes instead of just a small box lol! but hey he did me a favour so can’t complain. I managed to take the pups out too so they could pee.

I was in bed by 10:30 pm, I’d taken my meds and pain meds, I put on a film just in case I couldn’t get to sleep as I’d been asleep most of the day and I was surrounded by all my furkids. It didn’t take me long at ALL to get to sleep and for the first night in AGES I slept right through without waking up once and I didn’t get up till gone 8 am! WOOHOO! πŸ™‚

Today I felt much better then yesterday but I just felt totallywashed out. I did have some breakfast this morning but ended up sleeping for most of the morning lol. But I totally forgot I arranged to meet a friend, when I woke up I apologise profusely and I felt so so awful. But we have rearranged to meet up next week instead πŸ™‚

I did eventually manage to do a bit of house work, have a shower and I took the pups just across the road for 30 mins so they could have a run about. While we were over there foxy was saying hello to another dog and scrappy came along and pissed on this other dogs head lol! He’s so embarrassing, luckily the owner was ok about it.

Just chilled out this afternoon, played a bit of Lego Batman 3, going through the free play. Tried to have a bit of dinner but couldn’t eat it all so pups ate the left overs. I took the across the road again for a lil run as they did spend most of the day yesterday at home with me.

Just chilled out this evening, feeling really tired and washed out still. Hoping I feel much better so I can go to group tomorrow, going to get my brother to take me to the doctors and back in the morning so I can drop off my sharps box and get my new one.

That’s it for now ❀

IMAG7263Β Scrappy, Foxy and their friend Arnie πŸ™‚

Peace out


Re-charged and a happy chilled out boy

Ahhhhhhh I am feeling rested and recharged πŸ™‚ I have had the entire weekend to myself and I have chilled right out.

Saturday I was meant to spend with L and the boys but sadly poor Harvey was being sick all day bless him. So I spent most of the day sleeping, I didn’t have a shower, I played lots of Lego Batman 3 and generally just chilled out. It was so nice and definitely needed.

Today has been pretty much the same, although I did clean up a bit, did some laundry too and made myself a baked potato in the slow cooker for my dinner, which was really nice. I completed the main story of Lego Batman 3! Whoop! just got to go back through it all to get all the trophies and stuff. This evening I took the pups for a walk along our usual route, which was so nice.

I totally needed to rest and recharge and just have some me time. I’ve had a great week and I love being with my friends and family but I do need the balance and have some Dyllan time too.

I start my 1:1 gender identity counselling on Tues and I’ll be having a 1:1 once a fortnight, so really looking forward to that πŸ™‚

Ooh I took a great video on Saturday of Scrappy and Harley playing together, it’s so so cute! He’s so gentle with her, he’s such a good boy. And I got a picture of Marley and Harley together on the cat post just relaxing πŸ™‚ I’m so glad they all get along so well, I love my lil fur babies ❀

Don’t think I have much planned tomorrow other then group social in the evening. Gives me time to play with my Lego πŸ™‚ lol.

I am just feeling really good, nice and relaxed. I’m feeling quite tired tonight so I am really hoping I won’t wake up a few times. But I am just thinking that it’s a summer thing, I often have trouble sleeping all night in the summer. Trying not to stress to much about it, as long as I am able to catch up on the sleep then it’s not too bad.

That is all from me, the Lego Movie is now over. I may put on a short Lego Batman movie πŸ™‚

Peace out



Ah Friday πŸ™‚ I definitely have the Friday feeling and I am totally ready to have a whole day to myself but I don’t get that until Sunday, so I am very much looking forward to that.

I again woke up a few times last night, it’s just so frustrating. Even though last night I had fresh be sheets, fresh pjs and I’d had a nice shower and always make sure I have good sleep hygiene. Like I was actually tired, the room was quiet and not too hot etc. But I woke up about 3 times, I’m going to give it another week and if I still can’t sleep properly I’ll see my gp to see if he can give me anything short term to help.

But I had a pretty chilled out morning, I left it until 11 am to get showered and dressed and take the pups out! It didn’t take me long. And I left a bit later then usual but I usually leave way earlier then I need too and end up waiting for 15-20 mins lol, I always misjudge how long it takes me to get the the coach station and it really isn’t that far and doesn’t take long at all to get too. I struggle with judging time and distance lol.

Anyway I got picked up and we went to Weymouth for another group social. Only the same person that came to the last group social was again the only person to turn up today. Which was fine but a real shame that no one else feels comfortable enough or not anxious to be out. But we had fun, M and I had lunch and a lovely place called the Hive and we went for a walk along the beach and went into a few shops. It was nice but by the end of it I needed to sit down. I love the car trips with M they are so funny and I love chatting, we have so much in common πŸ™‚

She dropped me off at 5 pm and the pups and cats were SO happy to see me πŸ™‚ I dumped my stuff in the lounge, took off my shorts and socks and just flopped onto my bed, all the animals followed me and I chilled out for a bit and then slept for 90 mins and then spent another 30 mins just chilling out before getting out of it. It was so nice totally needed that and I didn’t put my t.v on it was just quiet which was also nice.

I took the pups out across the road for a run for a bit, as Mr scrappy needed to burn off some energy and foxy needed to pee and poop. I would have liked to stay a bit longer but everything was feeling very achy and sore and I was so tired.

Just been relaxing this evening, playing with all my furkids πŸ™‚

Got a nice day planned tomorrow with L, the boys and all the pups πŸ™‚ so that will be really nice. And Sunday I plan to have a Dyllan day as I need a day just by myself.

Other then being tired and really sore and achy I’m doing really good πŸ™‚

Peace out



I have been one busy boy today! and I’ve been on the go since 7:30 am.

When I woke up I cleaned up the flat, had a shower and got dressed, had breakfast and went up to my hospital appointment about my little finger. She said she’s happy with it and it is healing well, it’s just taking longer because I did really over stretch the tendons and they are going to take a bit longer to recover, but she’s given me another splint to wear at night just to help straighten it out more. I’m pleased it’s nothing serious and it is just because I damaged it quite bad. I dropped off my sputum sample after my appointment, so hopefully the antibiotics did the job and the staph infection is all gone.

I got home, hung out the washing to dry, took the pups out for half an hour and when I got back I still had just over and hour till I had to leave for group, so I did try and have a nap but ended up just laying on the sofa with my eye’s closed. I just couldn’t sleep even though I was so so so tired. Having so much trouble with sleeping and staying asleep at the moment, it’s so frustrating.

I just made it to group in time and luckily everyone was running a bit late so I didn’t miss anything. Group was good, we finished looking at the model of coming out. I really enjoyed looking at it and it was really interesting, the model we looked out was a little bit out dated, so we are going to look at another model another time but it was interesting to learn the stages some people go through when they come out as gay, lesbian or bi. This model didn’t look at gender.

After group I met up with L and the boy’s and we went down to the seafront and played in the water fountains πŸ™‚ We all had fish and chips for dinner as well. It was really nice to spend some time with them just chilling.

Got home to my very happy furkids πŸ™‚ and put a load of laundry on, then I took the pups across the road for half an hour, to burn off some energy.

Just been relaxing this evening πŸ™‚ got the Weymouth group tomorrow, so I’m looking forward to that.

Anyway I’m off to bed after this and I am hoping to actually sleep tonight and not wake up 3-4 times.

Peace out