Anti-social day

I hate today, it’s a total fucking write off and I cannot wait to get into bed.

My alarm went of at 7 am, as I needed to be in Bournemouth by 10 am. I did my morning stuff to get myself ready to go out and by 8 am my day was totally fucking ruined, by yet another fucking dog walker that doesn’t have a clue about dog behaviour.

This is my FB status I posted this morning, to explain what happened.

I’m really starting to fucking hate taking the pups out and not because of their behaviour but the absolute cunts we come across! Some fucking cunt this morning pushed foxy away from her fucking huge Labrador! Because foxy was barking at him, she wasn’t being aggressive in the slightest, she was wagging her tail wanting to play with him and scrappy was trying to play too. But no apparently my two massive aggressive dogs shouldn’t be off a fucking lead if I can’t control them! No my dog’s aren’t perfect, but my dog’s did fucking nothing other than doing what normal dog’s do. I’m fucking so fucking angry. The fact that she pushed my tiny 3kg dog away like she was about to fucking attack her! Fucking stupid fucking cunt!! I’m shaking I’m so angry!

Yeah I was insanely crazy! How dare she touch my dog like that! It took everything I had not to say anything and not to punch her in the face because that’s all I wanted to do.

So yeah this pretty set me up for a bad day, I just couldn’t let go of this anger and I’m still feeling a bit angry now.

I left the flat at 8:50 am to go get the bus and for some reason poor Foxy was shaking when I left, maybe she picked up on my anger. Anyway I got to the bus station and the first bus that was going to where I needed to be, pulled up but left straight away…Yeah helpful! Then the second bus didn’t even turn up. So I had to hop on a bus that was going near where I needed to get off but not down to exact road like the other buses. By the time the bus left it was half past 9 am and we got stuck in traffic on a roundabout for ages, by the time we got not even half way it was was 9:50 am! So I decided to get off the bus, I didn’t want to walk into a classroom full of people I don’t know being really late! I hate being late with an absolute passion! All this made me even more fucking angry, so it was definitely best I didn’t go because I just wouldn’t be in the right place to get anything from it.

When I got off the bus, I went and had a look in a couple of shops that aren’t in town and don’t go to often. I bought scrappy a new wishbone shaped Kony toy to keep him busy while I’m out.

Got home, played with the pups and gave scrappy his new toy, which he really loved and I knew he would, my boy is all about treats! I rang up the Department of Work and Pensions and started my new claim for Personal Independent Payment, which will take over from my Disability Living Allowance, so they will send me out a form for me to fill in and send back. That is one massive weight off my mind because it’s started now.

Had a nap because I was so other with the day already. I couldn’t do anything else, just needed some time out.

I needed a few bits from the shop, but I ended up coming out with a load of Halloween stuff too. I’ve decided to dress up as Dracula 🙂 I’ve got a cape, make-up blood, fangs and I’ve seen a t-shirt that looks like a shirt that Dracula wears under his cape, so I’m going to order that next week. I need to get myself a fake cane as well. Shopping for Halloween stuff made me feel a bit better.

I was feeling a bit restless and wanted to go and walk the dogs. But I didn’t want to go where we usually do, as it’s busy and I wasn’t in the mood to be dealing with people. Instead I took the dogs up to the heath, where I grew up and it was really nice. Only came across one other dog and dog walker but we saw a few cyclists. It was just so nice to be up and away from the general population of people, just me and the dogs in the sunshine on the heathland 🙂 just what we all needed. I took some really nice pictures too.

I did have a plan this evening and that was to have dinner, do online stuff and clean up. But instead I had dinner, caught up on my online stuff and the cleaning can wait. It’s not that untidy today because I’ve been really keeping on top of the housework because it does effect my mood when its messy. It can wait until Friday when I have a full free day.

Here are some pictures from today

Peace out


Busy boy in over drive.

It’s only Tuesday and my lil brain is in over drive and I feel like I’ve done a whole weeks worth of work lol.

I am feeling a bit better today, my mood isn’t so low and physically I don’t feel as grotty and horrible as I did at the weekend.

So what have I been up too…

Mon – I was up at 7 am for some reason, so I prepared my beef casserole and put it in the slow cooker. It smelt amazing 🙂

I wasn’t feeling it (not sure what IT is lol) but yeah I just felt crap. So I slept until midday because I just couldn’t be bothered to do anything else and I was up stupidly early.

Eventually got showered and dressed and just pottered about the flat, I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I just couldn’t settle down, I tried to do some colouring but I couldn’t get into it, tried to watch a film…couldn’t get into it. I didn’t feel agitated just really restless, maybe it was anxiety about something. I’m not sure, I’m still not fully in touch with my emotions at the moment so I am struggling to name how I feel because I just don’t know. It is getting a bit better though, I am making more of an effort to be mindful or my emotions.

I did manage to get myself together eventually. I didn’t eat my beef casserole as I wasn’t hungry at the time it was ready. Put it on low for the rest of the evening.

Took myself and the pups up to Flirt for the trans group social. I was really hungry by the time I got there, so I got myself a nice jacket potato. The pups love going to Flirt and they get so much attention as well 🙂 they have great food too. It was a really nice evening, I am so lucky to have such a great group of people and to have the support and also to be around people in the same situation.

When I got home, I did the washing up, took the rubbish out, cleaned the balcony of dog poop, cleaned the cat litter box. So all I needed to do in the morning is hoover. I’m glad I got it all sorted before getting to bed.

So today, I was up at 8 am, hoovered up straight away so it was done! Then did the rest of my morning routine, which I did without feeling it was too much effort. Although my hip and knee was really sore this morning, I think its from laying on that side all night.

Headed out to see L 🙂 now Albert is at nursery 3 mornings a week, we can now spend some much needed adult time together without dragging Boo about with us.

We looked around in a few shops, went to the 6D cinema and watched a new scary short film called Lost in Fear. It was so good! Very jumpy and we got a bit wet lol. I LOVE the 6D cinema! It totally rocks! And we had Burger King for lunch. It was a really nice to just chill out and have a good laugh and it really was 🙂

I had my gender identity 1:1 this afternoon and it was a really good session, my mind was a bit more focused so I got more out of it today. I’ve decided that I am going to do a letter to all of the doctors that take care of my physical health and explain about my transition and what is going to happy re – hormone therapy, surgery and stuff, so they are aware of everything and if any changes need to happen with my current medication, then the sooner the better. So yeah I want to start to get organised with everything regarding my transition and getting them linked with all my other doctors because I think that will be really important for all my doctors to be involved and interact with each other. So it’s less for me to worry about and remember etc.

Got back to my lil fur babies 🙂 and I was going to have a lil snooze…but it didn’t happen lol. I started organising my folders that I got for my new courses and I’ve got a folder for my 1:1 as we write bits down and if it’s al in one place I can’t lose it.

I did have a rest and closed my eyes for a bit, I didn’t sleep though. I just needed a rest in the quiet and had snuggles with my babies ❤ Which was pretty perfect ❤

Had some of my beef casserole for my dinner and it was very yummy if I do say so myself 🙂 and all the fur babies had a lil taste too.

I took the pups out at half 5 pm, I’m making the most of being able to take the pups out in the evening. As soon it will be dark at 5 pm, which means a whole change in routine and making sure I am up relatively early so I actually see the daylight! for more then a few hours lol. It also means planning on taking the pups out in the day time rather then evening walks. I think for the winter I will write out my daily planner so I have things planned and if it’s written down I am more likely to do it. I do tend to get the winter blues but I think that is partly down to less sun and partly down to the fact that I usually get more coughs and colds etc in the winter and I ache way more too. So having fun things planned and everything written down gives me more of a purpose and a bit of drive to actually do things too.

Just been relaxing this evening, chatting to some friends online. But I am logging off soon, as I need to be up at 7 am. I start my Recovery Narrative course tomorrow which is 10 am – 1pm, really looking forward to it…but not getting up at 7 am lol! That I can do without! but hey it is what it is.

Right this boy is off.

Peace out


Lil flare, feeling crap all round.

Not been on here properly for a few days because I’ve either been too tired or too busy making YouTube videos.

Fri I spent most of it just making YouTube videos and spent pretty much all day in front of my laptop. It was good fun 🙂 but I think most of it I was just killing time.

Saturday I didn’t get up until midday and WOW I felt like fucking shit! Everything hurt and I was really snotty, chesty and generally really grotty and horrible. But I managed to get up, showered and dressed.

H came over and we went out, I had to take my stick because everything was so sore. We saw the films Legends 🙂 and wow it was amazing! It was funny, violent, sad, emotional, just very cleverly done 🙂 Loved it.

After we went to Nando’s for dinner which was nice, I didn’t eat much though. But it was enough for me.

While we waited for the bus we went and looked in Tesco’s 🙂 and got a few treats.

Got home and just sat down for a bit, wow I still feel fucking awful. Went to Asda as we both needed to pick up meds and some other bits.

We came back to mine and I just needed to go to bed, so kicked H out bless her,  I took the pups out for a wee and got myself into bed and was asleep just after 10 pm.

Today has been a bit boring I suppose and I don’t really know how I feel right now, maybe a bit low. But I think that’s probably because I’m feeling poorly.

I was up at 9 am, I had ready brek for breakfast, I did the housework, had a shower and got dressed, took the pups out for a walk and spent the afternoon sat on my butt playing Weird Park on my tab.

I did spend some time playing fetch with scrappy too. I felt a bit restless but didn’t really know what to do, just felt a bit lost today. But still don’t feel to well but definitely not as bad as I felt yesterday. Maybe I’ve spent too much time in my head or disassociating from how I am feeling, I don’t really know.

Once again I seem to be like holding my breath, really controlling it. I don’t know why. I’ve been trying to do mindful breathing so I stop doing this. But I still don’t know why I do this on and off when I feel like this. It’s such a weird symptom.

Urgh I don’t know. I think I need to do some mindfulness…but maybe my heart isn’t in it atm… not sure what it is though.

Peace out


Video blogging boy :D

Ah so it’s been a crazy evening! I’ve pretty much been on the laptop since getting home this evening. It’s been really productive though 🙂 I’ve not just been wasting my time on here and I’m feeling really good today too, considering I started today not really knowing how I felt.

I slept ok last night but I was up at 7 am for no reason, so I did my usual had something to eat and fell back to sleep on the sofa till 10 am when my alarm went off, which was a far more reasonable time then bloody 7 am! Plus I’m still recovering from the London trip, I am so tired and achy today. The bottom of my feet are sore, the muscles hurt and the skin on my hand is really peeling today.

I did my normal morning getting ready to go out stuff and took the pups for a quick walk and wee. Settled them in the hallway with treats and toys and headed out to get the bus to group.

Group was really good today 🙂 since certain people have left its been such a breath of fresh air, the group dynamics definitely needed shaking up and it’s worked, it’s so refreshing. The mood is much lighter which is what you need when you are having a rough time. Had a good giggle today and we talked about opposite to emotion action, which I did a little bit of explaining about 🙂 and yeah it was just a really fun group.

On my way to get the bus, I did have a lil look at a few shops. I didn’t buy anything I was just browsing. Mainly getting ideas for xmas..eep! lol.

When I got into Poole I popped into the sweet shop and got myself some sweets and said hello to S and W, was nice to catch up with them.

I finally got home to my very happy puppies and kitty’s 🙂 and I had a light bulb moment and made a YouTube video of how to make a inexpensive dog treat toy 🙂 which so far has been a hit with my friends. I spent some time sorting out my YouTube and arranging my videos into playlists.

I made a start of my very first video blog! I was pretty nervous about it but I just went for it! and as it stands at 11:27 pm I have 9 views! Which I am really chuffed with as its only been uploaded for 2 hours. This blog was just an introduction to well me and a brief overview of all my illness’s and I briefly touched upon being trans as well. I will do more in depth videos on being trans, living with bipolar and living with a chronic illness, I need to put a bit more thought into what I am going to do, what I am going to say etc. I may do a video at some point tomorrow… I’ve got lots of ideas and I really want my channel to take off 🙂 and I hope I am able to help people.

I ordered my food shopping this evening, thought I better sort it out lol!

Anyway here are some pictures 🙂

I saw this Tuesday morning before I left for London, it was put in my view for a reason 🙂

Me on the bus to group, looking and feeling fly. I love taking pictures of myself now I’ve lost weight.

Monday when I took the pups to L’s 🙂 they were just all relaxing together like best buddies ❤

My gorgeous sleeping babies ❤

My scrappy boy loves swimming in the sea 🙂

Foxy girl checking out the beach ❤ this is where we scattered my dear dad ❤

My gorgeous Harley and Marley. Lil Harley was pleased I bought a new box home for her to play with 🙂 ❤

My beautiful Scrappy and Foxy girl ❤ my four babies are my absolute world ❤

Well that’s it for tonight,

Peace out


Video blog intro to my life

I finally did an introduction video to my life and all the things I deal with etc. I actually really enjoyed making it.

An introduction to me and my life, living with mental illness, living with chronic illness and being trans 🙂

Please like, comment, share and subscribe to my Youtube channel

Peace out