I love my friends <3

I am back, I’m feeling a bit more lively and a bit less mopey. It’s been a very long few weeks but hopefully this is the start of me feeling better.

My stomach has been loads better this week and I’ve been catching up on eating lol 🙂 but that’s good though, I needed to build myself back up again.

My friends have been really amazing this week and I am so so grateful for every single one.

On Thursday I spent the whole day with L and the pups. Harvey was at school and Albert was at nursery 🙂 so it was nice just to chill and have some adult time. We watched some films and just chilled really but, even just simple things like that makes all the difference.

L picked up Albert from nursery and I went to pick up Harvey from school 🙂 which was cool.

L cooked us all dinner too, which I needed, as I’d not eaten properly for a while.

I left just after the boys went to bed, when I got home, I got my meds, a drink, a snack, my hot water bottle and let the cats in the bedroom too and snuggled in bed with all my fur babies and I was fast asleep by 10:30 pm.

Friday I woke up at 5:30 am…but I had slept well for 7 hours. I just chilled out for a bit, hoping I would go back to sleep for a bit, but I didn’t. So I cleaned up a bit, got myself showered and dressed and by 8 am I was out with the pups, we went for a walk down Baiter. It was really nice, I saw a rainbow and got some great pictures.

On my way home I went to my friends shop and picked up her dog Lolly for a play date for the day. I did try and have a nap after my walk, I couldn’t sleep though but I did just rest for an hour.

I felt a bit restless all day long, I couldn’t settle on any one thing. But I felt ok other wise. Just spent the day pottering around the flat and playing with all the dogs and cats 🙂

I dropped lolly home in the evening and S and her family invited me up for dinner which was nice 🙂 I had nice snuggles with baby JJ and Lolly was wanting me to play too. It was nice just to chill out with friends and be looked after a lil bit ❤

I got home to my happy puppies and kitties, took the pups out for a wee and then snuggled up in bed like I did Thursday night. It was really nice not to have to inject myself and put that crap into my body! Felt nervous about it but good too.

Saturday was the first time in 15 years that I didn’t wake up with a methotrexate hangover! I didn’t feel tired and groggy, I just felt like I normally do in the morning.

I just sat watching cartoons for most of the morning, then decided to get my butt up and do the housework. Despite the rain I got my waterproofs and welly boots on and took the pups out for a walk, it was great fun 🙂

I got home and did myself some actual dinner, only scrambled eggs on toast but at least I cooked something.

Two of my lady friends took me out, we went to Flirt for the evening but it was really nice to get out with some lovely friends.

After getting home, I took the pups for a wee, took my meds and fell asleep pretty much straight away.

So we are all caught up to today, which is Sunday.

I’ve felt pretty tired all day and all I’ve done is eat, sleep and watch cartoons. I just couldn’t get going but I think where I’ve not slept well all week, it’s all caught up with me. I don’t mind spending the day the way I have done because some days I just need to sleep, rest and eat.

I am feeling so so grateful to all my friends who’ve been there for me this week 🙂 either physically or just through messages. I am feeling so much better for having my needs met from everyone, it was definitely needed. I cannot express enough have important and how much everyone has helped me, even the smallest of things has been brilliant, argh I can’t even explain what I mean lol. I am so so so grateful and I love all my friends ❤

So yeah I am back on track to feeling a bit better. I have emailed someone who knows all about my condition, who works for a charity, who will hopefully be able to help me be seen in a different hospital by an actual proper specialist. I am so excited about this, I just hope things work out!

Um so yeah, just staring at the laptop now, my brain has switched off. Not much planned tomorrow, I do need to get some bloods done, so I may go do that. We shall see how tomorrow pans out. I just can’t wait until Tues when I get paid so I can go and do something and get on with xmas shopping.

Peace out


Enough is Enough! Goodbye Methotrexate!

Quick catch up, it’s been a long week already. I’m tired and everything hurts and I just want to hibernate for winter.

My stomach has settled down now which is such a relief, although it is still a bit tender when I eat but that isn’t really surprising after what it’s been through.

I saw my GP yesterday and I was just on the edge when I saw him. He asked me why I was still on the methotrexate and I nearly lost it. I managed to hold myself together but it was a bit of a heated appointment..

I had my 1:1 appointment with my gender identity counsellor yesterday, which was good. It was hard work but I need to go through this process.

Today I’ve had a bit of a tantrum and I am outright refusing to take my methotexate any more. Well when I left a message with my doctors secretary, my doc rang me back in under 2 hours. She isn’t happy about me coming off it but she can’t stop me. I am however annoyed that she isn’t doing more to actually help me. But that is another issue. I am happy about it but nervous too as stopping straight off without coming off it slowly can be dangerous…but they have given me no choice! this isn’t the way I wanted to come off the methotrexate, I did want to do it all properly but they have backed me into a corner and yeah, I’m done! Enough is enough.

Also today I sent a message to a few close friends and completely opened up to them, made myself vulnerable, asked for help etc..yeah that was hard! But it was my goal from my therapy session, plus it was good to know that my friends actually love me 🙂 so yeah… this is really uncomfortable to even write lol.

Mood is pretty damn low because of everything going on right now. But I am going to see a friend tomorrow so I’m really looking forward to that 🙂

I am currently writing this with my kitten licking my t-shirt as usual lol. She’s so weird, she does it all the time lol, it’s mega cute though.

I’m going to get to bed, I’m so so tired.

Peace out


Sulphur burp Sunday

So going to write a quick catch up, I am going to get myself to bed fairly early tonight and not 2 am again.

I’ve felt a bit better today, although my stomach has still felt sore. Especially after eating, even just small amounts. Which is really annoying because I’m hungry but not and still nervous about eating too. Because I don’t want to be sick :/

I did manage to take to dogs for a proper walk today, which was great. They really needed a decent walk, as we’ve not been out much all week. It was good fun though and both the pups were soaked when we got back lol. I went out all dressed in my waterproofs and welly boots, it wasn’t raining but it had been raining all week long. It still looked like it could rain as well, so I wanted to be prepared. I’m glad I did because I could jump about in the puddles with scrappy.

It made me feel so exhausted after and I had to have a lil sleep when I got in, I so needed it though.

I now have sulphur burps…. which are so gross! I am hoping that it doesn’t mean I’m going to be up half the night vomiting. I think I have anti-sickness meds somewhere, so I am going to have a look at that in a minute. I really need to settle my stomach properly so I can feel better.

I am feeling a little better within myself for just taking the dogs out for a walk. I’m still feeling quite low and lonely but hopefully my stomach will settle so my mood can start picking up again.

Going to take the pups out for a wee, take my meds and watch a film in bed. I definitely need an early night and I am so so hoping that I am not up sick all night 😦

Peace out


Catch up from a very ill me :(

I’ve not been around properly for a while because I’ve just been so ill, so exhausted and really low.

I have felt so ill all week due to the methotrexate, it’s given me a bad stomach all week, nothing I’ve eaten has stayed in and I’ve had stomach pains on an off all week. I’ve had to take Loperamide to settle my stomach. I know it’s the methotrexate and not a bug because I have come to learn the difference. I HATE this drug so fucking much! My body is no longer tolerating it and it hasn’t done for a long time, but no one is listening to me.

I am sick of not being listened to by my doctors so I am going to make a complaint. They are keeping me ill by keeping me on methotrexate. I am NO longer tolerating it at all and I am sick of it. I am also going to make a complaint about my GP for many reasons, I am just not happy with my over all treatment of any of my ailments. So Monday I am going up to the Patient Advice and Liaison Services to start the ball rolling on my complaint.

I’ve decided to start my steroids every day rather then every other day and I am going to double my dose for a week to 10 mgs as I need a boost. I know this isn’t under the advice of my doctors but you know what they are not listening to me and I want to feel better. It’s nothing they wouldn’t do if I was having a flare anyway. I’ve been on steroids since I was 7 years old, I know what I am doing. I just wish I could stop the methotrexate without doctors but I know that would be stupid.

This week I have done nothing, due to feeling just so poorly and it’s rained all week long pretty much all day every day. I have been out a few times into town but that’s about it.

I did treat myself to some new jogging bottoms, I was trying to find some cuff bottom jeans but there wasn’t anywhere. So I did want jogging bottoms too but the ones I bought were boy’s age 13 lol! So pleased that I can fit into kids clothes again, they are actually a bit baggy 🙂 but that’s cool.

On Thursday I had a phone call from my bank about unusual activity on my account and it turns out that someone has got hold of my card details and took all my money out. The bank was really great though, I stressed to them that I am on benefits due to being ill and that I have no over draft, no family members who can help etc, so they processed a claim to put that money straight back in and that went in on Friday. I am however left without a bank card at the moment…But hopefully I will have that Monday. I’m just lucky the bank were bang on it! It’s just the inconvenience of it all more then anything.

I am hoping that tomorrow I will be feeling much better, so I can actually take the pups for a walk or do something. As I am getting stir crazy! I need to get out properly!

So yeah this has made me feel so low 😦 But just for deciding to take charge I feel a bit better.

Peace out