Feeling the energies of the earth – My Spiritual journey

I am so lucky to live to close to the sea, I feel so at home there and so grounded when I’m by the sea.

Yesterday evening I took the dogs out for a walk, I wasn’t intending to be out for long but we ended up being out for 4 hours. We met a lovely couple and ended up sitting and talking with them for ages, we sat and watched the sun go down. Even though I didn’t know these ladies it was as though we’d all known each other forever.

Sitting by the sea watching the sun go down was so beautiful, I felt so peaceful and calm and just at one with the world. It’s not something I’ve felt for a while, it felt so good just to sit and be. Also the only time I picked up my phone was to take pictures of the sunset, because I was sat chatting with these ladies, I didn’t need to look at my phone and constantly check my social media. It was just what I needed to switch off for a while, I really need to do it more often. I will make it a habit and apart of my daily routine.

Last night was good because I almost felt like I’d been reset, refreshed. I feel like I can take on anything again, I feel like myself again. It feels good.

Today my best friend and I took the dogs down to the water again, which was really nice. Because it was hot I wanted to put fox in the sea to cool her down, she doesn’t like swimming whereas Scrappy just dives straight into the sea. I took my shoes and socks off and walked into the sea with fox in my arms, I went in up to my knees so fox got completely wet and she even had to swim back into shore bless her. I got her little head wet as well, she was not best impressed but it stopped her panting.

I paddled about in the water for a bit, playing fetch with Mr Scrappy. He was going in so far having a good swim, he absolutely loves the sea.

The sea wasn’t cold it felt just right and I could feel all the stones under my feet, usually they hurt my feet but today they didn’t. All I felt was peace and calmness, I felt the energies of the earth flowing the me from my feet upwards and it was bursting out of my head. It felt so good and when we walked around to find a bit of shade I decided to carry on walking around barefoot.

Walking along the path was a tad hot on the bottoms of my feet and I didn’t feel the energies as strong. Once we got onto the grass I could feel all the earths energies again and I felt the same, peaceful, calm and just in the moment. I’m definitely going to walk outside barefoot more often, to be more in touch with earth and myself.

I feel good, I’ve not felt like this for a long time. It’s partly down to starting testosterone (see previous blog post) but its also down to walking this spiritual path I’m on. Sometimes I wonder off the path a bit and that’s ok as sometimes life gets in the way a bit. I manage to come back onto the right path and walk towards the light and what feels right.

Here are some pictures from last night and today’s walk by the sea

 

I’m loving my spiritual journey, I’m learning more about myself, others and the world around me. I’m learning where I fit in and how I can  be of service to the world.

I better get some sleep as its pushing midnight here in the UK.

Peace out

Batman

Week 1 on T – Feeling awesome

A week ago today I had my first shot of testosterone, it still hasn’t entirely sunk in yet I don’t think. It will in time as I start noticing changes I should imagine. I almost feel like I’m finally growing up, its hard to explain but now I am going to go through to correct puberty I feel like I’m growing up. I definitely feel different even after 1 jab, a lot of that is probably psychological but things feel like they are falling into place and I’m feeling a bit more comfortable in myself. I know the journey ahead is long and difficult so I’m going to hold on to how I feel for as long as I can and in the dark times I’ll try and remember that things weren’t always so dark.

My next shot is 19th September, I have to see the nurse again but this time I’ll actually be taught how to do it myself which is exciting and also a little bit scary. I’m happier to be able to inject myself as it gives me a bit more independence and its one less doctors appointment. Also if I do it myself that means that I’m not taking up nurses appointments unnecessarily.

I’ve just downloaded a free video editing software, so I can document my transition. I want to do voice comparisons and selfie picture comparison videos. I’ll have a play around on that tomorrow, as I want to try and get to sleep before 1 am tonight and I’m going to write another blog after this. Tomorrow its meant to be raining all day and I have no other plans then weighing in at slimming world, so I’m going to have a look at this new software then.

For those who maybe reading this who are either transgender or questioning your gender identity and everyone in between, stay strong, always live your truth, be proud of you who are because you are amazing, never feel like you have to fit in with all the rest. Just be you because there is only one you that will ever be, so be the best truest version of yourself that you can. Don’t forget that someone out there loves you for who you are

IMG_2837 week 1 on T

Peace out

Batman

 

 

Time for some self care

Recently I’ve been busy doing things and making sure everyone is doing ok, but I’ve neglected myself a bit. I haven’t really done things to make myself happy, I haven’t spent much time alone, doing my own things. Don’t get me wrong I love looking after my friends but if I’m not feeling 100% then how can I help anyone else.

On Friday when I got back from my volunteer work, I chilled out with my beautiful fur babies and I spent an hour or so across the road playing with the pups and some of their doggy friends which was nice. I spent some time gaming too, I’d not gamed properly for a while so it was cool to get lost in the worlds of Lego Dimensions. I can’t remember what else I did but I didn’t get to bed until nearly 2am.

Yesterday I pretty much just slept all day and man it was so good! I so needed it. I felt so calm and relaxed, just totally chilled out. I had my nephew for an hour or so, we took the pups for a run around and we had fun messing around. I spent all evening just relaxing too and like I said I just so needed it. I’ve not felt this relaxed in a while, bliss.

Today I woke up about 9 am and it took a few hours to get myself together lol, I did the housework, changed the bedsheets, I’ve still got a few loads of washing to do. It’s been too hot to walk the dogs, so we’ve just been relaxing, having cuddles and playing around. Today has been pretty productive but still really relaxing and I do feel so much better for taking a few days just to do nothing and look after myself.

I love being around people and doing things, making memories and helping anyone who needs my help but I do tend to forget to look after myself. I think its good to have some down time, whether it be a morning, a day or a few days. Time to look after yourself and your needs is so important because you cannot rely on another person to fulfil all your needs.

My favourite things to do to look after myself are, sleep or rest, spend time with my fur babies, spending time by the sea with my pups, watching films, putting lego sets together, eating my favourite food and drink, reading, mindfulness. That’s just a few of them

Self care is super important and its not at all selfish, sometimes its ok to say no and go off grid for a bit, sometimes its necessary to do that.

Anyway that’s enough of me rambling on about self care, I don’t have much planned for tomorrow. Its a bank holiday weekend here and in the UK so I’m sure they’ll be stuff happening somewhere. Its meant to be really hot again so I probably won’t walk the dogs until the evening when its cooled down.

Peace out

Batman

Transition update – Pre T pics

I am going to try and document my transition… If I remember too. By documenting my own transition I hope it helps and inspires others.

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^ Last Pre T selfie

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^ Pre T shot of my body, hate body shots so wont be doing them often to start with

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^ My testosterone and sharps box, woohoo

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^ My T shot all ready

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^ Nurse putting that massive needle in my butt

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^ First T shot 😀

I was going to upload a video as well, but I can’t I have to upgrade my plan but I don’t have the money to do that right now, which is a tad frustrating. I may upload it to YouTube and then post the link and get around it that way for now. Although I shall do that another time as I need to get some sleep at some point this evening.

Peace out

Batman

Transition update – No longer Pre T

So my last blog update was about having an appointment with my GP to collect my prescription for testosterone.

This Monday I rang up my doctors surgery to see if they had any nurses appointments on Tuesday, so I could get it done the same day I pick it up. By some miracle they managed to book me in with the locum nurse the same day. It was later on in the day but at least I didn’t have to wait too long.

So Tuesday morning rolled around and I had to be at the GP’s by 9:35am, I was so exhausted and felt so lethargic, I got a taxi up there as I just didn’t have the energy. I don’t do well first thing in the morning, especially when I don’t really have the time to wake up.

Anyway my appointment went well and my GP was happy that I’d finally got my testosterone. He was excited for me which was nice.

I went home and relaxed, I even managed to have a little sleep which was very much needed.

My best friend came over, we took the pups for a quick run around before we headed up to the doctors. We got to the doctors a bit earlier then we needed too, so we sat outside for a bit.

Went into the nurses room and I was a mixture of nervous and excited. However that quickly turned to frustration when she refused to teach me how to inject myself and she didn’t even seem to know why I was there, why this was such a big deal for me, so it kinda tainted the whole thing. Which sucked but I expect nothing less from the NHS these days, its all down to poor communication as usual. I didn’t want to explain to  her why I was having it done because I was too frustrated to explain myself and didn’t feel I should if had too.

Anyway after the initial frustration, we finally got around to jabbing my butt cheek with my first shot of testosterone. The jab itself didn’t hurt but I felt good, like a feeling of relief. This moment was finally happening, I dreamt of this day for so so long and for ages it felt so far away and it felt like it wasn’t something obtainable. But finally its happening and yeah I felt at peace.

I got home and because it was so muggy out I felt so sticky and horrible so I just had to jump in the shower to cool off and feel a bit cleaner. Soon after my butt cheek started aching from the T shot but it did go into my muscle so that’s to be expected.

H and I went over the road to the pub and she treated me to a nice steak dinner in celebration, which was really nice. As we were eating, I felt a sudden wave of energy come over me, which felt great after feeling so lethargic most of the day. After dinner we walked over to the field where H lives and walked to dogs for a few hours, we sat and chatted while Scrappy was playing fetch and fox was saying hello to everyone that walked by, they enjoyed themselves and they both definitely needed that time out. When we got back they both were crashed out on the sofa together.

So yeah I am no longer pre T and it feels pretty awesome, every now and then I get a bit of an energy boost for like an hour which is cool and quite helpful as it means I can get stuff done lol. I think I am still in shock I suppose, as I still can’t quite believe its happened but I am excited for the next part of my life now, its all starting to feel right.

On Monday I took a last pre T selfie, I did a pre T voice video and a pre T body picture as well, because I am going to track my transition in hopes that it will help and inspire others and also it will be good for me to get back into blogging regularly. I’ll post all this on a separate post and I will try and update at least once a week. I need to find my mojo again, I really enjoy writing once I start its just finding the motivation to do it in the first place that I have been struggling with at the moment. I’m sure I’ll sort it out, I just need to put myself first a bit more and make more time for me.

Anyway I’m gonna post my pics on another post, so that’s it for this one and I will try and write again soon

Peace out

Batman

 

Transition update – Great news

I finally have an update regarding my transition, yesterday I got my letter to start testosterone. I can’t believe it, I feel like I’ve been waiting forever and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

I have booked an appointment with my GP which is this Tuesday, this is so he can do me a prescription for testosterone, I can then go to the chemist and get my testosterone, needles and sharps box. Whilst I’m at the doctors I can book and appointment with my GP or the nurse to be taught how to self inject.

I’m so excited about this next chapter of my life, I’m also a little bit nervous as well because I am going into the unknown and I’m on the path the being the truest version of myself and that’s a bit scary but also really cool.

I can’t really describe how I feel right now as its not really sunk in yet, it doesn’t feel real. I just feel good and this feels so right.

I shall update again after my appointment on Tuesday, I can’t really concentrate right now as I’m in pain with my hip (see previous post)

Peace out

Batman

Can’t sleep, chronic pain sucks!

Its nearly 5 am and I’ve been awake since 3:30 am, I am in so much pain with my left hip and ankle. I’ve taken pain killers and its made no difference and there’s not much else I can do to make it go away. My hip has been so painful this week, I have no idea why but its been constant.

I can’t get comfortable to enough to sleep any longer so I thought I would do something productive and write.

Chronic pain sucks so much and its so hard to deal with. I’ve been trying to just breathe through the pain, I’ve tired mindfulness but nothing is working. My hip feels so uncomfortable no matter what position I am in, no matter what I’m doing.

I’ve had painful hips ever since I can remember, it was one of my first symptoms of GPA (granulomatotisis with polyangiitis) and it doesn’t get easier to deal with, especially when it disrupts my sleep.

Even sat writing this is painful and I can’t get comfortable. I wish people understood just exactly what living with chronic pain is really like and how much is disrupts your life and how much it effects everything. I find I am far more grumpy and less intolerant when I am in pain.

This is for all those that are up all night with chronic pain, huge hugs to all of you and I hope you find some relief. Keep strong, I know how much this sucks right now

Peace out

Batman