Transition update – Week 44 on T

I wasn’t around last week to blog as I was on a much needed short break away. I had a really great time, best time I’ve had in a long time.

I spoke to my GP this morning and my testosterone levels are pretty level which is really good. I’m happy with that, although I want the changes to happen quicker as I’m feeling a bit frustrated with it at the moment. Getting my testosterone shot tomorrow which I’m looking forward to as usual.

Its quite hot at the moment, so am really struggling with gender dysphoria. Cuz its too hot to bind for too long so I haven’t been bothering. I just want to be able to walk around without a top on so bad!! So that’s frustrating and makes me feel disconnected to my body and disassociated from emotions, which is hard to get out of.

Mood is generally ok at the moment although there are times I feel sad or low for no reason but I don’t always feel it right away or know what the feeling is and often I don’t know why I feel like I do, I just do. So that’s annoying but I suppose I just gotta try and go with it and try and express myself the best I can

pre t vs week 44

^ Another comparison picture

Week 44 on T

^ This weeks picture

^ This weeks video

Peace out

Zak

Transition update – Week 42 on T

Where to start, everything is going well at the moment. I’m feeling good and things are moving forward.

Tomorrow I have my fasting blood test for my T levels first thing and by the end of the week I should know if my levels are ok or not. I’m still not sure if they are completely right or not but we shall see.

A big thing happened this week, after the group I volunteer at I had an appointment to have my wild hair cut. I needed to change my top as I wear a certain top to get my haircut. I was in the local library and I decided to go into the men’s toilets to change, as I knew it would be pretty quite. Its the first ever time I’ve been in the men’s toilet! I felt pretty proud of myself. It was a bit scary but I’m so pleased I did it! Another big step in my transition, I’m so happy to be moving forward.

I won’t be writing a blog next week as I’ll be away for 5 days, I’m super excited!

Week 42 on T

^ This weeks picture

^ This weeks video

Peace out

Zak

Transition update – Week 41 on T

Its so strange how things can change for the better in a second. I’m feeling so much better then I have done over the past few months. My financial situation is finally sorted and I got a back payment. Its such a weight off my shoulders, I feel like I can breathe again.

I’ve not spent all the money yet and what I have bought so far has been an investment of sorts. I’ve booked a short holiday in Devon with a friend, I’m super excited as I’ve not been on holiday for about 10 years. I booked to see Eminem in July! with my best friend, we are super excited for this. I got myself a Nintendo switch, a tattoo session and a new hoover. I intend on doing an online course and get my passport sorted. So I feel its not been a waste, I’ve actually got stuff to show for it this time around. So I’m quite proud of myself, as I’m not the best with money lol! I’ve also paid off the people I owed money too, so that felt good.

So I feel right now that my mental health is much better then it was, I’ve had a few anxiety attacks but there’s been a real reason behind them and not just anxiety for no reason. I feel back to myself again, I can enjoy life again rather then just trying to survive. I’m looking forward to the future rather then dreading it. I’m 100% committed to moving forward and bettering myself, I don’t want to be stuck in this place forever. I feel like apart from the transition and coming out as trans, nothing else has really moved forward in the last 5 years or so and I feel now is the time to do something more worthwhile. I’m not going to dive into anything, just small steps, small changes and things will start moving.

Transition stuff is going ok, I had my fasting blood test this morning to check my T levels and then I had my injection. I’ve got to have another fasting blood test next week and then hopefully I’ll get the results before I go away. I’m still not 100% that my levels are right as the last 3 weeks my emotions have been all over the place and I’ve found it really hard to hold myself together. Part of it has been high stress levels but I also think some of it is hormonal as well. Its a waiting game and I realise it takes time to get theses things right and I know it will be an ongoing thing.

Gender dysphoria has been ok-ish and its been manageable. Some days its easier to deal with but other days its so much harder. It makes me feel anxious, agitated which makes me detach and disassociate. I intend on trying to ground myself daily in order to help me deal with the gender dysphoria and disassociation. I’ve been writing in my journal again and that’s helped me express how I feel daily and its been helpful to look back on it and reflect on how I’ve dealt with things and how I’ve been feeling. I also intend on looking after myself and my needs again properly as I’ve let the self care side slip a bit, so I have made a promise to myself to put myself first.

That’s all for now 🙂

Week 41 on T

^ This weeks picture

^ This weeks video

Peace out

Zak