I hate how sometimes a little change can cause such an extreme emotional reaction in me, it’s like I have no control over it and it just ruins the whole day.
Rather then just accept the situation as it is, my brain just over reacts and ruins the whole day and makes me feel like shit.
Then the negative thought cycle appears and it’s really hard to make it go away or to change it. It’s exhausting constantly fighting against yourself.
I’ve tried to get myself out of how I feel but hasn’t worked just yet. Although right now I feel more sad and lonely then anything else.
Earlier I was really fucking angry. That’s mostly gone now and just left with a low mood.
It hasn’t been helped by the fact I’ve been pretty isolated this week. I saw a couple of friends last night for a few hours which was lovely. But they’re the only people I’ve seen since Sunday.
I like my alone time but not 4 days in a row. Two, three days tops is enough alone time for me, then I start to need a bit of real life human interaction.
But like today plans get fucked up. To be fair though I’ve fucked up a lot this week cuz I keep messing up dates, forgetting shit… so been causing lots of issues.
It’s really frustrating and right now I feel like I can’t do anything right so why bother at all, cuz I’m just getting everything wrong and messing everything up.
My mood is all over the place this week, I either feel ok or I feel really low. It’s probably because my testosterone shot is due next week. I hate feeling these extreme emotions.
Most of the time I handle them pretty well I think but just sometimes everything just bubbles over and goes crazy and I get over the top reactions to stuff. I hate it so much, makes me feel like such a dick that some days I just can’t handle stupid little things. Makes me so angry at myself.
Right now all I want to do is hide away forever, have a cuddle, a good cry and a good nights sleep. But that’s not gonna happen, so just sitting outside with the dogs, in hopes I can stop myself from feeling like such a loser! Hasn’t helped yet, but I have tried to feel better. Some days are just easier then others.
Today Negative thoughts 1 – Zak 0