I am starting to realise that I have to come to terms with the fact that I will always have what people deem to be feminine traits.
Boys and girls from birth are raised differently and their parents have different dreams for each of them. For baby girls it’s usually that she’ll get married and have children, for baby boys it’s usually he’ll have a great career.
From very small even still now girls are being told they will never be as good as a boy, that they’re simply not built for it and they should know their place.
Luckily things seem to be changing very slowly and woman are now using their voices to say hey, this shit isn’t right! Which it isn’t, woman are equal to men, but men see that as an attack to their fragile masculinity.
Now I got off topic and onto a bit of a feminist rant. But as a trans guy I am proud to say I’m a feminist as I’ve lived in the world as a female and it’s fucking hard. But also now living as male, being perceived as male, I can say the white male privilege makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and I suppose a bit like an imposter. But I feel lucky to have lived both sides of the coin.
So back to my feminine traits, so yes I was raised as female, although I kinda remember fighting against what was expected of me as a girl. I hated dresses and pink, I didn’t really have many female friends, mainly boys. I was pretty much a tom boy. But I still had those feminine qualities, I loved playing with dolls, I was a very caring kid and still am. I love talking and expressing myself. And these are the traits I struggle with because I know they aren’t seen as masculine traits to have and maybe people will think I’m gay, or just figure out I’m a trans guy.
So I think when I’m out I’m super aware of how I present myself to the world and trying to dial down my more feminine traits, my softer caring side. Which I’ve been doing unconsciously lately. But in doing that I’m holding back an essential part of myself, my personality, the essence of who I am.
I’m here to live my life as my authentic self in spite of how others may perceive me. I’m trying to stop worrying about what others think about me. What really matters is that I have a good heart and I’m kind to others and that I just do my best in this life that I have and my success may look different to others but that’s totally cool because it’s my life and no one else’s.