Writing and looking at myself and shown me how much I let others have such a huge influence on my life, no wonder I felt so lost, confused and frustrated! I wasn’t living my life for myself! I was bending myself into who I thought I should be for everyone else but myself! WTF was that?! No wonder I completely lost myself, I was too wrapped up in being everything for everyone else.
I let other peoples opinions influence me far more then I should have done. I completely lost myself in my last relationship, they were older then me so I thought I need to ‘grow up’ but that wasn’t being true to who I am and how I express myself.
Looking back on those times I just can’t believe how much of a hold other people’s opinions over me and my own thoughts of who I should be and I should present myself to other people.
I let other people have an influence in my hairstyle, my clothes, the things I have in my house! I felt like I needed to be a ‘proper grown up’ But I am a grown up, I am just very in touch with my inner child and there’s no one way to be an adult! It’s so ok to be 35 and love watching Spongebob! Its ok to wear clothes that don’t make you look like a grown up! Its ok to be 35 and still wear Adventure time socks and a batman T-shirt.
I also got rid of all my build a bear bears, I got rid of all my lego (although I don’t miss that, it was getting an expensive and I lack space for it)
But over the years I have changed myself so much for everyone and I have neglected myself so much, I haven’t been living my life for myself and haven’t been living my life how I want too, I haven’t been expressing myself and my personality for myself!
I regret so much letting many different people having such a big influence over my life, for so long I felt so f*cking lost! But now I see it was because I wasn’t being there for myself, I wasn’t being who I am.
I am so glad that now I can see all that and I am absolutely living my life for myself and expressing myself exactly how I want too! and I feel great, I don’t feel lost anymore. I know who I am and I will never get so wrapped up and get myself so entangled with other people like that, I will find people who accept me for me 100% and don’t want me to change how I dress or how I have my hair, or that I still watch cartoons! I will not settle, I will not change for anyone!
I feel such a great sense of self and a sense of empowerment that I’ve never felt before and I want to share that with everyone, I want to help others, I want to keep shining so people can see they can get through their battles too! I’ve never felt so happy before like in my entire life and it feels so great! I can’t wait to see where life takes me next!