Week 1 on T – Feeling awesome

A week ago today I had my first shot of testosterone, it still hasn’t entirely sunk in yet I don’t think. It will in time as I start noticing changes I should imagine. I almost feel like I’m finally growing up, its hard to explain but now I am going to go through to correct puberty I feel like I’m growing up. I definitely feel different even after 1 jab, a lot of that is probably psychological but things feel like they are falling into place and I’m feeling a bit more comfortable in myself. I know the journey ahead is long and difficult so I’m going to hold on to how I feel for as long as I can and in the dark times I’ll try and remember that things weren’t always so dark.

My next shot is 19th September, I have to see the nurse again but this time I’ll actually be taught how to do it myself which is exciting and also a little bit scary. I’m happier to be able to inject myself as it gives me a bit more independence and its one less doctors appointment. Also if I do it myself that means that I’m not taking up nurses appointments unnecessarily.

I’ve just downloaded a free video editing software, so I can document my transition. I want to do voice comparisons and selfie picture comparison videos. I’ll have a play around on that tomorrow, as I want to try and get to sleep before 1 am tonight and I’m going to write another blog after this. Tomorrow its meant to be raining all day and I have no other plans then weighing in at slimming world, so I’m going to have a look at this new software then.

For those who maybe reading this who are either transgender or questioning your gender identity and everyone in between, stay strong, always live your truth, be proud of you who are because you are amazing, never feel like you have to fit in with all the rest. Just be you because there is only one you that will ever be, so be the best truest version of yourself that you can. Don’t forget that someone out there loves you for who you are

IMG_2837 week 1 on T

Peace out

Batman

 

 

Walking stick user

Well starting this a bit earlier tonight in hopes I get to bed a bit earlier and maybe I shall sleep right through.

I slept ok-ish last night, until I got to about 5 am and that is when I usually wake up but still really tired and I try and go back to sleep. But today like most days I give up and get up about 8 am. I’ve given up on fighting it now, I’m doing everything I can to get to sleep and stay asleep and I’m really not keen on taking medication to help me sleep as I hate the drowsy feeling. I’m hoping it will get better in time..

My bro text me this morning to see if I could watch Leo while he went and had his hair cut, so I got myself showered and dressed, then met them in town. We hung out for a bit and looked in a few shops and stuff, went back to his to drop his shopping back. My bro offered to drop me and the pups to L’s so he dropped me to mine to I could run up and get my stuff and the pups, we swung by and picked up my other nephew Jack Jack from his mummy’s, he was excited to see the pups. Then was dropped off at L’s πŸ™‚ which was much better then getting a bus.

Before L and I headed out with the boys we took the pups out for a quick run and wee. I was giving Harvey clues about where we were going today, took him a while but he guessed it eventually lol.

We spent a few hours at the Oceanarium πŸ™‚ I love it there so so much and they have a new enclosure there of penguins, they were so cool! They made so much noise lol. They’ve changed it around a bit and they have new fish and stuff there which was really cool. We watched the little turtles being fed and the sting rays being fed, that was really cool. Ah I just could spend all day in there πŸ™‚ We all had good fun, boo loved it so much he cried when I said we had to leave bless him.

Spent some time in town, had lunch and looked in a few shops before heading back to L’s. The pups were urber excited to see us, scrappy could barely contain himself lol, I didn’t stay long though as I was tired and the bus trip takes ages.

The bus trip did take ages! and it was soooo hot on there. I was so glad to get home and have a proper sit down.

Skyped my bro and Jack Jack for a bit πŸ™‚ which was funny. I was showing him all my instructions books of all the things I can make with my Lego, he was pretty impressed.

Just been relaxing this evening, had some dinner and watched tv.

I used my stick for most of the day when I was out, I didn’t feel too self conscious about it but I think that was because I was with my friend and we were out having fun. But it’s the first time I’ve used it all day and it’s really showed me how much I have been struggling along without it. It took a lot of pressure off my lower back and hips and had a bit less pain too, which makes my day much easier and more enjoyable. Still sucks I have to use it and the fact my health isn’t good right now etc… still processing all that. But I am glad I got it.

I am on uncle duties tomorrow πŸ™‚ I’ve got Leo while my bro spends some time with Jack Jack, which will be nice for them. So looking forward to having my lil man.

I saw some cool colouring books today, adult ones that are based around mindfulness and stuff, so I’m going to get myself some in the week. I’m building up my box of stuff to do over the winter when it’s cold and I’m ill or too sore to go out too far. So I’ve got all my Lego, I’m going to get these cool colouring books, I’ve got some books on my kindle that I still need to read, got tons of loom bands and a book on how to make loom band animals and stuff so that’s cool. Not sure what else I could get to do, I want to try and get things that I will be able to do it mindfully πŸ™‚ So that is my lil plan to keep myself safe through to winter months.

Anyway that’s all for now,

Peace out

Batman

Detached from emotions

Urgh I am so tired but I need to catch up, the longer I leave it the more I’ll need to catch up.

Mon – Wow it seems to long ago now, I went back to bed in the morning because I was so tired. We had a pretty chilled day, just did some drawing and gluing stuff, took pups across the road and played over there too. They left at just gone 6 pm, I was going to go too for the trans group but urgh, I was just so so tired and achy I couldn’t move so I opted to stay in and get an early night.

Tues – Today was flipping manic and I’d not slept well yet again. I was up and out by 9 am, I paid my bills, posted something and did a few other bits and bobs in town. I then had to take Scrappy to the groomers to get his hair cut and boy did he need it, he looks like a different dog now lol, he looks like he did when he was a small pup.

After I headed out to go to my 1:1, I met L and dropped off the pups to her. My 1:1 was really good and we looked at my recent anger and frustrations as lately I’ve been much more angry and frustrated, so will be good to find the root cause of it all.

I went over to L’s to pick up the pups, only stayed for an hour and then headed down to the vets to get scrappy his booster jab and he was SO brave, he didn’t make a sound! So proud of my boy.

Finally got home and man I was just exhausted. I don’t remember having dinner…or even what I did lol. But I did take 50 mgs of quetiapine instead of my usual 25mgs just because I so needed a decent nights sleep.

Wed – I did fuck all! I slept really well and I pretty much slept all day, mainly because I needed to sleep off the extra quetiapine and I needed to catch up on my sleep. I did manage to clean up, have a shower and take the pups for a short walk. I made myself some dinner but I didn’t eat much of it, just wasn’t hungry.

I spent the evening sat colouring in a couple of mandala’s. I put my white noise on for 30 mins just to help me get off to sleep.

Thurs – And back to now. I slept ok-ish last night I did wake up early this morning but I just couldn’t get back to sleep so I just got up, had some breakfast and just had some chill time putting together a new 3in1 Lego set.

Got showered and dressed but just took my time. Took the pups out too. Just as I was getting myself ready to head out to group, the post man came with my walking stick πŸ™‚ which was cool. I was so so sore and stiff this morning so I decided to take it with me, I felt really self conscious about it, felt like I was faking it or whatever, felt a bit paranoid using it. But it did take a lot of pressure off while standing and walking. I’m sure I’ll get used to it, I’ll only use it when I really really need it.

I’m not really sure how I feel about having to have these disability aids, it all feels a bit messy inside and I can’t really explain it. It needs to be untangled I think so I can process it and makes sense of it all in my head. At the moment I think I’ve just totally detached myself emotionally to the situation and just keep thinking rationally about it and not letting myself have an emotional response to it all and I know if I don’t it will all hit me at once, which won’t be good either. But I’m not really sure where to start with this one…was thinking maybe mindfulness…I don’t know.

Anyway group was actually good this week, the atmosphere felt a lot lighter and brighter and it ended up being a really good session. I signed myself up to do some courses at the Recovery Education Centre in September, so I’m really looking forward to that. Not sure what courses I’ll be doing yet but I’ll have a meeting with someone who will help me pick some courses that will be best suited to me.

Met L after group as I needed to give her some bits that she left Mon and that I’d forgotten to take to her on Tues lol. Chilled out at flirt for a bit which was nice.

Got home to my happy pups πŸ™‚ and I was hungry so did myself some dinner. Nipped to Asda as I needed some bits.

Just chilled out for a bit and then took pups across the road for a bit, so they could let off some steam.

I was very tempted to go to bed when I got in because I’m so tired, but I know I will only be up at 4 am if I went to bed at half 9 pm. So I’ve just been catching up on online stuff trying to keep my eyes open lol.

Meeting L and the boys tomorrow, taking them to the Oceanarium, I sooo can’t wait because they have a new penguin house there! EEEEEEK! πŸ™‚ so excited to see the new penguins. Should be a good day.

I’ll post some pictures when I eventually get my bloody laptop to recognise that the phone is plugged into it so I can transfer my pictures.

That’s all for now,

Peace out

Batman

Really busy boy, been having great fun

Wow I’ve been so busy I’ve been too tired to update my journal. But I’ve been having great fun πŸ™‚ I’ll just do a quick update.

Thursday – Had group Thursday afternoon…it was ok-ish. I’m ended up leaving feeling really annoyed with the same two members that I was pissed off with last week. I wasn’t impressed with their behaviour but it’s going to be dealt with. After group I met L and the boys and we came back to mine.

We got in and I had my dinner straight away because I was so hungry lol! We all went out for a walk on my usual route by the water, L and the boys had some dinner while we were out.

After our walk Albert had a bath and went to bed. I sat and played Lego with Harvey and let him stay up to watch the fireworks with us. L and I didn’t go to bed much longer after him lol.

Fri – In the morning we had a nice cooked breakfast at Asda and after I gave us all buzz cuts, me and the boys had a 1 all over and L and a 4 all over πŸ™‚ hehe. We then got ready and headed to Hamworthy park for the afternoon. My brother and Leo joined us for a bit too. We played on the beach and in the sea, me and Boo made sand castles and played football. Harvey had fun playing in the park with his boomerang and L had fun chilling and playing in the sea too. It was a great afternoon πŸ™‚

After the park I took Harvey to the shop with me to get us some dinner, then came back and fed us all. Lou bathed Albert and the pups while I was at the shop, so they were all nice and clean. Boys both went to bed a bit earlier then last night so we could have some proper adult chill time. We were both so tired we just ended up watching tv instead of a film.

Sat – I am struggling to remember what we did… We just had a chilled out day because me and L were shattered. I had a nap in the morning, we took the pups across the road for a run and the boys played football. Harvey and I spent ages playing with my Lego while boo had an afternoon nap. I made me and the boy’s dinner and then we all went out for a walk along the water with the pups. Put boo to bed when we got in and Harvey went not long after. L had her dinner and we watched a really good film called StoneHearst Asylum, great cast and great film.

Sun – Caught right up now πŸ™‚ WOW today has been busy but it’s been so much fun. I printed out some templates to make cubes with for Harvey. I then set up lots of paints out on the balcony, neither of the boys really liked it lol. But I had so much fun and was covered head to toe in paint lol. Me and Albert played with water after while L was cleaning up a bit. Had a shower with boo to get us both nice and clean. The boys then chowed down on some lunch before we took the pups out for a run across the road. Me and the boys collected some leaves, sticks, flowers and stuff to do some arts and crafts with tomorrow. Boo went straight down for a nap for a few hours, lil man was so so so tired lol, even had to wake him up for dinner, bless him. L made some cakes, Harvey and I watched a film and coloured in the templates for the cubes, although he didn’t have as much fun as I did lol. L joined us and coloured in a mandala. It was great fun all just sat chilling out πŸ™‚

I dished us up our nice roast dinner and everyone gobbled it all up πŸ™‚ and even had room for Β cakes after.

Went for a walk after dinner and I had fun flying my kite πŸ™‚ I did manage to get it stuck in a tree lol but got it back out again without having to climb this big ass tree and possibly breaking some bones! haha.

Boo went straight to bed when we got in but the lil monkey didn’t go straight to sleep. Harvey had a shower and he played with his cubes while I was putting together the last few. Then it was off to bed with him. L and I have just been relaxing this evening, we watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall which she’s not seen before.

Everyone is in bed now, I just need to finish this off before I can take the pups for a wee and get some sleep myself.

L and the boys are off home tomorrow, the place will be quiet again, which is nice but I’ll miss them. Got my trans group social tomorrow night so looking forward to that.

Well I better finish up, this tired boy needs his beauty sleep lol! I’ll post some pictures of my week tomorrow, I’m too tired, hot and achy to do it now.

Peace out

Batman

Had a fall that wasn’t my fault

My day didn’t start to well, I got out of bed and had a fall. I literally just fell to the floor like a sack of shit, my legs just gave away. It was so weird, I smashed my arm and I now have a nice bruise. My arms and wrist is a bit sore now from where I fell. But I’m ok now, it was just a shock, I’ve not had a fall like that before.

I met my friend this morning for a drink, I had a nice hot chocolate πŸ™‚ It was nice to catch up with her, I met her at DBT and I’ve not seen her since about February. I’m going to try and keep in touch with her more, she’s so lovely. We sat and chatted for ages, it was really nice.

I went up to the doctors to pick up my sharps box and yay finally it’s the right one! Thank god for that, hopefully when I see my new doctor next month I can be changed onto something different.

Got home to my happy pups and cats πŸ™‚ My legs were really achy and sore, so I went for a nap and they all joined me. It was nice and just what I needed, it helped my joints a little.

I took the pups out for a quick run after my nap, it was cold and windy out there.

Just been relaxing this evening, had some dinner, watched a film. I’ve decided to get myself a walking stick, just to help me when I’m having a bad day. I don’t want one but I think I need the extra support, plus its a visual aid for others when I’m out and about.

Anyway I have group tomorrow, I’m looking forward to that. My head is sore now, so better get off the laptop and get some rest.

Peace out

Batman

Mindfulness is the best way to start the day

Wow I have had one busy day and it’s been non stop, but it’s been good and I got all my jobs done which is even better. I did start the day with some mindfulness and I think that helped me to keep going.

I’ve been up since 7 am and I was out with the pups by half 8 am. I was in town by 9 am paying bills and having a look in a few shops. I went up to the doctors to sort out my sharps box and I’ve got to go back tomorrow to pick it up, which again is a bit frustrating but… I’m over it now. On my way home I popped into the pet shop to get the cats and dogs food and some treats.

Got home to my happy pups and chilled with them for a bit, before heading back out to the shops to get something for lunch and dinner and maybe some more Lego lol πŸ™‚

After that quick shop, I chilled out for a bit and had some lunch. I did some stretches because my legs were and still are so sore and achy, it didn’t help much and neither are the pain killers. It’s just the side effects of the methotrexate injections from what I’ve been told about it anyway, it’s just frustrating as I have to deal with this on top of the joint pain too which has been bad today.

After my rest I took the pups across the road for a run, then went to the vets to get Foxy her booster jab done. She was so good bless her, she let out this quietest little squeak ever it was so sweet. The nurse was really impressed with her because she’s a perfect weight and very healthy, which is really great to here. The only thing she may have a problem with in the future is her knees on her back legs. He knee caps don’t sit in the joint properly, so in the future it could cause her a few issues and she may even need to have an operation. But as long as I keep her at a healthy weight and just as healthy as possible she shouldn’t have an issue.

We got home and I was actually hungry, so did my dinner straight away and ate the whole lot. I sat and played with my Lego for a bit but came over feeling a bit restless so I took the pups for a walk on our usual route.

It was a really nice walk, we talked to lots of people and other dogs and just had a nice little wander along the water. Feel really peaceful, centred and just settled, it’s a really nice feeling.

Just been relaxing this evening, I’m going to put fresh bed covers on, have a nice shower and do some mindfulness to finish off my day.

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for a hot chocolate in the morning and after I’ll go pick up my sharps box. But the rest of the day I am going to relax and do some research on getting a bigger fan base on YouTube.

Well that’s it from me for today πŸ™‚

Peace out

Batman

Just another day, just another post

Monday is here and I must say it’s actually been ok so far. I’ve got all my jobs done and I’m feeling good mentally, not so much physically. My lil legs are really sore and achy again today and my shoulder is still sore.

I slept quite well last night, I did wake up at 6 am but I managed to get straight back to sleep until 8 am. Woke up with really achy legs and a bit of a chesty cough 😦 so I had some breakfast, took some pain killers and went back to bed until about 11 am and I did feel a bit better for it thankfully.

Relaxed for a bit watching tv, the man that was delivering my shower stool rang me to get directions and it didn’t take him long to find the flat and deliver my stool. I absolutely love it and it fits in the shower cubical perfectly πŸ™‚

Spent a bit of time doing the housework before jumping in the shower to test out my new stool and omg I totally love it! made having a shower so much easier, especially as my legs were still really achy. I am so so happy with it.

Just been relaxing this afternoon, convertingΒ some files from rtf to pdf as I am hopefully going to get my poems published on the kindle. I got a friend helping me with it πŸ™‚

Going to sort my dinner out soon, take the pups out and hopefully someone will be along to collect my box of CD’s.

Going to my trans* group tonight, which I am really looking forward too πŸ™‚

Peace out

Batman

Mindful Sunday

So the week has come to an end once again and it’s been an interesting week, a bit up and down and all over the place. But The main thing is I got through it with the help of my beautiful pups and the use of my DBT skills.

I slept ok-ish last night and woke up briefly quite early this morning but managed to get back to sleep until a reasonable hour.

Just chilled out this morning, playing with the pups and watching cartoons.

The weather was once again that of a winters day…in the middle of July! So I threw on some joggy bottoms and a hoodie and took the pups out so they could pee and poop, although foxy wasn’t impressed with the rain lol.

I a little bit got myself some more Lego, another 3in1 set so I spent some time making them this afternoon which was cool. Spent some time playing with all the animals πŸ™‚ which was fun. Just chilled out watching tv and relaxing.

The weather cleared up so I took the pups for a walk, we ended up at Baiter just where I scattered my dad, I didn’t walk any further though. Even though it was cold scrappy still went in for a swim lol, he’s so crazy! Foxy was just happy running about saying hello to everyone and other pups. I walked a different way home and there was one point I wasn’t quite sure where I was, as I had walked through the houses but I managed to find my way and got home.

When I got in I sorted through some drawers and stuff, threw some junk out and moved stuff about. Feel better for it πŸ™‚

Had myself some dinner and watched a film, Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It’s such a top film, it’s fucking hilarious!

Thought I would get my blog done early tonight so I can spend more time playing with my Lego and I might colour in another manadal mindfully πŸ™‚ just to end the week and start a new week totally relaxed and in a good place.

I got a few bits to do tomorrow, I have to wait in for my shower stool and I am hoping that comes in the morning.. but we shall see. I do need to pop up to the doctors for my sharps box, gotta do the housework and stuff. I am also starting my new regime I suppose you can call it where I’m going to start and end the day with a glass of water and 5 mins of mindfulness. I don’t drink nearly enough water so I want to get into a better habit of drinking it and I think if I start the day with a bit of mindfulness it will set me up for the day and if I’ve had a stressful day then it can help me unwind πŸ™‚ so fingers crossed it will make a bit of difference to my life.

That’s it for now,

Peace out

Batman

Back on track :)

Sat here on a Saturday night feeling better then I did when I last posted on Thursday. My shoulder is really achy though and it’s uncomfortable.

Friday was just a miserable day all around, the weather was horrible! It rained and was grey all day long it looked like a winters day, not a hint of summer at all. All the non sleeping at night caught up with me and I ended up sleeping away most of the day and I did feel better for it πŸ™‚

I did manage to get the dogs out for a bit when the rain had finally stopped for a moment. It was nice to get out, I found Β£2 but I also had an argument with a complete prick of a dog owner! Basically he made me panic when my dogs ran up to him and his dog, thinking his dog didn’t like small dogs, anyway I ended up just losing my shit with him and just shouting at him because he really annoyed me and just got my back right up.

Anyway in the evening by about 9 pm I realised that I needed to centre myself, calm myself right down and just be back in the moment. So I sat down and did some mindfulness to help me get back on track, I coloured in a mandala πŸ™‚ And wow did it make all the difference! I felt so much better. I even sat down and wrote out my plan for the next week and even set myself some goals, things that I’ve been meaning to do, like read stuff on my kindle, do some research on making youtube videos about transitioning etc. This boy is motivated and back on track πŸ™‚ and you know what it is totally ok to have a melt down now and again, as long as I always get back on track I’ll be fine.

I didn’t get to bed until late but that was fine because, I would have woken up for the 1st time about that time lol.

Slept well-ish and only woke up once, which is an improvement on previous nights this week.

Just relaxed this morning, I was going to go out with L and the boys but L was ill again.

Eventually got myself showered and dressed and met a guy to sell some lego mini figures too and made myself Β£8. Went to the shop an got lunch and a drink to take out, I may have a little bit bought a Lego set! LOL! It was a 3in1 set so worth the money πŸ™‚

Got myself and the pups ready and we went to Hamworthy park for the afternoon. We were out for about 3 hours, it was really nice just sitting by the sea with foxy, while scrappy was playing about in the water πŸ™‚ did a bit of mindfulness while we were out, it’s such the perfect setting to be totally in the moment and at one with nature and the pups totally needed the exercise and we all needed the fresh air.

I was so shattered when I got in, but I still had the energy to sit and play with my new Lego, I sat and put all 3 of the creatures together that can be made from this one set, there was a dragon, scorpion and a snake. The dragon was definitely my favourite and I’ll be making him again πŸ™‚

Put my dinner on and just tidied up a bit while it was cooking, I do the house work properly tomorrow. I ate most of my dinner and the pups finished it off for me.

Just been catching up online and relaxing, I made a group on fb called pets are the best therapy πŸ™‚ and it’s going well so far, as it my group called mixed breed dogs.

I have no solid plans or any real idea of what to do tomorrow but I’ll just go with the flow and it will probably be pretty much the same as today which is fine with me.

That’s it for now but here’s a few pictures

Β Scrappy wanting to play ball even though its bedtime

Β Foxy girl happy for bedtime

Β Harley saying hello this morning πŸ™‚

Β Barrel jellyfish washed up!

Β Scrappy having a swim

Β Scrappy waiting for my to skim more stones for him to chase

Β Miss Foxy girl happy to be out in the sun πŸ™‚

Β LEGO πŸ™‚

Peace out

Batman

DBT rules in times of stress

Not even sure where my head is at right now, I don’t know where to start or what even was right about today! Ok maybe it wasn’t THAT bad but my buttons were pushed today and I did get mega angry and stressed. I am a lot calmer this evening I am worried that tomorrow will be a repeat of today but I shall explain that in a bit.

I was thinking today about Tuesday when I suddenly came over feeling rather ill and it dawned on me that it wasn’t a bug because it was so short lived and a bug would have at least lasted 24 hours. I only had a bad stomach for a few hours and it was the classic symptoms of a reaction to my methotrexate! I haven’t been ill with it for a while so it didn’t click straight away. I’m glad it wasn’t a bug though.

I couldn’t sleep last night, which again is frustrating. I must have woke up at least 4 times and I was finally up by 7 am. I had something to eat, drink, showered and dressed and just straightened up the flat a bit. Took the pups out for a run for half an hour before I headed up to the doctors..

Now the trip to the doctors was a complete waste of time, the chemist had picked up my prescription for my new sharps box. I knew that once I got to the chemist that they would not have the right box as the box I need they do not stock. So the anger and frustration rises. I dropped my full sharps box and the doctors and headed back into town to the chemist.

Got to the chemist and not to my surprise at all they had the wrong size sharps box! Right colour but it was small and it only fits a few of my pens in it and that is at a push. Anger rises while talking to the chemist! I said in future that they are NOT to pick up and prescription for my sharps boxes because they do not stock the right ones and if the receptionists do not write the right prescription I can sort it out there and then at the doctors.

I then had to ring the doctors up and try and explain the situation without totally losing my shit! Which I did but I was so fucking angry and frustrated with them that I just couldn’t hold back the tears, I was that angry I cried! and I’ve not been that angry in a long time. She said she’d sort something out and to ring her back later, at that point in time there was NO FUCKING WAY! I was speaking to any of them again today!

I just sat on the sofa shaking, trying to choke back the tears as it wasn’t long till I was leaving for group and I did not want red eyes. I ended up just sucking my thumb to calm myself down, I totally zoned out just to briefly escape those intense feelings and to let it die down a bit before dealing with it again. I used my DBT skills in a very skilful way to get my feet back on the ground after being on the ceiling and it was really effective.

I composed myself and got myself ready to go to group. On the bus trip there the events of the morning kept going over in my head but I just tried to concentrate on listening to my music and looking out of the window.

Group was good, well the teaching part we were talking about grief. We looked at Worden’s 4 tasks of grief and it was really interesting, sadly we didn’t get through it all but I still have the handout that I might finish reading at some point. Some of the group dynamic stresses me out though and I did text M right after group saying that if she was talking to a certain person because another person had complained then I wanted the chance to have my say on the situation but if I was way off then to ignore me. She didn’t or hasn’t replied just yet but I feel some tensions in the group and it’s hard to find it enjoyable when there are such tensions present and as usual it it involves the same circle of people…so I left group just as stressed as when I went. Which sucks but it’s not going to be perfect when you have a group of people with mental health issues and or learning disabilities.

I was quite glad to get home to my happy pups and my kitty cats πŸ™‚ they are always happy and stress free. I took the pups across the road for half an hour to run about and play.

I had calmed down enough to ring the doctors back up and sort out another prescription to pick up tomorrow. I then had to go down to the chemist to stress to them NOT TO PICK UP THE PRESCRIPTION FOR MY SHARPS BOX! or I may just fucking explode! So fingers crossed for tomorrow and everyone does what they are meant to do and I should be coming home stress free with the RIGHT! sharps box.

Had myself some dinner, just did some little potatoes, beans and cheese πŸ™‚ filled a lil hole.

Spent the rest of this evening chilling, watching some films and taking hours to write this whole story out lol!

I am feeling very tired and my legs are really achy again today but I’m not as angry as I was this morning, just apprehensive about getting my sharps box sorted tomorrow but now use me stressing now because I now cannot control what happens tomorrow.

Going to take the pups out in a min and then get to bed. No solid plans for tomorrow but I could really just use a day to chill. But we shall see.

Peace out

Batman