What a nightmare.. :/

Well this week has been utter bullshit. Literally it couldn’t have gone any worse, well it probably could have but hey. I’m glad the week is over and the weekend is here, so I can try again next week. Mind on Wednesday I have to go in hospital to have 2 teeth taken out while I’m asleep.

Thursday – Urgh I felt rough when I woke up but I managed to get myself to group although when I got there I wished I hadn’t gone because I felt so flipping ill, it’s down to the fact I’m only taking my steroids every other night and my body is not liking it. So the day I don’t take my steroids is the day I feel really ill.

I got home, had a nice shower because I was so sweaty and horrible, I put my pjs on and went to sleep for a bit because I was just so flipping tired and felt so ill. But I only slept for about an hour.

Just had a sandwich for dinner as I just wasn’t up for eating anything else.

Took the pups across the road for a wee and a bit of a run as they’d not been out much. But wow that didn’t go well either.. Both the dogs were off their leads and at first we were the only ones there but then we came across some woman with two huge dogs and for some reason scrappy got spooked and ran off and I couldn’t find him anywhere! I was calling him for ages but couldn’t find him, so I headed home as I thought he may have headed that way too. I dropped foxy home and picked up my phone to see if anyone had rang as he’s got my phone number on his tag on his harness. I had a look around by Asda as that’s another place we walk, so he may have gone there. Thankfully I found him tied up just inside the door of Asda! WOW I was so pleased to see him, I cried. Luckily someone we know saw him and picked him and and took him to the shop with him. He found him running about in the road and thank god there was not a scratch on him! I’ve never been so happy to see my boy!

Had lots of snuggles with my boy when I got in and a good cry too. Chatted to some friends and went to bed because I was so achy I needed to rest.

Today hasn’t been so horrible though, although it did take me a while to get to sleep last night and it was a really restless sleep as well, I woke up really sweaty and really hot.

I slept most of the morning as I was still feeling a bit achy and poorly.

Did the housework and laundry as it needed doing. Had a nice shower and got dressed. Had something to eat, while waiting for my parcel to come.

After my parcel had arrived I took the pups up to the heath again, just up out of the way of the majority of the population. We only saw a few people and the pups had a nice time 🙂

Got home, chilled out, had dinner. I went to my brothers for a bit to give Leo his birthday present. I can’t believe he’s one already! it has gone so so fast. I didn’t stay too long though.

I got in and took the pups out for a wee straight away, got back in again and got straight into my pj’s lol and I’ve just been relaxing ever since.

Got my metoject injection tonight and no steroids tonight either..so tomorrow I am going to feel like fucking shit! So I am not looking forward to how crap I am going to wake up feeling in the morning. But I have no plans tomorrow so I can just hibernate for the day.

Well I better go jab myself in the stomach! and get my butt into bed.

Peace out

Batman

G.I.C workshop @ Charing Cross hospital

I am so so so tired, I probably should get to bed right now. But I need to get stuff out my head before I can sleep and rest properly.

Monday night it took me nearly an hour to get to sleep because I was so anxious about Tues morning and it was so weird not having the pups in bed with me. But I eventually got to sleep…not for long though as I was up at 5:45 am Tuesday morning.

I got up, had breakfast, showered, dressed and sorted my backpack out. Man it was so weird, the flat was so quiet without the pups lol. Mind I didn’t miss scrappy following me about with his toys waiting for me to play fetch every 2 seconds! I had some time to watch a bit of tv and check my backpack like a hundred times to make sure I’ve got absolutely everything I needed. Anxious much! eeeep!

Whilst walking to the coach stop, my heart started racing, I was hot/cold and sweaty, I was shaking internally. I was a mess lol and at one point I felt like walking back home. But I carried on and I got on the coach, put my seatbelt on and off the coach went.

As the time went on my anxiety lessened because well, I was on the motorway on the way to Hammersmith London, there was no turning back lol. So I just had to get on with it! I had a nice lady sat next to me and we chatted a bit, she also gave me some directions as well which was great and totally spot on 🙂

The fucking weather was crap, it was raining heavily on and off all day. When I got off the coach I managed to walk and find my way to the gender identity clinic. I was an hour early but I was there, safe and sound. Oh on the way though some absolute fucking cock drove straight through a puddle and soaked me! I was not fucking impressed, so I flipped him off and shouted cunt at him lol!

Oh I was the first person waiting…haha. There was another guy that turned up not long after me, so we sat and chatted while we were waiting and he took my number. Loads of people soon started piling in! Which as a bit overwhelming but cool to see so many trans peeps in the same place 🙂 Some were out like me, some weren’t and some were non binary etc, so yeah it was cool.

The workshop itself was good, talked about what to expect, went through the process and what sort of things are available to us, what is covered by the NHS and what things aren’t (all is covered apart from a boob job) Talked us through the surgeries, female to male and male to female, saw some graphic surgery pictures lol! That was a bit gross, especially the male to female surgery! EEEEP! But overall it was really good and I enjoyed it. Oh and I was chatting to a lady in there and I gave her to details of the trans group I go to as she doesn’t live too far from me which is cool.

I headed back to the coach stop, picking up a sandwich on the way through because I was so freaking hungry. But I could have actually stopped to eat something properly because the coach was an hour late! My phone had died and the plug on the coach where I was sat was broken… and the battery life on my tab is awful. I couldn’t really relax because I was just so anxious to get to L’s to get my babies!

The coach was 40 mins late getting to Bournemouth but the traffic and road works was fucking awful on the way back. I hopped into a taxi and went to L’s 🙂 OMG it was soooo good to see my happy babies! Scrappy was crying bless him and foxy was happy barking at me lol!

I stayed at L’s for a little bit, just to catch up 🙂 didn’t stay too long because I just needed to get into my bed so bad.

Got the bus home with the pups, chatting to a few friends.

Got in, grabbed some food, meds, chargers for phone and tab, chucked phone and tab in my bedroom, got a nice cold can of Pepsi and collapsed onto my bed with a big sigh of relief. Ah meds, food and a nice cold can of Pepsi was so lush!

I caught up with a few peeps online who were asking me about my day but I couldn’t stay up much longer. So I was sound asleep by about half 11 pm I think.

Wow it was a really long day but I am so so chuffed that I went and I did it all by myself 🙂 and I made some friends too!

Today I woke up at 9 am, went for a pee, had something to eat and drink and went back to bed until 12 pm, I soooo needed it but I’m still not really fully functional lol. I’ve been in my own world most of the day.

I did do the housework this afternoon, did a load of laundry…that leaked grey and black onto lighter coloured clothes…oops lol! But whatever..

Went into town, got electric, paid my rent and treated myself to some new stuff. I got new trainers, boxers and two t-shirts. I think I bloody well deserved it 😀 that’s my story and I am sticking to it! haha.

Got back and relaxed for a bit, took some pain meds as my legs were aching. Then took the pups out for a nice walk 🙂

This evening I’ve just been relaxing, wasn’t really hungry so just had a sandwich for dinner. Been catching up with my groups online which has been cool 🙂

I suppose I am feeling ok tonight, just tired. I don’t really feel really happy or really depressed. I just feel ok…maybe I feel a little down but I think that’s because well it has been a hell of a week. I think the London trip was a massive distraction from what’s actually going on in my head if that makes sense. I was so anxious and wrapped up with worrying about the workshop that everything else I was worrying about has been pushed away. But I can feel it all slowly creeping back into my head, which sucks but there are things I need to deal with, like the shitty benefits wankers! URGH! So yeah I am fully expecting my mood to drop again.

Physically I’m ok, just really achy and tired. My skin on my right hand is really peeling all over my fingers. I’m not complaining because I like picking it but it does get a lil sore. I think I’m having a lil flare up because every day I feel a bit run down, which is a really crappy feeling.

Right I need to get to bed,

Peace out

Batman

Separation anxiety

Urgh I am really struggling to concentrate right now, but I’m going to keep going.

I didn’t sleep too well last night, kept tossing and turning. But I felt ok not too tired.

This morning I was pretty productive, I wrote my lists, sorted out what bills are coming out this week, did a load of laundry, wrote out my xmas list, cards, who I’m getting presents for, xmas food etc. I felt better having it all sorted.

Headed over to L’s this afternoon and I sat at hers with the pups while she went to pick up the boys. It was nice chilling with all 3 pups 🙂

I stayed there for a bit when she got back, helped Harvey do his homework.

I left because I needed to sort myself out before tomorrow. As soon as I left I felt hot, sick, shaky, my heart was racing and I could barely breathe! I was so so anxious about being away from my babies 😦 I’m not feeling much better now, but I’m not as bad as I was.

Went to the shop and got bits for my coach trip tomorrow. So that’s all sorted.

I’m just trying to relax now but finding it really difficult. I’m going to sort my backpack out soon and try and get an early night as I’ve got to be up mega early….URGH!

My stomach is doing back flips right now lol…eeeep.

I am super nervous about tomorrow but excited too. OMG I can’t believe I’m actually going and doing this! AHHHHHHHH! LOL!

Peace out

Batman