I can’t believe its Wednesday again already, so crazy this week’s just flown past. It has been a good week so far 🙂

Monday I was on it like sonic! Cleaned the flat, sorted out all my paper work and made phone calls. I rang social services so I can get some equipment for the flat that I need to help me. They are going to ring back and go through a form to see if I qualify for help. I also rang my housing association to sort out getting permission for the dogs, again they will ring me back. I need to chase up both. I rang the hospital to see if I can get my appointment brought forward but they have no spaces, so she said if I need to be seen sooner then ask my GP to write them a letter to ask if I can be slotted in sooner. So I need to check that he’s done that if he thinks that’s what is needed…hopefully he does lol. Um I think that was all the phones calls I made, I’m really glad it’s all been started. I’m nervous about the social services involvement as I don’t want them to say I need more help then I think I need… that’s my only worry.

Mon eve I went to flirt to meet some peeps 🙂 which was nice. On the bus back I felt a bit hot and sicky though… so chilled on the sofa with the babies for a bit before taking them out.

Tuesday was good, I spent the day with L, boo and all the pups. My bro and Leo popped to see us too. We spent sometime in the park just chatting and watching the dogs playing. Then we went to flirt for lunch as it was getting a bit cold and it’s the only place in town that allow dogs inside. I had a nice jacket potato with cheese and beans 🙂 YUM! Lil boo fell asleep on the sofa in there bless him lil man, mind you it was nice and warm and after lunch me and L felt like dozing off in there lol.

When I got home, I was so tired I snuggled up on the sofa with the pups and fell asleep for a few hours. I went out and did my food shopping, just so it was done. Put it all away and had something to eat, took pups for a wee and went back to bed. I was utterly shattered, I didn’t sleep well Mon night I was really restless. But I did sleep really well Tues night.

Today has been really good, I had a friend from school over this morning for a bit with her lil boy, that was really nice and good to catch up 🙂 I waited about for my delivery and while I waited I watched tv, played on my tab etc just messed about.

I finally got my package 😀 it was moo’s new cat post! eeek it’s massive but it was pretty easy to put together 🙂 only took half an hour. Once that was sorted I took the old cat post down to the bins and took that apart. Went to Asda to pick up my new Lego Batman sets 😀 I need to find space before I can put them together though.

Made myself a nice spaghetti bolognese from scratch and that was so yummy and I’ve got some left over for 2 more dinner, so that’s cool.

Just been catching up on here this evening, pups are sleeping.

Feeling pretty good right now 🙂 feeling happy.

I’ve decided I’m going to do a video diary of my transition, I need to look up how I edit movies and stuff and how to do it on my laptop, so when the time comes to it I can do voice comparison videos etc. I think I need to look up more videos and what other guys talk about and maybe script a few too so I don’t forget anything and get everything out. So yeah pretty excited about it.

Peace out



Chilled boy

It’s the weekend…woohoo..or not lol. No it’s been a pretty good weekend actually and I’m feeling good. It has been a pretty chilled weekend, just what I needed, although tomorrow I got paper work and other bits to chase up.

Yesterday was pretty chilled, I didn’t get dressed till the afternoon and I spent all morning sleeping, it’s something I totally needed. L came round late afternoon with Arnie, so that was nice to just hang out us two. In the evening I took the pups out again for a walk, scrappy had a good swim and when we got back I gave him a shower and a good scrub because he stank of sea water lol.

Today I have done absolutely nothing! Well I did have a shower, got dressed and took pups for a wee across the road but other then that I’ve been sat on my butt on the sofa 🙂 again I’ve just needed some rest as with all the walking and stuff I’ve been doing, I think I’ve over done it a bit, so some down time was needed.

Ooh I have finally got my appointment through for my new specialist in Poole hospital…BUT its not until August which means 6 months without seeing anyone and I’m usually seen every 2-3 months, so in the week I am going to see if it can be brought forward and I’ll explain about my worsening pain in my legs and lower back and hopefully they can because I don’t want to spend all summer in pain, I want to be able to enjoy whatever little sun we get this year.

I’ve also had a letter from my housing association saying that they have been advised that I have a dog living at my address… Um yeah lol, I have permission for Foxy girl but the housing association have merged and are now under a different name and in fact I still have the letter I wrote them expressing why a dog would be good for my mental health as that’s what they asked me to do and I got a letter saying yes I have permission. So I’m going to dig out that letter as proof. I don’t have permission for Scrappy but he was sort of an impulse buy lol but I definitely wouldn’t be without either of them now. So I am going to contact my GP and my psych if they would do me a letter to prove that keeping them is helping with my mental health and that re-homing them would be detrimental to my mental health, I mean that’s just the truth. I love my babies and would be totally lost without them, I’m classed as a vulnerable adult so really they haven’t got a leg to stand on. So yeah this boy will not go down without a good fight! Especially when my babies are involved.

Lots of boring grown up stuff to sort out… *yawn* But it’s gotta be done sadly. Just looked at my calender and this week isn’t that busy but the week after is. Life right now is good and I am feeling pretty good, I am SO proud of myself. I was so nervous about being off/on a lower dose of quetiapine, I thought it would be so hard, it has at the start but now its all good. I didn’t think this day would come, I’m only on a lowered dose because of not being able to sleep without it, but again I now don’t think it’s bipolar, I am 90% sure its ADHD…but where to go with that now is the tricky part as in the UK some Dr’s don’t believe that it is an adult illness. But I believe that having the right diagnosis is so important for getting the proper treatment, like right now I don’t feel like I need to be with the mental health team any more. I’m 22 months self harm free, I’ve had no real manic or depressive episode, its not been perfect but it’s been much much better the last few years then it’s ever has been and even better since I’ve come out as trans* I’m going to discuss this all at my next appointment with my p-doc, which is in a few weeks I think.

That’s all from me today 🙂

Peace out


Making the most of each day

I had a very late night and didn’t get to bed till about nearly 4 am lol. I did have a good sleep though, woke up for a bit to eat breakfast and then went back to sleep till 1 pm. Ahhh it was a good sleep 🙂

Cleaned up a bit, did a load of washing. When I’m feeling good it’s much easier to keep on top of. I got showered and dressed, had lunch and quickly took pups out to pee.

My bro picked me up and we took Leo to a park for 15 mins to kill some time before he picked up his gf and dropped me at the cinema, so that was really nice.

I met up with L and her bro J and we saw Insidious 3 and OMG it was soooo amazing, such a great film!!! This whole trilogy has just been so good 🙂 LOVE IT!

We saw the film at 4:30 so I got home just after 7 pm to my very happy puppies. As it was still nice I decided to take them out again for the walk we did yesterday.

I got some great pictures again, we saw loads of washed up jellyfish. Scrappy had fun swimming about and foxy was watching him. Love taking them out talking to other dog walkers and stuff 🙂

Some pictures from today

I’m glad that my mood is good right now, I love these times where I feel good and go out and make the most of each day despite my painful joints. My life is blessed ❤

Peace out


Granulomatosis polyangiitis worries

I haven’t posted again for a while but I’ve been really busy so when it comes to sit and write, I just want to go to sleep. I am really tired this evening, but I can sleep in tomorrow.

Monday would have been my dads 55th birthday, so I did take a moment to think about all the good times with him. I spent all day sleeping, I needed to catch up. I did go out to the trans* group social in the evening, just to get out for a bit. That was nice 🙂

Tuesday was so busy, I saw the hand therapist in the morning because my knuckle was/is popping out of the joint when I move it, so she referred me to the hand surgeon as she wasn’t sure what the issue is. I then had two hours to wrap birthday presents for Harvey and chill before heading out to see Jackie to do my DBS form for my volunteer work and that went well and hopefully we filled it out properly so it won’t take too long to come back. I met L and the boys after and gave Harvey his presents which he liked…well I think its hard to tell with him lol. I took them to town to the 6D cinema and burger king 🙂 which was nice and we had so much fun. C text me to see if I was up for coming over and as I was in the area I popped over for a bit, so that was nice to see her.

Wednesday, L and boo came over after the school run and my bro came over with Leo and that was really nice. My bro dropped me up to the hospital for my appointment and that went well, he said I’ve over stretched the tendon and apparently because I am hyper mobile all my other knuckles do the same pop out, its just where the tendon is sore I can feel it more if that makes sense, but hopefully it will heal ok, I’ve got 2 more weeks of the splints. I met L in town for a little before she had to go get the boy from school and I had to go get a clothes airer as the legs fell off mine and wouldn’t stand up lol! I was so tired when I got in I napped for 2 hours… :/ and woke up at 7 pm, I just couldn’t stay awake any longer, I just snuggled up with the pups and I was out and I was back into bed just gone midnight.

Today again has been really busy, I had a chilled morning. My friend sent me a box of treats for the dogs and Marley and a few bits for me too 😀 they got loads of toys and treats, she’s way too kind to us bless her. But it did make my day and make me smile lots. My bro and Leo popped over 🙂 to hang out while I got myself ready an took the pups out for a run. We went to Asda to have a look and pick up a few bits and bobs that he needed, he then dropped me to group. We were a bit early so we sat in the car for a bit and chatted to kill a bit of time.

Group today was good, well for the most part. I struggle to listen when people are checking in especially if they don’t put the story in a nut shell and have to tell you every little detail of everything.. I’m trying to listen and tolerate it and be kind etc but when you have limited time and sometimes not everyone that needs it gets the times they need but others do, its difficult. I suppose I feel bad if someone gets left out by accident or doesn’t get out what they need to say, or doesn’t get the support they need because others are taking up the time. But I know this is something that is difficult to get a good system in place. I also try not to show the boredom on my face too because I know sometimes that I can look visibly bored, I try to be mindful and to stay in the room and just be respectful but it’s difficult.

After group I met up with JJ for a few hours, which was really cool. He was just down for 2 days, so just a flying visit. I took him to the 6D cinema, we just chilled and chatted and stuff, so yeah it was good to see him 🙂

I got home to two very happy puppies and a happy kitty, it was really nice out still so I decided to take the pups for a walk. I did sit down for a bit and relax, took my pain meds and got the pups stuff ready and we headed out for about just over and hour I think. It was so nice out there and we came across a fair few jellyfish that had washed up, scrappy doodle was in and out of the water swimming away and foxy was just following me about. We chatted to some lovely people and the pups played with other pups, I just love being out by the sea with my babies. I could just stay out there forever.

When we got in we all just flopped onto the sofa and non of us have moved since lol! Pups are fast asleep and have been since we got home, I felt like just going to sleep too. But I’ve been catching up on emails and stuff on the laptop. I’ll be off to bed after this is posted though.

I downloaded a white noise app the other day to help me sleep and it’s been really good. It’s helped me get to sleep much quicker and stay asleep longer and it’s better then falling asleep with the tv on. Its called white noise free on android and you can download different sounds for free too. My favourite is called sleep fan, I also like beach and water sounds. I’ve been trying different ones out to see which helps the best but so far the sleep fan is the best, there’s still loads to try 🙂

Even though I’ve been keeping myself busy and just getting out and trying to do as much as I can, I’ve been pushing through and ignoring my joint pain and the urge to just sleep all the time. The pain from my lower back and hips downwards for the last few months has begun to be unbearable, sometimes just walking across the road to take the dogs out just tires me right out and causes so much pain. The tramadol is no longer even taking the edge off, I ache and hurt all day every day and I am just exhausted all the time, like I just want to sleep and at least one day in the last few weeks all I have done is catch up on sleep for the entire day. I’m really worried that things are going down hill and that maybe I’m going to need extra assistance..and I can’t even write it down because if I think it then it may become true. I am still waiting to see the new specialist so I am in a bit of a limbo as to whether do I wait or do I see my gp, I just know I can’t keep going on like this, small tasks seem HUGE but while I can I really want to make the most of things. I’m worried I’ll lose my independence… So yeah things are rough with my health and I don’t really know what to do and I don’t really feel supported with it.

Wow it’s late now, so I’ll wrap up. I still need to take the pups for a wee before we can all go to bed. Both are still snoozing, scrappy is snoring away and foxy is dreaming 🙂 ❤

Peace out


Lil catch up, 2 fractured fingers

Ow everything hurts right now, stupid joints and I can’t take any more pain killers for an hour.

Thursday was busy, L and Boo didn’t get up till nearly 11 am. I was just chilling with Harvey watching tv. She went out and got Harvey’s brand new lil puppy for his birthday surprise, it was so sweet he nearly cried bless him. Lil Arnie the pup is well cute, just a lil ball of fluff, he’s just over 8 weeks old and my two were a bit scared of him lol. I’m sure they will be best friends when he starts to get a little bigger.

I took Boo up to the hospital with me to give L and Harvey some chill time. I had my bloods done and then went to see the hand lady an yup I’ve broken my ring finger too… DO’H! So they both have splints on for the next 3 freaking weeks. It’s really difficult to do anything because I’m left handed but I shall work my way around it all.

We all had dinner together because I did gammon in the slow cooker this morning, so I sorted that all out for us 🙂 it was so nice. But I was sat on the floor and had 2 dogs staring at me an a lil puppy trying to get on my plate lol!

I read Boo a book before bed time and I made sure Harvey went to bed a lil earlier so we could have some peace and quiet.

We had a nice chilled evening, I’m not sure what time I finally managed to sleep but I think it was late.

Fri – Everyone was up a bit earlier today, I had been up since about 6 am and I was so tired. By about half 9 am I went to bed for 2 hours, I was just so exhausted and achy I really needed it.

L and Harvey helped to clean up the flat a bit before they got ready to go home, I would have gone too and helped to settle the pup in but I had an app at 4 pm with my GP.

I cleaned up the rest of the flat, had a shower and got dressed, took the pups for a wee and headed out to my docs app.

My docs app was good, he weighed my, measured me, measured my waist asked me lots of questions about me and family medical history. I gave him the details of the guy who runs the trans group I attend so if he has any questions about the form he’s filling in then R can help him.

I was exhausted when I got in, everything from head to toe hurt so so much 😥 so I had a nap for a few hours, it was much needed.

I did nip to the shop to get a few bits and bobs, at 9 pm I took the pups out and I was out for about 45 mins with them. I went straight to bed when I got in I felt so awful, but it took ages to get some sleep, well it felt like ages but I’m not sure it was lol.

Today has been a very bad pain day 😦 all day and still now I’ve been in so much pain. So I decided to stay in all day and man it was a bit boring. I couldn’t settle on any one thing, I was up an down and all over the place because I was in so much pain.

This evening I did finally sit down to play Lego Batman 3 for 3 hours and I’ve relaxed this evening, everything still really hurts.

I’ve been trying to move my fingers a bit tonight but they are so sore and so painful but I’ll keep trying every day like I’m meant too.

Gone midnight now, I’m heading to bed after I post this.

My fractured fingers

Peace out


Maybe a broken knuckle…DO’H

So I was so tired yesterday when I finally got in, I just went straight to bed.

Yesterday was funny, I met up with everyone from the Mindout group for a social, we sat down at the beach and then went for a walk and a few of us went on a big bouncy castle thing lol, it was so funny 🙂 and I got a friction burn on my elbow because I was trying to be super careful of my my finger. It was bloody tiring though jeez only lasted about 4 mins haha.

After the social I just had time to get home brush my teeth and pop up to the dentist to have my filling done and I was a really brave boy and didn’t make a fuss. I hate the feeling after when half my face felt all weird and my nose was so numb it felt like I couldn’t breathe and it took AGES to wear off too like 4 hours.

On my way home I popped in to see my friend at the shop to see her new baby. But I ended up staying there till 9 pm, I fed him twice, burped him and had lots of cuddles 🙂 he’s beautiful so tiny with loads of hair still. They’re all doing really well, it’s so sweet to see, so pleased for them. I’m going to get him a batman sleep suit or something hehe.

After I took the pups out and we bumped into their friend Loki so I ended up chatting for an hour, so when I got in I was so tired and we went straight to bed and just chilled out for a bit.

Again this morning I was up at half 7 am, so I had breakfast and cracked on with cleaning the flat and taking the dogs for a wee.

My bro dropped over Leo while he went out an did a few bits. I was trying to feed Leo but he wasn’t having any of it lol. When my bro came back we put Leo in my little paddling pool that I’d put up for when Albert and Harvey came round and I’d filled it with hot water so it would stay warm. Leo loved the pool splashing about lol, so sweet 🙂

L and the boys came round and she got me some lunch. L had cuddles with Leo 🙂 My bro left to take Leo to see some friends of the family.

We all chilled out this afternoon, the boys were in and out of the pool, Albert more then Harvey.

I think my knuckle on my ring finger is broken as it’s mega swollen and bruised, it looks just like the little finger just on the knuckle… I see the hand therapist tomorrow so I’ll get her to look at my x-rays again. I can’t move either of them :/ It doesn’t look good lol.

Late afternoon we took the pups across the road so them and the boys could have a run about and some fresh air.

I made pizza with Harvey for dinner just on pita bread he had fun bless him and he ate it all.

Boo had a bath and put him to bed first because he was getting grumpy. Harvey stayed up a bit later.

L and I watched a film…well started too until her meds kicked in an she needed to go to bed lol.

I’ve just been sat here chilling, but I’m off to bed after this.

I’m not going to group tomorrow as I’ve got the hospital, I need my bloods done and my appointment for my finger…joys! lol.

Over all I’m still doing really well 🙂 and my health isn’t doing too bad… apart from the bones breaking lol!

Peace out


Dog show and another fractured finger

I keep waking up really early every morning around 5-6 am, it’s so annoying. But I managed to get back to sleep until gone 9 am I think this morning.

This afternoon I took the pups to their dog show and I met up with L and the boys. They only did one category each, foxy was in fancy dress and scrappy was in the puppy pedigree. Neither won anything but it was a really good afternoon with all the cute dogs everywhere.

After the dog show we went down to the park so the pups and the boys could have a run about. I had a race with Harvey and I tripped over scrappy and landed on my hand, I bent 3 fingers right back and man it was SO painful and they all swelled right up…DO’H. I didn’t think I’d done anything right at that moment but it wasn’t long till I knew I’d fractured it again.

I took the pups home, peed and had something to eat and went up to the hospital and I wasn’t waiting about long which was good. And its exactly the same fracture as last time just the other hand lol. So it’s strapped up and I have to see the hand therapist again.

Just been chilling this evening, I’m so tired now but it’s been a really good day. My fingers are so painful!

Off to bed soon, just got to do my med box up for the week.


Peace out


Super Sunday

Ah it’s been a good Sunday, I woke up early but I had some breakfast and went back to bed until midday lol.

I felt all the walking we did yesterday, my leg muscles were so sore. I think it was walking over all the rocks and stones that did it.

Even though I woke up at midday I did manage to make the most of my day.

I had to nip to the shop as I needed more apple juice and a few other bits to get my through the week. I had myself some lunch, watched a bit of tv and played on my tab.

Got myself and the pups ready to go out and we headed out over the bridge to Hamworthy park. I don’t think I’ve taken Scrappy over there before, well at least I can’t remember. He went really weird walking over the bridge lol, I think it was because it made a noise at he was walking, he could hear his footsteps. He walked really slowly and close to the floor, it was so funny to watch.

We had fun at the park and spent about and hour there just walking about. I found a jellyfish that had washed up but it was still blue which meant it was alive so I used my foot to push it back in, the sea kept bringing it back it. But I hope it went back safely.

I had a nice time walking with the pups and talking to other dog owners, I love being out by the sea so so much ❤

Think we got back at just after 5 pm and I sat down for a little bit. But I still wasn’t ready to just sit down, so I put on some music and did some cleaning, put some laundry on, gave foxy a wash because she was a bit stinky, had dinner and sat down to sort out all my bills and stuff on my calender.

Feels good to have had such a productive day and that I have things sorted out and I know what bills are coming out and when etc. I feel a bit more in control of my life at the moment and that’s a good feeling to have.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow, the pups are going into a dog show. Not a serious dog show, just something for fun and I’m really looking forward to it. Should be a good laugh 🙂 and I’m sure the pups will have fun too.

I better get us all to bed soon so we are all fresh and ready for tomorrow afternoon.

Peace out


Happy, peaceful boy

I am currently watching the Eurovision song contest, they are just reading out the points 🙂 A pretty good end to a really awesome day. I’m so tired and the pups have been asleep pretty much since the moment we got in the flopped onto the sofa lol.

Woke up early again this morning, had some breakfast and watched tv. My bro text me and we sorted out going out for the day, so I got myself and the pups ready so we could go meet them.

We headed out to Lyme Regis and to a beach where the dogs are allowed on the play. It’s such a nice beach, not a sandy though but I like looking at all the stones and rocks. Lil Leo put his lil feet in the sea for a dip 🙂 as did me and my bro and scrappy went for a swim. I loved just sitting listening to the sea, watching the pups play, looking at the rocks, ah just to be a peace with everything, nothing else mattered while I was sat by the water. I could have stayed there forever.

We had a drive into Charmouth and sat in the car while the pups ran about in the car park…well it was a big field with loads of space. Me and my bro went for a lil wander had a look at the beach and some shops. It’s such a beautiful place 🙂

Sadly like all good things we did have to head back home, not before we went around in a big circle going down all the small roads just for a look. Got home about 6:30 pm and I just flopped on the sofa with the pups, man we are so tired now. But it’s been a really great day, I’m so blessed to have and amazing brother ❤ sister in law and nephews ❤

Just been relaxing this evening, watching tv, catching up online. I did have some dinner tonight and some mango after which was nice. I gave scrappy a bath as he was covered in sand and stuff! now he’s all fluffy and smells lovely hehe, bless my lil man. Him and foxy are currently all snuggled up together, it’s so so sweet.

After the Eurovision results I will be heading to bed with my beautiful fur babies.

I’m feeling so good, so tired but really happy and peaceful ❤ may it continue ❤

Some pictures from today

Peace out


Another small step

Woohoo! 🙂 Had some fab news today, so I’m feeling pretty good.

I had a bit of a slow start this morning and woke up at 10 am and considering I spent most of yesterday asleep I was surprised I woke up at that time, but I suppose I needed it.

I eventually got my butt out and went and got my haircut and now I’m looking like a real smart boy 🙂

Got in, cleaned up a bit, had a shower. Chilled out a bit and had some lunch, caught up with online stuff.

I had a phone call from my GP and well the short story is that he’s booked me in to see him next week as he needs to do a full health check on me and I need a bunch of blood tests done before he can send my form off to the gender clinic 🙂 so EEEEEK! so exciting! It’s another little step closer to where I want to be.

Because I’d spent all yesterday sleeping I felt bad for the pups so I took them out for a nice walk so they could let off some energy. Scrappy went for a swim and just generally being all crazy lol! Racing about like a crazy thing and foxy was flirting with other dogs lol. It was just really nice to be out enjoying the dogs and just being out.

Got home and chilled out for a bit and I felt like going to sleep lol, I think it was all the fresh sea air, the pups were tired too and flopped onto the sofa with me for a little bit. Had some dinner and got me and the pups ready to go out to go over to my brother’s place for the evening.

Had a good evening with my bro, his GF K and lil Leo. We played some good old 80’s games lol! connect 4, guess who and a pac man board game…which was pretty boring haha but it was funny. It was just a good evening 🙂

I did my metoject injection in the top of my thigh this evening and now I’ve lost weight it’s so much easier to pinch my skin to inject into. Still freaking hurts though lol!

Oooh so my friend has taken her cat and kittens to the vets and the one that I am having is definitely a girl 🙂 YAY! I’m so excited to get her! woohoo!

No solid plans tomorrow as of yet, I may see my bro and hang out or something. Whatever happens I’m going to try and make the most of it 🙂

New haircut, I’m a handsome boy 😉 lol

Peace out