Not even sure where my head is at right now, I don’t know where to start or what even was right about today! Ok maybe it wasn’t THAT bad but my buttons were pushed today and I did get mega angry and stressed. I am a lot calmer this evening I am worried that tomorrow will be a repeat of today but I shall explain that in a bit.
I was thinking today about Tuesday when I suddenly came over feeling rather ill and it dawned on me that it wasn’t a bug because it was so short lived and a bug would have at least lasted 24 hours. I only had a bad stomach for a few hours and it was the classic symptoms of a reaction to my methotrexate! I haven’t been ill with it for a while so it didn’t click straight away. I’m glad it wasn’t a bug though.
I couldn’t sleep last night, which again is frustrating. I must have woke up at least 4 times and I was finally up by 7 am. I had something to eat, drink, showered and dressed and just straightened up the flat a bit. Took the pups out for a run for half an hour before I headed up to the doctors..
Now the trip to the doctors was a complete waste of time, the chemist had picked up my prescription for my new sharps box. I knew that once I got to the chemist that they would not have the right box as the box I need they do not stock. So the anger and frustration rises. I dropped my full sharps box and the doctors and headed back into town to the chemist.
Got to the chemist and not to my surprise at all they had the wrong size sharps box! Right colour but it was small and it only fits a few of my pens in it and that is at a push. Anger rises while talking to the chemist! I said in future that they are NOT to pick up and prescription for my sharps boxes because they do not stock the right ones and if the receptionists do not write the right prescription I can sort it out there and then at the doctors.
I then had to ring the doctors up and try and explain the situation without totally losing my shit! Which I did but I was so fucking angry and frustrated with them that I just couldn’t hold back the tears, I was that angry I cried! and I’ve not been that angry in a long time. She said she’d sort something out and to ring her back later, at that point in time there was NO FUCKING WAY! I was speaking to any of them again today!
I just sat on the sofa shaking, trying to choke back the tears as it wasn’t long till I was leaving for group and I did not want red eyes. I ended up just sucking my thumb to calm myself down, I totally zoned out just to briefly escape those intense feelings and to let it die down a bit before dealing with it again. I used my DBT skills in a very skilful way to get my feet back on the ground after being on the ceiling and it was really effective.
I composed myself and got myself ready to go to group. On the bus trip there the events of the morning kept going over in my head but I just tried to concentrate on listening to my music and looking out of the window.
Group was good, well the teaching part we were talking about grief. We looked at Worden’s 4 tasks of grief and it was really interesting, sadly we didn’t get through it all but I still have the handout that I might finish reading at some point. Some of the group dynamic stresses me out though and I did text M right after group saying that if she was talking to a certain person because another person had complained then I wanted the chance to have my say on the situation but if I was way off then to ignore me. She didn’t or hasn’t replied just yet but I feel some tensions in the group and it’s hard to find it enjoyable when there are such tensions present and as usual it it involves the same circle of people…so I left group just as stressed as when I went. Which sucks but it’s not going to be perfect when you have a group of people with mental health issues and or learning disabilities.
I was quite glad to get home to my happy pups and my kitty cats 🙂 they are always happy and stress free. I took the pups across the road for half an hour to run about and play.
I had calmed down enough to ring the doctors back up and sort out another prescription to pick up tomorrow. I then had to go down to the chemist to stress to them NOT TO PICK UP THE PRESCRIPTION FOR MY SHARPS BOX! or I may just fucking explode! So fingers crossed for tomorrow and everyone does what they are meant to do and I should be coming home stress free with the RIGHT! sharps box.
Had myself some dinner, just did some little potatoes, beans and cheese 🙂 filled a lil hole.
Spent the rest of this evening chilling, watching some films and taking hours to write this whole story out lol!
I am feeling very tired and my legs are really achy again today but I’m not as angry as I was this morning, just apprehensive about getting my sharps box sorted tomorrow but now use me stressing now because I now cannot control what happens tomorrow.
Going to take the pups out in a min and then get to bed. No solid plans for tomorrow but I could really just use a day to chill. But we shall see.
Peace out
Batman
tankman85 