Once again I’ve just been staring blankly at the computer screen because I have no idea where to start and I’m not even sure how I feel or what’s really going on. All I know is that I just have to get through it. Whatever it is…
So yeah last night didn’t end in the best way possible. Well it depends how you look at it. I ended up cutting… a few times, only small nothing major at all. But after 2 years of being abstinent from it but hey it’s my reward for doing so well lol! Urgh I don’t know, I’m in a state of total disassociation right now. It’s because I have to in order to get through. I’ve just gone into survival mode.
I did my morning stuff… to get ready for group. I don’t really remember much, I just went into auto pilot.
Got to group, I was anxious as fuck! I’m not sure where that came from either. I was so fidgety and really restless and I struggled to concentrate. A few times I nearly walked out because I felt uncomfortable. But in the break and I spoke to M about what I did, which was difficult. She was really nice though and really understanding and it did help settle my anxiety.
Got home just before 5pm. Didn’t really know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to eat dinner, so I cooked up the chicken breast that I needed to eat, so it didn’t go to waste and I gave it to my fur babies. I just had a jam sandwich and pain killers.
Took the pups for a walk because they needed it. Both pups were filthy when we got in, so I washed them both and I had a shower too. I’ve been sat in my pjs since.
It’s taken me so fucking long to write this because my brain doesn’t work. And I don’t even know how I feel or even what’s really going on tbh.
Urgh…
Batman
tankman85 