Update on working on myself as a whole

I thought I would do an update on last weeks blog about looking after myself as a whole, rather then just focusing on my mental health.

Last week I focused on moving more and eating better and it was pretty successful, I made a conscious effort to eat more fruit and veggies and different meals, which I do totally feel better for and this week I will continue to eat a more of a balanced diet than I was previously doing. I’m enjoying cooking for myself again, which is something I do really enjoy doing.

I’ve also been using my mini stepper everyday and again I feel better for it. Even though some days it feels like such a drag, I forced myself to get up and move and have definitely noticed a bit of a change in myself. I feel energised after and my brain feels a bit more awake too.

I up my mycophenolate tonight, so I have some tasty meals that I’ve prepped in the freezer just in case I feel sick and exhausted and also I have the covid vaccine on Wednesday so I want to make sure I’m 100% prepared with quick and easy meals and snacks for the next week or so, as its one less thing to worry about if I do feel a bit rough after the vaccine and adjusting my meds a bit.

But I’m going to continue to try and look after myself in a more rounded way but I know this week maybe a bit trickier and that’s ok. I’m not making huge changes and I don’t make myself guilty if I’m not doing what I set out to do. I’m just trying my best and that’s absolutely good enough.

Most days last week I struggled to get up before 11am and some days I didn’t get dressed until late afternoon as I was just resting and my brain was just totally switched off as being in lockdown we are all dealing with something that is having a huge impact on mental health, which is a pretty traumatic event and sometimes your brain just needs a break and switches off and that’s totally fine too. Plus it was so grey and rainy last week I just had zero motivation to get up early because there was nothing really I needed to be up for, I’m not doing anything or going anywhere to getting dressed at 4pm is totally fine.

I’m just rolling with what is good for me, but my mind, body and soul, not just my mind. Overall I am definitely feeling better then I was, although I am feeling super exhausted but that’s not unusual for me lol!

Peace out

Zak

Inner monologue

I wrote this early hours of this morning and thought I’d share the sort of stuff that runs through my brain.

Inner monologue

Body needs to rest but my brain needs that’s physical stimulation which is maybe where/when/why I get so agitated and frustrated as I’m not physically working moving enough and my brain needs that stimulation/sensation in order to be able to focus and function better

But obviously having a chronic illness rest time is hugely important and essential to keep my body well.

My brain is also easily overstimulated which can either leave me feeling drained and overwhelmed or hyper and unable to sleep or settle down.

It’s been such a great journey learning more about myself and how my brain is working and connecting those dots.

Pretty much everything I write isn’t based in science, just my own personal experience, discovery and exploration of myself and how I work and function, which is fascinating.

I’m heading towards 35 and I’m finally figuring myself out, in a way I’ve never really looked at before.

When I have counselling before it’s was always based around dealing with the situations I was currently dealing with like self harm and depression. I never really delved into my past and never really spoke about the why, why I am the I am, what’s making me tick.

This round of counselling, I mean yeah I was struggling big time with anxiety and depression. But I feel like I’ve been way more open with my current counsellor, I’ve delved deeper than just surface stuff and I’ve been given the space and opportunity to look at things completely differently and it’s been super fascinating and now when I’ll just get random thoughts much like how this post started from a light bulb moment I suppose and I’ve just been writing and writing and a lot of my scribbles don’t make it into a blog but I’ve got so many notes all over the place I will type them up and turn them into some kind of order as I think it’s such an important part of the process and journey of rediscovering who I am outside of friendships and relationships and outside of my transition.

I don’t think I’ve ever really known who I am and where I fit. But I’m slowly learning and discovering more about myself and it’s exciting.

I’m starting to like me and who I am, what I represent and what I can contribute to this life.

I’ve always felt like a lost soul, just kinda floating around, not really fitting in or not even really needed.

I’m started to feel more grounded in my body, in my mind and in my soul, the essence of who I am and why I’m here. Feels super weird but also pretty cool.

My sessions end this month and I’m feeling pretty confident that I can continue this journey myself. Just gotta keep writing out all these thoughts in my head and continue to listen to myself and the different aspects that make up me and make sure all needs are met where possible so I can continue to be the best version of me.

I did write another note of stuff I was thinking about last night but I will post that separately as its pretty long.

Also reading this back I have little recollection of writing this, I knew I wrote it but I was so in the moment and everything was just flowing, which I think the real me is able to come into power and be at my most raw and vulnerable.

Peace out

Zak

Rested and Centred boy

Well this Sunday has been pretty perfect and I really enjoyed some quality me time and quality time with my fur babies 🙂 it was much needed. I’m slowly recovering from the summer activities, which don’t get me wrong was amazing and so much fun. But my poor lil body and mind over did it and now I need to spend time repairing that.

So despite sleeping most of yesterday, I slept really well last night and didn’t wake up until 10 am. I’m so pleased all my work has paid off and my sleep is back into a much better routine now, makes life a bit easier when I can at least sleep well.

I had my breakfast and chilled out for a bit, but bitch jobs had to be done… (this is why I need a wife 😉 lol) But I felt better for having a clean flat.

Got myself all nice and clean too, took the rubbish out and went to the shop to get myself something for dinner and OH some Lego a little bit accidentally fell in with the shopping..:D

I took the pups across the road for half an hour for a run, came home and had some lunch, put my new Lego together and did some colouring in, my lil bird is coming together nicely 🙂

I watched a good 80’s classic film Ghostbusters 🙂 and I cooked myself some dinner, I had a nice chicken breast, baby sweetcorn on the cob, roast potatoes and onion gravy, it was so so nice and treated all the fur babies to a bit of chicken each, which they definitely enjoyed as it was gone in seconds lol.

Decided to take the pups for a longer walk as it was a nice evening, kinda didn’t want to waste it 🙂 I ended up bumping into a friend who walked with us, which was really nice to catch up.

We got home and snuggled up on the sofa and non of us have moved since and lil miss Harley has joined us, although she’s been trying to get on my lap but right now she can’t as I’m on the laptop, so she’s finally settled beside me 🙂 ah they are all just so freaking cute!

Ahh I feel, tired because of the walk but my mind feels rested and in a good place. I like the me when I feel in a good place and when I just have time to be me, without thinking about anything or anyone other then myself and my fur babies, yes that sounds selfish but in life it’s ok to be a little bit selfish every now and again. I feel totally centred and just ah I feel good 🙂

I’ll be doing pretty much the same tomorrow too, apart from I have a my trans group social in the evening 🙂

Peace out

Batman

Gender dysphoria

I’ve been quite irritable and angry recently without real cause to be feeling that way. That is a warning sign for me but I’ve been thinking that this could be put down to gender dysphoria.

Like I am DONE with it being warm and having to wear vest tops and shorts. I cannot wait to be back in jeans so I don’t have to shave my legs and back to wearing hoodies so my man boobs are less obvious. I get like this about this time of year every year, I am now thinking that this isn’t because I like the winter because I like the cold, I much prefer the sun. Its because I can cover up and feel more confident in myself and look more like a guy.

So the recent anger and irritability can be put down to gender dysphoria and not being happy with my body, so wanting to cover it up…

Does this make sense to anyone?

Peace out

Batman

Busy, happy boy :)

Wow the last 2 days have been so busy but they’ve been really good! My mood has picked up as has my motivation and over all I just feel a bit better 🙂

Yesterday I had my meeting for the voluntary job in which I was given a ton of paper work…. and I have got another appointment to do my DBS form, I asked her to fill it on for me other wise it will take me hours lol. But I am glad to have a new voluntary job, I feel important and have some sort of focus and purpose now.

I spent the afternoon with a friend, we had lunch and just hung out and chatted about stuff which was nice and she’s coming to stay with me this weekend, so looking forward to that.

I didn’t get home till about 7pm-ish, I had something to eat and drink and then I took the pups out down to the quay for a walk as it was biker night. Every Tues night bikers meet up on the quay. Foxy barks at the bikes lol its so funny, scrappy wasn’t even phased even though he’d never been to biker night before. We ended up being out for hours and we walked loads but it was really nice and I got some great pictures. Although it was really painful on my joints and I did sit down a few times it was so worth it, both the dogs and I needed it.

We got home at 9:30 pm and watched some TV for a bit, I was in bed by 10:30 pm just relaxing and it didn’t take long before we were all asleep.

For some reason I was up early again… But I did manage to get back to sleep for an hour or so. I just spent half the day messing about with the dogs, watching tv, I think I did have a nap, watching stuff on YouTube..

Eventually I got my butt up and started cleaning up the flat and I decided that the fridge and freezer needed sorting out and ended up defrosting the freezer, which took AGES! but it was fun chipping off the ice and making a mess lol. I did my usual bits, laundry, dishes etc.

I was chatting to some friends too through text and that, which was cool. One friend I’d not heard from a while text me I think yesterday, so that opened up the dialogue 🙂 Even though I haven’t actually seen anyone today, I haven’t been entirely isolated because people have been talking to me. This last week I have been less isolated, which has helped to pick up my mood.

After cleaning up, I had a shower and got dressed. After sorting through my food…well there wasn’t much in there lol and I’m going to start eating better, so I sat and did a shopping list and went to get it all. I put it all away and gave all the animals a treat.

Everything was aching so I sat down for a bit and just watched some tv. For dinner I made myself a ham and veg risotto, something I’ve not made in a long time but it was so yummy and got LOADS left over for another dinner. I’m going to try and eat a little better but I’m not going to stress to much over it….well that’s the plan lol! As a kid growing up at dinner time you sat down to eat a meal and I think now I still try and do that even though my appetite is totally different as an adult then when I was a kid. Now I graze and eat little and often and I don’t like to eat big meals and I need to get that into my head, that it’s ok to have a small meal or just whatever. I no longer need to eat a proper meal like I did as a kid. I’m hoping this will cause me less stress around food and eating.

I had a stack of paper work just making a mess everywhere and it really needed sorting through. I finally got round to it tonight! Woohoo lol, it’s taken me ages to do. But now I’m motivated what better time, so now it’s all done and some bits thrown away, some bits put away and a few bits filled out and ready to post tomorrow.

And then I came online. I wasn’t going to write much because I need to go to bed but I started to type and it all came tumbling out lol. Man I feel so good, this week has been great so far. My mood and motivation is UP and with dealing with the cleaning, paper work etc has also contributed to me feeling good 🙂 I hope this continues.

The only thing I’m not liking at the moment is having dreams about being a genetic guy… but waking up and not being a genetic guy really sucks. I wish they would stop, well the dreams are cool but the waking up to reality isn’t. But whatever…stupid brain lol.

A few pictures

Peace out

Batman

Grumpy c**t *sorry*

It’s my trans group again tonight, which is why I am updating early. I may write again later, will see how I feel.

So yeah yesterday….my mood was incredibly low and I wasn’t particularly articulate, because of the low mood. And yeah my attitude to people who were being nice was horrible, but I don’t need people trying to fix it or be nice or whatever, I just need to be left to it.

I was in bed and asleep be 9:30 pm because I couldn’t cry any more and I just couldn’t deal any more.

Been up since 8:30 am, but haven’t napped. I had a good 11 hours sleep last night, but I think I definitely needed it.

Haven’t done anything today, apart from sit on my ass, get a shower, get dressed and take the rubbish out. I’ll take the pups out soon. Spent a while clearing stuff off my phone, as the memory was totally full.

I have an appointment in the morning to see the hand specialist and get my metal splint fitted. I’m going to ask questions about all my other issues I have with that hand and wrist and maybe they can help. Because I have a trapped nerve and I am prone to tendonitis as well.

I have also spoken to my GPA specialist, well his secretary and we had a lil chat. I told her about everything I’ve been going through recently. And she said she’ll pass the message on and see what he thinks. She shortly rang me back to say that I have an appointment at the end of March, but she said if she can get one that’s a bit sooner.

Oh man typing with a fractured finger is so painful! But I NEED to get everything out.

So the mood thing…birthday thing. GAH! My mood is a little better today, feeling less depressed but still a bit grumpy. I’m going down on my quetiapine today, from 150mgs to 100mgs. So this maybe have a small effect on my mood but its not the cause.

The birthday thing…I am pushing people away on purpose and I am big enough to admit that. It’s not something I am proud of but its my way of protecting myself. In the past my birthday’s haven’t been great. My last adult birthday when my dad threw me a party only a few people bothered coming, this devastated me. Since then I’ve not really been a fan on birthdays and since then its been down to me to sort it out. With everything I go through just for once I really want someone to take control and I don’t know make a fuss. I see other people going out and having a great time for their birthdays, yes past birthdays have been good, but I feel that if I hadn’t sorted something out, no one else would have. I just feel incredibly let down by everyone around me and YES I more then understand that people are busy have their own shit going on, but it doesn’t take 2 seconds to text and check I’m ok, seriously one single text would make all the difference to my mood. I know people care, but because I don’t feel like people haven’t shown it to me, through lack of contact or whatever. I feel alone, totally alone and isolated. I feel like not one single soul in the entire world gives a shit. When I am ok physically and mentally I bend over backwards to help all my friends, make sure they are ok, even if its just a text. There are certain people I think of every day and text on a regular basis just to check in and hoping they are ok. My expectations of my friends maybe are too high…..maybe I just need to try and be happy with what I have..

I am tired, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Every ounce of my being is fed up, I feel broken. I want a break, from fighting my mind and body, I want a break from just dealing with day to day adult life. Just even for a day. I need a break. But I can’t get one.

So whoever of my friends is reading this I do apologise for being a grumpy cunt. But I also hope you’ve taken in what I’ve actually said. It comes straight from the soul as does all my blogs..

Another birthday celebrated without my best friend…my daddy. Man I miss him so freaking much. I miss being able to call him up and bitch and moan about everything. I know he’d make the effort to come see me even though he lived far away. I knew my dad truly loved me. I miss him making me laugh to cheer me up. He’d do anything for me and he knew I was there just the same for him. I hope he is proud of me 😥 I miss him every second of every day. Sometimes I wish I was with him. But I know I have to live life for the both of us. He may have been my dad but he was my soul mate, we were so alike. He just understood and got me. No one else in the family I have that same bond with. I miss him so much.

Writing through tears again. But I gotta sort out pups, my pill box and dinner before I go out tonight. As I said I’m sorry for being a pain, but my soul is in pain.

Peace out

Batman

Fractured pinkie

Today has been interesting and I think I am rapid cycling right now. I woke up feeling pretty crappy, low and tired. This evening I fractured my little finger and my mood picked right up I mean wtf is that about :/ so yeah…here’s my day.

Even though I was off the laptop by 10:30 pm last night I still didn’t manage to get an early night and I wasn’t in bed until 12:30 am and I watched tv for a bit, so I didn’t settle down to sleep till 1 am.

But I slept ok-ish and woke up at 10 am, so I had a good 9 hours, although I woke up a few times last night because I got too hot. I don’t even have a winter duvet on, I don’t know what’s up with that right now.

Got up, watched tv, had something to eat and snuggled with the pups. Fatigue just took right over me, even though I had stuff to do, I needed to listen to my body and get some more sleep.

Woke up again because I’d got too hot, urgh and I still felt tired. It was midday and I said I’d go up and see my step dad. So got showered and dressed, nipped out with the pups and scrappy met his lil bf Ollie and they had fun chasing each other, so cute. Dropped my lil monkeys home and headed back out to go up the hospital.

Saw my step dad for a few hours, he’s glad to be on the ward because its a bit quieter at night up where he is, so he was able to get a bit more sleep. He’s not doing so good today, he had stomach pain and felt sick. Bless him but at least he’s in the right place, I just hope they can make him well enough to return home. Because I know how crappy it is to stay for long periods in hospital. His son was there today and he’d brought in my step dad’s laptop and some dvds so least he wont’ be bored, so he gave me my tab back. Me and my step bro left at the same time, so my step dad could sleep and I got my step bro to drop me into Bournemouth so I could go to this one shop to get a new ADSL lead, that saved the bus trip there.

Got to the shop and found what I needed BUT I couldn’t remember what both the ends looked like…gah so I picked up two of the same lead but one had a different end, because knowing my luck the one that I didn’t pick up would be the one I needed haha. I didn’t hang about in town for long because I was feeling so tired, so just went and jumped on the bus home.

I got home to another dog toy massacre! Fluff everywhere lol and scrappy had even pulled out the squeaker from the new toy that I’d only got him Tues lol, but he had fun so whatever 🙂 as long as its not my wires I don’t mind. They were so happy to see me, that picked my mood up a little bit, as all day I was just feeling..meh.

Took the pups across the road for a wee and a run.. They were having a good time. But then Miss foxy jumped off the wall and headed home….so I went after her as I didn’t want her getting run over! Jumped down the wall and grabbed her and put her back up and told her to go get scrappy. He was still having fun playing, so didn’t want to take him home just yet. I then put my hand on the wall to push myself back up and I heard a massive crack! and almost instantly my little finger swelled up..Man that really freaking hurt. But carried on walking the pups, trying to ignore the pain, but the swelling and pain was getting worse. Yeah I think I need it checked.

No way was I going straight up to the hospital, I was hungry and my phone needed charging a bit. So I put my phone on charge, gave the pups some treats and fussed the cat, she was meowing at me and following me around the kitchen lol. I did myself fish fingers and microwave chips, so something filling but fairly quick and downed with a can of energy drink. Sat for a moment, finger was still very swollen and very painful. I took some pain killers because I know at the hospital they would only give me crappy paracetamol and that just wouldn’t touch it. Got myself ready and headed up to a&e.

I got there at 6:30 pm and it was busy-ish, but its a Fri night and half term so I was quite ready to be in there half the night. It was really quick to see the triage nurse and I explained what I had done and all my health issues and she said that I definitely needed it checked out properly so she said I needed and x-ray. So had to wait again for half hour for my x-ray. Then another wait to see the doctor another half an hour and YEP! I fractured my little finger right under the joint. She said it’s from where I hyper extended it and bent it too far back. So she strapped up for now because that’s all they can do and have to make an appointment for next week to get a proper metal splint fitted. They gave me some bits to keep strapping my finger up, because its only a bit of tape and that will loose its stickiness in the water. I’m just grateful that I wasn’t in there all night.

Walked home, via Asda to order some more tramadol and metoject. I think that’s all I needed…I’ll soon find out Mon when I do my med box up. I treated myself to some toffee’s because well I deserved it haha.

Ah and home again to may happy puppies 🙂 just chilled out with them having snuggles, watching the tv. Played on my tab.

Eventually I got myself on to my laptop to write, its taken a long time tonight. It’s been difficult to concentrate, difficult to remember what’s been going on and my freaking hand hurts! But the good thing is that its only my little finger that’s been injured and I don’t use that finger or the one next to it to type, glad that hasn’t been a hinder. It’s still sore even though I’ve not actually used to it type, I just think its where my hand is moving.

My mood this evening is good, despite this fracture lol. I think my mood is a reflection of how crazy my life has been, everything has been up and down. I suppose that’s just how normal peoples emotions are, I’m just hyper vigilant as I am very aware that next week I will be on an even lower dose of the quetiapine and I just don’t want it to fuck up as I want so bad to try my best to be medication free. I’m doing ok and coping well I think, just hyper aware of the slightest change in mood. I jump on it and I’m like well why do I feel like this, why has this happened..just analyzing myself. I’m thinking this is good though and something that I learnt to do in DBT. I do wish though I could just take a break from everything and just be ok. Maybe I need to do a bit more mindfulness to recentre myself, get myself refocused and present. Maybe that will help a little with everything. I’ve certainly not missed this unsettled-ness that I felt ALL the time when I had BPD.

The weekend is here…don’t have any solid plans right now. But I have ideas of what I may do. I’ll probably go see my step dad, the flat needs tidying up, pups need a good walk, I need to take the lead back that I didn’t need…just odd bits really. Not going to rush myself though as I feel like that’s all I’ve done this week. I need a bit of calm and slowness.

Jeez this has taken hours lol! Hand is really aching now and my finger is looking a little purple. I really fancy some cheesy rolls though and I don’t have any in and I’m hungry. Mmm Asda is still open, so I may have to go see if they have what I want hehe.

Oh my metoject injections are going well, did that earlier this evening, hurt less tonight but that’s probably because my finger is sore.

Well that’s it for this boy. I gotta find food and get my ass to bed.

Peace out

Batman

Sunday beach walk and friend catch up

Happy Sunday 🙂

I got myself to bed just before midnight last night. I was so tired from all the fresh sea air, the pups were really tired as well bless them.

Woke up pretty early this morning, so much so even the dogs weren’t hopping about like they usually are when I wake up. In fact I had to wake scrappy up! I think it was about 7:30 am, I got up and peed, had some lucky charms and snuggled up on the sofa and the pups and I fell back to sleep until 11 am. I was pretty wide awake and ready to go go go!

Jumped into the shower, got dressed, got my stuff together and got the pups ready and we headed out to the beach again. I text me friend on the way to see if it was ok to pop over to hers after I’d taken the dogs for a run and she said yes 🙂 so that was cool.

I made sure I packed fresh water with my today. Scrappy couldn’t get down to the beach quick enough bless him, he knew where he was going as soon as he hopped off the bus. Foxy on the other hand needed a bit of encouragement lol. Didn’t play fetch with scrappy today, I wanted him to play with foxy and other dogs. When he plays fetch he is totally focused on his ball he misses out on everything else around him. But he was happy running around, he kept going into the waves on the shore to pick up stones lol, rescuing them from drowning! 😉 It was great fun walking up and down, it was quieter today. Much less people and dogs about, but that was nice.

We were out for about an hour again but my hips were starting to get really sore and painful, so headed back through the gardens to the bus.

My friend met me and the pups off the bus. She held the pups, while I nipped into the shop to get some lunch. And we walked back to her place. I gave the dogs some wet food I’d got them in the shop, as they were really hungry and gave them some water. Then I sat down and had my lunch. We sat and chatted and H had puppy cuddles 🙂 Stayed there for a few hours and it was really nice.

Headed home around half 4 pm and we got in at just gone 5 pm. Ah nice to be home 🙂

I had smoked haddock and chips for dinner, it was so lovely and cheap, so I might get that again. Quick and easy to cook as well, oh and healthy 🙂

Just been relaxing out this evening. The pups have spent most of it asleep, scrappy is now chasing his tail and biting his own back leg…he’s so crazy hehe.

10:20 pm and I think I’m going to get to bed soon 🙂

The plan for tomorrow is to take the pups up to the heath where I grew up, so they can go play in the woods. I have an idea of where I’m going to take them, so really excited about that. All being well with the weather and my body.. Fingers crossed everything will be in my favour so me and the pups can go explore the woods 🙂

Some pictures from today

Peace out

Batman

Bad pain day

Last night’s trans group was good 🙂 was nice to be around everyone and we had a good chat, so yeah awesome.

After group on the way home, I felt a bit faint. I felt like I hadn’t eaten all day, even though I had! I think my body is still getting used to the fact that I am not eating nearly as much as its used too. So it’s just having a lil freak out every now and then.

Got home to very happy puppies 🙂 love coming home to them so so much. They are so happy to see me. I snuggled up on the sofa with them having snuggles and I a little bit fell asleep for an hour lol. So I got myself and the pups ready to nip out for a quick walk and wee and it wasn’t actually as cold as I thought it might be. Got back and jumped into bed 🙂 first night on the 150mgs of quetiapine and I slept fine woohoo!

I slept for 8 and a half hours 🙂 Sweet. I woke up put on the idiot box on, had a sandwich and fell back to sleep until 11 am. Yeah its going to be one of those days, I hurt so much all over and I feel really run down… 😦

Today was pay day so I had stuff to do. Although I felt really crappy I set some goals of what I want to achieve, which was pay my rent, get electric, get a hair cut and do my food shopping.

I washed my hair so it was easier for it to cut. Got dressed and headed out.

Nipped into a shop and sorted out my rent and electric. Went into the barbers to see Darren who along with one other person I only like cutting my hair. Got the same style, swept over but had the back cut as short as the sides, rather then having that a bit longer. Ah feel so good! Although my legs are really sore.

Walked to the sweet shop as it’s on the way home and treated myself so some yummy sweets. Had a lil chat with everyone.

Came home to my beautiful babies, I got them ready and we went across the road for a run. We weren’t long though because I really didn’t feel well at all 😦 I feel so bad when I can’t be out with them for very long. I just couldn’t stand for much longer 😦

We came in and scrappy was racing about lol, gave them some treats. I had a nice hot shower and got into my pjs, I hurt too much to get properly dressed, needed something loose fitting and comfortable.

Ah all nice, fresh, comfy and warm. Snuggled up on the sofa, with crappy afternoon tv and my sweets. Pretty perfect, oh and I had my Pepsi and pain killers lol! I soon fell asleep for most of the afternoon.

Think I woke up about 5 pm, I didn’t jump up feeling better and start doing things. I just chilled out, had scrappy jumping all over me, excited that I was awake hehe. Foxy was still snoozing by my feet. Answered some messages I had and notifications etc, there was a few, like I’d been asleep all day lol.

Finally got myself up, sorted out my dinner and did the washing up. I was feeling a little bit better then I had felt earlier on today. I had one goal left to sort out – Food shopping…gah. I did a shopping list and I didn’t need that much. I threw some clothes on and went down to Asda and picked up a few bits, mainly meat. Because its for the slow cooker I need to actually see the size to make sure it will fit. Plus I like to make sure it looks ok as well. Pepsi was on offer £7 for 30 cans, so picked that up too. That will last me through the fortnight already got a box of 12 at home.

Put my shopping away and stripped off, I wrapped up warm to go out, thinking I need it…but I really didn’t lol. Did the rest of the food shopping online and treated myself to two boxes of lucky charms 🙂 one original and one chocolate flavour! YUM! Can’t wait. Shopping is being delivered between 9-10pm it was the only slot left for tomorrow, but its only a £1 charge so that’s ok.

Just spent this evening catching up on facebook and on Patientslikeme.

I had some girl on Plenty Of Fish dating site talking to me…yeah not the brightest spark… :/ But we are meeting for a coffee Fri morning, although I don’t really want too. Urgh I felt obliged, damn I am wayyyy too kind. I think I maybe ill that morning lol. Just from talking to her, looking through her facebook profile, she’s just not someone I’d even have as a friend. Yes that maybe a snap judgement, but I don’t want to waste time on people that isn’t going to go anywhere as I don’t even think this will lead to friendship. Tricky situation, I don’t know why I am still on this site, I’m not looking for anyone anyway, that just complicates my whole situation. If someone happened to come into my life by chance, I’d be happy with that. I’m not going out of my way to “find” the “one”

Half way through writing I’ve had to put my specs on, heads starting to hurt. I really should wear them EVERY TIME I AM ON THE LAPTOP! I forget all the time, I need to get into the habit.

Wow 11 pm already! Time flies when you are tapping away…and looking at other things and rewriting words because you’ve put the letters in the wrong order lol! I think that’s because I type so fast as I am trying to keep up with my brain.

After this I am going to take some pain killers and chill with the puppies.

The plan for tomorrow is well nothing. Hoping I am feeling well enough to take the pups out for a bit longer so they can have a good run about. Don’t think I’m up for a proper walk, but at least over the road I can sit down and watch them play and its not too far to come back if I don’t feel well.

Peace out

Batman

Spiked mood

Mood has spiked today! right now I am ready for bed! 

Woke up at 9 am this morning and just sat for a bit. 

Had my hair cut. So the ‘hair dresser’ that had cut my mowhawk in, hadn’t done it properly and the back was off. I knew it was because I could feel it didn’t go straight down. So that’s been shaved right off! And just got a bit at the top to spike up. Although I found a white hair and so did Darren! Argh they seem to be growing in numbers.

Booked myself in to have my eyebrows waxed. Came home, had a shower and got dressed. Took my foxy girl for a walk… got quite burnt. 

Chilled out for a bit after my walk, it was nice, but hot. Went an had my eyebrows done, had a little look about the shops. Got a bit of food shopping.

I am so red… :/ lol Got into pjs. Ate crap. Watched TV. Head is BUZZING. Did some drawing. Took goofy pics of myself. 

Head is still buzzing, but my body is SO tired. 

 Washed up Jelly fish

 Me 🙂

 Me and foxy girl

 Lol

Peace out

Tank girl