Over did it – catch up

I’ve not posted for a week and that’s because I’ve been so busy, I haven’t really stopped until today. Its been great and I’ve been having a good time but I’ve totally over done it and I feel so awful today, so exhausted.

I’ll do a quick catch up of what I’ve been up too this week.

Wednesday – I don’t really remember much from this day as its so long as. But I remember I had to stay in for someone to come and lower my shower pole, so I can now reach it when sat on my shower stool. I rang up the RSPCA to get a voucher to get Harley Spayed and microchipped. I think I just relaxed and pottered about the flat, doing the housework and laundry.

Thursday – This day was SO long! I saw my bone doc in the morning and WOW that was a real shit appointment and I really despise her!

This was my FB status about it..

I really dislike my bone doc. She doesn’t listen and she doesn’t care! I asked for my whole condition/symptoms to be reviewed and she kept asking me what I meant… If I want my hyper mobility looked into I have to ask my gp to refer me to some genetic place in Southampton… She wasn’t really clear about this.

She’s still banging on about coming off steroids… So in a few weeks after my blood results today I get to start azathioprine and it that goes well then she wants to start lowering steroids again…

My bloods are all negative and have been for ages but it doesn’t explain my constant sinus infection, the chronic pain and fatigue…
And she just put the burst blood vessel in my finger down to steroids and again she didn’t even take a close look, she just glanced at it.
I really dislike her.

But I didn’t write that she wanted to examine me, which is fine and I am totally used to that. So I took off my jumper and jeans but she asked me to take my off so she could listen to my chest…I refused too as she can listen to my chest without me being completely undressed. She did listen to my chest with my top still on but that’s not the point, she was totally out of order. She’s knows I’m trans and she obviously has no understanding and no desire to understand. Needless to say my gender dysphoria was horrific afterwards.

After that I headed straight to group, which was cool as usual πŸ™‚


I went and had fuzzy hair cut an styled, so I look much better now πŸ™‚ I always feel so good after a haircut.

Met L and Boo Boo in town for a bit and then took Boo Boo home with me. Got home, sorted out Boo’s stuff, played with him for a bit, cooked us dinner, took pups for a wee, played a bit more and then put Boo to bed. I just spent the evening relaxing and watching tv.

Friday – Albert had me up early, so we went into the lounge and I put frozen on for him and I napped on the sofa for a bit, I wasn’t ready to be up at 7 am! But after that I was totally ready and we both had breakfast, Frozen was put on for a 2nd time and then we both had a shower an got dressed.

Took the pups for a quick wee and run around, which Boo Boo had fun playing with the pups. Dropped the pups home and Boo’s pushchair and walked over to the park, where we played for about an hour. I had to then bribe him into walking to a shop I needed to go to, I said I’d buy him chocolate if he left the park.

We just chilled out in the afternoon, doing lots of colouring and watching Disney films, he really got into Tangled which is one of my favourite films. I love Disney so I didn’t mind spending all afternoon watching them with Boo.

Boo and I had dinner and it was actually nice to have dinner with someone, rather then cooking for just myself. I did have to encourage him to eat it though, as he’s two and a half now and definitely asserting his right to say no, I don’t like it! Plus his taste buds are changing too, he’s gone from eating anything to very little, although he will eat chocolate all day every day lol.

We chilled out after dinner, playing with his dinosaurs and cars. He then asked me to read his book so he could go to bed, it was so sweet. Again in the evening I just spent clearing up and then relaxing.

Saturday – Boo had me up at 7:30 am..wanting to watch Frozen again! While he was doing that I had a little sleep on the sofa, as I do not do early mornings.

Again he wanted a shower with me and when we got dressed we both had Batman t-shirts on πŸ™‚ Took the pups for a wee and a run across the road, so Boo had fun playing with them. He’s so good with the dogs, its so cute.

Boo and I had some lunch, I got his stuff together and cleaned up a bit. Then got the bus and dropped him off with his dad’s family, as L was still really ill and needed a little more time to recover.

I went over to see L and Harvey and as soon as I walked in Harvey was showing me his minecraft and what he’s been building, which is pretty cool actually. I took Arnie around the block for a quick walk and wee.

Headed home and while I was sat on the bus I had a migraine start…and I didn’t have any sumatriptan left!! While I was walking home, through town I nipped into the chemist and bought some sumatriptan, got in and stripped off, got into my pjs, took my Tramadol and got into bed. I hate migraines so much, all I can do is sleep when I get one.

I slept for an hour, I then had dinner, got a shower, got dressed into my new fancy shirt and jeans, took the pups for a quick wee and then E picked me up for J’s birthday party.

It was such a good night, I talked to loads of new people. I even got into a club without being asked for I.D which is great as I don’t have I.D lol!

Sunday – I got up quite early considering I got to sleep quite late. Did my usual morning stuff, got me and the pups ready and got the bus over to L’s.

We spent all day there which was cool, I went out and got some food shopping, I took the pups around the block for a wee. Then chilled out for a bit as I was so achy, probably because I was really tired. Then Harvey and I took the pups down to the park for an hour, he rode his bike as he wanted to show me how well he can do it now. So that was cool just spending some time with me and him, gave L a chance to have a lil snooze. When dinner was ready I sorted it all out. Afterwards I fixed the nob on her slow cooker as she’d managed to melt it…yeah don’t ask lol!

I think I left about half 8 pm, got home and jumped in the shower, got into bed and was sound asleep by 10:40pm.

Monday – I woke up quite early, ate a packet of jaffa cakes and got back into bed until lunch time…I totally needed it. Did the housework and laundry, took the pups for a wee. Sorted out my meds for the week, sorted out my list of what’s going on for the week. Then in the evening I went to the Breakfree trans group social. Which as always was a good laugh, even if it was just the 3 of us lol.

Today – I woke up this morning and I didn’t feel good, I hurt all over, I felt weak and tired, my nose was all blocked. So I just had some breakfast and went back to bed until lunchtime.

Dragged myself into the shower, then got dressed and took the pups for a wee but it started raining, so we came back and I got into my joggy bottoms, as I was still so achy and feeling delicate. Spent the afternoon catching up with X-files and Gotham, while I went through the box of Lego Harvey gave me. Most of it was just random bits and fake Lego, so chucked that out and I was left with a handful of real Lego bits. I then decided to sort through my Lego into bags of their colours.

I did go out for a bit to get electric and to pay my rent, I needed to stretch my legs a bit. Also went to Asda chemist to re-order more meds.

Just been relaxing this evening, had dinner, ordered my food shopping and caught up with emails and stuff.

How do I feel right now? I’m exhausted, I’m achy and I do feel frustrated with all my health crap because it gets my down so much. I feel ok-ish just a bit low but nothing I can’t handle.

Tomorrow I am meeting my Nan and Grandad for the first time since I wrote “that” letter. I’m a bit nervous about it especially as I’m physically not feeling great and not on top form. I’m sure it will be ok…

The mothership text me the other day and asked if she was seeing my for my birthday (which is next week) and I just said I don’t know and she said ok. To be honest no I don’t want to see her but she’s not getting the hint. Whatever though.. she’s a stress I don’t need in my life right now. She’s a negative influence in my life, that sounds awful as she gave birth to me, but regarding me emotionally she hasn’t put an ounce of anything into me. Yes I was always, fed, clothed and had a roof over my head but my emotional needs were never met. Anyway its just a complicated situation and I don’t want her in my life.

Little Harley is booked in this Friday to get spayed and chipped 😦 got to starve her from 8 pm Thursday night. Going to miss her, she’s not been away from me since I’ve had her.

Overall I have been doing ok considering everything I deal with on a daily basis, it is a struggle and it is hard. But I keep pushing through cuz daddy didn’t raise no quitter!

As usual I do have loads of pictures but I shall do that in a separate post.

Peace out


I can’t think of a title…

This is yesterday’s post.. the site crashed as I was trying to post it lol.

BOO!!! Just practising my scare skills for Halloween! woooooooo…lol. Ha I am so excited for my Halloween party, I love it so much.

My body is feeling really tired today but my brain is definitely back up and running and my mood has picked up again. I think now my op has been done I don’t really have much to worry about now, well just my form for benefits to fill in. But I’ve filled out loads of them, I’m sure I can fill it out ok myself.

I’ve been quite busy today, I did the housework this morning before going out. I went and paid my rent and got electric…boring adult stuff! While I was out I came over really hungry but I still can’t eat properly because of the stitches in my mouth, so I couldn’t get a burger or anything. So I got the next best thing and WOW it was SO nice, I could have eaten it again lol. I got myself a shakeaway milkshake with nutella and marshmallows… WOW… It was the best ever and it filled a hole in my stomach without hurting my mouth, BONUS!

I had my counselling this afternoon, it was a good session as usual. It’s so nice talking to a counsellor that totally understands my physical health stuff because he also has a long term condition like mine that will only get worse over time. So yeah he totally gets me because he know the struggles etc. I always looks forward to having my 1:1 session, just to chat about STUFF! like just day to day stuff I deal with, that can be a struggle. So yeah, I left feeling really good πŸ™‚

As I was in town after my app, I went into a couple of shops and did a bit more xmas shopping and I treated myself to a lil something as well πŸ˜€ hehe. I think I deserve it so that’s all that matters. On the bus home I had to make a stop at the pet shop to get cat and dog food and got them some xmas presents too.

Eventually I got home this evening lol. The pups and the cats were happy to see me πŸ™‚ jumping all over me, I love it! Sorted out all my shopping and I did myself some poached eggs for dinner, I did do chips with them but they were a bit hard to eat.

Felt a bit restless but not a agitated restless though. I knew I needed to do a bit of food shopping, as I was running out of stuff I am able to eat. So I ignored my body which was screaming at me to stop and went food shopping. I am going to make myself some risotto tomorrow as that will be so easy to eat and it’s really filling as well. I’ve got myself some porridge, bananas, yoghurts and yeah easy stuff to eat. I’m glad ALL my jobs are done now, I have nothing else to do. Yes I probably should have done it over a few days and BOY will I pay for this tomorrow lol. But I don’t have much planned for tomorrow, other then making dinner and maybe taking the pups out for a walk somewhere. I can catch up on sleep tomorrow, which after today and the look at the time right now lol, I will need it.

This evening I taught scrappy to do high 5! haha so proud of him πŸ™‚ he’s so clever.

I did a video tonight as well, I was just going to do a video of scrappy doing his tricks. But I ended up just chatting away for nearly 30 mins lol, it was good though, I suppose it’s like a video diary and once I start chatting about a subject it takes me all over the place. I may do another video tomorrow πŸ™‚

Right I’ve got to get off this laptop very soon, it is now 1 am and my head is hurting. I need my pain killers and my man sleep lol.

Peace out


Gender Dysphoria….joys..NOT!

I definitely feel that a positive attitude has helped me get through yesterday and has helped me feel much better then I did on Monday.

I slept really well Mon night despite sleeping most of the day but I knew I would because I was just so so exhausted.

Tuesday was really productive though, I was up and out by 9 am, took the pups for a wee, went into town to pay bills, did laundry, did my food shopping online, ordered myself some new jeans. I just sorted stuff out..can’t remember the rest lol.

In the afternoon I had a lady pick up some clothes and dog stuff that was going to help the homeless πŸ™‚

I then had to take the pups up to the vets to get their worming and flea treatment sorted and they were well behaved as usual.

My best mate was in town while I was out, so she went to my place to wait for me and we hung out for a few hours which was really cool.

After she went I had myself some dinner, a proper dinner again. It was only a small dinner but I’m trying hard to at least eat decent food, even if it’s a small portion. When I got my food shopping I ordered proper food, things I can make decent meals from. I got stuff to make a nice beef casserole with πŸ™‚ I’ll do that at then end of the month.

After dinner I took the pups out for an hour just and we got back just as it was getting dark. Scrappy flopped on the sofa when we got home because I took his ball out with us and wow he loves fetch so much, he didn’t stop.

I felt really peaceful after out walk, it’s something about being out by the sea that does it for me πŸ™‚ so I wanted to make that last so I spent the evening doing some colouring. I went to bed feeling really contented.

Slept really well last night but I was awake about 7 am, so I did my usual and had breakfast and then fell back to sleep on the sofa. But I got rudely woken up by the police wanting to get into the building without alerting the person they wanted to speak too, so they buzzed me and I nearly fell off the sofa trying to get up and answer the door in a confused state lol. But I went back to sleep until nearly 12 pm lol! I did intend to clean up this morning but the flat doesn’t actually look too bad so I didn’t bother.

H turned up and I was still hanging out in my pjs lol! We chilled out, I was waiting for my food shopping to come but as H was there I was able to quickly hop in the shower and get dressed.

My food shopping came and there was a few subs, like I got diet pepsi instead of Pepsi but I live so close to the shop and I said the guy the main reason I have been ordering food because I can’t lift anything because I’m recovering from a fractured arm, so he was kind enough to go back to the shop and come back with regular Pepsi, which I was so chuffed about because that would have been wayyy to heavy for my to carry with my sore arm.

So after all that jazz, H and I caught a train into Bournmouth and spent the day shopping. Which was so cool as we’ve not done anything like that in ages because she’s not been well. But it was just so cool to just chill and hang out. I bought myself a new Vans top in the sale and a new colouring book called Enchanted Forest – An Inky Quest.

A funny situation did happen in a sports shop… We went in to have a look and I was looking at the sports bra’s to see if they would help flatten my man boobs down, so H an I both tried some on, she actually wants her for the gym. But anyway the first one I tried was difficult to get on but I managed it but it didn’t flatten much which sucked but the second one I tried on was too tight and I got stuck with my man boobs out and my arms in the air lol, so H had to rescue me and pull me out of it! Good job she was with me lol. It was funny but the trying them on triggered the gender dysphoria but I that’s gonna happen I suppose, I’m glad I did try but it’s just a case of trying different ones to get the effect I want. But yeah it was difficult to not let the gender dysphoria not effect my mood as it did put my head into a bit of a spin. Being with my best mate and having a good day with her helped me deal with it.

This evening we chilled out and watched Maze Runner as H had never seen it and the new film is coming out soon, I cannot wait and she loved it and I knew she would πŸ™‚

H and I left mine at the same time as I wanted to take the pups out for a walk by the sea before it got too dark. I pretty much legged it to Baiter where I like to walk, just so we still had some light and Scrappy could see enough to play fetch. I was sooo tired but the pups needed to walk but it was really nice πŸ™‚ and the pups got what they needed.

Just spent this evening chatting to friends while trying to write lol but it’s been nice.

I have group tomorrow and I’ve decided just to let go of what happened last week, clean slate and move on. No point holding onto anything.

I better get myself to bed in a mo.

Peace out



It’s been nearly a whole week since I have sat down to write properly, I usually like sitting down to write but this past week I’ve either been too tired or I’ve just not felt like it. I’m only writing tonight because I’m not feeling too good at the moment, mood has crashed and my dark passenger is walking near. I’m struggling.

Hmm quick catch up I suppose…

Saturday – I had Leo for most of the day, L and the boy’s came down in the afternoon and we all went to a little park near me and spent the afternoon there. My bro picked up Leo and stayed at the park for a bit. L fed the boys at mine before heading home. Just chilled in the evening.

Sunday – Slept until midday, I definitely needed it. Had a shower and got myself ready, spent the afternoon at my brothers, had dinner, played Lego with Jack. Had a good time. Chilled out in the evening.

Monday – I chilled out, cleaned the flat, spent 3 hours colouring in my new adult colouring book, went to the trans* group social in the evening, which was good.

Tuesday – Had a boys day with Harvey, spoilt him a bit but had good fun hanging out with him. Chilled in the evening.

Wednesday – Β Didn’t get much sleep because I was so sore and achy. Woke up feeling like utter crap. So just stayed in and slept. I did manage to clean up a bit.

Back to today Thursday – Actually slept ok-ish last night, was up at 7 am did the usual morning things, was out by just gone 9 am. M picked me up to take me to a meeting for Mindout. Meeting went ok. Met L and the boy’s for a bit before group.

Group was good, had some commissioner people come in wanting to know what we thought about the mental health services, as they know it’s flawed to say the least. It was SOOOO good to be able to get it all off my chest and there will be a opportunity to help reform the mental health services, which I really want to do because it is so flawed and people have died as a result.

Met L and the boys for a bit after group. I headed home, got dinner on the way as I’d forgotten to put my dinner in the slow cooker before I left this morning.

Just been relaxing this evening, tried to do some colouring, couldn’t really get into it though, so gave up and started on this instead. Going to get to bed after this, I feel that crap that the best thing I can do is just go to bed.

I found out today that a fellow blogger died over a year ago now. She’s been on my mind in that time but for some reason today she was more so and I read the comments on her last blog and yeah a few people wrote R.I.P and stuff. She had bipolar but was very tormented by the loss of her baby and she never ever came back from that trauma. In some way I’m pleased she’s now no longer in the awful awful pain she was in every day, but just so so sad that nothing helped. No amount of medication, therapy, counselling etc, nothing helped her move on. I just hope that now she’s at peace with her baby boy ❀

My health has been it’s usual crap this week, been really achy, really sore leg muscles, felt a bit sick a few times, really tired. Usual shit, I can’t wait for my appointment with my new bone doc next week. I want off this fucking methotrextate, I want my condition to be looked at again and look into either another diagnosis or whatever. I just want some fucking answers as to why this yr has been so shit and I’ve gone down hill. I think this is part of where my anger is coming from.

Mentally not been doing great, just been faking it really because I’ve worked so hard to get to two yrs self harm free and to be as stable as I have been and I really don’t want it all to fuck up now. Because I will fucking hate myself for it and I will be so disappointed in myself and if I do cut, if I do fall to pieces it will be like starting all over again from the start and I just haven’t got the strength to do that. But neither can I carry on like this. I don’t know what to do. I’m irritable and angry, they are BIG warning signs that something is going to kick off. Like FUCK do I want to up the fucking quetiapine! I HATE THAT SHIT! I’m stuck. I don’t know how to get this all out without it being totally destructive. Constructive ways feel like it’s not getting it all out properly and it feels trapped. I feel trapped. But good old me has got this because I fucking have too!

I’m fucking done, I need to go to sleep

Peace out

Detached from emotions

Urgh I am so tired but I need to catch up, the longer I leave it the more I’ll need to catch up.

Mon – Wow it seems to long ago now, I went back to bed in the morning because I was so tired. We had a pretty chilled day, just did some drawing and gluing stuff, took pups across the road and played over there too. They left at just gone 6 pm, I was going to go too for the trans group but urgh, I was just so so tired and achy I couldn’t move so I opted to stay in and get an early night.

Tues – Today was flipping manic and I’d not slept well yet again. I was up and out by 9 am, I paid my bills, posted something and did a few other bits and bobs in town. I then had to take Scrappy to the groomers to get his hair cut and boy did he need it, he looks like a different dog now lol, he looks like he did when he was a small pup.

After I headed out to go to my 1:1, I met L and dropped off the pups to her. My 1:1 was really good and we looked at my recent anger and frustrations as lately I’ve been much more angry and frustrated, so will be good to find the root cause of it all.

I went over to L’s to pick up the pups, only stayed for an hour and then headed down to the vets to get scrappy his booster jab and he was SO brave, he didn’t make a sound! So proud of my boy.

Finally got home and man I was just exhausted. I don’t remember having dinner…or even what I did lol. But I did take 50 mgs of quetiapine instead of my usual 25mgs just because I so needed a decent nights sleep.

Wed – I did fuck all! I slept really well and I pretty much slept all day, mainly because I needed to sleep off the extra quetiapine and I needed to catch up on my sleep. I did manage to clean up, have a shower and take the pups for a short walk. I made myself some dinner but I didn’t eat much of it, just wasn’t hungry.

I spent the evening sat colouring in a couple of mandala’s. I put my white noise on for 30 mins just to help me get off to sleep.

Thurs – And back to now. I slept ok-ish last night I did wake up early this morning but I just couldn’t get back to sleep so I just got up, had some breakfast and just had some chill time putting together a new 3in1 Lego set.

Got showered and dressed but just took my time. Took the pups out too. Just as I was getting myself ready to head out to group, the post man came with my walking stick πŸ™‚ which was cool. I was so so sore and stiff this morning so I decided to take it with me, I felt really self conscious about it, felt like I was faking it or whatever, felt a bit paranoid using it. But it did take a lot of pressure off while standing and walking. I’m sure I’ll get used to it, I’ll only use it when I really really need it.

I’m not really sure how I feel about having to have these disability aids, it all feels a bit messy inside and I can’t really explain it. It needs to be untangled I think so I can process it and makes sense of it all in my head. At the moment I think I’ve just totally detached myself emotionally to the situation and just keep thinking rationally about it and not letting myself have an emotional response to it all and I know if I don’t it will all hit me at once, which won’t be good either. But I’m not really sure where to start with this one…was thinking maybe mindfulness…I don’t know.

Anyway group was actually good this week, the atmosphere felt a lot lighter and brighter and it ended up being a really good session. I signed myself up to do some courses at the Recovery Education Centre in September, so I’m really looking forward to that. Not sure what courses I’ll be doing yet but I’ll have a meeting with someone who will help me pick some courses that will be best suited to me.

Met L after group as I needed to give her some bits that she left Mon and that I’d forgotten to take to her on Tues lol. Chilled out at flirt for a bit which was nice.

Got home to my happy pups πŸ™‚ and I was hungry so did myself some dinner. Nipped to Asda as I needed some bits.

Just chilled out for a bit and then took pups across the road for a bit, so they could let off some steam.

I was very tempted to go to bed when I got in because I’m so tired, but I know I will only be up at 4 am if I went to bed at half 9 pm. So I’ve just been catching up on online stuff trying to keep my eyes open lol.

Meeting L and the boys tomorrow, taking them to the Oceanarium, I sooo can’t wait because they have a new penguin house there! EEEEEEK! πŸ™‚ so excited to see the new penguins. Should be a good day.

I’ll post some pictures when I eventually get my bloody laptop to recognise that the phone is plugged into it so I can transfer my pictures.

That’s all for now,

Peace out


Really busy boy, been having great fun

Wow I’ve been so busy I’ve been too tired to update my journal. But I’ve been having great fun πŸ™‚ I’ll just do a quick update.

Thursday – Had group Thursday afternoon…it was ok-ish. I’m ended up leaving feeling really annoyed with the same two members that I was pissed off with last week. I wasn’t impressed with their behaviour but it’s going to be dealt with. After group I met L and the boys and we came back to mine.

We got in and I had my dinner straight away because I was so hungry lol! We all went out for a walk on my usual route by the water, L and the boys had some dinner while we were out.

After our walk Albert had a bath and went to bed. I sat and played Lego with Harvey and let him stay up to watch the fireworks with us. L and I didn’t go to bed much longer after him lol.

Fri – In the morning we had a nice cooked breakfast at Asda and after I gave us all buzz cuts, me and the boys had a 1 all over and L and a 4 all over πŸ™‚ hehe. We then got ready and headed to Hamworthy park for the afternoon. My brother and Leo joined us for a bit too. We played on the beach and in the sea, me and Boo made sand castles and played football. Harvey had fun playing in the park with his boomerang and L had fun chilling and playing in the sea too. It was a great afternoon πŸ™‚

After the park I took Harvey to the shop with me to get us some dinner, then came back and fed us all. Lou bathed Albert and the pups while I was at the shop, so they were all nice and clean. Boys both went to bed a bit earlier then last night so we could have some proper adult chill time. We were both so tired we just ended up watching tv instead of a film.

Sat – I am struggling to remember what we did… We just had a chilled out day because me and L were shattered. I had a nap in the morning, we took the pups across the road for a run and the boys played football. Harvey and I spent ages playing with my Lego while boo had an afternoon nap. I made me and the boy’s dinner and then we all went out for a walk along the water with the pups. Put boo to bed when we got in and Harvey went not long after. L had her dinner and we watched a really good film called StoneHearst Asylum, great cast and great film.

Sun – Caught right up now πŸ™‚ WOW today has been busy but it’s been so much fun. I printed out some templates to make cubes with for Harvey. I then set up lots of paints out on the balcony, neither of the boys really liked it lol. But I had so much fun and was covered head to toe in paint lol. Me and Albert played with water after while L was cleaning up a bit. Had a shower with boo to get us both nice and clean. The boys then chowed down on some lunch before we took the pups out for a run across the road. Me and the boys collected some leaves, sticks, flowers and stuff to do some arts and crafts with tomorrow. Boo went straight down for a nap for a few hours, lil man was so so so tired lol, even had to wake him up for dinner, bless him. L made some cakes, Harvey and I watched a film and coloured in the templates for the cubes, although he didn’t have as much fun as I did lol. L joined us and coloured in a mandala. It was great fun all just sat chilling out πŸ™‚

I dished us up our nice roast dinner and everyone gobbled it all up πŸ™‚ and even had room for Β cakes after.

Went for a walk after dinner and I had fun flying my kite πŸ™‚ I did manage to get it stuck in a tree lol but got it back out again without having to climb this big ass tree and possibly breaking some bones! haha.

Boo went straight to bed when we got in but the lil monkey didn’t go straight to sleep. Harvey had a shower and he played with his cubes while I was putting together the last few. Then it was off to bed with him. L and I have just been relaxing this evening, we watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall which she’s not seen before.

Everyone is in bed now, I just need to finish this off before I can take the pups for a wee and get some sleep myself.

L and the boys are off home tomorrow, the place will be quiet again, which is nice but I’ll miss them. Got my trans group social tomorrow night so looking forward to that.

Well I better finish up, this tired boy needs his beauty sleep lol! I’ll post some pictures of my week tomorrow, I’m too tired, hot and achy to do it now.

Peace out


Mindfulness is the best way to start the day

Wow I have had one busy day and it’s been non stop, but it’s been good and I got all my jobs done which is even better. I did start the day with some mindfulness and I think that helped me to keep going.

I’ve been up since 7 am and I was out with the pups by half 8 am. I was in town by 9 am paying bills and having a look in a few shops. I went up to the doctors to sort out my sharps box and I’ve got to go back tomorrow to pick it up, which again is a bit frustrating but… I’m over it now. On my way home I popped into the pet shop to get the cats and dogs food and some treats.

Got home to my happy pups and chilled with them for a bit, before heading back out to the shops to get something for lunch and dinner and maybe some more Lego lol πŸ™‚

After that quick shop, I chilled out for a bit and had some lunch. I did some stretches because my legs were and still are so sore and achy, it didn’t help much and neither are the pain killers. It’s just the side effects of the methotrexate injections from what I’ve been told about it anyway, it’s just frustrating as I have to deal with this on top of the joint pain too which has been bad today.

After my rest I took the pups across the road for a run, then went to the vets to get Foxy her booster jab done. She was so good bless her, she let out this quietest little squeak ever it was so sweet. The nurse was really impressed with her because she’s a perfect weight and very healthy, which is really great to here. The only thing she may have a problem with in the future is her knees on her back legs. He knee caps don’t sit in the joint properly, so in the future it could cause her a few issues and she may even need to have an operation. But as long as I keep her at a healthy weight and just as healthy as possible she shouldn’t have an issue.

We got home and I was actually hungry, so did my dinner straight away and ate the whole lot. I sat and played with my Lego for a bit but came over feeling a bit restless so I took the pups for a walk on our usual route.

It was a really nice walk, we talked to lots of people and other dogs and just had a nice little wander along the water. Feel really peaceful, centred and just settled, it’s a really nice feeling.

Just been relaxing this evening, I’m going to put fresh bed covers on, have a nice shower and do some mindfulness to finish off my day.

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for a hot chocolate in the morning and after I’ll go pick up my sharps box. But the rest of the day I am going to relax and do some research on getting a bigger fan base on YouTube.

Well that’s it from me for today πŸ™‚

Peace out


Bro day :)

*YAWN*Β I am one tired boy once again but I’ve had a busy day πŸ™‚ definitely not going to write much tonight because I need my beauty sleep lol.

I had a good start to the week, well apart from the small interruption of the mothership coming over for a short while. I slept for most of the morning, not getting out of bed until nearly midday. That is just how every Monday morning should start for all people! lol. I then spent a few hours sweating my butt off cleaning up the flat and I kept going off track and ended up sorting through my clothes…again and some drawers. I keep things I that I no longer need/use/wear etc but I hate getting rid of stuff but every now and again I feel ruthless and I get rid of stuff.

Ooh I had my perching stool delivered, which is for the kitchen. So that will help make cooking and doing the washing up much easier for me, so I am really pleased that it came.

The mothership came over for a bit, I just tolerated her presence. I was glad when she left though. My brother said to me today that he text our mum asking when she was going to take her son’s out for a drink and my bro said she didn’t even reply. Which doesn’t surprise me lol, I know she isn’t happy about me being trans* but I don’t care in the slightest what she thinks.

I went to Flirt for the trans* group social πŸ™‚ I didn’t take the pups as I wanted to eat dinner in peace. I had mac n cheese and man it was soooo nice! I’ll definitely be eating that again. It was a good group, had a good giggle. Not to mention the graphic content of M-F lower surgery details lol but it’s all very interesting how they do these operations.

Got home to my happy puppies and kitties πŸ™‚ we had snuggles on the sofa for a bit. I took the pups out for a pee before hoping into bed.

I slept ok-ish last night, took a while to get off to sleep because it was so sticky and hot last night and I was really achy too. Woke up a few times for about 20 mins but woke up properly about 10 am I think.

I met up with my brother and Leo in town, I paid my rent and got electric. I got my brother his birthday present, I got him to pick out what he wanted as he was with me. My bro did a bit of shopping too, we decided to go halves on getting Jack Jack a big Lego set for his birthday next month πŸ™‚ can’t wait, something we can all sit and do together.

We came back to mine to chill for a bit and I feed Leo his lunch, he had a whole jar and fruit lol, lil piggy! He had a lil snooze too. Took him to a lil park near mine for a little bit, which was nice. I went on the swing too which made Leo laugh lol πŸ™‚

After the park I got me and my bro burger king for lunch, cuz we were hungry boys!

Went to another shop cuz my bro needed milk and bread, I got my Leo two new tops πŸ™‚ and I bought myself some cool ninja turtles boxers! lol. We picked up the pups and my bro picked up his shopping and we walked to his place. I changed Leo’s butt and put him in his new top for mummy to see πŸ™‚

My bro dropped me and the pups at the vets on his way to pick up K. Pups had a good vets app, the nurse is pleased that scrappy tolerated the worming stuff and I booked foxy in for her booster jab in two weeks time. But yeah she’s happy with both of them πŸ™‚ ooh and there were so many little puppies coming in for their 1st jabs eeek, made me soooo broody for another puppy lol! But I am totally happy with my two pups.

After the vets I went back over to my brothers, played with Leo and fed him his dinner and pudding. Me and my bro were playing Lego Jurassic world, I kept hogging it though πŸ˜€ it was SO good. I really want it. K made me a sandwich for my dinner, I wasn’t hungry but I did need to eat something, so a sandwich filled a hole. Just had a cool chilled out evening with them, we were going to go down the Quay for bike night but my bro felt a bit funny cuz his sugars went low then no one could be bothered after that lol.

I dropped the pups home and quickly went to the shops to get a few bits of food shopping that will last me for a few days. My appetite is non existent again, I’ve been drinking more then I’ve been eating. I can’t figure out why my appetite is so all over the place but I’ve been thinking back to when I was younger and how I used to eat then and it’s not really changed much, I’ve always preferred to eat little then often then to sit down to eat a meal. I’ve set myself a goal and that is to eat at least one proper cooked meal once a week, so at least then I am getting what I need a little bit. It’s really hard to do a big food shop as I don’t know what I want from one day to the next, so just doing it bit by bit, so there’s less waste of food too.

Ooops I’ve rambled on a bit lol! No solid plans for tomorrow, I maybe having Leo for a bit so my brother can have some peace or we may take Leo out together, depends on how we are both feeling. But I’ll be looking forward to whatever happens tomorrow πŸ™‚

I love that we are getting so close now and I am loving spending time with Leo and getting to spend a bit more time with Jack Jack.

Peace out


Happy Bourne Free gay pride day <3

Yay I feel human again πŸ™‚ and I managed to spend the day out at gay pride.

I slept ok-ish last night but I woke up a fair few times, once at 1:30am which felt like I’d been asleep for half the night but it only had been a few hours lol, then again at about 5-6 am and I think I had a drink and breakfast. I went back to sleep till 8 am and again I had a drink and pottered about and then went back to sleep until 10 am which is when I finally woke up and got myself showered and dressed and all ready to take the pups out to celebrate gay/trans pride day πŸ™‚

Watched the parade go by, it was so colourful, loud and just totally awesome πŸ™‚ I took loads of pictures.

Had a walk down to the lower gardens where there were lots of stools and people performing on the bandstand and I bumped into my sister in laws mum and family and as I was there on my own I spent the afternoon with them which was really cool, sat right in front of the bandstand πŸ™‚

Me and the pups were getting hot and tired so I left at about 3 pm, the buses would have been so busy if I had left much later. It took us half an hour just to get to and on the bus because it was so busy and people kept stopping to talk to us.

We got home just before 5 pm and we just flopped, the pups and I were so tired!

Just spent the evening chilling, uploading pictures and videos, generally just messing about πŸ™‚

I’m tired but feeling really good and I’m glad I managed to get out to pride for a bit today. Going to have a sandwich soon, take the pups out and get to bed. I have no plans yet tomorrow so I shall see what happens.

Peace out


A lil irritable

Ahhh I keep getting distracted by the pups, cat and the tiny kitten that keeps meowing at me lol! It’s now gone midnight so I better crack on as I’ve got to get up early tomorrow to take foxy girl to get her haircut.

I’m just trying to think what the heck happened today lol, I woke up early but was still tired so I had breakfast and went back to bed until a more reasonable hour then 6 am.

Chilled out for a bit but time was getting on so had to get my butt up and clean the flat up, oh and get showered and dressed before my O.T came over lol. But I always feel good when the place is looking tidy. Harley didn’t like the hoover lol, she ran and hid under the sofa till I finished, bless her.

My O.T (occupational therapist) arrived about 12:30 pm and she didn’t leave till 2:15 pm lol. She was so nice and we ended up just chatting about everything which was cool. I actually know her son, he was the year below me at school, such a small world. Anyway she is going to order me the perching stool for the kitchen and I will get that Mon at the latest which is cool, but the corner stool that she thinks will be best for the shower is something the don’t stock so she has to take that to the team meeting on Tues to put the case forward, but she said it shouldn’t be a problem. It will just take a bit longer which sucks a bit as I’m so desperate for it but least the ball is rolling now πŸ™‚

After she left I went into town, got some electric and paid my rent. I used my love to shop voucher to go towards a ring that I’ve had my eye on, so I treated myself to that πŸ™‚ I went to Primark and bought a cool Batman wallet, a Jaws vest top and just a plain vest top. I had my shopping list with me and ended up getting all the non food bits I needed in poundland, they had everything I needed and worked out cheaper then getting it in Asda.

So I dropped my shopping home and went to do my food shopping and had to order some meds as well. Got everything I needed and I may have a little bit accidentally bought Leo a Batman pj set lol πŸ˜€ and I got myself Maze runner on dvd, it’s such a good film.

I got ambushed by my happy puppies when I got home lol, which I love coming home too πŸ™‚ unpacked the shopping and shoved it all away. Then chilled and watched friends for a bit before having some dinner again, I’m happy that I’ve been eating a bit more then I have been, I feel less dizzy all the time.

After dinner I felt so tired, so I laid out on the sofa with the pups just watching friends still. I was thinking that maybe I would have a lil snooze but I felt restless at the same time so ended up getting back up. My nan and grandad popped over for 10 mins with some beetroot and potatoes that they’ve grown in their allotment, so that’s pretty cool and can’t wait to try them.

The pups were restless and I was tired but restless…so I took them out for a walk. It was ok but it started to rain and it was freaking cold! I come over feeling really irritable and grumpy so didn’t really enjoy the walk at all just wanted to go home.

My mood has picked up a bit this evening and I feel less easily irritated and grumpy. But I suppose I can’t be happy 24/7 lol, as soon as my mood changes I jump straight on it and analyze the shit out of it and my brain just goes into over drive when it really doesn’t need to but I can’t help it. Anyway when I got in I got straight onto the laptop and I’ve been distracted away from the fuzz that was going around in my head. I do feel like I just need one whole day of doing nothing, not even getting dressed, so I am hoping I can do that at some point this week *fingers*crossed* I need it so I don’t burn out or piss someone off by accident.

My chest is still a bit tight and chesty so I’m going to try and do another sputum sample this week and I’m hoping I don’t need another round of antibiotics….but I may well do. I also need to go back to the hand therapist as my fingers are still quite sore and my little finger is bent as fuck and I cannot straighten it! So I need to book another appointment with them.

Tomorrow morning foxy is off to the groomers so she will be able to see again lol, need to pick up food for the pups and the cats while I’m near the pet shop that holds the more natural food I get them. The cats food is good because I can give it to both Marley and Harley without having to give Harley separate kitten food, she can eat what Moo eats which is a money saver lol. I’ve also caught Harley eating the dogs kibble lol! she will eat whatever! She keeps jumping onto my plate while I’m trying to eat my dinner, she kept stealing my bacon bits lol. I digress lol so after that my bro wants to meet up so don’t know what we’ll be doing but should be a good afternoon πŸ™‚

Ooops it’s gone 1 am, I am SOOOO not going to want to get up tomorrow.. :/ well better get this posted and my lil butt off to bed πŸ™‚

Peace out