lockdown life

I am writing this from my new desk and chair! no more sitting uncomfortably on the sofa while writing. Hopefully this will give me the incentive to sit and write more often, although my crippling anxiety and disassociation likes to keep me frozen in one spot but hey, well see how it goes.

I’ve wanted a desk and chair for a long time but to me its never really been a priority, always something I put off and figured at some point I would get them. But here we are, finally able to get my shit together and get stuff I want and need and that will benefit me in the long run.

Lockdown has been good for the fact I’ve been able to save up for certain stuff I’ve wanted/needed, as usually I’m not the best at managing money, I’m not great at forward planning with money either. But without the distractions of life and getting caught up in everything, I’ve been able to focus a bit better on my needs/wants all be it in a material way but its that’s not always a bad thing.

There’s a lot in the flat that I would like to update, like the whole place needs redecorating, I would like a bigger fridge/freezer as mine is quite small, especially the freezer. I need a new mattress as well, so that is the more pressing one as mine is over 10 years old now and isn’t as comfortable as it once was.

Whilst I have and am struggling with certain aspects of lockdown and what feels like total isolation from the rest of the world, I have been able to focus more on certain things, that I was always putting off or too distracted or just thought I couldn’t do on my own. Like build a desk! I am way more capable then I give myself credit for, but my default thought is always, I can’t, I don’t want to get it wrong. Mainly because I was always told as I child I can’t, I’m not good enough, I’m stupid. So I tend not to bother, but right now with no one around to help there’s just me, myself and I and turns out I can do shit on my own and I am good at it. Who knew?! lol

So after I sort out getting a new mattress, I may start saving for some decent tools, a step ladder and get this place looking fresh with a new lick of paint. I wander if they make pet proof paint… cuz my place looks so grubby from those guys and the fact me and scrappy play indoor fetch so there are ball marks on the walls too! lol..

Man it feels good to be sat comfortably, bose headphones on as music always helps me focus, I do my best thinking with music on. Wtf I didn’t do this all sooner I don’t know, I don’t know why I put up with things, like sitting uncomfortably on the sofa to blog for all these years rather then getting a desk and chair. I suppose its a lot to do with how I value myself or maybe I just like to punish myself. Probably a bit of both..

Don’t put shit off, if something will make your life easier, do it! Save that money, make it a priority and do it! You will be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner!

Peace out

Zak