A day in the life of a trans guy – 6 months post top surgery.

Time is flying by faster then I can keep up with, it’s just crazy. But today marks 6 months since I had top surgery.

I’m slowly starting to connect with my chest and slowly starting to realise that I’ve finally had this life changing, life saving surgery that I’ve been wanting since puberty.

Still struggling a bit with the gender dysphoria and recognising myself but I think its a natural part of being trans.

I don’t think I look at my chest enough, I don’t look at myself and appreciate my new body. I think I was focused on recovering from surgery and it going well without any complications that I wasn’t really present and I was pretty lonely during recovery as well, so I didn’t have anyone around to be excited about surgery with and to share it with.

Looking back at leading up to surgery and after surgery I was kinda disconnected from it and as I’m used to being in hospitals and I’ve had lots of minor surgeries before, I just kinda treated it like any other procedure I’ve had to go through. I was really excited on the day of surgery and just after but it didn’t last very long. I just came at it like something I had to go through and I do feel sad now that I was that disconnected, I feel sad that I didn’t have anyone close to share the excitement with, I feel sad that I had no support during the recovery period, I felt quite let down.

I’ve felt quite lonely during my transition, despite friends being supportive and being happy for me. Apart from 1 appointment last year and the friends who took me to appointments before surgery, who took me there, took me home and took me to follow up appointments, I’ve spent the last 4 years going to appointments alone. It’s something that still makes me feel really sad, more then I think people know. As its not something I really express as it can’t be changed now.

But moving forward, I know I need to try and spend more time looking at my chest and touching my chest, so my brain starts making that connection with my new body. I think when it starts getting warmer and I spend more time walking around the flat topless, that will also help as well.

I’m still really happy with the results and how well my scars look and I’m super grateful to have been able to have this surgery done. I do feel better for having it done, just its such a huge emotional experience and as I am a super sensitive person, I’m sure its something that will take me a while to process.

Here are pictures from today.

Peace out

Zak

The light at the end of the darkness

I feel happy again and I can say that now and actually mean it.

Just a few months ago I was in the darkness, struggling to get through a day. At times I felt so tired, I just didn’t want to keep going.

I recognised that it’s not that I wanted to die, I just needed the pain to end.

At that time if you had told me to just hold on because you’ll soon be surrounded by some amazing people and you’ll soon be having top surgery, I probably wouldn’t have believed you.

My world was so dark, I just couldn’t see that there would ever be light and happiness again in my life.

But sat here now late at night, I feel happy, I feel content, I feel understood, I feel connected, I feel loved, I feel like I’m wanted. And it’s the most amazing feeling ever because I don’t feel I’ve ever really experienced it, I’ve never been around a group of friends who encourage each other, genuinely care about each other, have different passions and talents, who build each other up, help each other without question.

Most of my past friendships have come with conditions and they were about what I could offer, non of those friendships have endured and non of them really helped me grow, but they opened my eyes to the fact my kind nature attracts damaged souls and can easily be taken advantage of.

But now it feels different and for that I am eternally grateful, I let myself be vulnerable and open, which was scary but it’s paid off.

I know these people won’t all be in my life permanently and I’m ok with that, I know we were brought together to help each to continue to grow through our each individual journeys, by coming together as a collective, who’s knows where this will take us in 6 months/ a years time.

Its already helped me and started to heal some of the hurt I was carrying inside, I feel happy, I want to live, I’m actually excited about life now, I want to start looking to the future and what that will bring.

The only changes I made was I let myself be open and vulnerable and fuck that was scary but it’s something I’m going to continue to do, so I can keep experiencing life and hopefully new friendships and opportunities will arise.

You know who you are and I’m so grateful 💜

And to everyone in my life, know I love you, I appreciate you and I support you 💜

Peace out

Zak

Dear friends,

Dear friends, old and new. To those who I’ve known for 20 years and to those who I’ve known for 2 months. I wanted to write this to catch everyone up on where I am and where I’ve been.

In January, I was in a really dark place, which is somewhere I haven’t been for a long time and I feel like I’m only just coming out of the other side of it, but I still have a way to go.

As a result of this darkness I removed everyone from my Facebook for a good 3/4 months. I was angry, frustrated, isolated, depressed and struggling to survive.

But in that time I did a lot of soul searching, I know such a cliche, but I did.

I realised that over the years I’ve been quick to shut people out of my life, I’ve been quick to give up on friendships. I was trying to cut out “bad energies, drama” etc but in doing that I closed myself off to the good energies and good stuff.

I think I became so closed off because I’m so willing to help everyone, that sometimes I get burned. That’s not necessarily down to people themselves but due to my lack of boundaries and respect for myself. I thought if I made other people happy then I’d be happy but it doesn’t work like that.

Then about 5 years ago I started exploring my gender and came out as trans and I began my journey. Which again I was really open about but I was also wary of being people’s token trans friend and I was just anxious about not being accepted or whatever. So again I made my friend circle smaller.

In making my world smaller, I’ve missed out on living. I’ve missed out on friendships with some really great people. I gave in to the negative inner voices and the darkness, I allowed myself to become isolated and alone, the anger and frustration grew within.

January was my breaking point but in the weeks and months after I spent most of time alone, thinking, reflecting and meditating.

I started to allow myself to be open, slowly I began to add people back on FB, I began to reach out to friends. I started to ignore the negative inner voice and the darkness and walked towards the light.

It’s by no means perfect, I still struggle with anxiety and depression but I’m finding it a bit easier to deal with.

I often felt my expectations of people were too high, but I realised I rarely expressed my expectations in my friendships, I can’t have expectations if people don’t know what they are.

My voluntary work has helped me so much, it’s helped me with not being so isolated, I’ve made some incredible new friends who’s friendships I am so incredibly grateful for and hopefully in 20 years plus we’ll still be friends, still having adventures and experiencing this life together.

For those who I’ve not spoken to in a long time, who I’ve recently added back, I hope you’re well and forgive me for being so distant, I had to go off in order to grow into a better version of myself and I hope to hear from you soon, much love to you.

For everyone else, know that I appreciate you, I may not say it as often as I should or even show it but I do very much appreciate every friendship I have. You’ve kept me going even when I didn’t want too. I will continue to try and be open with you about everything, it’s something I’m still working one. But I’ll get there.

Thank you to everyone for your patience, love, support and sheer awesomeness!

I love and appreciate you all!

In 6 weeks time I will embark on the next stage of my journey, my physical transition, my spiritual journey.

I’m excited, I’m a bit scared, I’m nervous but I am so ready for it, I know it’s going to be a challenge but I’m ready to face it head on.

I know I will have my friends by my side helping me through and I’m so excited to have you guys with me! I can’t wait for this next adventure!

Peace out

Zak 💜

A day in the life of a trans guy – Lower surgery appointment

Yesterday I went to see the Doc that will be doing my lower surgery.

It went really well, he’s happy for it to be done from my arm.

But because of previous bone fractures and my physical health stuff I need to have a scan of my wrists to check the blood flow. As where they take a vein out ( to use for the pee tube) the remainder of them needs to be strong enough to carry enough blood through to keep my hand alive and also I may have problems with my body rejecting the skin grafts cuz of physical health stuff but other than that everything should go well and I’ll be referred back for a proper appointment as this was just an information appointment but useful to have especially with my complications.

I also now know exactly what I want done, as there are various different ways to do this surgery, which is good. I’m so excited for this part of my journey. One thing I will share about the details of the surgery is, at the time of the first lower surgery op I’m going to have a full hysterectomy, removing everything. The other details are a bit more intimate and sensitive, but I will share it at some point.

I’ll now have to be officially referred for lower surgery, I have to be seen within 12 months of the referral, although if they’re busy they can extend it. But I’m focusing on getting through top surgery first and try to not get too excited about the next step.

So exciting!!! 🥳🥳🥳

^ one of the many trains I took with my friend yesterday

Peace out

Zak

Transition update

I don’t when I last posted an update about my transition stuff, but I have exciting news 😁

I am now 21 months on testosterone, my two years on T will be 22nd August. Everything with T is going well, I do my own shots now every 3 weeks, which is cool.

I got a letter the other day about arranging my first appointment at Harley Street to talk about lower surgery, which is super exciting! I’m just waiting waiting for them to call me to discuss a first appointment.

I got a call on Friday from Plymouth hospital and I booked in for top surgery! I have an initial appointment 1st August and my operation will be 20th August!

It’s only 3 months away! I’m super excited, I don’t think it’s quite sunk in yet. This means everything to me, it will be my freedom!

It’s scary and exciting but it’s absolutely everything. I’ll finally feel like me, hopefully I’ll feel more confident and less self conscious and maybe it will help my low self esteem.

I can’t really express how much this means to me. I can’t believe I’ve got a date! It’s insane, I mean I was waiting for a date but it somehow still felt so out of reach.

I can’t wait for the relief, my chest gives me the most dysphoria and causes me the most stress and anxiety. I feel emotional just thinking about it and how life changing it will be. I really can’t wait.

Peace out

Zak

Transition update – Week 42 on T

Where to start, everything is going well at the moment. I’m feeling good and things are moving forward.

Tomorrow I have my fasting blood test for my T levels first thing and by the end of the week I should know if my levels are ok or not. I’m still not sure if they are completely right or not but we shall see.

A big thing happened this week, after the group I volunteer at I had an appointment to have my wild hair cut. I needed to change my top as I wear a certain top to get my haircut. I was in the local library and I decided to go into the men’s toilets to change, as I knew it would be pretty quite. Its the first ever time I’ve been in the men’s toilet! I felt pretty proud of myself. It was a bit scary but I’m so pleased I did it! Another big step in my transition, I’m so happy to be moving forward.

I won’t be writing a blog next week as I’ll be away for 5 days, I’m super excited!

Week 42 on T

^ This weeks picture

^ This weeks video

Peace out

Zak

Transition update – No longer Pre T

So my last blog update was about having an appointment with my GP to collect my prescription for testosterone.

This Monday I rang up my doctors surgery to see if they had any nurses appointments on Tuesday, so I could get it done the same day I pick it up. By some miracle they managed to book me in with the locum nurse the same day. It was later on in the day but at least I didn’t have to wait too long.

So Tuesday morning rolled around and I had to be at the GP’s by 9:35am, I was so exhausted and felt so lethargic, I got a taxi up there as I just didn’t have the energy. I don’t do well first thing in the morning, especially when I don’t really have the time to wake up.

Anyway my appointment went well and my GP was happy that I’d finally got my testosterone. He was excited for me which was nice.

I went home and relaxed, I even managed to have a little sleep which was very much needed.

My best friend came over, we took the pups for a quick run around before we headed up to the doctors. We got to the doctors a bit earlier then we needed too, so we sat outside for a bit.

Went into the nurses room and I was a mixture of nervous and excited. However that quickly turned to frustration when she refused to teach me how to inject myself and she didn’t even seem to know why I was there, why this was such a big deal for me, so it kinda tainted the whole thing. Which sucked but I expect nothing less from the NHS these days, its all down to poor communication as usual. I didn’t want to explain to  her why I was having it done because I was too frustrated to explain myself and didn’t feel I should if had too.

Anyway after the initial frustration, we finally got around to jabbing my butt cheek with my first shot of testosterone. The jab itself didn’t hurt but I felt good, like a feeling of relief. This moment was finally happening, I dreamt of this day for so so long and for ages it felt so far away and it felt like it wasn’t something obtainable. But finally its happening and yeah I felt at peace.

I got home and because it was so muggy out I felt so sticky and horrible so I just had to jump in the shower to cool off and feel a bit cleaner. Soon after my butt cheek started aching from the T shot but it did go into my muscle so that’s to be expected.

H and I went over the road to the pub and she treated me to a nice steak dinner in celebration, which was really nice. As we were eating, I felt a sudden wave of energy come over me, which felt great after feeling so lethargic most of the day. After dinner we walked over to the field where H lives and walked to dogs for a few hours, we sat and chatted while Scrappy was playing fetch and fox was saying hello to everyone that walked by, they enjoyed themselves and they both definitely needed that time out. When we got back they both were crashed out on the sofa together.

So yeah I am no longer pre T and it feels pretty awesome, every now and then I get a bit of an energy boost for like an hour which is cool and quite helpful as it means I can get stuff done lol. I think I am still in shock I suppose, as I still can’t quite believe its happened but I am excited for the next part of my life now, its all starting to feel right.

On Monday I took a last pre T selfie, I did a pre T voice video and a pre T body picture as well, because I am going to track my transition in hopes that it will help and inspire others and also it will be good for me to get back into blogging regularly. I’ll post all this on a separate post and I will try and update at least once a week. I need to find my mojo again, I really enjoy writing once I start its just finding the motivation to do it in the first place that I have been struggling with at the moment. I’m sure I’ll sort it out, I just need to put myself first a bit more and make more time for me.

Anyway I’m gonna post my pics on another post, so that’s it for this one and I will try and write again soon

Peace out

Batman

 

First appointment at the GIC

A week ago yesterday I went up to London Hammersmith and had my first appointment at the Gender Identity Clinic.

I’m only writing now because I’ve not really had the concentration to sit and write. For a few days after I was buzzing! Then I was struggling with being really restless. But today I’ve made myself stop and slow down and relax.

Right so back to the GIC appointment.

My friend picked up my dogs on the Wednesday night and I wasn’t too anxious about them going.

I slept really well Wednesday night, for the first time in days, which was so odd. I had a really relaxing, calm morning just getting myself ready and off to the coach station.

The coach trip up was good, it was a fairly full coach and I got a seat by myself and the plug worked so I could top up the charge on my phone. I couldn’t stop smiling for the whole trip! lol

When I got to London I had some time to kill, so I walked and found a cafe to sit in, so I had a drink and some lunch. I sat in there for about an hour but as I didn’t buy anything else and it was getting busy I decided to go for a walk.

On my walk I found a park, so I sat on the bench in the shade as it was so so hot up there. I was still feeling, calm and relaxed, not a hint of anxiety in me which felt weird but good.

The time came to walk down to the GIC, to the random brown door in the wall and to press the buzzer. I was super exited! I strolled up to the door, pressed the buzzer and said I have an appointment and I got buzzed it! WOOHOO! the first day of the rest of my life is about to happen!

The appointment itself went amazing, I was in there and just answered all sorts of questions, I wasn’t embarrassed or anything. I felt so confident and calm and yeah I felt more like myself then I’ve ever done before and it felt good. It just felt amazing to know that this is the first step to having a body that reflects how I feel inside.

After I booked my next app which is April but maybe sooner as I’m on the cancellation list! 😀 eeep! and this appointment is for a second opinion for Testosterone and I cannot express how excited I am for that! 😀

Then I had to go get my bloods done and I got lost on the way in and on the way out lol! They took loads too! Good job I’m used to getting my bloods done lol.

Had more time to kill for the coach back but I was so happy I didn’t care!

Coach was late but again I was so happy I wasn’t bothered.

Coach back was absolutely fine, I text everyone about how it went and everyone was really happy too. I just smiled all the way home.

Got picked up at the coach station by my friend and my pups 😀

I couldn’t sleep straight away I was too hyped up!

It was an awesome appointment and a massive mood boost!

Peace out

Batman

Don’t listen to that little dark voice.

A lot has changed in 3 days, a good kind of change though. I’m feeling much better then I did when I last posted on Wednesday. I am much more articulate now and I am able to write a decent sentence…Well I hope so anyway.

On Thursday I wasn’t going to go to my LGBT mental health group, I just didn’t want to go. The little dark voice was whispering in my ear saying “don’t go” “you’ll have a better day at home” “you don’t need that group anyway” etc you get the picture, the depression whispering lies into my ear constantly, trying to keep me at home, keeping me away from people, keeping me from helping myself to push through and feel better. Because the dark voice disappears if I ignore him, so he shouts as loud as he can for as long as he can, until the little ray of light starts talking sense, telling me that there is hope and I will feel better again.

That little ray of light gets louder and stronger the more I pushed on with my day. He got a little louder after I had my breakfast, a little louder still after having a shower and getting dressed. The dark voice was shouting too both in equal measure, my head was so loud but I knew what path I had to follow. I carried on and took the dogs out for a walk, I kept having to sit down as the dark voice was making my body feel so heavy and weak but I pushed through. By this point both voices were raging at each other, I was just listening to them both, both made good points. But ultimately listening to the dark voice would mean just perpetuating the liar that is depression, he would win, the only way I was going to feel better is if I listened to the light voice and went to group.

So I managed to get my stuff together, it took every fibre of my being to do this. As I walked out the front door, locking it behind me, the dark voice realised he’s lost. So he went back to whispering softly in my ear, whispering things like “you won’t have a good day” “you’re stupid” etc… :/

By the time I got on the bus, my head was fairly quite again and my whole being felt so exhausted. I kept falling asleep on the bus trip and very nearly missed my stop but I suddenly realised where I was and pressed the button to get off.

Group itself was good, I don’t remember what we did but I think that’s because it was such a huge battle to just get there, I struggled to be present. But I was there, I stayed, I participated as much as I could and I felt better as a result.

I still didn’t feel 100% better but I felt more myself for going out. I had a good evening, I made myself dinner, played with the pups while waiting for my food shopping, snacked on a peanut butter and syrup sandwich and went to bed.

Friday I went to the Weymouth LGBT mental health group and again it was a bit of a battle to get up and ready, but the struggle wasn’t nearly as bad as the day before. So it just goes to show that my mood was on the way back to normality again.

As always the journey there and back was good and the session itself was good. I think I’ve been going to that group for about a year now, which is cool and makes me proud 🙂

Got home from group about 6pm, I was so tired but I took the pups out for a quick wee and run. When we got back in I stripped off, my binder was hurting so off that came, jeans came off and were replaced by joggy bottoms, although if it was warmer I would just be walking about in boxers and top…but its still too cold for that unfortunately.

I had no energy or motivation to do anything, so I flopped onto the sofa, narrowly missing Harley and Foxy who were both on the sofa, waiting for attention. I reclined both sides of the sofa and I was soon surrounded by all four of my fur babies, I didn’t however appreciate scrappy standing on my back because he’s so freaking heavy! It was nice though, I spent about an hour just laying in silence, with my babies all round me.

Managed to muster up the energy to make myself some dinner which was nice. I just spent the evening watching tv and chatting to friends online.

Today the sun was out and it was like a cool spring day, its been so nice. Before I could go and enjoy the sunshine, I did the housework as its been a bit neglected this week due to my low mood . I felt better for doing it and the place no longer smelt of stinky cat litter, which isn’t a good smell.

I got myself together and I took the dogs for a walk and we went on the longer route. I thought it a bit ambitious of me to walk the long way and it worked out that yeah it was a bit ambitious. I kept having to sit down and resting along the way, but that was ok as I got to just sit in be in the moment.

Once again when I got in, I stripped off the chest binder and my jeans and adopted the much more comfortable joggy bottoms and I rested for a bit with my babies.

I started my dinner early as its quite a time consuming dish and didn’t want to eat too late in the night. I made myself a chicken and leek pie and it was very nice if I do say so myself. I did the washing up as I went along so it wasn’t overwhelming.

I have spent my evening playing with the animals and listening to music. Which makes a change from having the TV on all night and its been a nice change.

Recently I’ve been conscious about the amount of time I spend on my phone, laptop, ps3 and watching tv and I know that it doesn’t always have a good effect on me. So I’ve been switching off my mobile phone, not going on the laptop every night, now watching tv every day. I’ve been mixing up my routine a bit more, cuz before I would watch certain things in the day, then spend all evening with the TV on and my laptop on.

I like people not texting and talking to me all day long, sometimes I just turn my phone off and sit and play with the dogs, or do some colouring or whatever. Not having to be plugged in 24/7 is very freeing, just to sit and be in the moment and to be in whatever is going on around me is nice. It means I’m not missing out on spending quality time with friends or the animals, I’m not missing out on moments because I am not being sucked into my phone. I am learning more and more how to just be and it is difficult but I have found that if one of my senses is being occupied then I can be in the moment, being still and quiet.

I know people worry when I don’t text straight back or whatever but they don’t need to worry because I am ok, I’m just going back to basics.

So after sitting here for about 3 hours writing, well not solidly I may add, how do I feel? I feel calm, happy and connected with myself. I feel hopeful and excited to see L tomorrow for her birthday 🙂

My life is by far simple but I somehow get myself through it, I will drag myself through this life kicking and screaming until the very end! I will not give up, that dark voice will NEVER win the war.

That is all for now, as my heads starting to hurt from looking at the screen. Glad I took the time to update this though, as its been a while and I always feel better for getting it all out and hopefully I will sleep peacefully tonight.

Peace out

Batman

Beyond Exhausted

It’s only Monday and I’ve got a good feeling about this week and about the “stuff” going on in my life 🙂

I really struggled to get going this morning, I felt so so tired and felt like I hadn’t slept at all even though I’d had a really good nights sleep.

The flat was an absolute state and I really needed to get the housework done, not only because I wanted it done but someone was coming over to help me with my PIP appeal.

I literally had to drag myself around the flat to tidy up bit by bit and it took every ounce of the little energy I had to sort it out.

I then used my last bit of energy to have a shower and get dressed. I also took the pups out for a quick wee and a run, how I made it over the road and back I don’t know. I was running on empty by this point.

Hate feeling this exhausted, it makes me feel so weak and everything is so much more of an effort to do anything at all. Its almost like I’m carrying a person on my back and someone holding on to my ankles holding me back from walking. It makes me feel so dragged down, its really hard to explain to someone who’s never experienced it. All I want to do when I feel like that is sleep and all I can do when I feel like that is sleep.

Sadly I couldn’t sleep right away, as I had a lady come over to help me sort out my appeal for my PIP (personal independent payment) She was really nice and we spent nearly two hours talking about my conditions. She said they that I should have been given a point for having a pill box! Not that it would have made much of a difference BUT it’s utterly disgusting that they did not write that down. Most things I said they didn’t write down.

Anyway she seemed quite hopeful about my chances and she thinks that if my docs write me some good letters that it shouldn’t go further then a mandatory reconsideration, which should take about 6 weeks-ish. I am really hoping that it doesn’t have to go further then this but I will be ready just in case I have to fight it further.

She said I have a strong case for the care component part of the claim but the mobility component part of the claim maybe a bit trickier purely because I’m not in a wheelchair and it’s hard to judge me pain, how far I can walk etc. But she said there is something I can do to help that part, which is to measure my step and then count how many steps I can take before I am in pain and or have to stop and do that for say 3 different days in a week and then she can do the maths and work out an average of how far I can walk and hopefully that will be enough to help with that part of the claim.

At one point we were talking about who cares for me, e.g a social worker..etc and I said no one and that’s not because I don’t want/need that kind of support but because it’s simply not available. I had a social worker, she saw me once and that was only to get my stool for my kitchen stool and shower stool. All the services are over stretched and have no time for people like me who appear to be capable or whatever. But I have to deal with my life by myself because I have no other choice, it’s such a catch 22 situation. It just highlights to me that I do have a lot of needs that are being met because I put an extraordinary amount of energy into every aspect of my life. But I do wish I had a social worker or whoever to help me with appointments, or sorting medications or just to talk too. I know that this kind of support would be invaluable for me, it’s just simply not available and people like me are slipping through the net and aren’t getting what they need and it’s so so sad to thing there are others like me suffering because of the lack of services.

Appointments like this always bring up so much for me and makes me think about my illnesses and how much it effects my life and it doesn’t make me feel good. I hate this illness so much but I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone…I won’t go on too much as I don’t want it to effect my mood any more then it already has.

Anyway the lady left just before 2 pm and I had just about enough energy to let her out and then collapsed into bed, where I slept until 4 pm…yeah I wasn’t tired at all..and I’m totally fit for work! lol

My friend H popped over for a bit to kill some time before an appointment, so that was nice to catch up with her for a bit.

I managed to eat dinner tonight, I had rice and my beef stroganoff and I managed to eat the majority of it as well. So pleased I could eat properly and hopefully I will be able to continue to eat well again. Tomorrow I’m making sausage and bean casserole in the slow cooker 🙂 so looking forward to that.

Went to the chemist this evening to pick up some medications that I had ordered last week. But my meds weren’t ready, usually when this happens it really annoys me because it’s either a cock up caused by the chemist or the doctors. Today however was different because no one has messed anything up, so the lady explained that my doctors surgery had said that they had taken me off their system and are in the process of putting my details back onto the system. The lady was a bit confused as to why they were doing it and why I was pretty much bouncing up and down lol! This means they are FINALLY changing my title and my gender and I will get a new NHS number, it’s only taken them nearly a year to sort this out. But that’s irrelevant now as it’s being done.

I cannot express how happy this has made me, even though its a pretty minor detail in the grand scheme of things. But because I am in a sort of limbo while I’m waiting to be seen at the gender clinic and I’ve had to fight for this as well, so it feels like a small victory! So yeah I am a very happy boy right now 🙂

How do I feel right now? I feel tired, I feel happy and I feel relived as well. I just hope everything with my benefits goes in my favour and it doesn’t take too long.

 I woke up to this after my nap ❤ aw they are so cute ❤ Miss Marley moo and Foxy girl.

Right I gotta get myself ready for bed, I need my beauty sleep lol.

Peace out

Batman