Adventure Time – Brighton day trip

On Thursday I took a pretty huge step, I went to Brighton for the day by train on my own.

I’ve always had anxiety about getting the train places, as I have a fear of getting lost. Which is probably a weird fear but that’s where my anxiety around travelling alone comes from.

I’ve been to Brighton before, with a friend for Pride. This was probably about 11/12 years ago now. I don’t remember much of the journey or even pride itself. It sucks that I don’t really remember this experience but I don’t remember a lot of experiences in my life.

I got my first train just gone 9 am, it was running late but I was feeling pretty relaxed. I had to change trains, which went smoothly and I got on the right one. I did ask the train guard if it was the train to Brighton before getting on, just to ease my anxieties.

Got into Brighton at 12:21 and man it was freezing! I didn’t really have a plan of where I was going or what I was doing. So I just started walking and followed the sign posts.

I hit some shops and the first one that drew me in was a crystal shop! haha I mean of course it was! But there were loads of them! There was so many awesome shops, such bright colours, such a lovely energy. I kinda felt at home, my anxieties disappeared and I just was in awe of the place. I spent the day walking around with my mouth wide open! lol.

I went down to the Pier and walked along it, went in the arcade, had a walk along the beach. I went to Franco Manca for lunch, they do the best sourdough pizza’s. It was nice sitting and having lunch on my own in a new town.

I headed home at 5pm feeling extremely proud of myself, I felt incredible! Like I could conquer anything. Even now a few days later, I’m still feeling really good about myself.

I’ve spent my life waiting on other people, always believing I wasn’t strong enough to do things on my own, or that I needed other people to help me. But I bloody did it, I proved myself wrong and I proved everyone else wrong.

I am strong, I am capable, I can do things! I am good enough.

I had the best day and I definitely intend on going back there. Maybe when its a bit warmer lol. I’m also intending on going to Brighton for this years Trans Pride. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while but just haven’t got round to going yet. But this year definitely feels like the year to go.

This is one of many adventures I plan on having this year!

Peace out

Zak

Food Diary – I’m still trying

I keep seeing a advert on TV for Nana’s magic soup. It’s a tesco advert and I thought I’d give it a go. So yesterday I bought all the ingredients and came home and made it and again to my surprise it was really yum and fairly quick and easy to make as well. I had loads left over which, I’ve frozen so I can have in the week.

https://realfood.tesco.com/recipes/nanas-magic-soup.html

^ that’s the link for the recipe and how to cook it.

IMG_8076

^ Picture of the soup

I am trying really hard to try new food, it’s not very consistent and that’s mainly because of my mood. But yeah I am trying really hard to get on top of this food phobia thing.

Peace out

Batman

Food diary – Week 5

This week has been a bit difficult food wise, eating has been giving me anxiety. I think its related to my weight and gender dysphoria, as that’s been pretty bad this week.

For those who don’t know, I am a trans guy. That means I was born female but I don’t identify with the female body parts and this causes a great deal of distress. I am currently waiting for an appointment to talk about starting testosterone, so that’s super exciting. My weight gain hasn’t helped with how I feel about my body but I am changing my diet little by little but its difficult with all the other things I have to contend with.

Anyway, I tried two different things this week. One was Kippers…I didn’t like them, is the short answer to trying that one lol. But I did also try pineapple, I just bought fresh pineapple that was already sliced up. I live on my own and didn’t want to waste a whole pineapple. I really enjoyed the pineapple, it was so sweet and sharp but tasted good.

As usual I googled to see if the dogs could eat pineapple and turns out they can, so they both had a try but only Scrappy ate it, Foxy was not impressed lol. It said I can freeze the pineapple for tasty summer treats for the puppers, so that’s good to know.

As usual no plans of what I’m gonna have next week, can’t think about that right now.

Peace out

Batman

Food Dairy – Week 4

I am pretty proud that I am 4 weeks in and I am still trying new foods, 5 years ago I wouldn’t/couldn’t have done something like this. I definitely want to continue and I want to try new meals and new places to eat out at.

Earlier today I popped to Asda and decided to pick up a new fruit to try and I got some plumbs as they were 6 for 50p which is cheap, loads cheaper then everything I’ve tried so far.

I got home around half 3-4 pm and I was a bit hungry, so I decided why not try a plumb. As usual I looked up to see if the dogs can try a bit too. Dogs are allowed the fleshy bit but the stone is dangerous and can poison them. I enjoyed the plumb so much the pups didn’t get a look in, they were so nice, juicy, a bit sharp but I was like why have I never eaten this before lol! So yay another fruit I can snack on.

I’ve been trying to think back to when I was a kid as to whether I have eaten a plumb before and I couldn’t remember. which is why I chose it, its a possibility that I have tried it as a kid but didn’t like it but I don’t remember. There’s a LOT of my past that I have little or no memory of because its traumatic. Wow just disassociated for a moment, just writing about my past triggers disassociation.

From today I am eating less, I’ve been indulging too much, too many takeaways, too much Pepsi, eating too many packets of crisps as an easy snack. So today I’ve eat less then I have been and actually feel a bit better for it. I am so so addicted to sugar and I really want to give up Pepsi completely but I’m addicted and I drink it for emotional reasons. It’s a comfort thing, that’s probably really weird. It actually makes me anxious to even think about not drinking Pepsi everyday…this definitely isn’t normal but this is the same thought process as an addict. I can say this with confidence as that’s how I felt when I thought about not self harming every day back when I used to cut loads every day. I have only self harmed twice in the last 3 and a bit years. But yeah Pepsi doesn’t even taste of anything any more because I drink it so much, I’m totally powerless over this addiction. I do want to quit but I don’t, I’m not quite there yet.

That’s all for now

Peace out

Batman

My food diary – Week 3

So there are two parts to this weeks blog, I haven’t tried new food per-say but I tired a new meal and a new restaurant.

I’ll start with the new restaurant, so on Sunday I felt so so ill with a sinus infection, which I get all the time at the moment as my immune disorder isn’t currently under control. My head was so sore, I hurt all over, the weathers been rubbish and I was really hungry. I really didn’t have the energy to cook, I didn’t really fancy pizza hut. So I ordered from a place called Chicken N Blues, now this may seem easy for most people but when you have a issue with food its really not easy or simple eating at new places. I have a real fear of eating at places I never have before, I get worried about if I’ll like the food, will the food make me sick…the list goes on. So a simple thing to most people was actually a big thing for me. I ordered a grilled chicken wrap and corn on the cob and waited for it to be delivered.

My food arrived, I got a can of Pepsi and my tray and got comfy on the sofa. I unwrapped my chicken wrap and took a huge bite and wow omg I can’t believe I’ve never eaten that before, it was amazing and I ate the whole thing. It was so good, I literally could eat that every day lol. It was so good I had it Monday night too lol. I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and got food from a new place. I’m definitely getting better at this food bizz lol.

Part 2 of my diary is that I cooked a meal tonight, I had sweet and sour pork stir fry, with egg noodles. I used a rainbow stir fry veg mix, sweet and sour sauce with pineapple, pork and egg noodles, all from Asda. Now I don’t think I cooked the noodles properly as I’ve never cooked fresh pasta before, so I didn’t end up eating them. But hey cooking is about trial and error I suppose. But I really enjoyed the rest of it, all of it I’ve eaten before but I don’t think I’ve eaten it altogether before. I certainly haven’t cooked it for myself before and its definitely something I will eat again.

I know this isn’t strictly trying a new food but I still feel its helping me tackle me issues with food by stepping out of my comfort zone a bit. Oh I got food shopping delivered today and I bought myself more raspberries as I really enjoyed them last week.

Again no plans for what I’m going to try next week, will probably see on the day.

Peace out

Batman