Being penalised for having a chronic illness

Been sat here trying to think about what to write, as right now my head is a reflection of my life, its just totally all over the place and I don’t know where to start.

I was going to write about binding and pain management but I can’t get my thoughts organised at all because I have so much going on in my lil brain! I am desperately trying to figure out what bills can I cut IF I can and what I can sell…just so I can eat for the next fortnight and have electric so I can heat the flat!

I’m kinda glad I lived at the youth hostel, that taught me how to live in a shoe string! How to fight to survive. If that means selling some of my stuff then so be it! If it means getting my sky temporarily cut off or at least to get the basic/cheapest bundle…if that’s possible.

My priorities have shifted somewhat, I now need to only focus on bills, food, rent and electric…Yes they were my priorities before but at least I wasn’t scraping the barrel just to have the basics, least I was able a to treat myself. Now that has gone, I cannot treat myself and that’s an important part of my self I have to now change that.

These rich, elite fucking wankers making all these cuts have NO IDEA at all how they effect the actual people they are doing it too.

The internet is my lifeline, my mobile is my lifeline, I need netflix to watch on the days I am housebound, I need more then 5 tv channels to watch on the days that I am housebound cuz lets face BBC1 BBC2, ITV, CH4 and CH5 have fuck all on the majority of the time! These things I need when I am housebound. I need my phone to make appointments with my doctors etc, I NEED THIS!

I need to be able to put the heating on because its still cold in the evenings and when I am ill I feel the cold much more. Yes I can sit around with jumpers etc on but it still doesn’t take the chill off the place, besides its not the fucking point! I am a person who has complex physical and mental health issues who needs to be able to have a decent quality of life!

I don’t know why I am writing all of this, I suppose because my story needs to get out of there. Although I am not that naive in thinking I am the only one with the story like this, because sadly its not, its happening all up and down the country to millions of people.

Its not right, what they are doing is morally wrong and I honestly don’t know how these people can sleep peacefully at night knowing that people like me have killed themselves because they were deemed fit to work, knowing that millions of families are living below the poverty line despite working hard to support their families. YES the benefits needed to be reformed because people were abusing it BUT those who are actually ill are being told they are fit for work and having their money cut all over the place are the ones that are being penalised the most, those who aren’t actually ill can just go get a job. But those who are chronically ill cannot just got get a job, cutting money is not a fucking incentive to work, if anything it has the total opposite effect. If you are even more ill because you cannot heat your place, that’s IF you can even still afford rent, if you cannot afford to eat, if you cannot sleep properly because of the stress about worrying about where your next meal is coming from, if you are depressed because you’ve spent every evening sat in the dark, cold and the quiet, these things DO NOT equate to a functional human! let alone a happy human. Its a joke!

I can write any more because well honestly it is making me so angry and I need to reserve this energy to fight my way through this next fortnight. It is what it is and I can’t change that right now. But what I can do is make phone calls and just get through this! I’ve been through far worse and I can get through this bullshit!

I did have something else to write about, an incident that happened yesterday that caused me to have a flashback, which unsettled me for half the day, which I had to work hard to settle myself again. But I don’t have the energy to write any more, I need to get myself to bed.

Peace out


Over did it – catch up

I’ve not posted for a week and that’s because I’ve been so busy, I haven’t really stopped until today. Its been great and I’ve been having a good time but I’ve totally over done it and I feel so awful today, so exhausted.

I’ll do a quick catch up of what I’ve been up too this week.

Wednesday – I don’t really remember much from this day as its so long as. But I remember I had to stay in for someone to come and lower my shower pole, so I can now reach it when sat on my shower stool. I rang up the RSPCA to get a voucher to get Harley Spayed and microchipped. I think I just relaxed and pottered about the flat, doing the housework and laundry.

Thursday – This day was SO long! I saw my bone doc in the morning and WOW that was a real shit appointment and I really despise her!

This was my FB status about it..

I really dislike my bone doc. She doesn’t listen and she doesn’t care! I asked for my whole condition/symptoms to be reviewed and she kept asking me what I meant… If I want my hyper mobility looked into I have to ask my gp to refer me to some genetic place in Southampton… She wasn’t really clear about this.

She’s still banging on about coming off steroids… So in a few weeks after my blood results today I get to start azathioprine and it that goes well then she wants to start lowering steroids again…

My bloods are all negative and have been for ages but it doesn’t explain my constant sinus infection, the chronic pain and fatigue…
And she just put the burst blood vessel in my finger down to steroids and again she didn’t even take a close look, she just glanced at it.
I really dislike her.

But I didn’t write that she wanted to examine me, which is fine and I am totally used to that. So I took off my jumper and jeans but she asked me to take my off so she could listen to my chest…I refused too as she can listen to my chest without me being completely undressed. She did listen to my chest with my top still on but that’s not the point, she was totally out of order. She’s knows I’m trans and she obviously has no understanding and no desire to understand. Needless to say my gender dysphoria was horrific afterwards.

After that I headed straight to group, which was cool as usual πŸ™‚

I went and had fuzzy hair cut an styled, so I look much better now πŸ™‚ I always feel so good after a haircut.

Met L and Boo Boo in town for a bit and then took Boo Boo home with me. Got home, sorted out Boo’s stuff, played with him for a bit, cooked us dinner, took pups for a wee, played a bit more and then put Boo to bed. I just spent the evening relaxing and watching tv.

Friday – Albert had me up early, so we went into the lounge and I put frozen on for him and I napped on the sofa for a bit, I wasn’t ready to be up at 7 am! But after that I was totally ready and we both had breakfast, Frozen was put on for a 2nd time and then we both had a shower an got dressed.

Took the pups for a quick wee and run around, which Boo Boo had fun playing with the pups. Dropped the pups home and Boo’s pushchair and walked over to the park, where we played for about an hour. I had to then bribe him into walking to a shop I needed to go to, I said I’d buy him chocolate if he left the park.

We just chilled out in the afternoon, doing lots of colouring and watching Disney films, he really got into Tangled which is one of my favourite films. I love Disney so I didn’t mind spending all afternoon watching them with Boo.

Boo and I had dinner and it was actually nice to have dinner with someone, rather then cooking for just myself. I did have to encourage him to eat it though, as he’s two and a half now and definitely asserting his right to say no, I don’t like it! Plus his taste buds are changing too, he’s gone from eating anything to very little, although he will eat chocolate all day every day lol.

We chilled out after dinner, playing with his dinosaurs and cars. He then asked me to read his book so he could go to bed, it was so sweet. Again in the evening I just spent clearing up and then relaxing.

Saturday – Boo had me up at 7:30 am..wanting to watch Frozen again! While he was doing that I had a little sleep on the sofa, as I do not do early mornings.

Again he wanted a shower with me and when we got dressed we both had Batman t-shirts on πŸ™‚ Took the pups for a wee and a run across the road, so Boo had fun playing with them. He’s so good with the dogs, its so cute.

Boo and I had some lunch, I got his stuff together and cleaned up a bit. Then got the bus and dropped him off with his dad’s family, as L was still really ill and needed a little more time to recover.

I went over to see L and Harvey and as soon as I walked in Harvey was showing me his minecraft and what he’s been building, which is pretty cool actually. I took Arnie around the block for a quick walk and wee.

Headed home and while I was sat on the bus I had a migraine start…and I didn’t have any sumatriptan left!! While I was walking home, through town I nipped into the chemist and bought some sumatriptan, got in and stripped off, got into my pjs, took my Tramadol and got into bed. I hate migraines so much, all I can do is sleep when I get one.

I slept for an hour, I then had dinner, got a shower, got dressed into my new fancy shirt and jeans, took the pups for a quick wee and then E picked me up for J’s birthday party.

It was such a good night, I talked to loads of new people. I even got into a club without being asked for I.D which is great as I don’t have I.D lol!

Sunday – I got up quite early considering I got to sleep quite late. Did my usual morning stuff, got me and the pups ready and got the bus over to L’s.

We spent all day there which was cool, I went out and got some food shopping, I took the pups around the block for a wee. Then chilled out for a bit as I was so achy, probably because I was really tired. Then Harvey and I took the pups down to the park for an hour, he rode his bike as he wanted to show me how well he can do it now. So that was cool just spending some time with me and him, gave L a chance to have a lil snooze. When dinner was ready I sorted it all out. Afterwards I fixed the nob on her slow cooker as she’d managed to melt it…yeah don’t ask lol!

I think I left about half 8 pm, got home and jumped in the shower, got into bed and was sound asleep by 10:40pm.

Monday – I woke up quite early, ate a packet of jaffa cakes and got back into bed until lunch time…I totally needed it. Did the housework and laundry, took the pups for a wee. Sorted out my meds for the week, sorted out my list of what’s going on for the week. Then in the evening I went to the Breakfree trans group social. Which as always was a good laugh, even if it was just the 3 of us lol.

Today – I woke up this morning and I didn’t feel good, I hurt all over, I felt weak and tired, my nose was all blocked. So I just had some breakfast and went back to bed until lunchtime.

Dragged myself into the shower, then got dressed and took the pups for a wee but it started raining, so we came back and I got into my joggy bottoms, as I was still so achy and feeling delicate. Spent the afternoon catching up with X-files and Gotham, while I went through the box of Lego Harvey gave me. Most of it was just random bits and fake Lego, so chucked that out and I was left with a handful of real Lego bits. I then decided to sort through my Lego into bags of their colours.

I did go out for a bit to get electric and to pay my rent, I needed to stretch my legs a bit. Also went to Asda chemist to re-order more meds.

Just been relaxing this evening, had dinner, ordered my food shopping and caught up with emails and stuff.

How do I feel right now? I’m exhausted, I’m achy and I do feel frustrated with all my health crap because it gets my down so much. I feel ok-ish just a bit low but nothing I can’t handle.

Tomorrow I am meeting my Nan and Grandad for the first time since I wrote “that” letter. I’m a bit nervous about it especially as I’m physically not feeling great and not on top form. I’m sure it will be ok…

The mothership text me the other day and asked if she was seeing my for my birthday (which is next week) and I just said I don’t know and she said ok. To be honest no I don’t want to see her but she’s not getting the hint. Whatever though.. she’s a stress I don’t need in my life right now. She’s a negative influence in my life, that sounds awful as she gave birth to me, but regarding me emotionally she hasn’t put an ounce of anything into me. Yes I was always, fed, clothed and had a roof over my head but my emotional needs were never met. Anyway its just a complicated situation and I don’t want her in my life.

Little Harley is booked in this Friday to get spayed and chipped 😦 got to starve her from 8 pm Thursday night. Going to miss her, she’s not been away from me since I’ve had her.

Overall I have been doing ok considering everything I deal with on a daily basis, it is a struggle and it is hard. But I keep pushing through cuz daddy didn’t raise no quitter!

As usual I do have loads of pictures but I shall do that in a separate post.

Peace out


I hate this broken body of mine

Where to start? I don’t even know right now, I’m tired as usual and not feeling too well again. I’m so fed up of this, I just want to feel better for a little bit.

Woke up today feeling even worse then I did yesterday, everything hurt from head to toe and still does now. My chest felt/feels tight but inhalers haven’t helped.

I took nearly an hour just to get showered and dressed because I kept having to sit and rest in between doing anything.

Despite feeling ill and exhausted, I managed to get myself out and on a bus to group (Mindout LGBT mental health group)Β

I’m glad I went, it was a good group and I found it helpful to vent all the stresses that are in my life right now, which is quite a few. I also sorted out taking subs and helped someone with some forms we were filling out. Which made me feel capable, useful and helpful and like I have a purpose, well at least for a bit.

Group took it out of me though, by the time I got home my head was pounding, my ears were hurting and just every inch of me hurt. I took some sumatriptan to help with my head, I couldn’t take anything else for my joint pain.

I took the pups across the road for 10 mins and took a ball over to play with scrappy πŸ™‚ He loves playing fetch so much and it makes me happy watching him play and my little princess foxy just tags along trying to catch up with her brother. I love these two so so much and I am hoping to feel well enough to take them for a proper walk tomorrow, as I’ve not been able to take them out for a proper walk for about a week now, so they need one.

So glad I had dinner already made, so just had to microwave it. A day like today is why I have dinners ready made, because I just don’t have the energy to cook, even with my stool in the kitchen.

Haven’t done much this evening, just been relaxing and resting. I did paint two more boxes, one purple and one with a green base that’s going to have blue sides, so it looks like outdoors. I have a new mini figure of a janitor guy with a mop, so I am going to place him on my kitchen floor, with a spot of green paint to look like sick, gross I know lol! But it’s funny πŸ™‚ need to do it tomorrow as the lighting in here is rubbish at night.

How do I feel right now? Tired, poorly and stressing about several things. Most things are out of my control right now so I’m trying to put them to the back of my mind and sort out the things that are in my control.

One of my stressors is the gender dysphoria, my main issue being not being able to bind my chest. Next week when I get paid I’m going to look one some sites and order myself a high intensity sports bra, in hope that will flatten my chest enough for me to feel passable.

In the summer I overheat really quickly, so I need to wear vest tops and shorts. So my chest needs to look less female in order for me to be myself and for me to feel comfortable in myself as well.

I wish I could unzip this body suit I have on because it’s the wrong body suit! with the wrong parts. I hate this so much! It’s frustrating because I can’t change anything right now.

Do you ever feel like a child? I do all the time, I feel like I am stuck at the age of 15 and I can’t seem to move on. It was the age I was diagnosed with Granulomatosis with Polyangiitis, the age my life stopped. Well that’s how it makes me feel anyway, I was really ill before my diagnosis but without a name it was easier to ignore.

I feel stuck, like emotionally stuck at this age and although I have progressed and I have moved on in many aspects of my life. But when it comes to being ill or whatever I go into child mode and it causes a lot of pain and anger. The anger almost becomes uncontrollable, I can feel it inside but there’s nothing I can do about it.

From head to toe, inside and out I despise my body. It has the wrong parts and nothing fucking works properly. I hurt every day, I’m tired every day, I’m ill all the time. Even my mind doesn’t work properly, I can’t and don’t trust any part of me to do its job properly.

I’ve never had any help with dealing with coming to terms in living with a long term illness with no cure. There’s still nothing out there, no help nothing.

Anyway..whatever I’m exhausted, well even more so. I better get this broken body to bed.

Peace out


I don’t even have the energy to be angry

In just two days things have changed, my mood has dropped and I feel like shit in more ways then one. I literally don’t have the energy for anything right now, I would just like things to go a bit more smoothly for a change.

Yesterday was a good day for the most part, I saw my brother and nephew Leo for a bit in the morning, I then spent the afternoon with my best friend and in the evening I had my transgender therapy group.

That was all cool and made me happy but I had woken up with a really bad sore throat and generally felt pretty rubbish. I carried on regardless though and it was utterly exhausting.

My appetite is back on track now thankfully, Mon I had beef stroganoff, yesterday I made a sausage and bean casserole and today I had gammon, roast veg, roast potatoes and dumplings, it was really nice, I’d never made dumplings before and I will definitely be making them again. It makes my life easier when I don’t have to stress about eating or not.

So today has been a wash out pretty much, I’m so stressed out I’m almost calm about it all because it’s all out of my control at the moment.

I didn’t get out of bed until 12 pm, I just felt and still feel so ill. Everything aches and hurts, my throat is still really sore and I just generally feel unwell. Just what I need another bug…The doctors are still doing something with my details because I can’t log into their system to book an appointment, which is a bit annoying. So I’m going to ring tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment soon. I need another antibiotic to tide me over until the 18th Feb when I see my bone doc and I will be asking for a new immunosuppressant that’s not freaking methotrexate!

Anyway I dragged myself around to do the housework and the laundry. Got showered, dressed and took the rubbish out. After that I felt so exhausted, I couldn’t do anything more because everything was hurting so much.

The pups had a vets appointment at 3 pm, so I was just relaxing and watching tv before I had to go out with them.

My rest didn’t feel long enough and I still felt so ill but I got myself and the pups ready to go out. Just before we left though, I checked my bank details to see if how much money was in my account, I knew there was enough in there but I always check just in case and I am glad I did! Otherwise I would have go there and wouldn’t have been able to pay as all my money was gone!

I had to ring up the vets and cancel the pups appointment and I have to sort out another appointment tomorrow. I took the pups out for a wee and quick run as they’d not been out yet and then dropped them back.

I went to the bank and I was in there for an hour and a half and for the majority of it I was on hold, being passed to 4 different people, listening to crappy music while I was waiting. The guy that was helping me was really nice and so helpful and he spoke to the peeps on the phone for me because I didn’t know what they were on about lol. I was feeling ill and in pain and it made it hard to concentrate on anything.

The reason my money was taken goes back to Nov 15 when I had that fraud issue on my account and had to get a new card etc. Anyway long story short they didn’t receive my letter confirming that this was fraud and not a transaction that was mine, but because I hadn’t heard anything I assumed it was all sorted…clearly not the fucking case. So they’ve had to start the claim all over again, so they will send forms out again for me to sign and send back. But I won’t be sending them back, I’m going to take them to the bank so they can fax it over so they definitely get it this time.

But whilst at the bank the man that was helping me noticed that I have two different titles on my account! Which is why the fraud team were calling me Miss and not Mr..making assumptions I suppose because they too would have seen both titles on my account. Anyway this means whoever originally changed my details they didn’t do it right, so I need to take my deed poll in again and they can sort it out properly.

Yeah…..One more thing on top of everything else I’m dealing with right now. Yes its been easily sorted but I could have done without sitting in the bank on hold for an hour and a half. I haven’t even got the energy to be angry about it. Its like yup ok of course this is happening to me, after all it is me and life likes to fuck me over at every opportune moment. I’m almost expecting for things to just fuck up now because that’s how it’s been the last few months.

Anyway whatever… So how do I feel right now? I feel achy with a really sore throat. I do feel quite angry right now about everything. Mood is low because of all this bullshit..

Going to sort myself out and get to bed soon and hopefully I’ll feel well enough for group tomorrow. I hope so as I missed last week because I was fucking ill!

Peace out


Catch up from a very ill me :(

I’ve not been around properly for a while because I’ve just been so ill, so exhausted and really low.

I have felt so ill all week due to the methotrexate, it’s given me a bad stomach all week, nothing I’ve eaten has stayed in and I’ve had stomach pains on an off all week. I’ve had to take Loperamide to settle my stomach. I know it’s the methotrexate and not a bug because I have come to learn the difference. I HATE this drug so fucking much! My body is no longer tolerating it and it hasn’t done for a long time, but no one is listening to me.

I am sick of not being listened to by my doctors so I am going to make a complaint. They are keeping me ill by keeping me on methotrexate. I am NO longer tolerating it at all and I am sick of it. I am also going to make a complaint about my GP for many reasons, I am just not happy with my over all treatment of any of my ailments. So Monday I am going up to the Patient Advice and Liaison Services to start the ball rolling on my complaint.

I’ve decided to start my steroids every day rather then every other day and I am going to double my dose for a week to 10 mgs as I need a boost. I know this isn’t under the advice of my doctors but you know what they are not listening to me and I want to feel better. It’s nothing they wouldn’t do if I was having a flare anyway. I’ve been on steroids since I was 7 years old, I know what I am doing. I just wish I could stop the methotrexate without doctors but I know that would be stupid.

This week I have done nothing, due to feeling just so poorly and it’s rained all week long pretty much all day every day. I have been out a few times into town but that’s about it.

I did treat myself to some new jogging bottoms, I was trying to find some cuff bottom jeans but there wasn’t anywhere. So I did want jogging bottoms too but the ones I bought were boy’s age 13 lol! So pleased that I can fit into kids clothes again, they are actually a bit baggy πŸ™‚ but that’s cool.

On Thursday I had a phone call from my bank about unusual activity on my account and it turns out that someone has got hold of my card details and took all my money out. The bank was really great though, I stressed to them that I am on benefits due to being ill and that I have no over draft, no family members who can help etc, so they processed a claim to put that money straight back in and that went in on Friday. I am however left without a bank card at the moment…But hopefully I will have that Monday. I’m just lucky the bank were bang on it! It’s just the inconvenience of it all more then anything.

I am hoping that tomorrow I will be feeling much better, so I can actually take the pups for a walk or do something. As I am getting stir crazy! I need to get out properly!

So yeah this has made me feel so low 😦 But just for deciding to take charge I feel a bit better.

Peace out


Clocks change confusion…and a catch up

Ahh the clocks have gone back an hour and thrown me completely. When I woke up this morning my phone had 8 am and my alarm clock has 9 am… I didn’t know which one was right lol. It’s nearly 10 pm and it feels so late, even though it’s not.

Just a quick update really, as I want to go to bed soon. I start a new course tomorrow called mindful living πŸ™‚ so really looking forward to that.

Wednesday – Didn’t do much really, I went out and had a scaffold piercing done, got myself a new comic and went to see my friend in the sweet shop, chatted with her for a bit which was nice. Just relaxed all evening.

Thursday – I saw my specialist in the morning, I had to get a chest x-ray done while I was there. She wants me to stay on the steroids every other day at the moment, which I’m not 100% happy about.. but she’s only seen me twice now. But she is sorting out a bone density scan to check me for the early start of osteoarthritis and also I need to see my GP to check my calcium and vit D to see if I need to take tablets for it.

I made group only 20mins late, so that wasn’t bad. I didn’t miss anything really so that was good. Group was really good πŸ™‚ had a guy talking about Vita Nova group and I am really interested in doing the art and creative writing group. So I am going to look into that πŸ™‚

Friday – I did the housework, made some cakes, took the pups across the road for a wee and a run a few times. Did the paper work for my P.I.P form, watched tv, slept quite a bit and did some colouring.

Saturday – I did fuck all all day and I totally needed it. I slept all morning until 1 pm lol but I so needed it. I didn’t get dressed all day apart from like 20 mins when I took the pups for a wee and to get milk. H came over for the afternoon and we watched American Horror Story – Asylum as she’d not seen it before. After H left I spent the rest of the evening watching the rest of AHS and I did some more colouring. I felt so much better for not doing anything, I needed a few days to just rest.

Today started with the confusion with time lol but it’s ended well.

I did the housework this morning, got myself showered and dressed.

I spent the afternoon with L the boys and the pups πŸ™‚ which was cool, had fun messing about with the boys. Can’t believe how big they’ve both got! It’s crazy!

So that’s it for now, I’m feeling a bit happier then I have done πŸ™‚ I’m feeling really tired though, especially in the morning I find it really hard to get going because all I want to do is sleep in the morning until about midday.

I’m a bit chesty today, coughing up crap. So whatever I had before I had my teeth out has finally gone to my chest. I’ll see how it goes before I see my GP too soon.

I am really looking forward to starting this course tomorrow called mindful living, it’s 1 pm – 4 pm which means I have to leave here at 11:45 am. I am going to see how tomorrow morning goes and if I am feeling too tired then I am just going to sleep. I really need to pace myself and look after myself, these courses will come around again in the spring term.

My thoughts are saying that I am being lazy and that I just need to go and do this course. But my rational brain is saying see how you feel in the morning and decide then, no pressure, remember to pace yourself. I am going to listen to the rational side of my brain although the other side makes me feel guilty about not going. But this course is free and will have many others attending, so I won’t be letting anyone down…urgh I hate my brain sometimes. I do need to listen to my body too better then I already do.

ARGH! it’s all so complicated! I just want to be able to do what I want to do without thinking about it in depth!

Β New piercing

Β How me and my boy chill πŸ™‚

Β Chilling with my baby girl

Β Marley Moo loves chilling too πŸ™‚

Β My beautiful babies love playing in the leaves πŸ™‚

Β Yummy

Β A picture I coloured in from my new book the lost ocean

Β Harley suckling on my top lol

Β Aw me and Boo Boo πŸ™‚

Peace out

Batman ❀

Gappy boy!

Ah I am so tired again…and my mouth is a bit sore. I am really struggling to concentrate tonight.

I don’t really have much to say but I thought I would write a quick post.

I haven’t really done much this weekend apart from sleep, I’ve just been so exhausted and I have felt a bit ill too. Even though it wasn’t major surgery, it still takes a big toll on a body that isn’t already performing at 100% so it’s no wonder I feel so crap.

Yesterday evening I did go to a&e to get my hand checked out from where the cannula was. It was so sore and really swollen, I could barely move my hand. I thought it best to get checked out because nothing with me is ever straight forward. The doctor said it’s probably where they got fluid under my skin and if I can get it moving, it will get the fluid moving but it will take a few more days to heal up properly. She also said that I’ve got to keep an eye on it, for redness and the swelling getting worse because that could be a sign of infection. Luckily non of that so far, just still pain and a little less swelling now. I can move my hand a bit better today, which is good.

Today I managed to do the housework, which made me feel better. I hate it when it looks messy in here, there wasn’t loads to do but it still made me feel better.

One of the gaps that a tooth was taken from is really sore and there is stitches all around where the tooth was and around the tooth next to it. That tooth was only a root left, so looks like they had trouble getting it out! All under my tongue is really bruised, I thought it was blood clots under my tongue…but it’s actually my tongue that’s been battered! No wonder it’s all really sore in that area!

Tomorrow I have my flu shot in the afternoon, I hope I don’t feel to ill as a result. I am going to try not to nap until I got to have my shot at 1 pm and then come home and sleep the afternoon away and hopefully I’ll feel ok to go to my group social in the evening πŸ™‚ *fingers*crossed*

I’m doing ok I suppose, I need to spend some time tomorrow sorting out when and where and what I am doing for the next few weeks and I need to sort out my P.I.P form too…I’m anxious to get it all done. Plus I know I have a few appointments in the next few weeks but I’m not sure when etc. I think I am just rambling now lol..

My brain has switched off…I was going to write something about something but I can’t remember what it was lol!

Right I’ll be off to bed then!

Peace out


What a nightmare.. :/

Well this week has been utter bullshit. Literally it couldn’t have gone any worse, well it probably could have but hey. I’m glad the week is over and the weekend is here, so I can try again next week. Mind on Wednesday I have to go in hospital to have 2 teeth taken out while I’m asleep.

Thursday – Urgh I felt rough when I woke up but I managed to get myself to group although when I got there I wished I hadn’t gone because I felt so flipping ill, it’s down to the fact I’m only taking my steroids every other night and my body is not liking it. So the day I don’t take my steroids is the day I feel really ill.

I got home, had a nice shower because I was so sweaty and horrible, I put my pjs on and went to sleep for a bit because I was just so flipping tired and felt so ill. But I only slept for about an hour.

Just had a sandwich for dinner as I just wasn’t up for eating anything else.

Took the pups across the road for a wee and a bit of a run as they’d not been out much. But wow that didn’t go well either.. Both the dogs were off their leads and at first we were the only ones there but then we came across some woman with two huge dogs and for some reason scrappy got spooked and ran off and I couldn’t find him anywhere! I was calling him for ages but couldn’t find him, so I headed home as I thought he may have headed that way too. I dropped foxy home and picked up my phone to see if anyone had rang as he’s got my phone number on his tag on his harness. I had a look around by Asda as that’s another place we walk, so he may have gone there. Thankfully I found him tied up just inside the door of Asda! WOW I was so pleased to see him, I cried. Luckily someone we know saw him and picked him and and took him to the shop with him. He found him running about in the road and thank god there was not a scratch on him! I’ve never been so happy to see my boy!

Had lots of snuggles with my boy when I got in and a good cry too. Chatted to some friends and went to bed because I was so achy I needed to rest.

Today hasn’t been so horrible though, although it did take me a while to get to sleep last night and it was a really restless sleep as well, I woke up really sweaty and really hot.

I slept most of the morning as I was still feeling a bit achy and poorly.

Did the housework and laundry as it needed doing. Had a nice shower and got dressed. Had something to eat, while waiting for my parcel to come.

After my parcel had arrived I took the pups up to the heath again, just up out of the way of the majority of the population. We only saw a few people and the pups had a nice time πŸ™‚

Got home, chilled out, had dinner. I went to my brothers for a bit to give Leo his birthday present. I can’t believe he’s one already! it has gone so so fast. I didn’t stay too long though.

I got in and took the pups out for a wee straight away, got back in again and got straight into my pj’s lol and I’ve just been relaxing ever since.

Got my metoject injection tonight and no steroids tonight tomorrow I am going to feel like fucking shit! So I am not looking forward to how crap I am going to wake up feeling in the morning. But I have no plans tomorrow so I can just hibernate for the day.

Well I better go jab myself in the stomach! and get my butt into bed.

Peace out


Exhausted, poorly boy

Urgh I am so tired, I look really pale, I feel shaky and just really unwell. My chest aches, I’m all snotty and gross and the tiredness is just unreal.

Thursday – I could not stop sleeping, my whole body felt like jelly and I was just so exhausted. I was meant to spend the day with my bro but I just couldn’t wake myself up enough. By 2 pm I managed to come around enough to throw on my clothes and sort the pups out, my bro came and picked us up and we went out for a walk. The walk was nice but man it was such a freaking effort, my legs felt like heavy jelly! Picked his gf up from work and went somewhere to have a snack and the pups had a play about.

When I got back home I just sat on the sofa and didn’t move…well I couldn’t move I was so so so exhausted! I did however manage to get to asda to get some gel stuff for the thrush in my mouth, pick up a prescription and get a few bits and bobs.

I was in bed by 10 pm and asleep not long after and I slept really well until about 5 am.

I got up, had something to eat and drink and went back to sleep until 10 am. The post man delivered the pups new dog bed, which is just big enough for both of them to sleep in πŸ™‚ so really happy with that and its so much better then having just blankets on the floor.

Just spent the morning just watching tv feeling sorry for myself and feeling so ill. I had a bad stomach, achy joints, bad chest, snotty nose, so exhausted, glands are up and thrush in my mouth.

I managed to have a shower and get dressed and I took the pups across the road for half and hour. It totally wore me out but they needed to go pee.

Had some lunch and watched more tv, played with all my babies ❀

Managed to put a load of washing on and clean up the flat a bit, it so needed doing and it makes me feel worse when the flat is a mess.

I’ve not had a nap today so that I can sleep right through tonight and I hope I feel better tomorrow so I can go and enjoy pride! I don’t want to spend another day at home if I can help it.

Feeling a little better but still so so tired and achy. I’m going to take the pups across the road again for a lil run, have some dinner and just chill out and get an early night.

Peace out


I’ve been a poorly boy. Also #LoveWins

So the last few days have not been cool! But I am on the mend and on the up once again..mostly.

Wednesday was rough I couldn’t get going, I managed to get to my hospital appointment at the hospital 4 mins late…but I got there. And ended up being there for 2 freaking hours! Had another x-ray on my teeth, did all the pre-op stuff and hopefully I will get a date soon to get two teeth out under general anesthetic.

My bro picked me up, went to see his new place for a bit. Went with him to pick up his gf from work and we sat by the sea in the car for a bit, which was nice.

All afternoon though I was NOT feeling good, I kept feeling sick but I thought that was because I didn’t eat much. As the day went on my stomach pains got so bad, I couldn’t eat any dinner. I was in agony! spent all night up and down with a bad stomach from both ends πŸ˜₯ and eventually settled to sleep.

So yeah that’s Erythromycin making me feel so ill…so after a few phone calls with my GP (Thursday) he said I can try Azithromycin to get rid of this infection. Need to pick it up from the chemist and give it a bash.

Thursday I spent most of the day sleeping and just resting. I was SO gutted I had to miss group though 😦 but I felt so so rough. I managed to get to the shops to get myself a few bits, lucozade, crackers and some other stuff I needed. Also managed to shave my hair off number 1 all over cuz it was pissing me off and had a nice refreshing shower πŸ™‚ and I managed to take the pups across the road for an hour in the evening. I did keep some food and drink in me as well so that was good. A pretty boring rough day but I got through it.

Today has been ok, my stomach still feels a lil sore but I think I pulled my stomach muscles when I was sick and I’m probably still a bit hungry, I’ve only managed to eat a little today but I’ll get back on track.

I slept ok-ish, I was up early but I fell asleep on the sofa for a bit. Cleaned up the entire flat and did 4 loads of washing. Had a nice shower and took pups across the road for a run before I went out with my Bro and step dad to the pub for a quick drink for my step dads birthday which was really nice.

Chilled out watching Friends for a bit, played 3 hours of Lego Batman 3, had some dinner..literally like a few bites lol watched OITNB (Orange is the new black)

The pups were bugging me, jumping on me and just generally trying to get my attention lol! So I ended up taking them for a for and we were out for an hour and a half, it was really nice to get out and the pups loved it and they’ve been sleeping for ages now πŸ™‚

Just be catching up online, watching OITNB and writing this πŸ™‚

It’s nearly 1 am now and I am feeling so much better then I have done the last 2 days πŸ™‚ nothing can beat this boy!

Tomorrow I am going to my lil cousins 6th Birthday party BBQ late afternoon so should be fun.

I am so proud of the USA! Equal marriage for all in all 50 states! History has been made #lovewins

Peace out