OMG I just don’t even know what to say.
I don’t know what time I got to bed last night, but it was late
Slept ok, I only woke up because I got hot, so that was annoying because it was early.
Usual sat on the sofa, watched tv, ate and fell asleep till 10:30 am. I still felt utterly exhausted! and could have done with staying home and just sleeping. But I got myself showered and whatever and got ready for group. Put gammon in coke in the slow cooker before I left. Took dogs out and that. Urgh fucking raining! Looks miserable, like how I feel.
Group was good, although I wasn’t feeling it that much. Just felt depressed. After the check in we did a bit on PTSD…which when you are depressed was pretty heavy going..but it was ok and I like the fact we are actually doing some work or whatever. Had a chat with M after, helped a little…. Next week is a social at flirt cafe, so I’m taking the pups with me 🙂 so everyone gets to meet them and I don’t have to leave them for the afternoon.
Went to the hospital to see my step dad, he’s been moved onto a proper ward now and he’s still on oxygen. He’s got an infection in his lungs, so they got to clear that up before they can treat the fibrosis. He has to have a biopsy too on his lungs, but not until the lung infection has gone. Mothership turned up…that was a bit awkward, we haven’t spoken since my email. She didn’t say anything at all about it…but it’s still early days and not the time or place really. Plus she’s got a lot going on with work, my step dad, finding a new place with her new bf and whatever else so yeah. Lent my step dad my tablet so he can watch netflix and stuff, so he’s not bored. He was pleased with that 🙂
Got home and scrappy had eaten the ADSL cable, so I have NO broadband so yeah freaked out and utterly furious. So atm only on the laptop because I am tethering from my phone or whatever that is. But its working. So tomorrow I gotta go get a new cable. He’s not come near me since because I shouted at him. He knows I’m pissed off.
Plan for tomorrow is to go get my bloods done in the afternoon and visit my step dad and get a new cable and that’s it.
I don’t even know how I am feeling right now, angry, tired, happy, sad. This last month has been fucking crazy! I’ve been physically really ill, I’ve been more certain of my gender, I’ve come out, I’ve had a friend die, Step dad is really sick…I’ve been really isolated.. Things have just been all over the fucking place. This should be a happy time shouldn’t it….Struggling to fucking keep pressing forward. So much to carry on all by myself as well.
Put on FB earlier for my friends to surprise me on my bday. Its on a Mon…so I’ve organised to see my family the day before and I’m having friends over on the Fri…but for my actual bday I am doing nothing..and tbh I organise everything else in my life, would be nice if someone did something, but if not whatever. I don’t even fucking care right now.