Transition update – Week 13 on T – Part 2

I knew I’d forgotten to write about something in yesterday’s blog, but I just remembered last night before I went to bed…as you do.

On a Monday I do my two medication boxes up for the week, so I know what I’m taking etc. Anyway I decided to stop taking my contraceptive pill, as last week I’d finished the pack and I’ve had my 4th testosterone injection so I thought it would be the perfect time.

What made me remember that I’d forgotten to write about it was going to the toilet before I went to bed and I did have a bit of blood when I wiped but that was it and this morning was the same. Which is cool with me as long as its not a full on shark week (period) My stomach does feel a bit bloated like it would on shark week, I think I’m just going to see how it goes and if I do start having a proper shark week then my body obviously isn’t ready to be off it just yet, which again is totally cool.

I don’t find this that difficult to talk about, because its something my body just does and I have some sort of control of it by taking the contraceptive pill. Its not something I really like happening but I also can’t deny my body either, it is what it is.

That was all I really wanted to say about it, I will maybe update in a few days if things don’t work out but fingers crossed it will. It will be nice to be down 1 medication, 1 less to worry about.

Peace out

Batman

Over did it – catch up

I’ve not posted for a week and that’s because I’ve been so busy, I haven’t really stopped until today. Its been great and I’ve been having a good time but I’ve totally over done it and I feel so awful today, so exhausted.

I’ll do a quick catch up of what I’ve been up too this week.

Wednesday – I don’t really remember much from this day as its so long as. But I remember I had to stay in for someone to come and lower my shower pole, so I can now reach it when sat on my shower stool. I rang up the RSPCA to get a voucher to get Harley Spayed and microchipped. I think I just relaxed and pottered about the flat, doing the housework and laundry.

Thursday – This day was SO long! I saw my bone doc in the morning and WOW that was a real shit appointment and I really despise her!

This was my FB status about it..

I really dislike my bone doc. She doesn’t listen and she doesn’t care! I asked for my whole condition/symptoms to be reviewed and she kept asking me what I meant… If I want my hyper mobility looked into I have to ask my gp to refer me to some genetic place in Southampton… She wasn’t really clear about this.

She’s still banging on about coming off steroids… So in a few weeks after my blood results today I get to start azathioprine and it that goes well then she wants to start lowering steroids again…

My bloods are all negative and have been for ages but it doesn’t explain my constant sinus infection, the chronic pain and fatigue…
And she just put the burst blood vessel in my finger down to steroids and again she didn’t even take a close look, she just glanced at it.
I really dislike her.

But I didn’t write that she wanted to examine me, which is fine and I am totally used to that. So I took off my jumper and jeans but she asked me to take my off so she could listen to my chest…I refused too as she can listen to my chest without me being completely undressed. She did listen to my chest with my top still on but that’s not the point, she was totally out of order. She’s knows I’m trans and she obviously has no understanding and no desire to understand. Needless to say my gender dysphoria was horrific afterwards.

After that I headed straight to group, which was cool as usual πŸ™‚

http://www.dorsetmind.org.uk/

I went and had fuzzy hair cut an styled, so I look much better now πŸ™‚ I always feel so good after a haircut.

Met L and Boo Boo in town for a bit and then took Boo Boo home with me. Got home, sorted out Boo’s stuff, played with him for a bit, cooked us dinner, took pups for a wee, played a bit more and then put Boo to bed. I just spent the evening relaxing and watching tv.

Friday – Albert had me up early, so we went into the lounge and I put frozen on for him and I napped on the sofa for a bit, I wasn’t ready to be up at 7 am! But after that I was totally ready and we both had breakfast, Frozen was put on for a 2nd time and then we both had a shower an got dressed.

Took the pups for a quick wee and run around, which Boo Boo had fun playing with the pups. Dropped the pups home and Boo’s pushchair and walked over to the park, where we played for about an hour. I had to then bribe him into walking to a shop I needed to go to, I said I’d buy him chocolate if he left the park.

We just chilled out in the afternoon, doing lots of colouring and watching Disney films, he really got into Tangled which is one of my favourite films. I love Disney so I didn’t mind spending all afternoon watching them with Boo.

Boo and I had dinner and it was actually nice to have dinner with someone, rather then cooking for just myself. I did have to encourage him to eat it though, as he’s two and a half now and definitely asserting his right to say no, I don’t like it! Plus his taste buds are changing too, he’s gone from eating anything to very little, although he will eat chocolate all day every day lol.

We chilled out after dinner, playing with his dinosaurs and cars. He then asked me to read his book so he could go to bed, it was so sweet. Again in the evening I just spent clearing up and then relaxing.

Saturday – Boo had me up at 7:30 am..wanting to watch Frozen again! While he was doing that I had a little sleep on the sofa, as I do not do early mornings.

Again he wanted a shower with me and when we got dressed we both had Batman t-shirts on πŸ™‚ Took the pups for a wee and a run across the road, so Boo had fun playing with them. He’s so good with the dogs, its so cute.

Boo and I had some lunch, I got his stuff together and cleaned up a bit. Then got the bus and dropped him off with his dad’s family, as L was still really ill and needed a little more time to recover.

I went over to see L and Harvey and as soon as I walked in Harvey was showing me his minecraft and what he’s been building, which is pretty cool actually. I took Arnie around the block for a quick walk and wee.

Headed home and while I was sat on the bus I had a migraine start…and I didn’t have any sumatriptan left!! While I was walking home, through town I nipped into the chemist and bought some sumatriptan, got in and stripped off, got into my pjs, took my Tramadol and got into bed. I hate migraines so much, all I can do is sleep when I get one.

I slept for an hour, I then had dinner, got a shower, got dressed into my new fancy shirt and jeans, took the pups for a quick wee and then E picked me up for J’s birthday party.

It was such a good night, I talked to loads of new people. I even got into a club without being asked for I.D which is great as I don’t have I.D lol!

Sunday – I got up quite early considering I got to sleep quite late. Did my usual morning stuff, got me and the pups ready and got the bus over to L’s.

We spent all day there which was cool, I went out and got some food shopping, I took the pups around the block for a wee. Then chilled out for a bit as I was so achy, probably because I was really tired. Then Harvey and I took the pups down to the park for an hour, he rode his bike as he wanted to show me how well he can do it now. So that was cool just spending some time with me and him, gave L a chance to have a lil snooze. When dinner was ready I sorted it all out. Afterwards I fixed the nob on her slow cooker as she’d managed to melt it…yeah don’t ask lol!

I think I left about half 8 pm, got home and jumped in the shower, got into bed and was sound asleep by 10:40pm.

Monday – I woke up quite early, ate a packet of jaffa cakes and got back into bed until lunch time…I totally needed it. Did the housework and laundry, took the pups for a wee. Sorted out my meds for the week, sorted out my list of what’s going on for the week. Then in the evening I went to the Breakfree trans group social. Which as always was a good laugh, even if it was just the 3 of us lol.

Today – I woke up this morning and I didn’t feel good, I hurt all over, I felt weak and tired, my nose was all blocked. So I just had some breakfast and went back to bed until lunchtime.

Dragged myself into the shower, then got dressed and took the pups for a wee but it started raining, so we came back and I got into my joggy bottoms, as I was still so achy and feeling delicate. Spent the afternoon catching up with X-files and Gotham, while I went through the box of Lego Harvey gave me. Most of it was just random bits and fake Lego, so chucked that out and I was left with a handful of real Lego bits. I then decided to sort through my Lego into bags of their colours.

I did go out for a bit to get electric and to pay my rent, I needed to stretch my legs a bit. Also went to Asda chemist to re-order more meds.

Just been relaxing this evening, had dinner, ordered my food shopping and caught up with emails and stuff.

How do I feel right now? I’m exhausted, I’m achy and I do feel frustrated with all my health crap because it gets my down so much. I feel ok-ish just a bit low but nothing I can’t handle.

Tomorrow I am meeting my Nan and Grandad for the first time since I wrote “that” letter. I’m a bit nervous about it especially as I’m physically not feeling great and not on top form. I’m sure it will be ok…

The mothership text me the other day and asked if she was seeing my for my birthday (which is next week) and I just said I don’t know and she said ok. To be honest no I don’t want to see her but she’s not getting the hint. Whatever though.. she’s a stress I don’t need in my life right now. She’s a negative influence in my life, that sounds awful as she gave birth to me, but regarding me emotionally she hasn’t put an ounce of anything into me. Yes I was always, fed, clothed and had a roof over my head but my emotional needs were never met. Anyway its just a complicated situation and I don’t want her in my life.

Little Harley is booked in this Friday to get spayed and chipped 😦 got to starve her from 8 pm Thursday night. Going to miss her, she’s not been away from me since I’ve had her.

Overall I have been doing ok considering everything I deal with on a daily basis, it is a struggle and it is hard. But I keep pushing through cuz daddy didn’t raise no quitter!

As usual I do have loads of pictures but I shall do that in a separate post.

Peace out

Batman

I love my friends <3

I am back, I’m feeling a bit more lively and a bit less mopey. It’s been a very long few weeks but hopefully this is the start of me feeling better.

My stomach has been loads better this week and I’ve been catching up on eating lol πŸ™‚ but that’s good though, I needed to build myself back up again.

My friends have been really amazing this week and I am so so grateful for every single one.

On Thursday I spent the whole day with L and the pups. Harvey was at school and Albert was at nursery πŸ™‚ so it was nice just to chill and have some adult time. We watched some films and just chilled really but, even just simple things like that makes all the difference.

L picked up Albert from nursery and I went to pick up Harvey from school πŸ™‚ which was cool.

L cooked us all dinner too, which I needed, as I’d not eaten properly for a while.

I left just after the boys went to bed, when I got home, I got my meds, a drink, a snack, my hot water bottle and let the cats in the bedroom too and snuggled in bed with all my fur babies and I was fast asleep by 10:30 pm.

Friday I woke up at 5:30 am…but I had slept well for 7 hours. I just chilled out for a bit, hoping I would go back to sleep for a bit, but I didn’t. So I cleaned up a bit, got myself showered and dressed and by 8 am I was out with the pups, we went for a walk down Baiter. It was really nice, I saw a rainbow and got some great pictures.

On my way home I went to my friends shop and picked up her dog Lolly for a play date for the day. I did try and have a nap after my walk, I couldn’t sleep though but I did just rest for an hour.

I felt a bit restless all day long, I couldn’t settle on any one thing. But I felt ok other wise. Just spent the day pottering around the flat and playing with all the dogs and cats πŸ™‚

I dropped lolly home in the evening and S and her family invited me up for dinner which was nice πŸ™‚ I had nice snuggles with baby JJ and Lolly was wanting me to play too. It was nice just to chill out with friends and be looked after a lil bit ❀

I got home to my happy puppies and kitties, took the pups out for a wee and then snuggled up in bed like I did Thursday night. It was really nice not to have to inject myself and put that crap into my body! Felt nervous about it but good too.

Saturday was the first time in 15 years that I didn’t wake up with a methotrexate hangover! I didn’t feel tired and groggy, I just felt like I normally do in the morning.

I just sat watching cartoons for most of the morning, then decided to get my butt up and do the housework. Despite the rain I got my waterproofs and welly boots on and took the pups out for a walk, it was great fun πŸ™‚

I got home and did myself some actual dinner, only scrambled eggs on toast but at least I cooked something.

Two of my lady friends took me out, we went to Flirt for the evening but it was really nice to get out with some lovely friends.

After getting home, I took the pups for a wee, took my meds and fell asleep pretty much straight away.

So we are all caught up to today, which is Sunday.

I’ve felt pretty tired all day and all I’ve done is eat, sleep and watch cartoons. I just couldn’t get going but I think where I’ve not slept well all week, it’s all caught up with me. I don’t mind spending the day the way I have done because some days I just need to sleep, rest and eat.

I am feeling so so grateful to all my friends who’ve been there for me this week πŸ™‚ either physically or just through messages. I am feeling so much better for having my needs met from everyone, it was definitely needed. I cannot express enough have important and how much everyone has helped me, even the smallest of things has been brilliant, argh I can’t even explain what I mean lol. I am so so so grateful and I love all my friends ❀

So yeah I am back on track to feeling a bit better. I have emailed someone who knows all about my condition, who works for a charity, who will hopefully be able to help me be seen in a different hospital by an actual proper specialist. I am so excited about this, I just hope things work out!

Um so yeah, just staring at the laptop now, my brain has switched off. Not much planned tomorrow, I do need to get some bloods done, so I may go do that. We shall see how tomorrow pans out. I just can’t wait until Tues when I get paid so I can go and do something and get on with xmas shopping.

Peace out

Batman

Sometimes all you can do is just BE :)

I don’t know where to start today, I am just looking at the screen hoping to be inspired to write. I think it’s a bit of brain block/brain fog.

I decided to go to my trans group social last night, which was nice πŸ™‚ and the pups always love seeing everyone. I think I needed to socialise and get out of my head for a bit and come home feeling a bit better then when I went.

WOW did I sleep well last night, I slept for a good 9 hours but I must have needed it. I was up for a bit and then slept again for a few hours until 12:30 pm. I so needed it though, I’ve felt much better for it.

All I’ve managed to do today is just be, I’ve felt too overwhelmed to do anything. But I am coming to realise that just being is totally ok. Yes I have my DBT skills and stuff but sometimes that just doesn’t work, nothing does. So I’ve just had to sit and be, which for me isn’t always easy because every time I feel down I feel like I should be doing something to turn it around. But by actually just sitting and being I have turned it around and I’ve not felt so exhausted today, as I’ve slept and I’ve just been without trying to do anything or be anything, which in itself can be exhausting.

I made some cakes this afternoon, I love baking but even more so now I have my stool to sit on so its a lot less tiring.

I went and had my haircut late afternoon, I just suddenly decided to go and get it cut. So I got my mohawk shaved back in, I love having the sides so short but I like having a bit to play with.

Had two showers today πŸ™‚ but again with my stool it isn’t so energy draining now. I love having a shower again now, it’s enjoyable again.

All I’ve done this evening is take the pups for a wee and pick up my meds. I didn’t end up eating anything tonight because I didn’t want anything, I did have 1 meatball at lunch time, so I have eaten a bit today.

Just relaxing now, got the tv on. Waiting for a show called girls to men to start, which is about trans guys πŸ™‚ last week was about trans kids and that was good, so really looking forward to this. All though I know this will kick off the dysphoria for me because these guys are like done with their transition and I am just wanting so bad to start my physical transition.

I now have two people that will be able to help me Thursday, so if one person can’t then the other can. So I am feeling so so grateful for that. All mother has to do is pick me up from hospital and drop me home. So I am not stressing about it as much now, I just can’t wait for it all to be over with.

Tomorrow I have my bitch jobs to do and laundry. I’m also going to try and take the pups for a walk if I feel up to it. I need to get my self sorted for Thursday, what I need to take and set my alarm and stuff. I need to be at the hospital for 7:15 am so I need to be up pretty early because I need to have a shower, take out my piercings and take the pups out for a quick wee. I probably won’t walk up there though, I’ll get a taxi. I am starting to feel a bit anxious about it now, even though I’ve had this type of procedure before. I suppose it’s natural to feel a bit anxious before being put to sleep.

Β feeling fresh with my new haircut

Peace out

Dyllan

Lil flare, feeling crap all round.

Not been on here properly for a few days because I’ve either been too tired or too busy making YouTube videos.

Fri I spent most of it just making YouTube videos and spent pretty much all day in front of my laptop. It was good fun πŸ™‚ but I think most of it I was just killing time.

Saturday I didn’t get up until midday and WOW I felt like fucking shit! Everything hurt and I was really snotty, chesty and generally really grotty and horrible. But I managed to get up, showered and dressed.

H came over and we went out, I had to take my stick because everything was so sore. We saw the films Legends πŸ™‚ and wow it was amazing! It was funny, violent, sad, emotional, just very cleverly done πŸ™‚ Loved it.

After we went to Nando’s for dinner which was nice, I didn’t eat much though. But it was enough for me.

While we waited for the bus we went and looked in Tesco’s πŸ™‚ and got a few treats.

Got home and just sat down for a bit, wow I still feel fucking awful. Went to Asda as we both needed to pick up meds and some other bits.

We came back to mine and I just needed to go to bed, so kicked H out bless her, Β I took the pups out for a wee and got myself into bed and was asleep just after 10 pm.

Today has been a bit boring I suppose and I don’t really know how I feel right now, maybe a bit low. But I think that’s probably because I’m feeling poorly.

I was up at 9 am, I had ready brek for breakfast, I did the housework, had a shower and got dressed, took the pups out for a walk and spent the afternoon sat on my butt playing Weird Park on my tab.

I did spend some time playing fetch with scrappy too. I felt a bit restless but didn’t really know what to do, just felt a bit lost today. But still don’t feel to well but definitely not as bad as I felt yesterday. Maybe I’ve spent too much time in my head or disassociating from how I am feeling, I don’t really know.

Once again I seem to be like holding my breath, really controlling it. I don’t know why. I’ve been trying to do mindful breathing so I stop doing this. But I still don’t know why I do this on and off when I feel like this. It’s such a weird symptom.

Urgh I don’t know. I think I need to do some mindfulness…but maybe my heart isn’t in it atm… not sure what it is though.

Peace out

Batman

Purposeful :)

I’ve been sat here for ages just looking at the screen zoning out because I’m actually quite tired. But the rain is hammering down outside, so I’m going to write this entry in hope that it dies down a bit before I take the pups for a wee.

I’m feeling really good today, well I’m feeling really tired and achy but mentally I’m feeling good. I was so worried about lowering the quetiapine, I thought it would be much harder then it actually has been, my moods have been pretty stable apart from the normal ups and downs of just life I’ve not really had any major struggles, no real depressive or manic episode. I feel a lot more centred, happy and settled, I think maybe that has a lot to do with transitioning but also it’s age and the fact I have and still do put a lot of effort in each day to continue to have good mental health.

Yesterday was good but it was hot! really hot. I had a pretty chilled morning, was able to take my time in getting ready for group. I was up early again about 7 am, so I did have breakfast and had a short nap until my alarm went off. My sleep is a bit restless at the moment and I keep waking up so early but still being so tired, I think maybe it’s just a blip.

Group was good, trying at times with the check in and my struggle to listen, focus and look interested. But overall it was good, we looked at a model of coming out as LGB, didn’t get far into it but it is really interesting, I look forward to looking through the rest and giving my input on how it is to come out as trans*

When I got home to my happy puppies, I chilled out for a bit and I chased up all the peeps I had rung on Monday, I now have permission for both dogs which is great, I went through my form the social services, so should hear from them by the end of next week and the receptionist at the doctors wasn’t sure if he’d seen my message so she flagged it up again and said to ring to check next week. So I felt really good for chasing it all up. After all that I had myself some dinner and as it was so nice and the pups had been in all afternoon we went on our usual walk along the water . It was really nice out and we were out for about 3 hours, just strolled along and kept sitting to rest and take everything in. Scrappy had fun swimming in the sea and foxy was saying hello to everyone. It was like a jellyfish graveyard along the water, so so many of the barrel jellyfish had all washed up. The walk didn’t end too well though, as we were heading back along the water and scrappy was running in and out of the sea I noticed that he wasn’t putting one of his feet on the floor, so I had a look at his paw and it wasn’t bleeding but it did look sore, he’d tore a bit of his pad off maybe on a sharp stone or something. He was shaking as he was cold but he was so wet and sandy I didn’t want to pick him up, so I wrapped him up in my hoodie and then picked him up and carried him all the way home, which isn’t really that far but it felt MILES carrying a 6kg pup lol. He was really good though and sat really still all snuggled up like a lil baby, so so sweet and miss foxy was so great she walked all the way home without a lead as I couldn’t carry him and walk her, even across the roads she did so well. She’s such a good girl off the lead πŸ™‚

After we had got home I gave scrappy a shower to warm him and up wash all the sand off him and I put a lil bandage over his lil paw just to keep is dry and clean. I took my meds and we all went to bed, I was shattered after all that fresh air. I think I was probably asleep but just gone 11 pm.

Again I was up at 7 am, so I got up and let scrappy on the balcony to pee. I had a drink and some breakfast and snuggled back up on the sofa for a nap until about 10 am. I was still really tired so I don’t know why I can’t stay asleep at the moment, it’s so frustrating.

But once I got going I felt less fatigued, got myself showered and dressed and had something else to eat. Took the crazy pups across the road for a 20 mins run, scrappy’s bandage came off while he was out but he wasn’t holding it up so it must feel less sore now.

I got myself ready to go meet M who was taking me to the Weymouth group. The car trip as always was fun and we had a good chat about things πŸ™‚

The group itself was really good, I was actually asked by a member if I was a counsellor as he said by the way I talk it sounds like I am, which is pretty cool πŸ™‚ I have done basic counselling skills courses and other such related stuff. I was pretty chuffed with that comment though, I must be doing something right. I really hope that my being at the group and talking to them that I help at least one person with something.

The car trip back was hilarious too, we get on so so well πŸ™‚

Got home at 6 pm to my very happy pups, I took them straight across the road for a run about as it looked like it was going to rain and it did lol! So we spent about half hour over there.

Just been trying to stay awake the rest of the evening, I’ve just wanted to fall asleep but that definitely wouldn’t help with the restless sleeping. So I’ve been on the laptop trying to keep distracted.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow, I’m going over with the pups to see L in the afternoon and in the evening we’re going to take Harvey to see Jurassic world in 3D πŸ™‚ it should be good fun. So yeah that should be a really good day, I have nothing planned for Sunday but I feel that maybe a Lego day! Well after I’ve found space to display them.

The rain has settled a lot now so I’m going to post this, take my meds and do my metoject (methotrexate injection) take pups for a wee and get to bed.

Peace out

Batman

Just feeling the happiness

I didn’t get to bed till 12:30 am because Mr Scrappy got so muddy just going out for a wee that I had to shower and dry him when we got in, he was filthy. He was not impressed with the hair dryer but I didn’t want a wet dog in my bed.

I slept well though, I didn’t feel up to much today. Until I checked my bank account and saw that I had been paid early. That made me feel a bit less stressed about how I was going to get through till Tues.

The pain has been bad today with my joints and muscles. The pain killers have’t really touched the muscle pain. I think maybe I have sciatica, as my lower back and legs keep feeling a bit numb and tingly, its been worse recently. I need to see my gp to ask about the pain clinic as I’ve not heard anything yet so maybe I shall see him soon, if this pain doesn’t ease up.

I had a little wander in town, treated myself to Paddington on DVD, I also got some presents for my friends children, as I am going over there tomorrow for their sons naming ceremony πŸ™‚ So I enjoyed shopping and spoiling them all.

Spent the afternoon just chilling out, watching DVD’s and having puppy snuggles. Oh and eating jelly beans too. I gave myself a buzz cut too, a number 1 all over. Ah nice and fresh, had to have another shower.

Took the pups across the road a few times today for a run, they had fun even though the weather is miserable. I’m sure this time last year miss foxy was running about without a jumper on but its still too cold at the moment. Although I’m glad because today she rolled in fox poop and scrappy ate some…my pups are gross lol! So I had to wash her jumper along with the towels I chucked into wash. Scrappy and I played indoor fetch most of the afternoon and tug, his two favourite games. I love playing with my puppies, it makes me so happy πŸ™‚ and I know it makes them happy too.

For some reason this evening I have been holding my breath and breathing very shallowly. Not sure why, just been trying to be mindful and breathe normally. I don’t know it’s so odd, I’m also tensing everything as well, that just makes the pain worse. Just trying to relax and breathe normally.

I coloured in one of my mandala’s this afternoon. It was really nice to just sit in the quiet and colour and just be in the moment. I’ve also been playing with my kinetic sand and clever putty today. It keeps my hand busy and my mind busy and it’s so relaxing as well. Totally obsessed with them both, I can’t stop playing with them, I play until my hands ache.

My appetite is still pretty non existent, just been eating the same 3 things. I just have no desire to eat anything else. Making an effort to drink less Pepsi and more water, my Pepsi in take has increased lately, so I need to cut back. Plus it’s probably not helping my teeth :/ I need to go to the dentist and have it looked at.

I had a nice evening. I watched Paddington and loved it, so funny πŸ™‚

I’ve been sat practising to smile and relax my face and its actually made me feel really good. I’m trying to just feel the happiness and the content feeling that is inside of me. It’s ok to feel happy and be happy, somehow it seems to be easier to be depressed.

Anyway’s I need to get to bed soon. I gotta do my injection, take my other meds and take the pups out and hopefully scrappy won’t get too dirty tonight lol!

Peace out

Batman

Chilled out Sunday

Yay little man slept right through till 8 am πŸ™‚

Came into the lounge changed his butt. I just chilled out on the sofa while boo played with the pups. Watched spongebob and gave boo some breakfast.

He just ran about playing all morning, I was throwing him about and chasing him around lol. He loved it, pups did too. Albie and scrappy were playing fetch, its so cute.

Boo was starting to get a bit grumpy and was starting to be naughty, so I put him down for a nap. He went straight down, so I think he was tired. I snuggled up on the sofa with the pups as I was feeling tired. I woke up at 1:30 pm and boo was still sleeping! I was awake for a little, then I fell back to sleep until 2:15pm when I heard boo crying. I went in but he wasn’t really awake, he was crying, but he still had his eyes closed. But as the time was getting on, I thought I’d better get him up or he’ll never sleep tonight. We had cuddles on the sofa for a bit while he woke up properly. Then he was pointing that he wanted to go in the high chair, so stuck him in and gave him some lunch, so I jumped in the shower and got dressed.

Got boo all wrapped up ready to take pups out for a wee. Got the pups ready. We headed out and it wasn’t as cold as it looked. Walked around the small green a few times, to give the pups a good run and get Albie some fresh air. Albie loves watching the pups run about, he was sat there laughing and hanging out his push chair just to see them, its so cute.

We came back and did the same as we did this morning lol, just playing about, playing with the pups and watching tv. Just being in the moment with myself, the pups and another little human is just the best feeling in the world. I wasn’t worried about what is going to happen tomorrow, I wasn’t worried about a stupid thing I may have said a few days ago…Or whatever. I was just happy just chilling and playing about. Being in the moment, being mindful makes me happy.

At just after 5 pm, lil man was getting grouchy as he was hungry. So I gave him some cheesy biscuits while I was sorting out his dinner. He had the same as yesterday so all I had to do was microwave it. Just before it was ready I stripped him down to his nappy, so he could get really messy without messing up his clothes. It was finally ready lol and he gobbled it all up, like a whole adult portion. He ate the lot! and then I asked him if he wanted more biscuits and he starting shouting at me..so yeah he wanted more lol! Gave him some, but he didn’t eat it all. He did sit there throwing them about. I did him a bath, put the heating on in the bedroom and got his pj’s and a nappy ready for after the bath. Cleaned him off a bit, so I didn’t get myself covered in his dinner and put him in the bath and washed him off, then let him just splash about. He didn’t want to get out again lol. But got him out and he screamed lol.

Got him dried and dressed, he was tired and a bit grumpy. But I let him run about till half 7 pm so he was really tired when I put him down. We had cuddles on the sofa before I put him down, which was nice. Snuggled him up in bed and came into the lounge. He cried for a little bit, so I put my dinner on. I did have to go in to settle him, but that was it.

I had a nice dinner, chicken breast with the cheesy mash and roast veg that I had left over from yesterday. With onion gravy. It was so nice and ate the lot πŸ™‚

Just been relaxing this evening. Both pups have been sleeping lol. I think boo wore them out. Been eating my gingerbread biscuits πŸ™‚ yum.

Lil man has woken up a few times, coughing and crying. I’ve gone in and he’s not actually been awake. Still sleeping, so I just covered him back up with blankets and left him. I am hoping this isn’t the sign of what tonight is going to be like lol! Fingers crossed he will sleep well for me.

Feeling good today. Happy and relaxed πŸ™‚ Cannot wait for group on Thursday. I’ve really missed it, makes me smile just thinking about it. The trans group isn’t back till the 12th as R who runs it has the flu, otherwise it would have been tomorrow evening.

Physically I am feeling a bit better. Not coughing up as much crap now. Keep tensing my though, but I think that’s where I am taking my pain meds on a semi-regular basis, so when I need more I think that’s where the tense jaw comes from.

Plan tomorrow is to chill in the morning. Taking boo home for about 4 pm and I’m going to look after the boy’s while L goes down the road to pick up a washing machine. The tomorrow evening I will be relaxing. So yeah all good.

Peace out

Batman ❀

this is a witty title

Well I had a fucking SHIT morning! First miss Marley moo wakes the pups up by scratching at the bedroom door, scrappy gets all excited and jumps over me, so I woke up and let scrappy out for a wee and I had myself some breakfast. This was about 7 am! I went back to bed and after about half an hour of being in bed the fucking fire alarm goes off! URGH! I just stayed in bed and ended up sleeping through it. If there was a real fire I’m sure I’d be rescued….if not then never mind lol!

It took me a while to get going this morning, felt so tired. But I did everything I needed too before heading out to group.

Group was good. A bit heavy at times, but it was ok. Someone made me smile, so it was worth it. Someone did refer to me as she, so at the end I did remind everyone it’s HE not she in this group. M dropped me near mine which was cool. It was raining and I was feeling achy so didn’t fancy the bus trip.

Got home to no destruction and no pee or poop! YAY! Lol. I was really hungry so sat and are cold gammon and had a hot chocolate. I dosed up on pain killers as my head and joints were hurting. Watched tv. I went on the laptop and came over drowsy, so ended up falling asleep for a bit, but I think I needed it as my head felt better after.

Just been chilling the rest of the evening. I can’t wait to pick up my glasses tomorrow! πŸ˜€ Nothing else planned yet. I need a day of rest.

Its nice and windy and rainy out tonight, so excited to go out NOT! lol. Not going to bed yet, feeling snuggly so don’t want to move hehe.

Feeling better today, calm and less stressed. Missing my dad tonight. Wish I could talk to him properly about everything *sigh* Physically am ok, just the usual aches and pains. Oooh got my app through to learn how to jab myself! with the methotrexate! That’s two weeks tomorrow.

Oh on This morning (a tv show) They were talking to a person who is bi-gender and they read out my tweet πŸ˜€

Well that’s it for tonight.

Peace out

Batman

So proud of myself

Yesterday I had a plan of what I was going to do today…but it didn’t quite fit into my time frame lol.

I was awake before 9 am. I went into the lounge with the pups, let scrappy out on the balcony for a wee. I had breakfast and watched tv. Still felt drowsy, so I got my pillow and blanket and snuggled up on the sofa and fell back to sleep till midday. Urm yeah think I needed that lol.

Felt hungry when I woke up, so I had myself a sandwich. So yummy. I looked around at my place….yup I was gonna have to get off my butt and clean! Gah I hate cleaning so so much lol. Why can’t the fairies do it! But I got off my butt and cleaned up, to be fair, there wasn’t loads to be done. But it just feels like such an effort. But felt better for doing it.

I got a shower, got dressed and took the rubbish out. Managed to do it in one go. I’d empty the cat litter box, so Marley has fresh litter, usually I just scoop out the pee and poop and top it up with fresh litter, but now its just her, I decided to empty it all out and wash it. She’s started to pee on the floor, but I think that’s where batcat was stressing her out. So now he’s gone I am hoping she will stop that. So anyway yeah.. took the rubbish out. Man the weather is yucky out! But least its nice and cool.

I didn’t really want to go out but I had to take the pups out. So got them ready in their little hoddies, so they didn’t get too cold or wet and took them across the road for a little run and wee. They are so cute in their hoodies hehe.

Got back and I watched Maleficent. It was so good! Brilliant film. After the film, I took the pups out again for a little run.

I had a little time to kill, so I ripped a few cds to my laptop, then put them on my phone. Got myself ready and headed out to meet R about gender identity stuff.

Man I felt so nervous, but really as well. I think I was just taken over by adrenaline! I got to the place a bit early (its at the same place I go for the LGBTQ group on a Thursday) It helped that I was in familiar place. R wasn’t there when I got there, but it wasn’t long before he was and we had a little chat about everything. Like what he can offer me, a bit about the group and the counselling etc. I decided to stay for the group, I was feeling pretty hyped up. I am so glad I stayed. It was really great to be there πŸ™‚ so nice to be called he. Everyone was so lovely and so welcoming. The group is on every fortnight. I am definitely going again. So proud of myself.

Got home at 10:30 pm to excited puppies πŸ™‚ hehe, just brilliant to come home too. I’ve just been chilling out, winding down. It’s 1:30 am now. Think after this I’m going to have some cereal, take the pups out and head to bed. For once I’ve already done up my med box, so no need to worry about that tonight.

Got no plans for tomorrow. If its nice I might take the pups for a walk if I feel ok. I’ll probably still be hyped from tonight hehe πŸ™‚

Well better crack on and get myself and the pups to bed

Peace out

Batman