Dear friends,

Dear friends, old and new. To those who I’ve known for 20 years and to those who I’ve known for 2 months. I wanted to write this to catch everyone up on where I am and where I’ve been.

In January, I was in a really dark place, which is somewhere I haven’t been for a long time and I feel like I’m only just coming out of the other side of it, but I still have a way to go.

As a result of this darkness I removed everyone from my Facebook for a good 3/4 months. I was angry, frustrated, isolated, depressed and struggling to survive.

But in that time I did a lot of soul searching, I know such a cliche, but I did.

I realised that over the years I’ve been quick to shut people out of my life, I’ve been quick to give up on friendships. I was trying to cut out “bad energies, drama” etc but in doing that I closed myself off to the good energies and good stuff.

I think I became so closed off because I’m so willing to help everyone, that sometimes I get burned. That’s not necessarily down to people themselves but due to my lack of boundaries and respect for myself. I thought if I made other people happy then I’d be happy but it doesn’t work like that.

Then about 5 years ago I started exploring my gender and came out as trans and I began my journey. Which again I was really open about but I was also wary of being people’s token trans friend and I was just anxious about not being accepted or whatever. So again I made my friend circle smaller.

In making my world smaller, I’ve missed out on living. I’ve missed out on friendships with some really great people. I gave in to the negative inner voices and the darkness, I allowed myself to become isolated and alone, the anger and frustration grew within.

January was my breaking point but in the weeks and months after I spent most of time alone, thinking, reflecting and meditating.

I started to allow myself to be open, slowly I began to add people back on FB, I began to reach out to friends. I started to ignore the negative inner voice and the darkness and walked towards the light.

It’s by no means perfect, I still struggle with anxiety and depression but I’m finding it a bit easier to deal with.

I often felt my expectations of people were too high, but I realised I rarely expressed my expectations in my friendships, I can’t have expectations if people don’t know what they are.

My voluntary work has helped me so much, it’s helped me with not being so isolated, I’ve made some incredible new friends who’s friendships I am so incredibly grateful for and hopefully in 20 years plus we’ll still be friends, still having adventures and experiencing this life together.

For those who I’ve not spoken to in a long time, who I’ve recently added back, I hope you’re well and forgive me for being so distant, I had to go off in order to grow into a better version of myself and I hope to hear from you soon, much love to you.

For everyone else, know that I appreciate you, I may not say it as often as I should or even show it but I do very much appreciate every friendship I have. You’ve kept me going even when I didn’t want too. I will continue to try and be open with you about everything, it’s something I’m still working one. But I’ll get there.

Thank you to everyone for your patience, love, support and sheer awesomeness!

I love and appreciate you all!

In 6 weeks time I will embark on the next stage of my journey, my physical transition, my spiritual journey.

I’m excited, I’m a bit scared, I’m nervous but I am so ready for it, I know it’s going to be a challenge but I’m ready to face it head on.

I know I will have my friends by my side helping me through and I’m so excited to have you guys with me! I can’t wait for this next adventure!

Peace out

Zak ๐Ÿ’œ

Dealing with disassociation – with self care

Schedule for tomorrow, this helps so much with disassociation and trying to get some stuff done. Itโ€™s mostly dependent on weather, pain and energy levels. Iโ€™m hoping I donโ€™t feel as wiped out tomorrow so Scrappy and I can get out for a good walk, I may take Fox if itโ€™s not too cold.

For me this is a form of self care whilst helping me stay in the moment. But I always make sure how Iโ€™m feeling before doing anything, so that my physical health is also taken into consideration, as well as my mental health.

Iโ€™m hoping I can get out and walk the dogs tomorrow as I was so wiped out this weekend because of the pneumonia jab I had Friday, but if I still need another day to rest and recover the thatโ€™s ok too, I have other low energy things that need to be done at some point as well.

I never put pressure on myself to complete everything and in the time scales Iโ€™ve set. Itโ€™s more of a reminder of what I need and want to do and having a rough time scale helps. If I manage everything then brilliant, it does make me feel good and even if I donโ€™t manage everything but do a few things then thatโ€™s great as well and also makes me feel good because at least Iโ€™ve done something. But if I donโ€™t manage anything at all because Iโ€™m in too much pain or too exhausted or both then thatโ€™s also absolutely fine too, because resting and doing nothing is as good as being productive because itโ€™s still extremely important self care

Peace out

Zak

Time for some self care

Recently I’ve been busy doing things and making sure everyone is doing ok, but I’ve neglected myself a bit. I haven’t really done things to make myself happy, I haven’t spent much time alone, doing my own things. Don’t get me wrong I love looking after my friends but if I’m not feeling 100% then how can I help anyone else.

On Friday when I got back from my volunteer work, I chilled out with my beautiful fur babies and I spent an hour or so across the road playing with the pups and some of their doggy friends which was nice. I spent some time gaming too, I’d not gamed properly for a while so it was cool to get lost in the worlds of Lego Dimensions. I can’t remember what else I did but I didn’t get to bed until nearly 2am.

Yesterday I pretty much just slept all day and man it was so good! I so needed it. I felt so calm and relaxed, just totally chilled out. I had my nephew for an hour or so, we took the pups for a run around and we had fun messing around. I spent all evening just relaxing too and like I said I just so needed it. I’ve not felt this relaxed in a while, bliss.

Today I woke up about 9 am and it took a few hours to get myself together lol, I did the housework, changed the bedsheets, I’ve still got a few loads of washing to do. It’s been too hot to walk the dogs, so we’ve just been relaxing, having cuddles and playing around. Today has been pretty productive but still really relaxing and I do feel so much better for taking a few days just to do nothing and look after myself.

I love being around people and doing things, making memories and helping anyone who needs my help but I do tend to forget to look after myself. I think its good to have some down time, whether it be a morning, a day or a few days. Time to look after yourself and your needs is so important because you cannot rely on another person to fulfil all your needs.

My favourite things to do to look after myself are, sleep or rest, spend time with my fur babies, spending time by the sea with my pups, watching films, putting lego sets together, eating my favourite food and drink, reading, mindfulness. That’s just a few of them

Self care is super important and its not at all selfish, sometimes its ok to say no and go off grid for a bit, sometimes its necessary to do that.

Anyway that’s enough of me rambling on about self care, I don’t have much planned for tomorrow. Its a bank holiday weekend here and in the UK so I’m sure they’ll be stuff happening somewhere. Its meant to be really hot again so I probably won’t walk the dogs until the evening when its cooled down.

Peace out

Batman

Food diary – Update

I’ve not written for a few weeks, for various reasons. So I thought I would explain why and I think it would be helpful to me to write it down.

So I didn’t write last week because I was really struggling with binge eating and I think that was mainly down to my low mood. I just couldn’t stop it, usually I can recognise what I am doing and be mindful of it so I can stop. But I knew I was binge eating but I just couldn’t get on top of it like I usually do, for whatever reason. I just wasn’t in the mood to try a new food, the thought of it was stressing me out, however I am proud that I did try 5 new foods so far and I will continue. Maybe a weekly was a bit too challenging, as I am really realising I have such a bad relationship with food and I need to change my eating habits slowly and I think I maybe need to address the emotional side of poor relationship with food as well as trying new foods.

However this week I’ve been so poorly with a really bad sinus infection and it really knocked my appetite, mainly because I’ve been coughing so much and eating anything made me feel sick. I also just didn’t have the energy to even make a sandwich, let alone a meal. The plus side of this is that it has completely stopped my binge eating and I lost 4lbs and feel much better for it. Yesterday and today I ate dinner and have not as of yet ate more then I’ve needed. So I am hoping this short period has helped me get on top of the binge eating and get back into eating when I need to eat rather then eating all around the clock. But I’ve been put on a high dose of steroids, 40 mgs which can cause insomnia…check! and increase of appetite…which luckily as of yet I am being very mindful of what is going in my gob and I’ve not felt the increase of appetite…yet lol, there’s still time and if I do I’ll probably end up back in the cycle of binge eating but I’m going to try and be mindful and not just mindlessly eat without thinking. The mindless eating is my biggest pitfall and easy to get stuck in.

I managed to attend a LGBT mental health group I volunteer at today. It was so so great to be around humans! I’ve been by myself for most of the week and I’ve been really lonely, which is absolutely the worst when I’m poorly and not up to doing anything. Group definitely helped to just lift me, lift my mood and my spirit. I genuinely feel good and happy, I haven’t felt like this in a while.

Anyway, I’ll post again at some point, it may not be a food diary but I think I might update about life in general as it is at the moment.

Peace out

Batman

Feeling more myself and ready to fight!

It’s been another week since I last updated but I am feeling more myself now, so that’s a good improvement from my last post. I can’t even describe how I felt then, I just felt weird and not myself at all. I feel more grounded and settled now as well which has helped me feel more myself again.

I did some guided meditation to help ground me again and I listened to beach noises at night to help me get a more restful nights sleep. Its crazy how it helps so much, just sitting and being in the moment has helped me more then any medication has.

I’m really tired, so I’m struggling to be think of what to write. I hate brain fog so much, it’s so frustrating.

So I’ve had a really good busy week, spent most of it with L and the boys which is always good fun but absolutely exhausting.

Got my sinus infection back again after my two week course of doxycycline. Just over a week until my appointment with my ENT it still feels so far away though. My nose and my head really hurts all time ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

My man boobs are still swollen and sore which is making the gender dysphoria much worse to deal with because I really don’t feel manly at all. I’ve not been able to bind at all because my chest is just too sore, which is frustrating.

I’m feeling the effects more and more of not being on methotrexate, I’m much more exhausted then usual, after a afternoon out yesterday all I’ve done today is sleep. Also yesterday my knee was swollen, it was so sore and felt really uncomfortable. Its been hurting for a while but I’ve just ignored it, I think it might be time to get it looked at now.

Had some more shit fucking news regarding my disability benefits, they’ve refused my appeal! So this means I now have to take them to a tribunal ffs! I just don’t have the energy for this shit, I really don’t. But I’ve got to keep fighting this because I deserve these benefits because I am ill and unable to work. Its an absolute joke it really is, having to jump through all these hoops just to receive money to survive. This is governing my entire life right now, its all I think about, worry about, talk about. But its important because its effecting me so much, I am a strong boy I can deal with this, like I deal with everything else.

Mr Scrappy has been poorly today, he’s been throwing up this afternoon but he’s been stopped now for an hour or so. Hopefully its just a bug he’s picked up and he’ll feel better in the morning. He’s been like this a few times before, so I’m not overly worried about him, he’s probably just picked up a bug.

Ok lets lighten this shit up a bit lol, um so had a text the other day to say I can upgrade my phone 3 months early, OH HELL YEAH! I was bang straight on it and got myself a iPhone 6, I am loving it, I can’t stop playing around with it and the case feels really nice, I can’t stop touching it lol.

I’ve got a good week ahead of me, so I wont be at a loss of what to do. I am having my eldest nephew tomorrow for a bit which I’m really looking forward too, as I don’t get to spend a lot of time just me and him.

So yeah that’s me, life is mega frustrating right now but when isn’t my life complicated huh…. never lol.

I think if I hadn’t got the early upgrade on my phone then the denial of my appeal for disability benefits would have pushed me over the edge, I somehow feel refreshed and energised because I’ve been bursting for an upgrade and it made me feel so happy. Its hard to put into words that make any sense but I feel ready to fight again, I know I can win this and I am totally up for the fight. I’m definitely feeling more myself ๐Ÿ™‚

^^ Scrappy and Foxy enjoying the beach

^^ Found this cool sand art ๐Ÿ™‚

^^ My beautiful Marley moo

^^ Scrappy enjoying the sun by the river

^^ Foxy girl enjoying the sun ๐Ÿ™‚

Well that’s all for now, I’ll try update sometime this week.

Peace out

Batman

Anger Issues and Great Friends

Sunday again..it seems to come around quicker every week and wow what a week it’s been.

How would I describe this week? Well this week has been filled with high emotion, mainly anger and frustration, with a bit of crying and some happy days. But the anger was really fucking intense, like I felt like the hulk and just wanted to smash everything. I hate feeling like that though because I feel so out of control and I kinda scare myself too..like is that normal? I don’t know, maybe it is.

My anger issues became worse after my dad died, which is a normal part of the grieving process and it did subside for a while. But since coming out as transgender my anger is a bit of a issue again, some days even smalls things makes my blood absolutely boil and I become angry in an instant.

It’s probably due to a number of things, like having issues with changing my details at my doctors and the fact he took so long to refer me to the gender clinic, which is another battle I have to fight. Then on top of that I am dealing with gender dysphoria, so disassociation from myself, mind and body. The frustration of constantly being misgendered and the fact I can’t bind my chest..yeah the list of frustrations about the transition as it is right now just goes on and on. I know I will be happier in the long run and it will be worth it, but it’s been a massive trigger for me not being able to control my anger. Through all of this crap though I’ve only resorted to cutting once ๐Ÿ™‚ which I am proud of because before I did DBT, if faced with a situation like this then I would have just succumbed to my self harm addiction and it would have totally taken over me and I would have had NO control. But because I have done DBT and I have grown as a person, the addiction, my dark passenger is no longer in control of me. I am totally in control of my dark passenger now and he’s never far behind me and he will probably always be with me, but right now my dark passenger has now power, I’ve taken the power back. In two and a half years I’ve only cut once and that’s just a huge thing for me, as at one point in my life I cut every single day. So yeah I have come a hell of a long way and I am extremely proud of myself for that.

I did a course on anger management, not for myself though. I did that course when I was working with young people, so it was about how to work with people with anger issues..anyway I mention this because I think I may still have the paper work some where and it could be useful for me to look at and do some of the worksheets…Might be worth a bash!

I am still doing my mindfulness, although the last few weeks it has been difficult to sit and do because I’ve either been too tired and it’s made me fall asleep or I’ve just not been calm enough or been able to get myself into a place where I have been able to sit and meditate. Next week is a fresh week and I will try again ๐Ÿ™‚ I do need some grounding and relaxation, I need to get back into my body and relax my body.

Since my last post I have had 3 good days and I do feel more relaxed and happier then I have done this past few weeks. I love that I have amazing network of friends around me now, a few years ago I didn’t and I would have just sunk. But now with my friends and my groups I can keep myself afloat.

Friday was really busy, the dogs had their haircut in the morning and I had the doctors in the afternoon and I spent 4 hours in the evening baking things for the weekend.

The doctors went ok, I have more antibiotics and if after them I still feel rough then I’ve gotta do a sputum sample and he will refer me back to ears, nose and throat. Also got to mention it to the chest doc tomorrow and see if he has any ideas about what we can do. My gp is going to back me up to the benefits people, as he’s been asked to do a report for ESA. So yeah I am really pleased about that. The last few times I’ve been to see him I’ve been really emotional lol and close to crying, out of sheer frustration. But he’s great and he’s such a lovely GP.

Saturday I did the housework in the morning and in the afternoon I had friends over for Foxy’s birthday party. Which was so much fun, all 4 dogs had a great time playing with each other and eating their little cakes. We also went for a short walk and got home just before it started raining.

H came over for a few hours, which was so great to see her as I know she is really struggling right now. So I really appreciated the fact she came over ๐Ÿ™‚

L and Harvey ended up staying the night, so that was cool. We had burger king for dinner and watched Batman films. I let Harvey have a go on my Lego Jurassic world game and he LOVED it lol and asked me to buy it for him, cheeky boy. So I said I might get it for his birthday if he’s a good boy.

After Harvey went to bed, L dyed her hair pink and we put a bit on foxy too lol. Then we watched Sinister 2 ๐Ÿ™‚ and I had to watch something funny after or I wouldn’t have slept lol!

L and Harvey left early this morning, so I could go nap for a bit. I then got on it like sonic, did the housework, put dinner on in the slow cooker, had a shower and took the pups out for a quick wee.

Then I was all calm and ready for my two friends who came over for dinner. They spent all afternoon until the evening with me, they enjoyed the dinner I made and I really enjoyed cooking it. E had brought over a crumble that she had made and that was so yum. We played the card game that E taught me how to play and I really love it ๐Ÿ™‚

So yes a great 3 day which I totally needed, I am extremely blessed to have these people in my life. I hope I lift them up as much as they lift me up.

This week isn’t too busy, I have the hospital tomorrow and group social in the evening, that’s if I feel ok enough. I have my 1:1 gender counselling Tues and Mindout LGBT mental health group social on Thursday and I am hoping to feel well enough to go to my friends boy’s birthday party ย on Sunday.

Apart from tomorrows appointment, I am looking forward to this week. I do have lots to sort out, I need to look through my bills and see what I can cut or get down a bit. Need to ring Diverse abilities again to get an appointment with someone to help sort out my ESA. I just need to get super organised and stock up on essentials for me and the pups, in hope to take the pressure off when my money goes down in two weeks from this Tues.

Urgh when I did I get so grown up and have to deal with all this lol! I hate this adult stuff, I want a refund! It is NOT as it was advertised.

How am I feeling right now in this moment after writing this blog? Well I am extremely tired and I wasn’t going to write but I kinda needed too and I feel so much better for it, I always do. I feel happy and I suppose you could say I feel content in this moment, I feel relaxed too. I also feel strong, strong enough to sort my benefits out, strong enough to win this fight. I know there will be times when I won’t feel strong. But in this moment I feel very strong and capable, this is down to cooking for friends this evening, I feel proud of myself for that.

Here are some pics from the last few days

ย Me looking and feeling hella fly!

ย My beautiful foxy girl after her haircut.

ย Harvey

ย Foxy, Scrappy and Arnie ๐Ÿ™‚

ย Benny and Arnie ๐Ÿ™‚

Peace out

Batman

Busy boy in over drive.

It’s only Tuesday and my lil brain is in over drive and I feel like I’ve done a whole weeks worth of work lol.

I am feeling a bit better today, my mood isn’t so low and physically I don’t feel as grotty and horrible as I did at the weekend.

So what have I been up too…

Mon – I was up at 7 am for some reason, so I prepared my beef casserole and put it in the slow cooker. It smelt amazing ๐Ÿ™‚

I wasn’t feeling it (not sure what IT is lol) but yeah I just felt crap. So I slept until midday because I just couldn’t be bothered to do anything else and I was up stupidly early.

Eventually got showered and dressed and just pottered about the flat, I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I just couldn’t settle down, I tried to do some colouring but I couldn’t get into it, tried to watch a film…couldn’t get into it. I didn’t feel agitated just really restless, maybe it was anxiety about something. I’m not sure, I’m still not fully in touch with my emotions at the moment so I am struggling to name how I feel because I just don’t know. It is getting a bit better though, I am making more of an effort to be mindful or my emotions.

I did manage to get myself together eventually. I didn’t eat my beef casserole as I wasn’t hungry at the time it was ready. Put it on low for the rest of the evening.

Took myself and the pups up to Flirt for the trans group social. I was really hungry by the time I got there, so I got myself a nice jacket potato. The pups love going to Flirt and they get so much attention as well ๐Ÿ™‚ they have great food too. It was a really nice evening, I am so lucky to have such a great group of people and to have the support and also to be around people in the same situation.

When I got home, I did the washing up, took the rubbish out, cleaned the balcony of dog poop, cleaned the cat litter box. So all I needed to do in the morning is hoover. I’m glad I got it all sorted before getting to bed.

So today, I was up at 8 am, hoovered up straight away so it was done! Then did the rest of my morning routine, which I did without feeling it was too much effort. Although my hip and knee was really sore this morning, I think its from laying on that side all night.

Headed out to see L ๐Ÿ™‚ now Albert is at nursery 3 mornings a week, we can now spend some much needed adult time together without dragging Boo about with us.

We looked around in a few shops, went to the 6D cinema and watched a new scary short film called Lost in Fear. It was so good! Very jumpy and we got a bit wet lol. I LOVE the 6D cinema! It totally rocks! And we had Burger King for lunch. It was a really nice to just chill out and have a good laugh and it really was ๐Ÿ™‚

I had my gender identity 1:1 this afternoon and it was a really good session, my mind was a bit more focused so I got more out of it today. I’ve decided that I am going to do a letter to all of the doctors that take care of my physical health and explain about my transition and what is going to happy re – hormone therapy, surgery and stuff, so they are aware of everything and if any changes need to happen with my current medication, then the sooner the better. So yeah I want to start to get organised with everything regarding my transition and getting them linked with all my other doctors because I think that will be really important for all my doctors to be involved and interact with each other. So it’s less for me to worry about and remember etc.

Got back to my lil fur babies ๐Ÿ™‚ and I was going to have a lil snooze…but it didn’t happen lol. I started organising my folders that I got for my new courses and I’ve got a folder for my 1:1 as we write bits down and if it’s al in one place I can’t lose it.

I did have a rest and closed my eyes for a bit, I didn’t sleep though. I just needed a rest in the quiet and had snuggles with my babies โค Which was pretty perfect โค

Had some of my beef casserole for my dinner and it was very yummy if I do say so myself ๐Ÿ™‚ and all the fur babies had a lil taste too.

I took the pups out at half 5 pm, I’m making the most of being able to take the pups out in the evening. As soon it will be dark at 5 pm, which means a whole change in routine and making sure I am up relatively early so I actually see the daylight! for more then a few hours lol. It also means planning on taking the pups out in the day time rather then evening walks. I think for the winter I will write out my daily planner so I have things planned and if it’s written down I am more likely to do it. I do tend to get the winter blues but I think that is partly down to less sun and partly down to the fact that I usually get more coughs and colds etc in the winter and I ache way more too. So having fun things planned and everything written down gives me more of a purpose and a bit of drive to actually do things too.

Just been relaxing this evening, chatting to some friends online. But I am logging off soon, as I need to be up at 7 am. I start my Recovery Narrative course tomorrow which is 10 am – 1pm, really looking forward to it…but not getting up at 7 am lol! That I can do without! but hey it is what it is.

Right this boy is off.

Peace out

Batman

Lil flare, feeling crap all round.

Not been on here properly for a few days because I’ve either been too tired or too busy making YouTube videos.

Fri I spent most of it just making YouTube videos and spent pretty much all day in front of my laptop. It was good fun ๐Ÿ™‚ but I think most of it I was just killing time.

Saturday I didn’t get up until midday and WOW I felt like fucking shit! Everything hurt and I was really snotty, chesty and generally really grotty and horrible. But I managed to get up, showered and dressed.

H came over and we went out, I had to take my stick because everything was so sore. We saw the films Legends ๐Ÿ™‚ and wow it was amazing! It was funny, violent, sad, emotional, just very cleverly done ๐Ÿ™‚ Loved it.

After we went to Nando’s for dinner which was nice, I didn’t eat much though. But it was enough for me.

While we waited for the bus we went and looked in Tesco’s ๐Ÿ™‚ and got a few treats.

Got home and just sat down for a bit, wow I still feel fucking awful. Went to Asda as we both needed to pick up meds and some other bits.

We came back to mine and I just needed to go to bed, so kicked H out bless her, ย I took the pups out for a wee and got myself into bed and was asleep just after 10 pm.

Today has been a bit boring I suppose and I don’t really know how I feel right now, maybe a bit low. But I think that’s probably because I’m feeling poorly.

I was up at 9 am, I had ready brek for breakfast, I did the housework, had a shower and got dressed, took the pups out for a walk and spent the afternoon sat on my butt playing Weird Park on my tab.

I did spend some time playing fetch with scrappy too. I felt a bit restless but didn’t really know what to do, just felt a bit lost today. But still don’t feel to well but definitely not as bad as I felt yesterday. Maybe I’ve spent too much time in my head or disassociating from how I am feeling, I don’t really know.

Once again I seem to be like holding my breath, really controlling it. I don’t know why. I’ve been trying to do mindful breathing so I stop doing this. But I still don’t know why I do this on and off when I feel like this. It’s such a weird symptom.

Urgh I don’t know. I think I need to do some mindfulness…but maybe my heart isn’t in it atm… not sure what it is though.

Peace out

Batman

Rested and Centred boy

Well this Sunday has been pretty perfect and I really enjoyed some quality me time and quality time with my fur babies ๐Ÿ™‚ it was much needed. I’m slowly recovering from the summer activities, which don’t get me wrong was amazing and so much fun. But my poor lil body and mind over did it and now I need to spend time repairing that.

So despite sleeping most of yesterday, I slept really well last night and didn’t wake up until 10 am. I’m so pleased all my work has paid off and my sleep is back into a much better routine now, makes life a bit easier when I can at least sleep well.

I had my breakfast and chilled out for a bit, but bitch jobs had to be done… (this is why I need a wife ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol) But I felt better for having a clean flat.

Got myself all nice and clean too, took the rubbish out and went to the shop to get myself something for dinner and OH some Lego a little bit accidentally fell in with the shopping..:D

I took the pups across the road for half an hour for a run, came home and had some lunch, put my new Lego together and did some colouring in, my lil bird is coming together nicely ๐Ÿ™‚

I watched a good 80’s classic film Ghostbusters ๐Ÿ™‚ and I cooked myself some dinner, I had a nice chicken breast, baby sweetcorn on the cob, roast potatoes and onion gravy, it was so so nice and treated all the fur babies to a bit of chicken each, which they definitely enjoyed as it was gone in seconds lol.

Decided to take the pups for a longer walk as it was a nice evening, kinda didn’t want to waste it ๐Ÿ™‚ I ended up bumping into a friend who walked with us, which was really nice to catch up.

We got home and snuggled up on the sofa and non of us have moved since and lil miss Harley has joined us, although she’s been trying to get on my lap but right now she can’t as I’m on the laptop, so she’s finally settled beside me ๐Ÿ™‚ ah they are all just so freaking cute!

Ahh I feel, tired because of the walk but my mind feels rested and in a good place. I like the me when I feel in a good place and when I just have time to be me, without thinking about anything or anyone other then myself and my fur babies, yes that sounds selfish but in life it’s ok to be a little bit selfish every now and again. I feel totally centred and just ah I feel good ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ll be doing pretty much the same tomorrow too, apart from I have a my trans group social in the evening ๐Ÿ™‚

Peace out

Batman