Self care and Christmas

The holiday seasons can bring such joy but they can also bring a lot of stress and anxieties, people often put themselves into debt and really put themselves out over this time of year just to make everything amazing and magical so you can have the perfect Christmas that you can show off on your social medias.. But for some its a hard time of year for different reasons.

Mental health issues, eating disorders, addiction, grief, disabilities.. etc DO NOT disappear at Christmas. They still exist and its totally ok to be depressed, to feel sad at Christmas, you will not ruin Christmas! and if someone tells you that you’ve ruined their Christmas because you’re feeling sad then they are TOXIC as fuck! Because it is YOUR Christmas too and you are allowed to feel however you feel!

If you aren’t looking forward to Christmas this year for whatever reason it maybe try and put somethings in place that will make you happy and make you feel comforted. Because this is your Christmas too.

Every year I buy myself presents and I buy all the fur babies presents too and wrap everything up. Which makes me feel good, especially as one of my dogs will unwrap his presents which is so much fun to watch.

I spend the day with a friend and if the weather is good, get out for a nice walk and I make dinner and relax, watch some films maybe play a board game or two and generally just have a relaxing time. But throughout that time I don’t always feel 100% happy because I’m a human who experiences emotions and that’s ok, I’ll also still have to take my medications and pain killers because my chronic illness doesn’t take a day off.

Boundaries are SO important this time of year, as it is so easy to become overwhelmed and anxious. First boundary would be don’t spend what you don’t have! Buy Christmas presents for every person you know, or buy lots of presents just isn’t worth getting into debt over! Put a limit on what you spend and don’t feel guilty about not buying everyone something, even kids you may have in the family or friends kids. Just because it is Christmas your are under no obligation to get them anything, especially if you can’t afford too, because the stress of being in debt will be worse then the 5 mins of joy that a present creates. If you HAVE to give presents, be creative, make something, gift something you don’t use, get it from a charity shop.

Time boundaries are super important too, as people feel obliged to see you just because its the season. But if you don’t feel up for seeing people when they’re feel try not to feel guilty, there’s always another time. Or if you simply don’t want to see that person, say no. It’s ok to say no to things that you don’t want to do especially if it won’t make you feel good. Don’t push yourself into doing things you really don’t want to do, even if its family engagements, you are under NO obligations to do anything! Do no let anyone bully you, guilt you or gaslight you into doing things you don’t want to do. You are you own person, with things going on and if you’re struggling with the season, tell people, tell them you’re not really feeling it and why and you’d rather just not do whatever it is and if they don’t respect that, they are the problem.

Time boundaries on Christmas day is important too, if you need to take some time out own your own, to nap or just be by yourself, do it! You don’t need to explain yourself, take yourself off and have some down time, that is TOTALLY OK! and much needed and it can get really overwhelming, especially if you’re surrounded by lots of people. It’s hard to be happy and social if you don’t feel it inside. Take some time to yourself to recharge, you will not ruin anything. You and your mental health is super important too, everyone will still be there when you’re ready to re-join everyone and if you just can’t face going back that’s totally ok too! Do what you need to do, take time to listen to yourself and what YOU need.

If you’re spending Christmas alone through choice or not, try and stay off social media, although I know there are usually a few different chats throughout Christmas on Twitter, which could be useful if you’re feeling lonely. Reach out to people, do things that make you happy, like I mentioned earlier, I always but myself presents and wrap them up. Just lots of self care, you are not alone. If you choose not to participate in Christmas at all that’s totally cool too, its not an easy time for everyone.

There’s lots of things you can do on Christmas, you can treat it like any other day, you can volunteer at a local soup kitchen, or at a animal rescue place, I’m sure there are lots of volunteering opportunities over the Christmas period.

But whatever you choose to do, whatever your doing, its ok to feel sad and lonely, its ok to still be grieving that doesn’t stop because its Christmas, its ok to reach out for help, its ok to be happy. It’s just OK, you’ll get through it. You are much stronger then you think. I mean we’ve made it this far right! ๐Ÿ™‚

Peace out

Zak

Pictures of my Christmas

Some pictures of my Christmas โค

ย 3 best friends

ย Happy Leo with his present

ย Happy boy with treats ๐Ÿ™‚

ย Eeep lots of presents ๐Ÿ™‚

ย Excited puppies Christmas morning ๐Ÿ™‚

ย Foxy got new clothes ๐Ÿ™‚

ย Eeep ๐Ÿ™‚

ย Harvey and his best friend H ๐Ÿ™‚

ย Boys chilling with H

ย L and the pups ๐Ÿ™‚

ย Albert enjoying his pringles

ย Piggy back with boo

ย Me and my boy

ย Boo helping me do dinner

ย Just chilling lol

ย me and my boys โค

ย Handsome boy in his new coat ๐Ÿ™‚

ย New t-shirt ๐Ÿ™‚

Just a snippet of my life over Christmas โค

Peace out

Batman

Happy chilled boy

Ahhhhhh I’ve had such a productive day ๐Ÿ™‚ and I’ve managed to do everything all by myself even though it made me arm really hurt it was totally worth it.

I slept well last night when I eventually went to bed lol. I woke up, had some breakfast and chilled out, then went back to bed until midday ๐Ÿ™‚ woke up again and had some cake lol.

Then I got my butt into gear and cleaned the whole flat, did 4 loads of laundry throughout the day as well. I also managed to change the bedsheets, which was so difficult but they really needed doing. So chuffed I was able to do it all by myself, my arm is definitely getting loads better.

After sorting all that out and got myself sorted, I took the pups for a nice walk around our regular route and met some really lovely people and dogs ๐Ÿ™‚ I really love chatting to other dog owners and watching the pups running about together.

I went to the shop and got Leo’s birthday present ready for next month, I am totally going to get sorted for xmas earlier this year. I also spoilt the pups a bit lol.

Just been relaxing this evening, going the take the pups out for a walk and have a nice shower using the lavender baby wash which I love so much ๐Ÿ™‚

ย My happy pups after I said WALKIES! LOL!

ย Foxy girl in her new pink jumper ๐Ÿ™‚

Peace out

Batman

Feeling so great :)

Mid week already and half way through April ALREADY! What the hell?? It’s going crazy fast. I think the first 20 years of my life went sooooo slow lol. Now it’s just going so fast in the blink of an eye.

Yesterday was a chilled day, relaxed and slept most of the morning. I took foxy to the groomers in the afternoon for her summer haircut. While me and scrappy were waiting we played on the field and went to the pet shop and got some treats ๐Ÿ™‚ It was so freaking hot out, apparently we are in for a heatwave for the next few months. We picked up miss foxy and she looked gorgeous, all happy and she looks even tinier now, I booked scrappy in as well, he needs his tail trimmed, the hair on the backs of his legs and she’s going the thin out the rest of his hair on his back because its so thick. My gorgeous boy.

We got in and I was so tired from being out in the sun, I think I played on my tab and watched some tv. Then went and laid on the bed for an hour and a half. I didn’t sleep the entire time, mainly just rested. But it was nice and I had the bedroom door open so Marley moo came in and joined me and the pups for a snooze.

I spent the evening over at my friends C&C they gave me my birthday presents as I’ve not seen them since just before my birthday, so that was really nice and yeah just had a nice evening chilling out, chatting, catching up and stuff. I didn’t leave as late as I usually do because I was starting to feel really achy and snotty.

The pups were happy to see me when I got in, I took them straight out and we got into bed, watched a film and I played on my tab.

Today I have been crazy busy! So busy that I had to write a list to remember everything I had to do and everything was completed.

It started with waking up, eating breakfast and falling back to sleep again for a bit.

After I woke I up did my list of things I needed to do and I did my shopping list that I needed to order.

I cleaned the entire flat and throughout the day I did 4 loads of laundry and it is SO hot that I can hang it all outside so it dries quicker. I made some plain ice cubes for the dogs and some ice treats with chicken stock and their dog treats.

My bro dropped by to pick up some money I was lending him.

Ordered my food shopping which is being delivered tomorrow evening. In the food shopping, I ordered the pups some bits to make them some ice treats. I’m going to make them with banana’s, peanut butter and natural yogurt, blend it all up and freeze, hopefully they will love it. While I was online I did my letter that I need to send to ESA about my change of title, so printed that out, put a copy of my deed poll and sorted out the envelope. I also went back through my journal and wrote down all my good things I’ve done, as I’ve not been keeping up with that at all. So I have done all of January now, so my jar looks a bit less sad lol.

I got myself showered and I sadly had to say goodbye to the leg and armpit hair…. Because it is SO freaking hot, I need to wear my shorts and vest top and because I am not binding yet I can’t go out with hairy armpits and hairy legs because I still look like a female. I’ve had an email about my binders so I can track where they are and they should be here next week. So yeah that totally sucked, it’s been great not shaving anything. But yeah that took ages to do lol, I am SO hairy pre-T I’m going to look like a freaking bear on T lol. Ooh and had a nice minted lamb burger for lunch.

After getting rid of the fuzz, I went out in shorts and a vest top. I went back to the pet shop to exchange to clockwork rat I bought scrappy as the one I picked up didn’t work. So got him a new one, had a lil chat with the ladies in there. Went up to the doctors and picked up my prescription for antibiotics and I got them at the chemist. I took the first two on the bus home so I didn’t forget.

At about 6 pm I took the pups across the road for a run as it was a bit cooler. I took their water over with us as scrappy get thirsty quickly. We spent over an hour over there just chilling, playing about. Met Loki the big Husky, he came out to play with scrappy and foxy for a bit. He’s got a new 100m lead so he could actually run about and play with them. I took some really lovely pictures as well ๐Ÿ™‚ I love being outside with the pups so so much, I never used to like it. But I think maybe that’s been down to anxiety and now I don’t really have social anxiety I just want to be out all the time and the pups are a great motivation to be out more too.

Chilled out played on my tab for a bit. Sorted out some more laundry. I nipped into Asda to pick up my pain killers and order more injections. I got myself some bits as well that I didn’t order online, as I order from Tesco’s and they don’t have the pups favourite treats in and just some over bits I needed.

Had another minted lamb burger for dinner, watched some tv and caught up on fb.

I CANNOT wait until Fri when my main man J comes down. YEAH BOY! He gets in town just before midday so when we get back to mine we are going to have lunch and chill, then take the pups across the road and pack some cans of fizz and some sweets and just chill and play about over there with the dogs ๐Ÿ™‚ Just cannot wait!

Going to give group tomorrow some feedback about what I took from the Weymouth group. But need to say it in a way that its not a judgement to the our group, I think I am just going to totally own it saw I saw this, I think this etc and see what they think. As I do think the group needs to change a little. I am going to tell the group that as from next Thursday I will be no longer on my bipolar meds and that I would really appreciate if they asked me how it was going, how I am coping and if they see any changes in my mood when they see me at group then I would love some feedback and I think that is totally what group is about. We should be supporting each other, we need to be closer, move on from what’s happened in the past if we can. We need to be more of a community as at the moment it feels disjointed and everyone just comes for themselves. Hopefully I’ll be able to do all this fairly well.

Peace out

Batman

I’m out :)

Currently sat eating Haribo sour s’getti that my friend sent over from the USA and I can safely say the are pretty sour, but so yummy. Hopefully it wont take me all night to write tonight, as I am tired already and need my bed.

I didn’t get myself into bed till gone 3:30 am. I slept pretty well but I was up so early. I only had about 5 hours sleep, stupid body lol.

Had some breakfast and chilled out on the sofa with the pups, watched tv and stuff. I think I had a nap for a bit from what I remember, only till 10:30 am though.

Got myself showered and dressed, I put the pups into the hallway and I went over to the post office to pick up my packages and went a got a number from the job centre for my step dad so he can start sorting out his claim for benefits. I went back and got the pups and took them across the road for a play. Oooh I back in and opened my presents, I got a big balloon with 30th Birthday, I got a new batman cap, two tops, a cute lil Mike from Monsters Inc and sweets ๐Ÿ™‚ YEAH MAN! So happy.

When I got in a put a load of laundry on as it was overflowing a bit lol. Had some lunch and had another cheeky nap for a few hours.

Think I only woke up because I was hot. Felt better for it though. Sorted out the washing and noticed that I was running out of hangers, they just seem to fucking disappear! It’s like when socks go missing lol. There are little elves stealing shit! Thieving bastards! haha So I went to the shop and bought some more and when I got in I was able to hang up all my new tops I’d got for my birthday and I hung up my hoodies in the cupboard as most of my coat hooks have broken off now lol! So my jumpers kept falling off. My clothes are a bit more neat and tidy now, I just don’t have much storage space hanging or draw wise and I got tons of clothes ๐Ÿ˜€

I took the pups out again just across the road for a run, it was a nice sunny day again, but chilly still. But was just nice to be out in the fresh air with the sun on my face.

Came home and chilled out watching the Simpsons, played on my tab too. I put my smallest Lego set together, only took half an hour, but its so cool. Had myself some dinner, I wasn’t really hungry though. My appetite has been a bit off again lately not sure why..maybe its because I’ve been ill and my mood has been all over, or maybe because of the lowered dose of quetiapine. I have never really had a massive appetite, I have always much preferred to eat little and often then massive meals. But maybe I am looking too much into it. Always over analyzing things. But I need to if I want to feel physically and mentally well.

This evening I have spent just playing games on facebook. I came out to my brother ๐Ÿ™‚ he was so cool about it. He said he still loves me so that’s really awesome, although he did send me a picture of a willy and said willy time ahaha! He’s so funny! His little way of dealing with it.

I then sent this message to everyone on my facebook list

Hey hope you are well. So I am just going around all my friends on here to make a bit of an announcement, I’m doing it through private message as well I don’t want to make a big fuss of it but yeah want people to know. So I am transgender, female to male. I’m going to fully transition, I am right at the start at the moment and its going to be a long journey. I would really like to be referred to in male pronouns and if you have any questions feel free to ask xx

I have got such a positive response from those that have replied ๐Ÿ™‚ feeling pretty damn happy.

Nothing really else to say, I’m a happy boy right now. Physical health is ok-ish, just the usual tiredness and pains and stuff. But I can deal with it as I am feeling so good.

Plans for tomorrow, well I’ve seen a pair of trainers I like that I might go get with my Birthday money. I got 2 Lego sets to still put together and I may take pups for a walk. So yeah lots of options, all depending on weather and how I feel.

 New cap from the USA ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah man been rocking it all day!

 Lego! ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s from the Lego Movie.

Peace out

Batman

I am 30 today :)

So just spent 25 mins writing and I’ve just lost the lot! Grrrrr! I shall start again.

It’s nearly half 2 am here. I a little bit accidently fell asleep on the sofa lol, but I was just so tired I couldn’t stay awake. Luckily though I have no actual plans for tomorrow, so it doesn’t matter what time I get to sleep.

Last night I got to sleep at around 2 am. I slept well but I only slept for just over 6 hours.

Chilled out on the sofa for a bit, watching tv and having breakfast. But I did have to eventually get of my ass. Yes it’s my birthday, but I have people coming over so gotta get dressed.

Had a shower and got dressed, I am wearing the top mum got my for my birthday. It says “Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, then always be Batman” Hehe such a cool top! I finally took my rubbish out, took two trips lol as there was so much.

I took the pups across the road for a wee and run. The weather was misleading today, it looked really nice and sunny. So I just went out wearing a thin hoodie. But OMG it was freezing lol. If it wasn’t for the wind it would have been really nice. I didn’t stay out long because I was so cold.

L and Boo came over not long after me and the pups got in. Was so nice to see them both ๐Ÿ™‚ we just chilled out and chatted and ooh yeah I got more birthday presents hehe. L got me a cool No Fear hoodie, a picture frame and a candle, which smells of vanilla mmmm yum. I sniffed it and Boo was copying me hehe, so cute ๐Ÿ™‚ Boo was playing with the balloons with scrappy and scrappy popped 3 of them. Harvey got me some minion biscuits hehe and he made me a card and drew me a picture of a killer lol! Ha love that boy. We went and had a look in Asda as L needed some bits, I bought some Lego with my voucher I’d got. We then went to Burger King for some cheesy chilli bites, yum! L had to leave to go get Mr Harvey from school, they live a 45 min bus trip away so that sucks. But least I get to see them all on Friday ๐Ÿ™‚ and was great to see her today.

Chilled out for an hour, dozing on and off lol. Just as I was taking the pups out for a wee W and lil Raven turned up, so we all went across the road.

Came back to mine and I put some cartoons on for lil man, we were watching Futurama and The Simpsons and he was well away chilling on the sofa, playing fetch with scrappy, watching tv and eating his sweets ๐Ÿ™‚ ah he’s so like me lol. He picked me out my present and even wrote out my card, eeek so cute and the boy has good taste. I got a Star wars lego set and a Adventure Time lucky bag, yeah man! ๐Ÿ™‚ Rocking! I said to him we can have a boys day just us, lots of Pepsi, sweets and cartoons! and being fully reclined on the sofa which he loved! Was so cool to see them both. They had to get moving. But was great to see them.

I spent the evening relaxing, had some dinner and watched tv. Too tired to do any of my lego sets. Ha I was so relaxed I fell asleep for a few hours.

Feel so blessed to have had such a lovely day ๐Ÿ™‚ I had lots of birthday wishes on facebook and a few texts too. I got totally spoilt with presents, cards, cakes, lego and other cool things. Yeah man happy boy ๐Ÿ™‚

Today Kieran got laid to rest. Man so sad, you were just getting your life on track and it was all taken away. Sorry I couldn’t make it dude. But I’ve been thinking of you. I hope you are at peace now. R.I.P Gone but never will be forgotten.

ย In my new jumper ๐Ÿ™‚ Totally rocking it!

Peace out

Batman

Birthday meal with the family

So its 2 hours away till I turn 30, I asked my mum and she said I was born a few minutes after midnight, so only just made the 2nd March. I’m just proud of myself that I have got this far despite all the things I have struggled through and still struggling through. It’s all made me into the person I am today and I am looking forward into growing into a man that my dad would be proud of ๐Ÿ™‚

Today has been pretty cool ๐Ÿ™‚ only one complaint, but I’ll get to that.

I think I was in bed by about 11:30 pm last night, watched a film Beetlejuice, well most of it I didn’t watch all of it. I was pretty tired and I slept really well.

I’d set my alarm for 8 am as I had to clean up the flat before going out this afternoon, but I took my sweet time about it lol. I cannot stand rushing around and its a Sunday so yeah I was chill about it.

About 9:30 am I got off my butt and cleaned up, although I didn’t take the rubbish out, but that can wait till morning.

Got myself showered and dressed and then took the pups across the road to take them for a pee and run. Had to nip down to Asda chemist to get paracetamol and meds I had owing. Picked up treats for the animals as they had non left. I need treats to lure the pups into the hallway when I go out. But I spent ยฃ10 haha but they loved them.

Had a lil time to chill and watched some Friends. I got the pups treats ready into the treat ball for scrappy and just gave foxy’s hers. Got them settled in the hallway and the mothership text to say she was outside. So got myself together and went down, then headed over to get H ๐Ÿ™‚ then drove to Pizza Express for my birthday lunch with the family.

We got there a little early so had to wait 10 mins before we got let in. Everyone I invited came, well apart from my uncle who had to work..that sucked. But everyone else came and no one fought lol, so that was a bonus. But it was a really nice meal and I got some cool presents and the mothership got me a cake and everyone sang happy birthday ๐Ÿ™‚ that was cool, least she made an effort of sorts.

Only thing that pissed me off is that she couldn’t even be respectful enough to call me Dyllan. She kept using my birth name…I’ve been Dyllan for 6 years, even before this gender stuff. I suppose subconsciously chose Dyllan because it is a unisex name. Meh I don’t even care about the gender stuff regarding her, its the name I am more pissed off with like she doesn’t even fucking try!

So yeah…that was the only bad thing.

The kids opened all my presents and cards lol ๐Ÿ™‚ Layla and Jack couldn’t wait for me to open them and clearly with a poorly finger I couldn’t do it by myself lol. But its cool, was cute to watch them ๐Ÿ™‚

The only respectful one out of my family is the one that isn’t blood related but I suppose that says everything lol. But my aunt reads my blogs that I share on fb and we haven’t actually talked about the gender stuff. But she got me a birthday boy card ๐Ÿ™‚ which was so cool, her way of letting me know she knows. Which was really cool and I did message her on fb to thank her after. But didn’t talk much about it. Maybe another time. But yeah that really made my day ๐Ÿ™‚

Got home to my happy puppies ๐Ÿ™‚ and I took them across the road for a run. ย Came back and sorted all my pressies out into new homes.

Chilled out for a little, then had a lil lay down on the sofa. I only napped for about half an hour, but that was enough.

Been watching the Childs play films this evening, just got number 3 on at the moment. Spent some time playing with Mr scrappy to wear him out. Trying to teach him to lay down…seems impossible lol, he’s not stupid! Just a short attention span lol. He just ended up creeping onto my lap or laying on his back rolling about haha. Stupid boy, love him though.

Eeeek just under a hour till I was born! argh lol. Gonna be a good week though.

Got a few peeps coming over tomorrow, so I’m not alone. So looking forward to that.

My mood is pretty good and has been since Thursday. But then I’ve seen people and had a good time.

Physically….well I feel run down, right now I have a sore throat. My pain has been well painful! My pain killers haven’t helped a lot. But maybe that’s because it’s been a bit damp the last few days.

ย Me and my best friend ๐Ÿ™‚

ย Jack and Layla ๐Ÿ™‚ they are so cute together โค

Peace out

Batman

48 hours of my 20’s! :O

Happy Friday ๐Ÿ™‚ well its officially Saturday now only 48 hours of being in my 20’s! EEEEEEEK!
I’ve had a good day and I am feeling pretty good, oh well apart from the physical pain. My hips have been playing me up today and the little finger is still pretty sore.

I slept well last night, slept for 7 hours. I woke up because my head was hurting and I needed my pain killers.
Did my usual, had something to eat and took my pain killers. Watched tv for a little while, but my head was so sore I took my migraine meds and snuggled on the sofa with the pups for a bit. I only woke up because the post man buzzed up as he had a package for me. It was from a friend bless her, she’s incredibly kind.
My head felt a little better after the little nap. And I felt fairly energetic…ah the relief I get from my pain killers maybe short and sweet but very welcome. Got myself showered and dressed, although I did end up just standing under the shower for about 10 mins starting into space, totally just zoned out. So I came out a bit wrinkly lol. But least I was a clean boy ๐Ÿ™‚
The sun was shining again today YAY! This makes me a happy boy. I took my gorgeous pups out across the road for a nice run around and fresh air. If it wasn’t windy it would be lovely and warm. Spent a good half hour enjoying the sun and enjoying watching the pups playing around. My friend text me to say she was ready to leave her place and meet me in town. Dropped my babies home and headed back out.
I met H in town and yeah it was really to see her. We looked around the shops, had lunch at Burger King and yeah just hung out. We came back to mine for a bit, chatted and stuff. She used correct pronouns pretty much all day, she had a few slip ups but that’s to be expected. She gave me my birthday presents early ๐Ÿ˜€ She got me a new batman baseball cap and a voucher for the online lego shop >.< yay! So chuffed.
I was going to group this evening, so H and I took the pups across the road for another nice run in the sun for a little. Got back and I did myself some dinner, chilled for a bit. Then I got myself and the pups ready for them to go into the hallway, which is going well and less stressful now, as I’ve been giving them treats in the hallway before I leave, so now they know if they go in there when asked they will get a treat ๐Ÿ™‚ so that’s a big improvement.
H and I left mine, she headed off to get dinner and I went to my group.
Group was good, it was the last one in Poole as we just haven’t had the numbers which sucks. It was the first group I ever attended. But I am so grateful for the other group. We just chatted and played charades which was fun. We finished dead on 8 pm.
Walked through town and went to asda as needed stuff for dinner in the week. Got home to very happy puppies, jumping all over the place lol. I ignored them for a bit so they would calm down and I didn’t get them even more excitable lol. Put the shopping away, had a pee, got myself a cold Pepsi and settled down with the tv, sweets and puppy snuggles ๐Ÿ™‚ ah perfect.

I didn’t get on the laptop until 10 pm and its now nearly 3 am and I am still trying to write and whatever lol.

My concentration has been shit, keep getting distracted. But breaking it up doing other things. So hopefully this makes sense. Been chatting to friends on fb and one on skype for the first time and that was pretty damn cool ๐Ÿ™‚

Feeling pretty damn good, joint pain has been pretty sucky but hey! Whatever

ย Yeah man rocking my new cap ๐Ÿ˜€

Peace out

Batman

Happy New Year 2015 <3

Wow its 31st of December 2014. This year has gone so so fast.

Just a quick catch up and a short summary of 2014.

So yesterday my poor baby boy scrappy, had a really bad reaction to his worming tablet. He was so so sick for about 2 hours, I was so upset. It was so horrible my poor thing. But he did stop being sick, I managed to give him little bits of water that he kept down and later in the evening he kept down a little food. He had a good nights sleep and is back to his cheeky self today thankfully.

This morning, I cleaned the flat as it was a complete tip! Felt loads better for doing it. Don’t have to worry about it now.

Just chilled out this afternoon. Went into town and posted something that I’d bought in the sales for my friend. I hope he likes it.

I met my auntie and little cousin Layla, we looked in a few shops, then went to Starbucks for a drink. I gave Layla her Christmas present and she gave me mine. I got socks, a picture of Layla and ยฃ10. Layla loved her present, I got her a big chocolate coin and a frozen bracelet. We had a look round some more shops. I bought Scrappy a new lead, its so cute, red with stars. I bought myself a new top with the money my auntie gave me. I also bought some BIG sparklers for tonight. So yeah pretty much my day. It’s been good so far and I’m feeling positive.

So 2014…It’s been a hell of a year. I’ve met some amazing people, I’ve done some pretty awesome things, like camping, I got Mr scrappy home, I went to see Dolly Parton, I’ve had some amazing times with my wonderful friends. This August marked a whole year since I last self harmed. It’s been a LONG hard journey, but I continue to be self harm free 16 months on. I am so proud of myself as I know at one point I thought I would never stop. So yeah self harm recovery is possible.

I think I’ve really grown as a person this year. I feel like I’ve changed for the better. I feel more stable, more settled sense of self, calmer, more able to maintain relationships, more confident in everything, in myself, my actions. I feel like a better person. I hope that others would agree.

Mental health wise I’ve had my highs and my lows, but I’ve always got through it.

My physical health hasn’t been the greatest this year. My methotrexate tablets made me very sick for about a year, but now I am on injections and doing so much better. I have my aches and pains, coughs and colds. But I am so blessed not to have been too ill this past year. I have great doctors that always take good care of me. I’m blessed to be under there care. I am also very grateful to have the NHS.

So yeah 2014 has left a big mark on my life. I’ve had good times, bad times. But overall its been great.

I am blessed to have Miss Marley moo cat, Foxy girl and Scrappy do. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I can honestly say that they have enriched my life no end. They are the reason I get up every day, they are the reason for still being. They make me get out and meet other dogs and people, when we go for walks. They help keep me motivated. I love them will every fibre of my being.

I am also blessed to have such amazing friends too. They have been so kind, so generous, thoughtful, supportive. Just totally amazing. To think back over this year and all the things my friends have done for me, the things we did etc. Is just overwhelming. I am so lucky to have such lovely people in my life. I am truly blessed.

Another year gone by without my dad. He is always in my heart. I miss you dad and I love you so much more. I wish you were here to share this life with me. But I know you are watching over me. I hope I’ve made you proud this year. R.I.P The most amazing man I’ve ever met โค Love you dad โค

I hope you all keep safe tonight and have a great time ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy New Year, I hope you’ve all had a great year and I hope there are many more to come ๐Ÿ™‚

2015 onwards and upwards baby!

ย This is my jar FULL of every single good thing I did this year. From big things like seeing Dolly Parton, so just hanging out with friends. Tomorrow I am going to look all through them. Remember all the amazing times. Such a great thing to do ๐Ÿ™‚

Peace out

Batman

See you in 2015! โค โค โค

Christmas day 2014

HAPPY CHRISTMAS everyone โค

The BIG day…It’s finally here and very nearly over.

Even though I spent Christmas day alone, it’s actually been really lovely. My previous post about life/Christmas is what you make it is really true. I’ve been planning my day for about a month now and I am so pleased that it’s been so nice. Hard work pays off. You can’t sit about and wait for good things to happen, you have to create these good things.

My day started with a bit of a restless nights sleep, but I think that’s because I had a late-ish nap yesterday. I was up at 7 am because I needed to pee. But I resisted the urge to rip all the presents open as I would be bored the rest of the day. So I snuggled up on the sofa and feel back to sleep for a bit.

Woke up about 10 am, I had my lucky charms for breakfast in my new Batman bowl ๐Ÿ™‚ YUM the ONLY way to start Christmas is with a lovely bowl of SUGAR! HA. I then got out all our presents, the animals and mine. I helped the animals open all of theirs…wow I’d forgotten how much I’d got them all. I think the dogs have enough treats for the next 3 months lol. Cleaned up all the paper and sat and played with the animals and their toys. Gave them a few treats. I think their favourite one was the bubbles for the bubble machine lol! Love watching my babies play.

I sat and opened the presents the animals got me ๐Ÿ˜‰ hehe. Even though I knew what they were, I was still excited. I then opened the gifts I got from friends. S and her husband M got me Minion Loom bands. Z got me some REALLY awesome bits. And my friend K has WG like myself and she sent me a massive box of treats, wow she spoilt me. I loved it ALL! So many loom bands and just awesome bits ๐Ÿ™‚

I gave most of my bits new homes…but haven’t finished yet. I had the rest of the cheesy mash I made yesterday for my lunch. Eventually I got my butt up, showered and dressed. With a plan in mind to take the pups for a walk. I noticed that a friend that lives across the road had put up a status about being bored, so I messaged her to see if she wanted to come for a walk and she said yes. So I got myself and the pups ready and went over the road to meet her and we went for a really nice walk.

We were out for about 1 and a half hours. The weather was nice and we saw lots of happy people and happy pups, which is always lovely to see. Scrappy was having great fun chasing his ball, he went for a Christmas swim! Such a beautiful walk, got some lovely pictures. Feeling so so blessed.

Said goodbye to my friend and took the pups home. I rested for a little while, watching tv snuggled up with 2 very tired puppies โค

I then sorted out my dinner. I pre-heated the oven. I cut up carrots and and onion, put oil and mixed herbs in the baking tray and put it in the oven to heat up. I then put in the veg and the prepared turkey joint and put it all in the oven. Half way through I added the roast pots, near the end I made the gravy and a lovely cheese sauce (from scratch) I was watching Batman Returns while this was going on.

Finally sat down to eat and it was so scrummy if I do say so myself. I am the master at cheese sauce ๐Ÿ˜€

Chilled out after stuffing myself with my nice dinner. Watched some films and ate chocolates. Sat on the floor and played with the pups for a bit. Scrappy was still wanting to play fetch lol. I hid his ball, so he’d play with his new toys….but he was happier when I was throwing them about lol, he’s so funny. Foxy was sat in her bed away from the madness bless her as she did get accidently hit a few times with some of the toys and scrappy crashed into her too. Poor girl, just wants some peace. Even Miss Marley moo was watching us play and came down to join in with me an scrappy.

There was nothing much on tv, so I’ve put on Batman Forever! I really forgot just how great these films are ๐Ÿ˜€ Just thought I would pop onto here as I am just relaxing.

Myself and my best friend are going shopping tomorrow for the boxing day sales, so that will be really nice to see her and go shopping!

After weeks of work I can honestly say that I’ve had a really lovely Christmas โค Myself and the animals have been truly spoiled. I am so blessed and so grateful โค

Went to see my daddy this afternoon on my walk with the pups. Such a lovely view, I now know why I was drawn to scatter you here. I walk the dogs here as often as I can and always stop and chat to you. I know you are watching over me. I hope I’ve made you proud today and every day. I love you loads dad and I miss you so much more. Happy Christmas dad you will forever be in my heart โค

Peace out

Batman