I hate my body!

Quick post as it is 10 pm and I don’t think I have much to write…but we will see.

So I’ve had a pretty awesome day but that’s not the main reason for this post.

This morning I did my housework and then met a friend who I did DBT with a few years ago, so that was nice to catch up. We hadn’t met up since early September last year, so it was great to catch up for a few hours. I am going to try really hard to meet up with her more often because she’s really lovely. She was asking me lots of questions about my transition today and that was cool, I’m always happy to answer questions.

I felt a migraine coming on when I got in, so I took my sumatriptan and led on the sofa with the pups and rested for a bit.

H popped over for just over an hour which was nice to see her πŸ™‚ even if it was a brief visit.

I made myself some more cheese biscuits because they are easy to make and they are so nice. This time I used more cheese though πŸ™‚ and it was definitely made it better.

I then made beef stroganoff, which I have never ever made before and I’d never even eaten it until xmas eve. I think I made it pretty well πŸ™‚ it was really nice. I made rice to go with it and I ate it all, put I have enough to freeze 3 portions.

I then did the washing up as I pretty much used every pan and utensil in the entire kitchen lol! So it’s all sorted now, so I don’t have to worry about it tomorrow before group.

Still felt full of energy for some reason, so I took the pups for a short walk down to the water and back through the high street. It was nice to get out even if we did get soaked lol.

Got in had a nice warm shower, put on a load of washing and here I am. Pups are chilling next to me drying off and warming up πŸ™‚

My main reason for this post is my gender dysphoria because today and the last few days it’s been pretty shit.

My stupid body is trying to have a shark week (please google this if you are unsure) Which in itself is stressful but my man boobs are bigger and because I cannot bind, I think they are sticking out more even through my hoodie, I am usually able hide them under my hoodie. At the moment I am very conscious of them and I fucking hate them! like really fucking hate them!

I have also put on like 3lbs so I am 9st and my stomach is bloated. But I feel so fucking fat and horrible because of it! If the weight gain carries on I will be cutting my quetiapine down to 25mgs again!!

I just hate my body so fucking much right now and there is NOTHING I can do about it! URGH! It’s so frustrating.

I am going to try again to find a sports top to help flatten my chest down a bit because the binder is just too much. But I am not holding out much hope that it will make me feel any better.

My appointment for the gender clinic cannot come soon enough! I hope this shark week stops and everything deflates again!

I am so so frustrated with it all and there’s nothing I can do about it. Other then keep doing my DBT skills and self care to keep me stable and safe.

So yeah…that’s how I am feeling right now. I am happy that I’ve had a good day and managed to make myself a meal I’ve never made before. But I am extremely unhappy with my body and how it makes me feel right now.

That’s all for now.

Peace out

Batman

What self care means to me and how it keeps me well

Ah self care day πŸ™‚ It was very much needed and I feel better for it.

Part of being able to stay well (as I can) with my physical health and my mental health is down to making time to look after myself and my needs, as it is easy to forget to look after me because sometimes I don’t feel important, so it’s easier to make sure everyone else is ok.

Depending on how many groups and appointments I have on in one week I will have about 2-3 days a week, where I will rest and take care of my needs.

So what does a self care day consist of for me, well I start by having breakfast and if the housework needs doing I’ll do that. It may not sound very relaxing but if all my housework and laundry is done then it is one less thing to worry about. Also when I have cleaned up my head feels more in order and it generally makes me feel better.

I then have a shower and get dressed, in nice fresh clothes. I then have some lunch, which usually depends on what I fancy.

Depending on the weather and my physical health is dependant on what I do next. So if the weather is good and my pain levels are ok, I will take the pups out for a walk somewhere. If the weather is good but my pain levels are bad then I will just take the pups out for a wee and maybe just sit across the road with them and watch them play for a bit…You get the idea.

But if my pain is really bad it usually makes my mood low, so I just do things at home to make myself feel better. I take my pain meds every 4 hours, I take tramadol and paracetamol. I have my hot water bottle pretty much attached to me, to help ease the pain. I will take a nap as being in pain is so damn exhausting. I make sure I eat and drink things that I fancy. I watch tv, game, meditate, colour my colouring books and generally just relax.

That’s what I do on a specific day I set aside to relax and take care of my needs. But there are things that I do every day which is also making sure my needs are met and everything is ok. It’s hard work maintaining “normality” when you don’t know how you will feel mentally and physically from one day to the next and fighting with the brain fog to remember things is sometimes like wading through mud.

So every day things may seem ordinary to people who don’t have mental health or physical health issues, but they are more important then you know.

Every Monday I refill my pill box up for the week and if I need to re-order stuff I make sure that goes on my todo list. I do the housework every other day and do the laundry when the basket is full. Like I said earlier, a tidy house equals a tidy mind. It’s also good for your self esteem, don’t ask me why I just know it makes me feel pride about myself.

Also on a Monday I write a list of what I am doing and what day for that week, any appointments will be written on the calender. But I find if I write it out again on a weekly basis it helps me combat the brain fog and helps me to remember. On the list I also write when I get my benefits and what bills come out when e.g electric, rent, phone bill..etc. This a very important part of my life, it’s important I don’t miss any appointments. It is also very important that I know what money is going out and when and that I make sure I pay my rent on time and have plenty of electric. This list will sit on my laptop which is by the sofa on the side I sit, so I see it every morning to check what’s on for that day.

Having a shower or bath is part of most people’s daily routine but when you have physical and mental health issues such a small task becomes a massive chore. I myself don’t often struggle with the lack of motivation to shower because I simply can’t get dressed if I haven’t had a shower because I feel all gross…yes its weird lol. Anyway since getting my stool for my shower I find it much less taxing and I find it less of a chore, I am also now able to take a shower in the evening to ease any pain I am in because of the stool. But yeah having a shower and taking care of my personal hygiene also lifts my self esteem πŸ™‚ and makes me feel confident.

Sleep, sleep is very important to my physical and mental health. Insomnia kicked off my last manic episode. I have to take 50mgs of Quetiapine a night in order to sleep a bit but I still struggle some nights. On the nights I struggle to sleep or feel I might, I make sure I have a full belly, I try and make sure I will be warm or cool enough, if I am in pain then I will take a warm relaxing shower with my lavender baby wash. I get all snuggled up in bed with the pups and listen to a guided meditation on an app called Stop, Breathe & Think and it always helps me get to sleep.

If I wake up early which sometimes I do, usually because I am in pain or its just insomnia. So I get up, pee, eat breakfast if I’m hungry, take pain meds and watch tv for a bit. I will then either go back to bed and sleep or I will just fall asleep on the sofa. If I am having a bad day with my physical health then I will have a nap during the day as well to keep me going.

Food is important to keep you going and to help keep your physical health well. I sometimes struggle with my lack of appetite but with all my physical health issues it’s not surprising. But I do try my best to have breakfast and dinner, sometimes I am hungry enough to have lunch as well. I try and eat a proper home cooked meal every day but also have the odd take away. I have a perching stool for my kitchen, so it makes cooking and washing up so much easier and I enjoy cooking again. I sometimes cook meals in the slow cooker, so it will make enough for me to freeze, so on a bad pain day when I don’t feel like cooking all I have to do is microwave something. If I don’t really have an appetite for a meal I will at least try and eat little an often, as I need to take my meds on a full stomach.

As I am unable to work due to my health issues, I spend a lot of time at home being ill with my physical health. Being alone too much effects my mental health and makes me feel very low. I attend two support groups once a week, which I really enjoy and some weeks they are the only people I see.

One group is called Breakfree, we meet on a Monday evening 7-9pm. It’s a therapy/support group for people who are transgender or who are questioning their gender. I have met some amazing friends in this group πŸ™‚ some who I now class as my family.

The other group is called Mindout which is an affiliate of National Mind. It’s a drop in support group for people who are LGBTQ who have mental health issues. Again I have met some great friends in this group πŸ™‚

These two groups keep me afloat and give me what I need to keep learning about myself, my transition and my continuing recovery. I can’t stress how important these groups are too me, they help me meet my emotional needs.

I also have 1:1 gender identity counselling once a fortnight, which is with the same guy that runs the Breakfree group. Which is so refreshing to speak to a counsellor who has first hand knowledge of what it’s like to live with a long term illness. I’ve also learnt a lot about myself and my past makes much more sense too. This like the groups is important to meeting my emotional needs.

In 2015 I built up a better support network of friends, who have been so great to me. I cannot wait to spend 2016 making some great memories with them all ❀ Spending time with my friends and making memories with them is so so important. Even if it’s just hanging out at mine, with pizza and movies and my wonderful friends, it’s better then being alone.

So yes this is how I look after myself, this is my self care. This is how I control my bipolar on a low dose of Quetiapine and make the most of my life. It’s incredibly hard work and yes there are days where I don’t even make it off the sofa, but ya know what?! That’s totally fine too, I like having a day where I do absolutely nothing, some days all I am able to do is eat and sleep and that’s ok because that’s what my body needs.

My life is by no means perfect, I still mess up, I forget to pay a bill now and again or forget to take my pain meds on time. I still have really low days, I still really struggle with life in general.

But living with life changing physical health issues and mental health issues makes me view life a little differently to most and it has certainly made me stronger then I ever thought I could be. Life has thrown me so many curve balls last years, I watched as my health went down hill and there was nothing I could do to stop it or make it better. But I came out fighting and I came out a better person for it. Some days I didn’t know if I could go on, or if I could take any more but some how I go through, there is a fire deep inside that keeps burning, that keeps pushing me to go forward. I think it’s my desire to live my life for as long as I can with the best quality of life because one day my illness will kill me and I do worry and get scared about my future, but it’s out of my hands. I want to make sure I make the most of my life because I don’t know when it will end, yes anyone can say that but with a unpredictable condition such as mine its all that more urgent.

All of these things that I have written about, help me make the most of my life and help me stay out of hospitals of both kinds.

To those who read this, who are in the same position as me, I hope this will be of some value to you and I do wish you well.

Please feel free to comment and if you have any requests on a subject you would like me to write about then just ask and I will try my best to write a decent blog for you πŸ™‚

Peace out

Batman

Busy boy in over drive.

It’s only Tuesday and my lil brain is in over drive and I feel like I’ve done a whole weeks worth of work lol.

I am feeling a bit better today, my mood isn’t so low and physically I don’t feel as grotty and horrible as I did at the weekend.

So what have I been up too…

Mon – I was up at 7 am for some reason, so I prepared my beef casserole and put it in the slow cooker. It smelt amazing πŸ™‚

I wasn’t feeling it (not sure what IT is lol) but yeah I just felt crap. So I slept until midday because I just couldn’t be bothered to do anything else and I was up stupidly early.

Eventually got showered and dressed and just pottered about the flat, I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I just couldn’t settle down, I tried to do some colouring but I couldn’t get into it, tried to watch a film…couldn’t get into it. I didn’t feel agitated just really restless, maybe it was anxiety about something. I’m not sure, I’m still not fully in touch with my emotions at the moment so I am struggling to name how I feel because I just don’t know. It is getting a bit better though, I am making more of an effort to be mindful or my emotions.

I did manage to get myself together eventually. I didn’t eat my beef casserole as I wasn’t hungry at the time it was ready. Put it on low for the rest of the evening.

Took myself and the pups up to Flirt for the trans group social. I was really hungry by the time I got there, so I got myself a nice jacket potato. The pups love going to Flirt and they get so much attention as well πŸ™‚ they have great food too. It was a really nice evening, I am so lucky to have such a great group of people and to have the support and also to be around people in the same situation.

When I got home, I did the washing up, took the rubbish out, cleaned the balcony of dog poop, cleaned the cat litter box. So all I needed to do in the morning is hoover. I’m glad I got it all sorted before getting to bed.

So today, I was up at 8 am, hoovered up straight away so it was done! Then did the rest of my morning routine, which I did without feeling it was too much effort. Although my hip and knee was really sore this morning, I think its from laying on that side all night.

Headed out to see L πŸ™‚ now Albert is at nursery 3 mornings a week, we can now spend some much needed adult time together without dragging Boo about with us.

We looked around in a few shops, went to the 6D cinema and watched a new scary short film called Lost in Fear. It was so good! Very jumpy and we got a bit wet lol. I LOVE the 6D cinema! It totally rocks! And we had Burger King for lunch. It was a really nice to just chill out and have a good laugh and it really was πŸ™‚

I had my gender identity 1:1 this afternoon and it was a really good session, my mind was a bit more focused so I got more out of it today. I’ve decided that I am going to do a letter to all of the doctors that take care of my physical health and explain about my transition and what is going to happy re – hormone therapy, surgery and stuff, so they are aware of everything and if any changes need to happen with my current medication, then the sooner the better. So yeah I want to start to get organised with everything regarding my transition and getting them linked with all my other doctors because I think that will be really important for all my doctors to be involved and interact with each other. So it’s less for me to worry about and remember etc.

Got back to my lil fur babies πŸ™‚ and I was going to have a lil snooze…but it didn’t happen lol. I started organising my folders that I got for my new courses and I’ve got a folder for my 1:1 as we write bits down and if it’s al in one place I can’t lose it.

I did have a rest and closed my eyes for a bit, I didn’t sleep though. I just needed a rest in the quiet and had snuggles with my babies ❀ Which was pretty perfect ❀

Had some of my beef casserole for my dinner and it was very yummy if I do say so myself πŸ™‚ and all the fur babies had a lil taste too.

I took the pups out at half 5 pm, I’m making the most of being able to take the pups out in the evening. As soon it will be dark at 5 pm, which means a whole change in routine and making sure I am up relatively early so I actually see the daylight! for more then a few hours lol. It also means planning on taking the pups out in the day time rather then evening walks. I think for the winter I will write out my daily planner so I have things planned and if it’s written down I am more likely to do it. I do tend to get the winter blues but I think that is partly down to less sun and partly down to the fact that I usually get more coughs and colds etc in the winter and I ache way more too. So having fun things planned and everything written down gives me more of a purpose and a bit of drive to actually do things too.

Just been relaxing this evening, chatting to some friends online. But I am logging off soon, as I need to be up at 7 am. I start my Recovery Narrative course tomorrow which is 10 am – 1pm, really looking forward to it…but not getting up at 7 am lol! That I can do without! but hey it is what it is.

Right this boy is off.

Peace out

Batman

A better day, feeling grateful

Ah I am so tired right now but my pain levels are much much easier to deal with but I think that is because I am just getting used to it now. The swelling has gone down a bit and the bruising has come out, I just can’t wait till the fracture clinic Thursday.

Despite everything, today has been really productive. I sorted out getting a new bus pass sent to me. The pet shop I get the animals food from were able to drop my order of their food to me this evening which was amazing and just so so helpful!

This morning I managed to clean up the flat as much as I could. L and the boys came over in the afternoon, we chilled out for a bit and had some lunch then L and Harvey helped me do the bits I couldn’t which was great and I am so grateful of the help.

We went into town so I could pay my rent and get electric, I also got myself 2 pairs of jogging bottoms because they are easier to get on then jeans lol! because I can’t do my belts up.

I treated myself and the animals to some bits on amazon last night because I felt so shit I think I deserved a treat.

I didn’t end up going to the group social as the location was changed to a pub, it’s quite a small pub and I didn’t want to go just in case anyone bumped into me. It will be much better if/when they cast my arm. I really hope they do! Any wrong movement or small bump really fucking hurts! So yeah missing group all this week 😦 gutted!

Overall I’ve had a good day πŸ™‚ despite my broken bones lol! I’m grateful to have such amazing friends.

Tomorrow I am just going to rest all day! I think I need it. My energy levels have just been zapped, all used up by being in so much pain. Slept ok last night, I’ve found the perfect sleeping solution, all propped up with pillows and blankets lol but it works so can’t knock it.

So I’m off to bed after this to relax and sleep.

This has taken so so long to write one handed lol.

Peace out

Batman

Had a fall that wasn’t my fault

My day didn’t start to well, I got out of bed and had a fall. I literally just fell to the floor like a sack of shit, my legs just gave away. It was so weird, I smashed my arm and I now have a nice bruise. My arms and wrist is a bit sore now from where I fell. But I’m ok now, it was just a shock, I’ve not had a fall like that before.

I met my friend this morning for a drink, I had a nice hot chocolate πŸ™‚ It was nice to catch up with her, I met her at DBT and I’ve not seen her since about February. I’m going to try and keep in touch with her more, she’s so lovely. We sat and chatted for ages, it was really nice.

I went up to the doctors to pick up my sharps box and yay finally it’s the right one! Thank god for that, hopefully when I see my new doctor next month I can be changed onto something different.

Got home to my happy pups and cats πŸ™‚ My legs were really achy and sore, so I went for a nap and they all joined me. It was nice and just what I needed, it helped my joints a little.

I took the pups out for a quick run after my nap, it was cold and windy out there.

Just been relaxing this evening, had some dinner, watched a film. I’ve decided to get myself a walking stick, just to help me when I’m having a bad day. I don’t want one but I think I need the extra support, plus its a visual aid for others when I’m out and about.

Anyway I have group tomorrow, I’m looking forward to that. My head is sore now, so better get off the laptop and get some rest.

Peace out

Batman

Just another day, just another post

Monday is here and I must say it’s actually been ok so far. I’ve got all my jobs done and I’m feeling good mentally, not so much physically. My lil legs are really sore and achy again today and my shoulder is still sore.

I slept quite well last night, I did wake up at 6 am but I managed to get straight back to sleep until 8 am. Woke up with really achy legs and a bit of a chesty cough 😦 so I had some breakfast, took some pain killers and went back to bed until about 11 am and I did feel a bit better for it thankfully.

Relaxed for a bit watching tv, the man that was delivering my shower stool rang me to get directions and it didn’t take him long to find the flat and deliver my stool. I absolutely love it and it fits in the shower cubical perfectly πŸ™‚

Spent a bit of time doing the housework before jumping in the shower to test out my new stool and omg I totally love it! made having a shower so much easier, especially as my legs were still really achy. I am so so happy with it.

Just been relaxing this afternoon, convertingΒ some files from rtf to pdf as I am hopefully going to get my poems published on the kindle. I got a friend helping me with it πŸ™‚

Going to sort my dinner out soon, take the pups out and hopefully someone will be along to collect my box of CD’s.

Going to my trans* group tonight, which I am really looking forward too πŸ™‚

Peace out

Batman

Happy Sunday, Happy me :)

Ah I’ve had such a good Sunday πŸ™‚ I feel really happy and relaxed.

I spent all morning in bed, half sleeping and half just laying in bed watching silly YouTube videos. I so needed that sleep and rest, feel recharged.

Eventually got my butt showered and dressed, I did consider not having a shower but I had a smell of myself and I stank lol! Took the pups across the road for a wee and a run, the weather is miserable today but it’s so bloody muggy and horrible.

Dropped the pups home and got them settled in the hallway in their new bed with some treats. Went to Asda to get a drink and ended up coming out with some Lego and are pale colours which were cool and a treat for Leo and Jack πŸ™‚

I spent the afternoon with my brother, his gf, my two nephews Leo and Jack and K’s (my brothers gf) mum. My brother cooked us a nice roast dinner πŸ™‚ I had cuddles with Leo and Jack and I made Lego cars and Lego animals, it was so much fun. Although I think I enjoyed playing with the Lego more then Jack lol! spent quite a bit of time hanging Jack upside down by his ankles too. Ooh and we had a nice chocolate pudding and ice cream πŸ˜€ yum! I’m definitely inviting myself around for a roast at least once a month.

Pups were so happy to see me when I got in πŸ™‚ and the cats too. Made a fuss of them all and I’ve been chilling ever since.

Feeling a bit restless because the flat is a bit messy, going to sort that out in a bit. It’s so fucking muggy and horrible, I feel all sticky and gross :/ urgh.

Ooh the mothership is coming over tomorrow afternoon…yay I cannot wait..NOT! but she’ll only keep on about coming over so it’s best just to get it over with. I could really do without starting my week with her in it lol but hey.

Trans group social tomorrow evening, so looking forward to that. I love that group so so much. Mental health group on Thursday which again I’m so looking forward too and I am helping out at the Weymouth group on Fri πŸ™‚ I have a good week ahead of me.

I have booked myself to see the hand therapist again this week because my lil finger is still really swollen, still can’t straighten it and it still hurts. It’s been about 7 weeks now and I swear the other finger was a lot better by this point. So best to get it checked again to make sure it’s still ok. Got to chase up my O.T too because no one has rung me to sort out getting my perching stool delivered and someone should have rung me last week… and well I should have had it by Fri. But it’s ok I’m not as desperate for that as I am the shower stool.

Think I am going to write my week out again, day by day what I am doing and what I need to do/get. It helps me keep organised πŸ™‚

Some pictures from today

Β Lol Jack and I messing about πŸ™‚

Β Mine and Jacks Lego creations πŸ™‚ can you guess what they are?

 My beautiful babies ❀

Β The gorgeous Harley Quinn πŸ™‚

Peace out

Batman

So fatigued, thanks to GPA

I’m so so tired today, feel like I could sleep for a week. It took me a while to get going this morning, so didn’t want to go anywhere at all but miss foxy had to go get her haircut, it desperately needed doing.

Had an hour to get showered and dressed, which felt like it took forever. Got the pups ready and we headed out to the dog groomers, it was grey and raining out but not that cold.

While foxy was having her haircut, me and scrappy went to the pet shop to pick up food for them and the cats. Then we played on the field for a bit until we had to get miss foxy girl πŸ™‚

I came over so so tired on my way back home, so when I got home I had some lunch and pain killers, put on Finding Nemo and snuggled up with the pups just chilling out.

Had a bloke turn up to fix the drawers in the kitchen, which was fine cuz they are now fixed but they should have rang to book an appointment rather then just turn up! So going to ring tomorrow to make a complaint as I was just falling asleep and he woke me up, I wasn’t impressed.

I did manage to get some sleep after the guy had gone, I felt a little better for it but probably could of slept a lot longer.

My brother, his gf and Leo popped over for a bit. I gave them the clothes I’d bought for Leo, I got him some Batman pjs and a t-shirt and some vests πŸ™‚ me and my bro are going to hang out tomorrow, not sure what we’re going to do, depends on the weather I suppose. But should be fun whatever we do πŸ™‚

After they left I had myself some dinner, I didn’t eat it all though. Watched a bit of tv and then took the pups out for a walk along our usual route, which was a nice walk πŸ™‚ well until the end and scrappy nearly gave me a heart attack! I was sat in the park by the water watching this duck with her little babies, foxy was watching from behind me and scrappy was pacing up and down. When all of a sudden scrappy jumped head first into the lake that is covered in algae and the sides are high so he couldn’t get back out again. So I had to rescue the lil sod! I wasn’t impressed as he has just dried off after being in the sea and now he would still be wet when we got in and that water stinks too! I was just chilling, sat all peacefully until my peace was shattered by my lil rat bag dog lol.

I was pleased to get home and sit down, my hips are so sore. Just been chilling while the pups sleep πŸ™‚ going to go to bed after I’ve posted this, I’m trying to keep my eyes open sat here lol.

Β Miss foxy girl before and after her haircut πŸ™‚

Β Harely Quinn having snuggles on my lap πŸ™‚

Well that’s it for now, this boy is feeling better then yesterday πŸ™‚

Peace out

Batman

Mega Lazy Sunday

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLexgOxsZu0

Bruno Mars – The lazy song, this has totally been my song ALL day πŸ™‚

I have done nothing all day long and man I totally needed to just veg out and stay in and rest.

I feel totally rested and happy, that’s all I really have to say. I just watched Orange is the new black and now I am starting from season 1 again. Played a few hours of Lego Batman 3 too, totally loving that game!

Got the doctors first thing tomorrow morning for bloods, I have 2 more blood forms and if they can’t do it there then I’ll have to go to hospital to have it done. I’ll probably take the pups out in the afternoon and I have the trans* group social in the evening. So that should be a good day.

Took some pictures of myself the other day and I was feeling fly and felt so good and I looked like a guy πŸ™‚Β woop! totally noticing that small changes in myself, I feel so much more confident and I even keep getting mixed up when I’m talking to people about my transition, like I keep saying M – F ….LOL! It’s good I suppose because well I am a boy through and through.

I have now lost a total of 2 stone! (28lbs) back to my original weight. Hoping to lose a little more. Feeling fly! totally loving it!

Just feeling so freaking goodΒ πŸ˜€

Peace out

Batman

*NO*TITLE*TO*DO*THIS*JUSTICE*

So today I woke up to a complete nightmare, the Tories remain in power and the poor, ill, disabled are all screwed and you will see the rise of suicide rates over the next five years, there will be cuts to every service I use, I need in order to live. I am very scared for my future. This is the worst it could have gone and it is now a reality, we are fucked. Well done England you have just doomed the poor, ill, disabled, gay and transgeder people. Well fucking done you posh twats!

As you can see I am very passionate and agitated about this situation because it will have a direct effect on my life as it is now, I need to push to get my funding for my transition…I fear if I don’t it might not happen. This hasn’t helped to my already agitated state, I need to do more mindfulness, I need to relax and move forward. I’m going to explore my spiritual side more, I want to connect with the world, nature, people and my inner true self.

Group was good today and I am glad to have the opportunity to give back to others πŸ™‚

Didn’t get home till about 6 pm to my happy puppies, just spent it relaxing and still just reeling from the shock of the election.

Haven’t go any plans for the weekend, I don’t really have any money to do much. I do know I need to rest a little tomorrow as I feel tired and I’ve not been sleeping well recently.

Anyway I gotta do my injection, relax, take pups out and get myself to bed and I’m hoping by doing a lil mindfulness will help me get a more restful nights sleep and not like it has been recently, with waking up all hours of the night, not being able to sleep right away…etc.

Ooh the bib I ordered my nephew came today πŸ™‚ it says, keep calm my uncle is batman πŸ˜€ LOVE IT!

Peace out

Batman