A day in the life of a trans guy

Well I haven’t been writing for a long while, although the notes on my phone are crazy long lol. I just haven’t had the motivation or concentration to sit down and write, so I have lots to catch up on. That’s if I can make sense of some of the things I’ve noted down.

Yesterday marked 10 months since having had top surgery, it has gone crazy fast. I can barely keep up with myself. My scars are looking great and I’m just so happy with the results, areas of my chest still feel a bit numb but its slowly regaining sensation. I still have the occasional nipple twinge where I’m assuming the nerve endings are still growing, that is a super weird feeling.

I still feel quite self conscious when I’m out and about, I still feel like I need a hoody so I can hide my chest. I still feel like people are staring at me, that I don’t ‘pass’ well enough etc and I know that’s just my insecurities and gender dysphoria. I also think its down to the ridiculously high standard that is set for trans men to look a certain way and I certainly do not meet the criteria. The expectation is that all trans men are super buff, work out, have muscles and are super handsome. I am non of those things, I’m short with a chubby body and I don’t work out or have muscles. I am currently in the process of loosing a bit of weight to help with my self esteem, body image and my general physical wellbeing, but I will never be a gym bunny.

I will never look like a lot of trans activists out there, who all work hard and look amazing. But there’s not a lot of representation out there for different body types within the trans masc community and I am no where near brave enough to show my chubby body in all its chubby glory on social media, as I am not strong enough to handle any negative criticism, even though I know it may help others feel seen, right now its not something I can do. But hey maybe one day.

I also think the expectation that once you have surgery that the dysphoria will disappear, I think I was under the illusion that it wouldn’t be an issue anymore. I’ve spent so long not feeling comfortable in my skin, that its going to take a whole lot of self love to even being to love this body of mine. I am so grateful for my body, it keeps me alive but I still don’t love my body enough and I don’t even really know what that looks like, as I’ve spent so long neglecting my mind and body that true self love and acceptance is not something I’ve experienced before and not sure how it looks or how it feels. I feel like I’m only just starting to scratch the surface of this self love stuff, I’ve got so much I need to heal first but I’m still trying.

The 12 weekly testosterone shots are going well, I’m 2 years and 10 months on T now which again has gone crazy fast. Only feels like yesterday that I would have done anything to be on testosterone and now here I am nearly 3 years down the line. There where times where I thought I can’t wait, its taking too long, once I knew who I was finally, waiting for everything was absolute agony it was almost like a physical pain, it was unbearable. I am so glad I held on, things get better eventually.

I much prefer the 12 weekly shot to the 3 weekly as my hormones are more settled and I feel less chaotic, then on the 3 weekly shots. My next one is due on a couple of weeks and I’ve got to get my levels checked to see how my body is reacting to the longer lasting testosterone. My sex drive has only just settled down since my last injection lol, it sucks being single and stuck in lockdown by myself. The first few weeks after my shot I’m super hungry and just want to eat everything and I’m horny as hell too, which is so weird. Before testosterone I had very little sex drive, mainly due to being on the medications I’m on, but now its a different story lol! But unlike the crazy appetite which settles down, the high sex drive seems to last a good 9-10 weeks! But self pleasure is a good pain relief, which I can say is true as I’ve barely had to take any of my usual pain meds recently so its not just an old wives tale.

I recently joined a dating website, which feels so embarrassing to even say… that I just want the ground to swallow me up right now lol! Its called OkCupid, which is a LGBT friendly dating site and that was the main reason for joining that specific one. I decided to join as I’ve on dated one person in the last 7 years and that relationship was exactly long, it lasted all of 6 months and it was my first relationship out as a trans guy.

There’s a few downsides to the website, one being that I am shit and describing myself and bigging myself up or even making myself sound in the slightest bit interesting…so I’ve not had any likes yet lol and I’m too scared to message anyone first as I feel awkward as fuck and I’m so shit and inserting myself into other people’s orbit, as I feel like I’m being instantly annoying.. Shit if I could be invisible but still be seen that would be the best lol. So yeah I don’t think my profile is really anything special, it doesn’t really stand out from anyone else’s.

The second downside is that I keep being matched with lesbians… like WTF! Lesbians want to be with lesbians, they do not want to be with trans men, I mean that would make them bi/straight. So that’s pretty annoying, trying to sift through all these hot lesbians and I feel bad for swiping no, although I don’t think it tells you who rejects you which is good.

So yeah I’m trying to get myself out there but its so fucking hard when all I want to do is disappear because I don’t feel worthy enough to be taking up space on this earth. I’m desperate to be seen and heard but I also want to disappear which is such a confusing paradox. But a lot of it is I have no self worth, self love etc and like I said I wouldn’t even know what that feels like, looks like. I’m so used to feeling like this for most of my life, its hard to imagine ever feeling any different. Maybe one day. I’ve got a lot of trauma to work through.

I know I am a bit late but HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! Always live your truth, no matter how hard your light will eventually shine and you can be a beacon of hope for others out there.

Peace out

Zak

A day in the life of a trans guy – Swimming!

On Friday I went swimming for the first time in like 6/7 years and the first time since top surgery. I felt super anxious beforehand, not just because its the first time swimming in just swim shorts but also because I was self conscious about doughy, flabby body. So the thought of walking into the swimming pool in just shorts with no t-shirt to hide behind was pretty terrifying. But I was with a friend and the pool was pretty quiet and I did it!

The swimming pool we went to was so cool, I used to go all the time as a kid. They have unisex changing rooms and family changing rooms and they always have. And that’s part of the reason I chose to go to the particular pool. They also have a slide, rapids and a jacuzzi which is awesome.

We got changed and I actually didn’t feel as self conscious as I thought I would. I was more excited about swimming to worry about how I felt and I think going with a trusted friend helped a lot.

As soon as I got in the water I felt at home, I love the water so so much.

At first I kinda forgot how to swim, I was splashing about like a fish! But I soon got the hang of it again and it was like I’d been swimming for ages. I love swimming so so much and its something I’ve really missed doing. If my local pool wasn’t so freezing I’d probably go more often. We had fun swimming and splashing about, going on the slide and the rapids.

I could have stayed in there all day, I love being in the water so much. I can’t wait for the summer so I can go swim in the sea with my dog Scrappy.

Swimming for the first time since top surgery and since starting my transition was a huge moment for me and one I won’t forget. It felt so nice to be just in shorts and to feel the water all over my skin, plus I got to show off my awesome back tattoo.

Trying on my swim shorts!

I’m sure I’ll be swimming again soon

Peace out

Zak

A day in the life of a trans guy – 10 weeks post op

This Tuesday was my 10 weeks post op, it still seems surreal but it feels so right. Its so hard to explain how it feels to finally have had top surgery, after having spent so many years feeling so uncomfortable with my body, I no longer feel as self conscious about my chest area when I’m out.

I’m still occasionally getting misgendered when I’m out and every time it happens it just feels like another chunk taken from my already low self confidence. I don’t know if its because I’m only 5ft 3 or if its my voice or what, but its soul destroying. Very occasionally I’ll correct someone, but most of the time it just knocks my confidence I just don’t say anything.

Healing side of things is going well, the scars are looking good. I haven’t been covering them with the micropore tape, I am meant to be covering them 4 days a week, just to help them heal and keep them strong. I think I’ve just been enjoying not having to wear a binder, I didn’t really want to wear the tape but I put it over my scars today and I will try and remember to put the micropore tape on my scars at least a few days a week.

The puffiness on the right side is going down slowly, its not as puffy as it was. I still have loads of areas around my chest which are still numb and I’ve been trying to touch those areas every day to wake it up. My skin isn’t as hypersensitive as it was, still sensitive but I can touch my skin without it making me feel weird lol.

I’m still struggling with post surgery blues and anxiety. Everyday is different, some days I feel ok and I’m doing fine but other days all I want to do it just hide away in my flat. Tomorrow morning I meet my (hopefully) new counsellor, just to see if we gel and talk about what I want from the sessions etc. I feel like I’m going to get more from private counselling then the mental health team.

I’m doing my best to take responsibility of my journey and moving forward and just my life. Its super hard and exhausting and I’m trying not to beat myself up too much about not being where I think I should be in life and just trying to remember I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

^ 10 week post op pics

I’m still struggling with my fatigue, this week I’ve slept in the afternoon a few times and have gone to bed pretty early a few evenings because I’ve been so exhausted. The weather has been pretty grey which I don’t think has helped a whole lot. But again its a case of self care/self love and just trying my best to listen to what my body wants/needs.

That’s all for now,

Peace out

Zak

A day in a life of a trans guy

T shot day!

It really struck me today and it’s not just a sudden realisation, it’s something I’ve always known but don’t always acknowledge. I think it’s important to acknowledge the fact that I know I’m super lucky to have access to testosterone and free healthcare for my physical transition and for that I am extremely great.

I think it’s important to acknowledge privilege and be grateful. Because not everyone gets free healthcare, let alone healthcare for their transition.

Being trans for me has been a long road and the road ahead seems to be endless.

At a point the physical transition will end but I feel that the emotional transition will continue, I’m not sure it will ever end. We are always changing, I hope I can continue to change and grow into who I am.

I know I’ve not posted regularly about my transition recently but I think it’s because I’ve felt vulnerable, anxious, self conscious, depressed and I don’t just not good enough.

I’m trying my best to open myself back up, but I’ve been so shut off it’s hard to move towards that light again. But I’ll eventually get there I’m sure 😊

Peace out

Zak

A day in the life of a trans guy – Chest binding pain vs feeling happy/confident out in public

Chest binding pain vs feeling happy/confident out in public

It’s a difficult dilemma, especially in the summer and as here in the UK it’s been a lot hotter for a lot longer then it usually is in June/July or ever actually lol. In the winter I tend not to bother to bind as I can hide my chest with baggy tops and hoodies, so it makes life a bit easier.

It’s also difficult because I have an auto immune disorder which causes joint pain/inflammation etc and I’m more susceptible to broken bones (a few years ago I fractured 5 bones in like 6 months)… so I have to weigh up when is safe to bind and for how long. It means listening to my body and how my body feels. For example if I’m tired and achy then it’s probably not the best idea to bind for 8 hours straight or at all. But I don’t always listen to how I feel, because I’m often disconnected from emotions and my body, I know I need to work on it though. I try and connect with myself by writing, meditation and just sitting quietly. I’ve been trying to do it more often as it does make a difference and helps a bit with the disconnect between mind and body.

The last 3 days I’ve worn my chest binder and 2 days I’ve worn it for the majority of the day and my ribs at the end of the day ache so bad and all I want to do is get home and take it off. But those 3 days I’ve been out in public, so beach one day and the other two days I’ve been around people I don’t really know that well and wearing the binder has made me feel a bit more myself, a bit more confident, less anxious and a bit less self conscious.

Tomorrow I’ll need to give my body a rest a not bind all day. It’s not recommended that you bind all day every day and definitely not recommended to wear it for 8 hours straight, especially when it’s hot.

I’ve been careful to make sure I’m drinking more and eating regularly too. So I’m not dehydrated or hungry.

Chest binding is exhausting, I’ve had mine on for nearly 12 hours… and I can feel it. I’m exhausted, hot and in a lot of pain but it was totally worth it as I’ve felt really good all day… so it’s a real dilemma.

Because of my health issues, I’m used to dealing with joint pain, some days are easier then others. But I know this pain is fairly temporary, cuz as soon as I take the binder off and relax then pain will subside which is good.

I use a high impact sports bra to bind my chest, as I’ve found it the most comfortable (as chest binding can be) an the material isn’t too hot, itchy and scratchy. I’ve tried a range of different chest binders but have found this to be the better one. So it is really important to find a chest binder that feels as comfortable as possible and makes you feel good cuz ultimately that’s the main point. What suits one person may not suit another, so it’s a bit of trial and error. But it’s definitely worth it if you find a binder that you feel comfortable with.

Peace out

Zak

Transition update – Week 35 on T

This week has been full of ups and downs but I’ve made some huge steps forward, which feels so awesome! I’m so proud of myself.

I’ll get the non transition stuff out of the way first. Its been a pretty hard week, I’ve had so much stuff to sort out and its been really difficult and overwhelming. Yesterday I wrote out a list of everything I needed to do and just went through it bit by bit sorting through everything. I felt so much better for it, I’ve still got a few things to do but I’ve made a good start. Things are slowly coming together, I’m still in the middle of sorting out my benefits and money is still really tight but hey I’m still here, still fighting.

Transition stuff has been pretty exciting this week and I’m really proud of myself. Last week it was quite hot for a couple of days, usually it makes me really anxious and makes me gender dysphoria really bad. But on this particular day I was feeling pretty good and confident so I wore my shorts out, which is the first time since starting testosterone. I had my hairy legs on show and I did feel a bit anxious while I was out but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The next day I went out for the day with friends and we went to the beach, again I wore my shorts but I was feeling a bit self conscious about my chest so I decided to try on my chest binder I bought a year or so ago. Its a high impact sports bra, but since I bought it I’ve lost weight, so it fits much better. After yesterday I was feeling really good and I decided to go out and wear my binder all day. It felt really comfortable and I felt less self conscious. I just felt good, I felt more like myself. I felt really confident, which is really weird for me. So yes big steps and I’m so proud of myself. Pics below are of my hairy legs in shorts and me in my binder.

I got my T shot tomorrow, I’m looking forward to that. Over all just feeling good, despite all the stuff I’ve got going on.

Week 35 on T

^ This weeks picture

^ This weeks video

That’s all for this week!

Peace out

Zak

*Insert*Title*Here*

I don’t often write in between my weekly transition blogs, but I feel like I needed to write today, I got things I just need to get out and maybe it will help me make sense of everything.

It’s probably gonna come out a bit all over the place and scattered, but that’s how my brain is feeling at the moment. It probably won’t be strictly transition related but a bit of everything that happening in my life at the moment, so transition, physical health, mental health, family etc…

I can’t even remember the last time I just wrote a regular blog entry, must have been a while ago now.

I literally don’t know where to even start… Ok I’ll start with the good stuff going on, so I can get into the flow of things and unpick my brain as I go along.

My name change is all official now, which is really awesome and feels so good. I am now legally Mr Zak Dyllan Mills! Woohoo! I’ve already changed it at the bank and the doctors and I’ve written some letters too, they just need posting. It just feels really right and just the next part of my transition, I feel much more like me now. Which probably sounds weird as its just a name but for me a name is quite an important part of my identity and how the world views me and how I view myself. So yeah feeling pretty awesome about that.

Last Sunday my new little nephew Alex came into the world, weighing in at 9lbs 3! the lil fatty lol but he’s so damn cute. I already had cuddles on Tuesday with him, he was just so content just laying on my lap fast asleep, he’s so chill. Proud uncle to 3 nephews, which is insane! the eldest will be 9 this year, its just flown by so fast. I absolutely adore all of them.

Physical health hasn’t really been too great this year, I’ve had infection after infection. Over the new years I kept getting nose bleeds, I then had a sinus infection, then last month I had a ear infection and at the moment I’ve had a chest infection for about 3 weeks and I’ve had lots of really bad nose bleeds as well. So I’m not sure what’s really going on, but I went to Southampton hospital this week and he took some blood to see what was happening. As he didn’t want to up the cellcept and make me more immuo-suppressed just in case its just been back luck that I’ve been getting ill and not due to my Churg Strauss Syndrome playing up, but he can’t tell until he gets the results. I’m hoping I’ll hear about the results soon and I’mm also kind of hoping its just been a bad run of luck getting ill and nothing more serious then that. But when nose bleeds are involved I know its more likely to be my condition as nose bleeds were one of my first ever symptoms. I’ll just have to see what happens with all this… I am hoping its nothing serious, I’d rather not up any medication if I don’t have too.

My mental health has been a bit of a mixture recently, its been quite difficult to deal with and I know its made me a bit harder to be around as well. Its not really been the bipolar that I’ve been struggling to control, although fighting with the depression and bad thoughts some days seems like the easy part of it all. I’ve been really struggling with the gender dysphoria, it hits so hard and its overwhelming and intense beyond words. The slightest thing can kick it off and I feel like I have zero control over it, which in itself is kinda frustrating and a bit scary.

Its my chest that is causing all the distress, anxiety and stress. I want top surgery so bad. I’ve never liked my chest, its always made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. When the dysphoria hits, I feel so detached, I feel like a ghost, I just want to be as far away from myself and my body as I can get, so I just disassociate but then I find it hard to get back in my body again. It really effects my mood, it makes me feel so depressed and really agitated because I’m not comfortable in my skin, because it doesn’t feel like it belongs to me, its never really belonged to me. I know I have to do some work around acceptance of self etc, as I know surgery will not fix all the emotional stuff but it will ease it. But right now that seems like a big thing to work on by myself.

I’m already starting to stress about summer and the warmer weather, as I get hot easily so it wont be as easy to cover up while remaining comfortable. I’m already aware that its gonna cause me a huge deal of stress and anxiety and it may make me less likely to go out far, I’m already anticipating how I’m going to feel, be etc… So I don’t know how I’m going to handle that and get through it.

Not being able to bind my chest makes it all the worse, I think maybe if I could bind that would take a bit of anxiety and stress out of it, I’ve been still trying on the high impact sports bras as they were the most comfortable out of everything I tried but its still not comfortable enough, especially with my chest problems I experience anyway. Its just so fucking frustrating! and doesn’t seem to be getting any easier to deal with, but the longer I’m on T the worse its getting to deal with and most days I feel pretty agitated and anxious. Its not so bad if I’m just at home and not really going anywhere, but as soon as I’ve got to go out for any period of time, especially on my own then I feel so self conscious, agitated and anxious.

I feel like I’m stuck in a limbo, like life can’t move forward right now and I know I’ve stopped moving forward, I wouldn’t know where to go now anyway. I just feel stuck, waiting for life to start again but I can’t find the button. I know I shouldn’t be waiting for top surgery but that’s what it feels like, I feel like after that then my life can start going again, where too I don’t know. I know my life can be better then it is right now, but I don’t know where I’m going, what I want, what direction, what I should or shouldn’t be doing… I’m in a rut and I hate it. Desperately trying to find things that make me really happy and not much is making me as happy as before. I mean I’m not totally unhappy, but I know things can and should be better, I just lost the drive to find it, I feel lost.

Ok… so maybe I needed to write this a more then I really realised but feels good to get it all out, I can breathe now. Been feeling mostly ok today, as I’ve stayed close to home, I’ve only been out to take the dogs for a run. Have felt so so tired today, I’ve just been chilling and looking after myself. I also finished writing out my ESA forms, I just need to get my paperwork together and then Monday I can post it all off recorded delivery, so they can’t say they didn’t get it. But I’ll sort that out on Monday I think, gonna spend the rest of the weekend just relaxing and looking after myself.

That’s it for now, am getting hungry…bloody steroids lol! Gonna go cook myself some food, although I’d really love a take away but money is low.. so cooking it is lol!

Peace out

Zak

Transition update – Week 12 on T

Woohoo 12 weeks on testosterone, time has flown so quickly. I did my 4th injection today in my butt and that went well, although I did hesitate a bit but I’m putting  that down to the traumatic blood test I had this morning.

This morning I had to have a fasting blood test to check my testosterone levels, I hadn’t eaten since 9pm last night. I have had fasting blood tests done before so I knew the drill. Usually when you go in for a fasting blood test they ask you when you last ate or drank anything but the nurse didn’t ask me that but I didn’t think anything of it. Then as she starts looking for a vein I notice her hands are really shaky, definitely not something you want a nurse to be doing when they are about to stick you with a needle. She jabbed my arm the first time and wow she had absolutely no control over the needle whatsoever and she tried again and it was pure luck that she got it, not because she was skilled at it. As she was taking the needle out she pricked me in the arm with the needle because her hands were so shaky. I have never had an experience like it in the 17 years that I’ve had regular blood tests, in no way should that nurse be taking anyone’s blood at all! She left me with a severely bruised vein which was sticking up out of my arm, luckily its gone down now but it really hurt.

When I got in I look at my notes to check they had taken to correct blood test and they hadn’t! I rang the doctors to explain they’d made a mistake and luckily they had enough blood to test my testosterone levels. I should have the results next week, although I’m not sure the GP surgery will know what to do with them, we shall see.

I haven’t really noticed anymore changes but that’s cool, although feeling a bit impatient with the voice changes. I really want it to break, I think that would help me feel less self conscious and anxious.

Last week I wrote about feeling self conscious and anxious and I’ve still been feeling really anxious and really overwhelmed. Even when someone texts me I instantly feel overwhelmed and crowded, I don’t know why though, I just can’t put my finger on it. The thought of being around people, even 1 on 1 makes me feel so overwhelmed and anxious. Once I am with people I feel ok but apart of me just can’t wait to get back to my flat away from everyone. I think it maybe depression but I’m not sure…

Week 12 on T

^ Week 12 on T

JDTVE0333

^ comparison pictures

^ This weeks video

Peace out

Batman

Transition update – Week 11 on T

I can’t believe I’m week 11 on testosterone, it’s gone so quickly and my fourth injection is next week. I’ve got to go and have a fasting blood test in the morning before I do my injection to figure how how often I will need to have my injections. It depends on how high or low my testosterone levels are, but I’m not 100% certain how all that jazz works.

This last week has been a mixture of good and not so great but I made the choice to try and ignore the negative crap and just concentrate on the things that have been positive. Which isn’t always easy to do but I will always chose happiness over ruminating on the negative, especially as its a situation beyond my control.

I went out of my comfort zone last night and attended a ukulele group, which I really enjoyed and I’ll definitely try and go as often as I can. I was so anxious about going and meeting new people, learning a new thing. But despite the anxiety I’m so glad I went and pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I’ve got loads to catch up and and try and practice as much as I can.

I want to try and learn more new things instead of just waking up sticking the TV on and watching mind numbing bullshit all day long. It will challenge me to change my negative thoughts and believes around my abilities to learn anything. The negative thoughts are ‘I’m stupid, I can’t learn anything, I’m dumb, I’ll never learn anything, I’m lazy’ the list of negative thoughts go on. It mainly stems from being at school, I was always told I was lazy and I didn’t apply myself well enough and when you’re told that for all of your school life it becomes apart of the narrative in your head. So by challenging it hopefully it will change that negative narrative, plus learning new things is always a good things. On the TV thing I am thinking about getting rid of my SKY TV and just stream stuff instead, which is what I do most anyway and I’ll save money too.

My best friend sent me the most awesome starting T present at the weekend, which was so cool of him. It contained a razor and some shaving gear, its my first razor so its pretty special that its from my best friend.

I have been thinking about having my first shave but I’m still feeling pretty self conscious about it. My transition so far has shown me how self conscious I actually am, I mean I knew I was pretty self conscious before I came out a trans but this has amplified it. I’m always conscious of how I look, how I sound and even what I say like 99% of the time when I’m around people. When I’m on my own all that doesn’t matter so much, because its just me. Before my transition I got to a point where I accepted myself as I was, even though deep down I wasn’t totally happy with my body, I always knew something was different but I’d gotten used to ignoring it. I was kind of ok with that but now everything is in question, like where in society do I fit, what kind of guy will people think I am, just questions like that so my sense of self has been a little shaken. I thought my sense of self was pretty stable but maybe it wasn’t so stable after all.

As I carry on through this transition I know I will learn my place in society and regain a more stable sense of self. I will just have to carry on learning more about the man I am becoming. This includes my first shave and I’ve decided to wait until my voice changes a bit more and I feel more confident in myself and my changing body.

Well that was an intense blog this week but its been my truth.

Week 11 on T

^ This weeks picture of me, next week I’ll do a comparison side my side picture

^ This is my T present from my best friend

^ This week YouTube upload, I will try and do a voice comparison next week if I can figure out how to do it

Peace out

Batman

Walking stick user

Well starting this a bit earlier tonight in hopes I get to bed a bit earlier and maybe I shall sleep right through.

I slept ok-ish last night, until I got to about 5 am and that is when I usually wake up but still really tired and I try and go back to sleep. But today like most days I give up and get up about 8 am. I’ve given up on fighting it now, I’m doing everything I can to get to sleep and stay asleep and I’m really not keen on taking medication to help me sleep as I hate the drowsy feeling. I’m hoping it will get better in time..

My bro text me this morning to see if I could watch Leo while he went and had his hair cut, so I got myself showered and dressed, then met them in town. We hung out for a bit and looked in a few shops and stuff, went back to his to drop his shopping back. My bro offered to drop me and the pups to L’s so he dropped me to mine to I could run up and get my stuff and the pups, we swung by and picked up my other nephew Jack Jack from his mummy’s, he was excited to see the pups. Then was dropped off at L’s 🙂 which was much better then getting a bus.

Before L and I headed out with the boys we took the pups out for a quick run and wee. I was giving Harvey clues about where we were going today, took him a while but he guessed it eventually lol.

We spent a few hours at the Oceanarium 🙂 I love it there so so much and they have a new enclosure there of penguins, they were so cool! They made so much noise lol. They’ve changed it around a bit and they have new fish and stuff there which was really cool. We watched the little turtles being fed and the sting rays being fed, that was really cool. Ah I just could spend all day in there 🙂 We all had good fun, boo loved it so much he cried when I said we had to leave bless him.

Spent some time in town, had lunch and looked in a few shops before heading back to L’s. The pups were urber excited to see us, scrappy could barely contain himself lol, I didn’t stay long though as I was tired and the bus trip takes ages.

The bus trip did take ages! and it was soooo hot on there. I was so glad to get home and have a proper sit down.

Skyped my bro and Jack Jack for a bit 🙂 which was funny. I was showing him all my instructions books of all the things I can make with my Lego, he was pretty impressed.

Just been relaxing this evening, had some dinner and watched tv.

I used my stick for most of the day when I was out, I didn’t feel too self conscious about it but I think that was because I was with my friend and we were out having fun. But it’s the first time I’ve used it all day and it’s really showed me how much I have been struggling along without it. It took a lot of pressure off my lower back and hips and had a bit less pain too, which makes my day much easier and more enjoyable. Still sucks I have to use it and the fact my health isn’t good right now etc… still processing all that. But I am glad I got it.

I am on uncle duties tomorrow 🙂 I’ve got Leo while my bro spends some time with Jack Jack, which will be nice for them. So looking forward to having my lil man.

I saw some cool colouring books today, adult ones that are based around mindfulness and stuff, so I’m going to get myself some in the week. I’m building up my box of stuff to do over the winter when it’s cold and I’m ill or too sore to go out too far. So I’ve got all my Lego, I’m going to get these cool colouring books, I’ve got some books on my kindle that I still need to read, got tons of loom bands and a book on how to make loom band animals and stuff so that’s cool. Not sure what else I could get to do, I want to try and get things that I will be able to do it mindfully 🙂 So that is my lil plan to keep myself safe through to winter months.

Anyway that’s all for now,

Peace out

Batman