This is what a good week feels like :)

I have had a long, busy but good week. I don’t really know where to start.

I’m feeling good though, despite the joint pain and the lingering sinus infection, I’ve been able to maintain a stable mood.

I was going to do a video blog this weekend but didn’t get around to it. Going to definitely try and do one at some point this week.

Mon 4th – I don’t remember much from Monday, as it’s so long ago now lol. I probably did the housework in the morning but I do remember I had a friend and her pup over in the afternoon for a few hours which was cool, I got us burger king for lunch and then we chilled out. I made myself a nice steak dinner.

Tues – 5th Just relaxed for most of the day until I had to go over to pick up Arnie from L’s as she was in hospital with an asthma attack. Didn’t really do much the rest of the day other then play with the pups and game.

Wednesday 6th – In the morning I did the housework, took the pups for a run and then picked up my nephew.

I looked in a few shops on the way back to mine with Leo, when we got back to mine I set Leo on the floor with his toys but he was happy playing with the pups lol.

I put dinner on in the slow cooker, sausage and bean casserole. Not made it for a while and it was really nice.

Lunch time, I fed Leo and I had something to eat too. He was getting sleepy so he went down for a nap for and hour. Whilst he was sleeping I filled out my forms for ESA. Not sure if they will be able to read it though, my writing is awful.

Played with Leo and the pups after his nap, then took him home.

I had dinner and chilled out for an hour or so, I was so so tired!

Then got the bus to take Arnie home, only stopped there for 10 mins and then walked over to my friends house, T&C. We exchanged our Christmas presents which was cool, they got me some nice things. I didn’t stay too late because I needed to get home to sleep.

Thursday 7th – I had a chilled out morning, then went to my Mindout LGBTQ mental health group. It was a good session πŸ™‚ I took part of the session where we talked about trans stuff, like the difference between trans and transvestite etc. They all loved the word search too πŸ™‚

After group I went to the hospital to get my bone density scan done, didn’t have to wait around too long and was pretty much in and out.

I don’t remember what happened in the evening, I’m tired so my brain fog is really bad right now.

Friday 8th – I slept well again, my sleep has been loads better since being on the 50 mgs of Quetiapine and my appetite has been better too. I’ve put on a 3lbs but as long as I don’t put on any more I will stay on this dose.

Had the Weymouth Mindout group and again I took part of the session on trans stuff and again it went well and I really enjoyed it πŸ™‚ I also got called gentleman by a police officer while I was tidying up.

Just chilled out in the evening, playing with the pups and the cats. I did the housework before going to bed so I didn’t have to worry about it over the weekend.

Saturday 9th – Had a relaxing morning, I took the pups across the road for a quick run an wee.

I watched a few animated Batman films and put my new Batman Lego set together which didn’t take long at all.

Spent time playing with the pups trying to tire them out. Didn’t really work though.

I spent a few hours gaming, playing blur. Ah love it! I got so into it, I kept shouting when I failed lol!

In the evening I had a friend over, we had Pizza hut, we talked and we watched a film called Sucker Punch, which is a top favourite of mine. After we went for a short walk with the dogs down the the Quay and back. It was nice spending time with E and she said today that it helped her too πŸ™‚

Sunday 10th – I slept until 11 am which was much needed. I got showered and dressed, went into town and got myself chilli cheese bites for lunch, I went to Asda to get a few bits in that I needed.

Had some lunch and messaged and friend to see if her and her dog wanted to go for a walk, so she came and picked me and the pups up. We went to Hamworthy park and we as got there is rained so so hard! It didn’t last long though thankfully, we were able to get out and walk the pups. They all got nice and wet and muddy! and me and F got some nice fresh air, which is always a good thing.

Came back to mine after the walk, towel dried off all the pups. Watched The Lego Movie πŸ™‚ and just chatted more. Which was really nice.

After I made some cheese biscuits, which were so simple to make and didn’t take long at all. I did it all by hand as I don’t have a blender, only a hand blender and that made a bit of a mess lol! But they are so nice but next time I will definitely use a bit more cheese.

Just been relaxing this evening πŸ™‚ and writing this has taken up most of my evening, but I don’t mind.

I have a bit of a quieter week a head, got my 1:1 gender counselling, will be meeting with a few different friends at some point or another, pups are both having their hair cut on Friday and obviously Mindout group on Thursday. So yeah should be a good week.

I am going to try and make myself a beef stroganoff at some point this week as I really enjoyed it when I had it Christmas eve. So I am going to see if I can cook it as well, I don’t see why not. A resolution of mine, which I just thought of today is to try and learn how to cook different meals, rather then just cook the same old thing all the time. I need to learn to cook different meals to mix it up a bit and maybe this will help with my food issues.

I do find cooking difficult for a few different reasons, one is the fact it takes energy and causes me joint pain. But with the stool that’s eased it a lot, so I can enjoy it more. I struggle with concentration and will wander away from what I am doing, so I can re-focus myself.. Although it has been known I stop to do something else getting completely engaged and nearly burning down the flat! and I struggle with timing as well, my maths is ok-ish. But I get the concept of time but I struggle with what 5 minutes feels like because sometimes 5 minutes to me feels like an I find it hard to judge time… haha I just got side tracked to see if I could find out why I can’t really judge how long a period of time is but couldn’t find anything. It’s probably the adhd and dyslexia. But anyway yeah it takes a LOT of energy, organisation and brain power for me to cook a meal, I can’t just do it on auto pilot, even meals I’ve cooked before I still have to look at the recipe to make sure it’s right.

Anyway that’s enough from me. I will let you all know if the cooking a new dish goes well for me or not…fingers crossed it will πŸ™‚

Oh I did have some awesome things happen this week, I got called Sir and Gentleman both on a separate occasion. So I was well happy with that πŸ™‚ it sadly doesn’t happen often at the moment. I’m sure it will in time and further along my transition.

Β Picture of Benny and the pups playing πŸ™‚

Β Cheese biscuits.

Β New Lego set

Β Harley and Marley πŸ™‚

Scrappy, Arnie and Foxy all watching me eat dinner lol!

Peace out


Gender Dysphoria….joys..NOT!

I definitely feel that a positive attitude has helped me get through yesterday and has helped me feel much better then I did on Monday.

I slept really well Mon night despite sleeping most of the day but I knew I would because I was just so so exhausted.

Tuesday was really productive though, I was up and out by 9 am, took the pups for a wee, went into town to pay bills, did laundry, did my food shopping online, ordered myself some new jeans. I just sorted stuff out..can’t remember the rest lol.

In the afternoon I had a lady pick up some clothes and dog stuff that was going to help the homeless πŸ™‚

I then had to take the pups up to the vets to get their worming and flea treatment sorted and they were well behaved as usual.

My best mate was in town while I was out, so she went to my place to wait for me and we hung out for a few hours which was really cool.

After she went I had myself some dinner, a proper dinner again. It was only a small dinner but I’m trying hard to at least eat decent food, even if it’s a small portion. When I got my food shopping I ordered proper food, things I can make decent meals from. I got stuff to make a nice beef casserole with πŸ™‚ I’ll do that at then end of the month.

After dinner I took the pups out for an hour just and we got back just as it was getting dark. Scrappy flopped on the sofa when we got home because I took his ball out with us and wow he loves fetch so much, he didn’t stop.

I felt really peaceful after out walk, it’s something about being out by the sea that does it for me πŸ™‚ so I wanted to make that last so I spent the evening doing some colouring. I went to bed feeling really contented.

Slept really well last night but I was awake about 7 am, so I did my usual and had breakfast and then fell back to sleep on the sofa. But I got rudely woken up by the police wanting to get into the building without alerting the person they wanted to speak too, so they buzzed me and I nearly fell off the sofa trying to get up and answer the door in a confused state lol. But I went back to sleep until nearly 12 pm lol! I did intend to clean up this morning but the flat doesn’t actually look too bad so I didn’t bother.

H turned up and I was still hanging out in my pjs lol! We chilled out, I was waiting for my food shopping to come but as H was there I was able to quickly hop in the shower and get dressed.

My food shopping came and there was a few subs, like I got diet pepsi instead of Pepsi but I live so close to the shop and I said the guy the main reason I have been ordering food because I can’t lift anything because I’m recovering from a fractured arm, so he was kind enough to go back to the shop and come back with regular Pepsi, which I was so chuffed about because that would have been wayyy to heavy for my to carry with my sore arm.

So after all that jazz, H and I caught a train into Bournmouth and spent the day shopping. Which was so cool as we’ve not done anything like that in ages because she’s not been well. But it was just so cool to just chill and hang out. I bought myself a new Vans top in the sale and a new colouring book called Enchanted Forest – An Inky Quest.

A funny situation did happen in a sports shop… We went in to have a look and I was looking at the sports bra’s to see if they would help flatten my man boobs down, so H an I both tried some on, she actually wants her for the gym. But anyway the first one I tried was difficult to get on but I managed it but it didn’t flatten much which sucked but the second one I tried on was too tight and I got stuck with my man boobs out and my arms in the air lol, so H had to rescue me and pull me out of it! Good job she was with me lol. It was funny but the trying them on triggered the gender dysphoria but I that’s gonna happen I suppose, I’m glad I did try but it’s just a case of trying different ones to get the effect I want. But yeah it was difficult to not let the gender dysphoria not effect my mood as it did put my head into a bit of a spin. Being with my best mate and having a good day with her helped me deal with it.

This evening we chilled out and watched Maze Runner as H had never seen it and the new film is coming out soon, I cannot wait and she loved it and I knew she would πŸ™‚

H and I left mine at the same time as I wanted to take the pups out for a walk by the sea before it got too dark. I pretty much legged it to Baiter where I like to walk, just so we still had some light and Scrappy could see enough to play fetch. I was sooo tired but the pups needed to walk but it was really nice πŸ™‚ and the pups got what they needed.

Just spent this evening chatting to friends while trying to write lol but it’s been nice.

I have group tomorrow and I’ve decided just to let go of what happened last week, clean slate and move on. No point holding onto anything.

I better get myself to bed in a mo.

Peace out


Writing helps me make sense of my brain

I was going to post some pictures of the last few weeks but my laptop is being so slow! and it’s really irritating so I shall try again tomorrow.

Feeling much better today, I think writing yesterday really helped me to work through everything that was going through my head. It got it all out an I have things that I can work on to help.

I actually slept well last night πŸ™‚ probably for the first time in a while.

Woke up with really achy legs, my leg muscles are always so so sore the day after I do my injection 😦 but they didn’t feel better until I had a little nap.

Got myself showered and dressed and on days like this I am so grateful of my shower stool because there was no way I could of had a shower without sitting this morning, my legs hurt too much.

Didn’t feel confident enough to take my stick out with me today even though I should have. I managed without it ok though.

I met L and the boys in town, L treated me to a tattoo πŸ™‚ I love it so much and I so needed a bit of pain therapy! Was good fun

After we slowly made our way back to L’s picked up the pup and went to the park for a few hours, which was good.

Headed back to mine, all my furkids were happy to see me πŸ™‚

Did the house work, so I don’t have to do it tomorrow. Went and got stuff to make dinner with next week and picked up my prescription.

Just been relaxing this evening watching CSI Vegas and playing with my furkids πŸ™‚

Having a nice roast dinner tomorrow at L’s so looking forward to that, can’t beat a good roast.

Think I am going to do a little bit of colouring in my book before getting myself to bed.

11873967_10155854556405456_1074638198_nΒ our tattoo’s πŸ™‚

Peace out


Walking stick user

Well starting this a bit earlier tonight in hopes I get to bed a bit earlier and maybe I shall sleep right through.

I slept ok-ish last night, until I got to about 5 am and that is when I usually wake up but still really tired and I try and go back to sleep. But today like most days I give up and get up about 8 am. I’ve given up on fighting it now, I’m doing everything I can to get to sleep and stay asleep and I’m really not keen on taking medication to help me sleep as I hate the drowsy feeling. I’m hoping it will get better in time..

My bro text me this morning to see if I could watch Leo while he went and had his hair cut, so I got myself showered and dressed, then met them in town. We hung out for a bit and looked in a few shops and stuff, went back to his to drop his shopping back. My bro offered to drop me and the pups to L’s so he dropped me to mine to I could run up and get my stuff and the pups, we swung by and picked up my other nephew Jack Jack from his mummy’s, he was excited to see the pups. Then was dropped off at L’s πŸ™‚ which was much better then getting a bus.

Before L and I headed out with the boys we took the pups out for a quick run and wee. I was giving Harvey clues about where we were going today, took him a while but he guessed it eventually lol.

We spent a few hours at the Oceanarium πŸ™‚ I love it there so so much and they have a new enclosure there of penguins, they were so cool! They made so much noise lol. They’ve changed it around a bit and they have new fish and stuff there which was really cool. We watched the little turtles being fed and the sting rays being fed, that was really cool. Ah I just could spend all day in there πŸ™‚ We all had good fun, boo loved it so much he cried when I said we had to leave bless him.

Spent some time in town, had lunch and looked in a few shops before heading back to L’s. The pups were urber excited to see us, scrappy could barely contain himself lol, I didn’t stay long though as I was tired and the bus trip takes ages.

The bus trip did take ages! and it was soooo hot on there. I was so glad to get home and have a proper sit down.

Skyped my bro and Jack Jack for a bit πŸ™‚ which was funny. I was showing him all my instructions books of all the things I can make with my Lego, he was pretty impressed.

Just been relaxing this evening, had some dinner and watched tv.

I used my stick for most of the day when I was out, I didn’t feel too self conscious about it but I think that was because I was with my friend and we were out having fun. But it’s the first time I’ve used it all day and it’s really showed me how much I have been struggling along without it. It took a lot of pressure off my lower back and hips and had a bit less pain too, which makes my day much easier and more enjoyable. Still sucks I have to use it and the fact my health isn’t good right now etc… still processing all that. But I am glad I got it.

I am on uncle duties tomorrow πŸ™‚ I’ve got Leo while my bro spends some time with Jack Jack, which will be nice for them. So looking forward to having my lil man.

I saw some cool colouring books today, adult ones that are based around mindfulness and stuff, so I’m going to get myself some in the week. I’m building up my box of stuff to do over the winter when it’s cold and I’m ill or too sore to go out too far. So I’ve got all my Lego, I’m going to get these cool colouring books, I’ve got some books on my kindle that I still need to read, got tons of loom bands and a book on how to make loom band animals and stuff so that’s cool. Not sure what else I could get to do, I want to try and get things that I will be able to do it mindfully πŸ™‚ So that is my lil plan to keep myself safe through to winter months.

Anyway that’s all for now,

Peace out


Boy’s day :)

*YAWN* Again lol, I am so tired and so achy but it’s a sign of a good day.

I slept ok-ish last night and again I woke up at 6 am, so I had breakfast and a drink then went back to sleep until half 9.

Sorted out the animals, I threw some clothes on, had some pain killers and by brother picked me up at 10:15 am and we went out for the day.

We took Leo to a place called Moors Valley Country park, we played on the swings and other park equipment. Took Leo on the little steam train that they have there, he enjoyed it for a little bit until we went under the tunnel and the train whistled, it was really loud and he was not impressed lol bless him. We just had a wonder around the park, stopping every now and again. It was just a really nice time πŸ™‚ just hanging out having a boy’s day together.

After the park we went into town where his gf works and to kill some time we went down to the sea front to look at the new water fountains that are in the floor, they were really cool πŸ™‚ Had a walk back through the gardens and went into my favourite shop Primark where I found two Batman tops that I don’t already have so I just had to treat myself to them lol! One was a vest top which is so cool πŸ˜€ We were hungry boys so we had KFC, it was then time to head back to the car to pick up K from work.

They dropped me home on their way home. I was so flipping shattered and so achy but really happy because I’d had such a good day with my boy’s πŸ™‚

My pups and kitties were so happy to see me, so they had lots of fuss and huggles. Had something quick to eat and I took the pups out for an hour just to let of steam and to pee.

I sorted out some Lego Mini figures that I’ve got loads of doubles of, so I’ve sorted them out to post on gumtree to hopefully sell and make a few quid. Just been relaxing really this evening and chatting to friends on facebook πŸ™‚

Got to be up early tomorrow, I have the hand therapist at half 9 am and then group at 1 pm. I am just hoping she can give me some answers and relief for my bent, sore, swollen little finger and I am really looking forward to going to group.

Some pictures from today

Β My bro and Leo met the Gruffalo

Β Leo having fun in the swing

Β Leo and I waiting for the steam train

Β My bro and Leo waiting for the train to go πŸ™‚

Β hehe πŸ™‚ piggy back

That’s it from, I have to get to bed before I fall asleep at my laptop lol.

Peace out



I can’t believe its Wednesday again already, so crazy this week’s just flown past. It has been a good week so far πŸ™‚

Monday I was on it like sonic! Cleaned the flat, sorted out all my paper work and made phone calls. I rang social services so I can get some equipment for the flat that I need to help me. They are going to ring back and go through a form to see if I qualify for help. I also rang my housing association to sort out getting permission for the dogs, again they will ring me back. I need to chase up both. I rang the hospital to see if I can get my appointment brought forward but they have no spaces, so she said if I need to be seen sooner then ask my GP to write them a letter to ask if I can be slotted in sooner. So I need to check that he’s done that if he thinks that’s what is needed…hopefully he does lol. Um I think that was all the phones calls I made, I’m really glad it’s all been started. I’m nervous about the social services involvement as I don’t want them to say I need more help then I think I need… that’s my only worry.

Mon eve I went to flirt to meet some peeps πŸ™‚ which was nice. On the bus back I felt a bit hot and sicky though… so chilled on the sofa with the babies for a bit before taking them out.

Tuesday was good, I spent the day with L, boo and all the pups. My bro and Leo popped to see us too. We spent sometime in the park just chatting and watching the dogs playing. Then we went to flirt for lunch as it was getting a bit cold and it’s the only place in town that allow dogs inside. I had a nice jacket potato with cheese and beans πŸ™‚ YUM! Lil boo fell asleep on the sofa in there bless him lil man, mind you it was nice and warm and after lunch me and L felt like dozing off in there lol.

When I got home, I was so tired I snuggled up on the sofa with the pups and fell asleep for a few hours. I went out and did my food shopping, just so it was done. Put it all away and had something to eat, took pups for a wee and went back to bed. I was utterly shattered, I didn’t sleep well Mon night I was really restless. But I did sleep really well Tues night.

Today has been really good, I had a friend from school over this morning for a bit with her lil boy, that was really nice and good to catch up πŸ™‚ I waited about for my delivery and while I waited I watched tv, played on my tab etc just messed about.

I finally got my package πŸ˜€ it was moo’s new cat post! eeek it’s massive but it was pretty easy to put together πŸ™‚ only took half an hour. Once that was sorted I took the old cat post down to the bins and took that apart. Went to Asda to pick up my new Lego Batman sets πŸ˜€ I need to find space before I can put them together though.

Made myself a nice spaghetti bolognese from scratch and that was so yummy and I’ve got some left over for 2 more dinner, so that’s cool.

Just been catching up on here this evening, pups are sleeping.

Feeling pretty good right now πŸ™‚ feeling happy.

I’ve decided I’m going to do a video diary of my transition, I need to look up how I edit movies and stuff and how to do it on my laptop, so when the time comes to it I can do voice comparison videos etc. I think I need to look up more videos and what other guys talk about and maybe script a few too so I don’t forget anything and get everything out. So yeah pretty excited about it.

Peace out



Low and unmotivated

Eeeeep! So I saw 3 am again this morning. Oh well, I just lack motivation for trying to stick to any kind of routine. I was actually in bed a bit before 3 am but I was playing on my tab for a bit.

For some reason this morning I woke up at 6:30 am…That was until I saw the time and got straight back into bed and went straight back to sleep. Hate when that happens, its so weird almost like your body is woah we gotta get up lets go! Um not sit your ass back down its sleepy time still lol.

Got up at a more reasonable time of about I don’t know maybe half 10 am. I was so cold this morning well I have been all day, haven’t been able to keep warm. I snuggled on the sofa with the pups, chocolate lucky charms and crappy tv πŸ™‚ I did eventually fall back to sleep and I didn’t get up till 1:30 pm ah such a lazy boy. But I was tired and my leg muscles are aching from my injection.

I got my butt into the shower, got dressed and put the pups in the hallway and I went into town. Only for like 10 mins I just wanted to see if there were any ps2 games I wanted but it was busy in there and there wasn’t much that I could see. Went to one other shop and came home….gah just couldn’t be bothered! Like no motivation. Got back in and in the post came the new t-shirt I’d ordered for my foxy girl and I am so pleased that it fits just perfectly.

The pups needed to go out for a run, so I got them ready and went across the road. I love watching them race about its so funny, we were out for about 20mins. I would have stayed longer but I got so cold, I had to come back :/ I can’t wait for the weather to be a bit warmer.

I spent some time on the laptop and tab just playing games. Made myself proper dinner tonight, cheesy mash, peas and fish fingers πŸ™‚ yum. I got steak tomorrow, can’t wait I need a proper meal.

I’ve watched a few films too today Lego Movie, Empire Records and Suckerpunch all amazing films that I’ve not seen for ages.

Posting earlier tonight in the hope I will get to bed earlier so tomorrow I can actually do something other then sleep.

Kinda feel like I am just existing right now, I have little motivation, moods been low-ish, life has thrown some crappy things at me and I am just so exhausted and I’ve felt so ill and in pain. Day to day things are hard, I just want them to ease so I feel like a human again, feel like I am living. But hey I suppose it is what it is right now.

Ah my muscles are aching so much right now. I can’t get comfortable.

Struggling with it all right now 😦

Peace out


I went out YAY!

After sorting my bed stuff out, taking the pups out and dosing myself up to the eyeballs with medications, pain killers and my injection. I was in bed by midnight, put on a dvd and played on my tab for a bit.

I slept really well last night and I woke up just before 9 am. Had some breakfast and a drink, watched some tv.

Mothership text me saying she wanted to go into town later and if I was up for going into town with her. She had to take the car in for a service and some other bits. I said yes because well it would be nice to see her and actually get out of the flat.

I had time to relax and watch some tv, so was nice to relax and take it easy. Oh I did a load of laundry.

My rash is gone now and so has the wheeze. I’m just left still feeling a bit run down and tired. My skin on my face and ears is so so dry, its all flaky. It looks a bit like eczema now.

Eventually got myself showered and dressed and I took the pups out for a wee and run.

Came back and had some microwave chips for lunch. Hung up my washing to dry and then mothership text me to say she was on her way, pretty good timing. I got myself ready and met her outside mine, we were lazy and parked in town lol, rather then walking from mine.

We had a good walk about town, chatting and stuff. It was actually a pretty nice afternoon. While we were out I asked her if I could have Β£10 as I want to go to my group on Mon and I already owe last sessions fee of Β£2.50. But didn’t tell her it was the trans group and she didn’t ask any questions and she gave me the money I asked for which was awesome! Really pleased as I missed this week’s Thursday LGBTQ mental health group because I was too ill. So I can’t wait to go to both of my groups this week. As we were walking and talking about things, we were talking about my brother and his children and I said that I want all my baby making stuff taken out because I’m not going to have children because I’m too ill and she seemed pretty chill about that as I know in the past she’s sort of pressured me, I know she wants grandchildren from me. But I think as I’ve got older and my condition has become less stable I think she has come to realize that having children for me just isn’t a sensible idea. And that takes a lot of pressure off me and its sort of a step closer for me to tell her about being transgender.

After town, we came back to mine for a few hours and just sat about. My brother, his gf and Jack and Leo came over for a little bit. It was nice to see them all and have cuddles with little Leo, he’s getting so big and Jack loves playing with the dogs emoticon smile

Even though I enjoyed seeing everyone and having gone out etc. It was nice when they had all gone and the flat was nice and quiet again. But I really do appreciate that they came to see me, took me out, treated me etc.

Mum had got me some baby oil to help with my dry skin. I’ve applied some of that all over where I’ve been itching the most, I’ll use it for a couple of days and hopefully it will help. Oh and I booked myself into see my GP on Tues, just like the hospital suggested.

When I was talking to my mothership about the rash and I showed her the pictures of how bad it was, she said I have had it before and that it was because of the GPA (was wegeners granulomatosis) I don’t remember, but then I’ve had so many different symptoms in the last 29 nearly 30 years…I don’t remember them all. I’ve believed from the start it was GPA as it slowly got worse over 5 days and was knocked on the head by a big dose of steroidsΒ straight into my vein. If it was an allergic reaction to something then all the symptoms would have happened within a few hours from the rash to the wheeze…or quicker. I think it was a viral thing. The wheeze has gone, so has the rash, but my ears are still hurting on and off. I got my ear spray still left and I’ll keep using that until I see my GP and see what he thinks.

Gah, this blog has been all over the place this evening, but that’s a reflection of how my brain is right now.

This evening I’ve just been chilling out. Felt so tired after today, its the first day in about 5 days that I’ve gone anywhere for a period of time. My brain wanted to clean the flat as it’s a tip, but had to listen to my body and just sit and relax. So I have, even though the state of the flat as been driving me insane. Scrappy hasn’t helped with the state of the place….he’s been having a lot of fun pulling the fluff out of his toys lol! It looks like a dog toy massacre in here! At least he’s not eating MY stuff!

Tomorrow I am going over to see my step dad emoticon smile he’s been poorly too, he’s been in hospital again. I’m going over with the pups and some dvd’s so we can just hang out. Am really looking forward to that. I’ve not seen him since xmas. But yeah I love my step dad and we are pretty similar, both really easy going, both got pretty severe illness’s, we like the same sort of thing. Plus he’s my dad’s brother and it makes me feel like I’m close to my dad when I’m with him.

I am feeling good mentally and physically emoticon smile My physical health always has a knock on effect on my mental health, but its rare that both things are going well. It’s days like these that I hold on too, because I know my health is bad, but I get good days.

Off to bed after this emoticon smile very much looking forward to a good sleep.

Peace out


Fun Saturday, chilled Sunday…Good times <3

I have had such a great weekend πŸ™‚ and I’m feeling good. But I really can’t wait for bed time. I’m really tired, but in a good way.

Saturday was such a awesome day. H and I took lil Harvey out for the day. H and I took our time getting ready in the morning, which was nice. I hate rushing around first thing.

Got into town and looked in a few shops. Then we waited for L’s bus to pull up and Harvey got off. L stayed on as she was off to see her brother who is in a pyschiatric hospital at the moment. But its the best place for him as right now he’s really unwell.

We took Harvey down to the seafront into the Oceanarium. We all love it in there. Harvey’s favourite is the sharks, although he would prefer it if they had great whites there lol. H loves the stingrays and my favourites are the otters and the baby turtles. Once you have bought tickets to go in, you can go in and out all day, which is really good. So we looked around once then went to the gift shop, Harvey had some money to spend so when he’d chosen something and some money left over I said that we can show H the 6D cinema and boy was he excited about that and wanted to go right away lol. So we walked back up to the 6D cinema and he wanted to go on the Island coaster, which is the one that rocks you about the most! You have to hold on to the rail because you get thrown around. He loved it, so did H πŸ™‚ it definitely woke her up lol.

Walked back down to go round looking at all the fish again. It’s so nice in there. I really enjoy just watching the fish, otters and other creatures. It’s really relaxing. Harvey as usual asked me a difficult question. I swear this boy waits until he see’s me to ask questions about things. But then I think its because L doesn’t like to talk to him about certain things where as I like to educate him on things he needs to know and will find out one way or another. But yeah his question was…How do babies come out for your belly? At first I was a bit hesitant, but then I asked him how he thinks it happens and he said they cut your belly open and pull the baby out. Yes he’s right that happens, I said that happens if they need to get the baby out quickly if the mummy or baby is poorly and needs help. So I said where did he think the other place babies come from and he said your bum…lol so I said no then he pointed to his willy, but I knew he meant the woman’s vagina. So I said yeah that’s right and he just said eeew and pulled a face lol, but that was that question answered. He’s 7 and a half so he’s always asking questions, but I am always honest with him, no point lying he’s not stupid! I like teaching him about different things. Because he’s genuinely interested and takes what you say on. Much better then talking to adults sometimes lol.

After awkward question time and looking at the animals again, H and I wanted to look in primark, so we dragged lil man up to the shop. But he was really good, he doesn’t mind it. He was happy chatting away and pointing things out to me. At the till they had different little surprise bags so I said he could pick one for himself as we were going to the cafe after this shop so we could have a nice sit down, while we waited for his mummy. He picked the super mario one. When I said he could pick one as he was looking at them, he was like what really? I said yeah hurry up lol. He’s so sweet and wants for nothing.

We walked up to the cafe which is called Flirt. It’s up the hill and Harvey kept saying are we there yet lol, both of us struggled with the hill, wheezing away lol. Got in there, got him a diet coke and I got a normal coke and a nice chocolate browine, omg it was so nice. H had a drink and cake too. Harvey sat looking through his surprise bag, showing us all the bits he got in it. So sweet. Even though they serve food, dogs are allowed in the cafe, which is nice. I like taking the pups in there. Well Harvey heard a dog bark and he was like why’s there a dog here, dogs aren’t allowed in cafe’s he was confused lol. In they cafe they have airplane seats and when they came free Harvey wanted to sit there, which was fine by H and I because there are much more comfortable then the seats we were on. We all just chilled out and chatted, so that was really nice.

Met L in town and we went our different ways. H and I went to the 6D cinema as I wanted to take her on a scary one called the panic house. I love that one, but its pretty creepy. We then went to pizza express for dinner, so that was nice. Then headed back into town.

Got back and nipped into asda to get some munchie bits. I bought a small whole chicken for dinner the next day.

We got home too a little destruction from Mr scrappy lol, but he was probably board and I did leave stuff within his reach lol. They were SO happy to see us. I love it when they get so excited. Before I settled down, I took the pups across the road for a run as they had been in all day. Got back and snuggled up on the sofa and H and I watched Limitless. I really enjoyed it. Then just watched stuff on tv and sat and chatted till about 2 am. I took the pups out for a wee before bed. I think I didn’t sleep until about nearly 3am.

Ahhh today…its been a really great day. I didn’t get up till nearly 11 am. I would have probably slept longer, but I think I was semi aware I needed to wake up at a reasonable hour so I could get dinner on. Ended up sorting it out by 11:30 am so it would be ready at 7:30 pm, so not too late to eat. Then I went back to sleep on the sofa until H woke up about 1 pm.

Chilled out for a bit, had some lunch and watched the crime channel. I threw on my batman joggy bottoms and a hoodie and took the pups for a wee and run. Dropped them back and H and I went to asda to look at the dvds, we picked up two. Lucy and Deliver us from evil. I haven’t seen Lucy, but I saw the other one at the cinema.

Got in and H had a shower, I cleaned up the kitchen as it was a top lol, then we snuggled up on the sofa with the pups and we watched Deliver Us From Evil first. I like this film, thought it was a really good storyline. I was playing on my tab as I’d seen the film, so didn’t need to concentrate. I treated myself to a new Lego Batman set, hehe. Can’t wait to get it. Then we had a little break and watched Lucy. I didn’t see much of the film as about half an hour in I had to sort out dinner because it was nearly ready. So I was busy being a lil chef πŸ™‚ I dished us up a very yummy roast chicken. Both had empty plates. I tidied up the kitchen a bit, I have food left for dinner tomorrow. I pulled the rest of the chicken apart and gave the meat to the pups and not to for the cat too πŸ™‚

H and I chilled for a bit. Then she made a move home as she has an appointment in the morning, so needs an early night and a good sleep.

I’ve spent the rest of this evening chatting to some friends, playing fb games and writing.

Mentally I am feeling pretty good. Feeling happy and relaxed. Yeah I really needed this weekend.

Physically I’ve not been doing so great. My legs have been so sore and achy recently, so so painful 😦 having to make an effort to remember to take my pain relief regularly so I can keep on top of the pain. I’m feeling snotty and chesty again….joys! I think I have a chest infection. I need to see the doctor again, for antibiotics and I still need to sort my sharps box out. Also I want to see if he’ll refer me to the pain clinic as I’ve had a look about what its about and I think going there would benefit me. I’ve dealt with pain all my life, but never been to pain management or whatever…seems stupid. I’ll try sort myself out this week.

Well that’s it for me tonight. It’s just gone midnight and I’m totally ready for bed now πŸ™‚

Some pictures from the weekend

Β πŸ™‚

Peace out


Over organised!

I think I am becoming nocturnal again…It’s 12:40 am and I am only just sitting down to relax and write. I am probably going to have another late night. I need to break this routine though.

Last night….well should I say this morning. I didn’t get to sleep till about 5 am. And I woke up 6 hours later…Urgh. I let scrappy out for a wee, I had a drink and we all went back to bed for a few hours.

Can’t remember what time I got up again. I think it was about midday. I sat about a bit, watching the tv. I eventually got showered and dressed. I took my lil pups across the road for a run about. I dropped them home and headed back into town.

Went to Argos and got myself a new little table to go next to the sofa, to fill the gap where the fish tank was. Now I don’t have a big coffee table in the middle of the lounge, that will do so people can put their drinks on etc. I had lunch in Burger King, as I realised it was 3:30 pm and I’d not eaten… So yeah treated myself. I got Β£15 left of my Christmas money. Not sure what I am going to do with it yet. I may get Lego Batman 2, so I will have all 3 games. Or I may get another Animal top….Will have a look in town tomorrow.

Got in and put the little table together. It only took half an hour. I’ve already got one like it and its pretty simple. Got a blister on my finger though from screwing all the bits in. Just chilled out for a bit, but my mind was busy with things I wanted to do.

With the new year coming I like to sort out what I need to get rid of, sell or throw away. So I sat and went through ALL my paper work. I was left with a massive pile. I really need to shred it before I throw it away…I was going to sit and cut it all up, but my head had other ideas.

I made myself some dinner before starting on my big task. It was ok….I wasn’t really hungry though.

I grabbed the baby wipes and went on a mission to dust all my shelves and Lego sets. I moved a few about as well. I wedged the bedroom door open and Miss Marely moo has been in here exploring as she’s not usually allowed in here. So all that dusting took a while, but my Lego looks better and are a bit more organised now.

Went into my bedroom, put a film on and sat and went through my pj draw, sock draw and boxer draw. As they were all overflowing lol. I had lots to throw out.

Then I went through my wardrobe. I sorted through all the tops and jeans that I wear and don’t wear or ones that just need throwing out. I had one t-shirt that still had tags on! I threw a few tops out, I got lots of tops to sell and one pair of jeans to sell. Everything is all nicely hung up again. I then went through my shoes. I got a pair of boots and shoes that I don’t wear, the rest I wear all the time. I went through all my hoodies and jumpers…as I have a few lol. I only had one to sell. But I did sort them out, hung them up etc. I have so much stuff! Bagged up the stuff that I was throwing out. I gave new homes to all the bits I got for Xmas. Put my new badges on my bag.

Sat and took pictures of everything I wanted to sell. I then went and got my laptop and sat on the bed. I uploaded all the pics to a selling site on fb and it took ages to write out the details and prices. I then sat and uploaded everything to a site called gumtree…that took SO long. But I hope it will be worth it. If nothing comes of it I think I will donate it all to the youth hostel I used to live in.

It’s taken me about an hour to sit and write. I’m starting to get a bit tired now. I think I will get myself to bed soon. I need to take the pups out first.

Feeling good. My head is just buzzing with things I want to do/get, but I got to wait till I get paid on Tues. My mind has been so busy lately. I thought it was just the Christmas period….I suppose my brain is preparing for the new years….Suppose if I get rid of extra baggage physically I will be able to do the same mentally…. I don’t know. I just want to be able to be truly at peace. Just be able to rest.

Physically I’m ok. Just the usual pain. Still feeling run down, but with my mind racing about I’ve not had much chance to rest.

Tomorrow I don’t have much planned….Although I do need to sort out the paper work. I need to destroy it some how…..may have to sit and rip it up. I want to go into town and have a look for a new top and maybe have lunch in burger king πŸ™‚

Hopefully my brain will let me sleep peacefully and not wake up after 6 hours sleep.

My two pups are snuggled up with each other…they are BEAUTIFUL and Miss Marley moo is snuggled up on the end of the bed ❀

Peace out