I can’t think of a title…

This is yesterday’s post.. the site crashed as I was trying to post it lol.

BOO!!! Just practising my scare skills for Halloween! woooooooo…lol. Ha I am so excited for my Halloween party, I love it so much.

My body is feeling really tired today but my brain is definitely back up and running and my mood has picked up again. I think now my op has been done I don’t really have much to worry about now, well just my form for benefits to fill in. But I’ve filled out loads of them, I’m sure I can fill it out ok myself.

I’ve been quite busy today, I did the housework this morning before going out. I went and paid my rent and got electric…boring adult stuff! While I was out I came over really hungry but I still can’t eat properly because of the stitches in my mouth, so I couldn’t get a burger or anything. So I got the next best thing and WOW it was SO nice, I could have eaten it again lol. I got myself a shakeaway milkshake with nutella and marshmallows… WOW… It was the best ever and it filled a hole in my stomach without hurting my mouth, BONUS!

I had my counselling this afternoon, it was a good session as usual. It’s so nice talking to a counsellor that totally understands my physical health stuff because he also has a long term condition like mine that will only get worse over time. So yeah he totally gets me because he know the struggles etc. I always looks forward to having my 1:1 session, just to chat about STUFF! like just day to day stuff I deal with, that can be a struggle. So yeah, I left feeling really good πŸ™‚

As I was in town after my app, I went into a couple of shops and did a bit more xmas shopping and I treated myself to a lil something as well πŸ˜€ hehe. I think I deserve it so that’s all that matters. On the bus home I had to make a stop at the pet shop to get cat and dog food and got them some xmas presents too.

Eventually I got home this evening lol. The pups and the cats were happy to see me πŸ™‚ jumping all over me, I love it! Sorted out all my shopping and I did myself some poached eggs for dinner, I did do chips with them but they were a bit hard to eat.

Felt a bit restless but not a agitated restless though. I knew I needed to do a bit of food shopping, as I was running out of stuff I am able to eat. So I ignored my body which was screaming at me to stop and went food shopping. I am going to make myself some risotto tomorrow as that will be so easy to eat and it’s really filling as well. I’ve got myself some porridge, bananas, yoghurts and yeah easy stuff to eat. I’m glad ALL my jobs are done now, I have nothing else to do. Yes I probably should have done it over a few days and BOY will I pay for this tomorrow lol. But I don’t have much planned for tomorrow, other then making dinner and maybe taking the pups out for a walk somewhere. I can catch up on sleep tomorrow, which after today and the look at the time right now lol, I will need it.

This evening I taught scrappy to do high 5! haha so proud of him πŸ™‚ he’s so clever.

I did a video tonight as well, I was just going to do a video of scrappy doing his tricks. But I ended up just chatting away for nearly 30 mins lol, it was good though, I suppose it’s like a video diary and once I start chatting about a subject it takes me all over the place. I may do another video tomorrow πŸ™‚

Right I’ve got to get off this laptop very soon, it is now 1 am and my head is hurting. I need my pain killers and my man sleep lol.

Peace out


Lil flare, feeling crap all round.

Not been on here properly for a few days because I’ve either been too tired or too busy making YouTube videos.

Fri I spent most of it just making YouTube videos and spent pretty much all day in front of my laptop. It was good fun πŸ™‚ but I think most of it I was just killing time.

Saturday I didn’t get up until midday and WOW I felt like fucking shit! Everything hurt and I was really snotty, chesty and generally really grotty and horrible. But I managed to get up, showered and dressed.

H came over and we went out, I had to take my stick because everything was so sore. We saw the films Legends πŸ™‚ and wow it was amazing! It was funny, violent, sad, emotional, just very cleverly done πŸ™‚ Loved it.

After we went to Nando’s for dinner which was nice, I didn’t eat much though. But it was enough for me.

While we waited for the bus we went and looked in Tesco’s πŸ™‚ and got a few treats.

Got home and just sat down for a bit, wow I still feel fucking awful. Went to Asda as we both needed to pick up meds and some other bits.

We came back to mine and I just needed to go to bed, so kicked H out bless her, Β I took the pups out for a wee and got myself into bed and was asleep just after 10 pm.

Today has been a bit boring I suppose and I don’t really know how I feel right now, maybe a bit low. But I think that’s probably because I’m feeling poorly.

I was up at 9 am, I had ready brek for breakfast, I did the housework, had a shower and got dressed, took the pups out for a walk and spent the afternoon sat on my butt playing Weird Park on my tab.

I did spend some time playing fetch with scrappy too. I felt a bit restless but didn’t really know what to do, just felt a bit lost today. But still don’t feel to well but definitely not as bad as I felt yesterday. Maybe I’ve spent too much time in my head or disassociating from how I am feeling, I don’t really know.

Once again I seem to be like holding my breath, really controlling it. I don’t know why. I’ve been trying to do mindful breathing so I stop doing this. But I still don’t know why I do this on and off when I feel like this. It’s such a weird symptom.

Urgh I don’t know. I think I need to do some mindfulness…but maybe my heart isn’t in it atm… not sure what it is though.

Peace out


Video blogging boy :D

Ah so it’s been a crazy evening! I’ve pretty much been on the laptop since getting home this evening. It’s been really productive though πŸ™‚ I’ve not just been wasting my time on here and I’m feeling really good today too, considering I started today not really knowing how I felt.

I slept ok last night but I was up at 7 am for no reason, so I did my usual had something to eat and fell back to sleep on the sofa till 10 am when my alarm went off, which was a far more reasonable time then bloody 7 am! Plus I’m still recovering from the London trip, I am so tired and achy today. The bottom of my feet are sore, the muscles hurt and the skin on my hand is really peeling today.

I did my normal morning getting ready to go out stuff and took the pups for a quick walk and wee. Settled them in the hallway with treats and toys and headed out to get the bus to group.

Group was really good today πŸ™‚ since certain people have left its been such a breath of fresh air, the group dynamics definitely needed shaking up and it’s worked, it’s so refreshing. The mood is much lighter which is what you need when you are having a rough time. Had a good giggle today and we talked about opposite to emotion action, which I did a little bit of explaining about πŸ™‚ and yeah it was just a really fun group.

On my way to get the bus, I did have a lil look at a few shops. I didn’t buy anything I was just browsing. Mainly getting ideas for xmas..eep! lol.

When I got into Poole I popped into the sweet shop and got myself some sweets and said hello to S and W, was nice to catch up with them.

I finally got home to my very happy puppies and kitty’s πŸ™‚ and I had a light bulb moment and made a YouTube video of how to make a inexpensive dog treat toy πŸ™‚ which so far has been a hit with my friends. I spent some time sorting out my YouTube and arranging my videos into playlists.

I made a start of my very first video blog! I was pretty nervous about it but I just went for it! and as it stands at 11:27 pm I have 9 views! Which I am really chuffed with as its only been uploaded for 2 hours. This blog was just an introduction to well me and a brief overview of all my illness’s and I briefly touched upon being trans as well. I will do more in depth videos on being trans, living with bipolar and living with a chronic illness, I need to put a bit more thought into what I am going to do, what I am going to say etc. I may do a video at some point tomorrow… I’ve got lots of ideas and I really want my channel to take off πŸ™‚ and I hope I am able to help people.

I ordered my food shopping this evening, thought I better sort it out lol!

Anyway here are some pictures πŸ™‚

I saw this Tuesday morning before I left for London, it was put in my view for a reason πŸ™‚

Me on the bus to group, looking and feeling fly. I love taking pictures of myself now I’ve lost weight.

Monday when I took the pups to L’s πŸ™‚ they were just all relaxing together like best buddies ❀

My gorgeous sleeping babies ❀

My scrappy boy loves swimming in the sea πŸ™‚

Foxy girl checking out the beach ❀ this is where we scattered my dear dad ❀

My gorgeous Harley and Marley. Lil Harley was pleased I bought a new box home for her to play with πŸ™‚ ❀

My beautiful Scrappy and Foxy girl ❀ my four babies are my absolute world ❀

Well that’s it for tonight,

Peace out


G.I.C workshop @ Charing Cross hospital

I am so so so tired, I probably should get to bed right now. But I need to get stuff out my head before I can sleep and rest properly.

Monday night it took me nearly an hour to get to sleep because I was so anxious about Tues morning and it was so weird not having the pups in bed with me. But I eventually got to sleep…not for long though as I was up at 5:45 am Tuesday morning.

I got up, had breakfast, showered, dressed and sorted my backpack out. Man it was so weird, the flat was so quiet without the pups lol. Mind I didn’t miss scrappy following me about with his toys waiting for me to play fetch every 2 seconds! I had some time to watch a bit of tv and check my backpack like a hundred times to make sure I’ve got absolutely everything I needed. Anxious much! eeeep!

Whilst walking to the coach stop, my heart started racing, I was hot/cold and sweaty, I was shaking internally. I was a mess lol and at one point I felt like walking back home. But I carried on and I got on the coach, put my seatbelt on and off the coach went.

As the time went on my anxiety lessened because well, I was on the motorway on the way to Hammersmith London, there was no turning back lol. So I just had to get on with it! I had a nice lady sat next to me and we chatted a bit, she also gave me some directions as well which was great and totally spot on πŸ™‚

The fucking weather was crap, it was raining heavily on and off all day. When I got off the coach I managed to walk and find my way to the gender identity clinic. I was an hour early but I was there, safe and sound. Oh on the way though some absolute fucking cock drove straight through a puddle and soaked me! I was not fucking impressed, so I flipped him off and shouted cunt at him lol!

Oh I was the first person waiting…haha. There was another guy that turned up not long after me, so we sat and chatted while we were waiting and he took my number. Loads of people soon started piling in! Which as a bit overwhelming but cool to see so many trans peeps in the same place πŸ™‚ Some were out like me, some weren’t and some were non binary etc, so yeah it was cool.

The workshop itself was good, talked about what to expect, went through the process and what sort of things are available to us, what is covered by the NHS and what things aren’t (all is covered apart from a boob job) Talked us through the surgeries, female to male and male to female, saw some graphic surgery pictures lol! That was a bit gross, especially the male to female surgery! EEEEP! But overall it was really good and I enjoyed it. Oh and I was chatting to a lady in there and I gave her to details of the trans group I go to as she doesn’t live too far from me which is cool.

I headed back to the coach stop, picking up a sandwich on the way through because I was so freaking hungry. But I could have actually stopped to eat something properly because the coach was an hour late! My phone had died and the plug on the coach where I was sat was broken… and the battery life on my tab is awful. I couldn’t really relax because I was just so anxious to get to L’s to get my babies!

The coach was 40 mins late getting to Bournemouth but the traffic and road works was fucking awful on the way back. I hopped into a taxi and went to L’s πŸ™‚ OMG it was soooo good to see my happy babies! Scrappy was crying bless him and foxy was happy barking at me lol!

I stayed at L’s for a little bit, just to catch up πŸ™‚ didn’t stay too long because I just needed to get into my bed so bad.

Got the bus home with the pups, chatting to a few friends.

Got in, grabbed some food, meds, chargers for phone and tab, chucked phone and tab in my bedroom, got a nice cold can of Pepsi and collapsed onto my bed with a big sigh of relief. Ah meds, food and a nice cold can of Pepsi was so lush!

I caught up with a few peeps online who were asking me about my day but I couldn’t stay up much longer. So I was sound asleep by about half 11 pm I think.

Wow it was a really long day but I am so so chuffed that I went and I did it all by myself πŸ™‚ and I made some friends too!

Today I woke up at 9 am, went for a pee, had something to eat and drink and went back to bed until 12 pm, I soooo needed it but I’m still not really fully functional lol. I’ve been in my own world most of the day.

I did do the housework this afternoon, did a load of laundry…that leaked grey and black onto lighter coloured clothes…oops lol! But whatever..

Went into town, got electric, paid my rent and treated myself to some new stuff. I got new trainers, boxers and two t-shirts. I think I bloody well deserved it πŸ˜€ that’s my story and I am sticking to it! haha.

Got back and relaxed for a bit, took some pain meds as my legs were aching. Then took the pups out for a nice walk πŸ™‚

This evening I’ve just been relaxing, wasn’t really hungry so just had a sandwich for dinner. Been catching up with my groups online which has been cool πŸ™‚

I suppose I am feeling ok tonight, just tired. I don’t really feel really happy or really depressed. I just feel ok…maybe I feel a little down but I think that’s because well it has been a hell of a week. I think the London trip was a massive distraction from what’s actually going on in my head if that makes sense. I was so anxious and wrapped up with worrying about the workshop that everything else I was worrying about has been pushed away. But I can feel it all slowly creeping back into my head, which sucks but there are things I need to deal with, like the shitty benefits wankers! URGH! So yeah I am fully expecting my mood to drop again.

Physically I’m ok, just really achy and tired. My skin on my right hand is really peeling all over my fingers. I’m not complaining because I like picking it but it does get a lil sore. I think I’m having a lil flare up because every day I feel a bit run down, which is a really crappy feeling.

Right I need to get to bed,

Peace out


Gender clinic letter! woohoo!

Only 10 pm and I am totally ready for bed already lol, I am just SO rock and roll on a Saturday night :p after I’ve written this I may do some colouring, depending on how I feel, because right now I am tired and really achy…..but that’s nothing new lol.

So I’ll catch up a bit,

Fri – Well I didn’t get to sleep until nearly 3 am but I woke up at 9:30 am, just had a wee, had breakfast and watched a bit of TV before going back to bed from 11 am -1 pm lol, I totally needed it though.

I cleaned the flat, I managed to do it by myself. Although I totally overdid it and my arm killed so so much. But I felt better for the flat being clean.

Got a letter from the gender clinic Charing Cross πŸ˜€ EEEEEK! They got my referral and they have offered me a place to do a workshop there which is cool and not far off either. The waiting list is 13 months, I am so freaking excited! WOOHOO!

H came over for a bit before her app, I didn’t get showered and dressed until she left and after I took the pups across the road for a run and met H there after her app. Dropped the pups home and went to the shop, I treated myself to a Batman birthday cake! πŸ™‚ I’ve been feeling so crappy and in pain that I fucking well deserve CAKE!

We both chilled out, had takeaway for dinner again πŸ™‚ but we both totally deserve it after all we’ve been through this year. We watched a film too which was cool.

H left after the film and I walked a bit of the way with her to take the pups for a wee.

Chilled out for a bit and tried to write but I couldn’t concentrate so I just took my meds, did my injection and went to sleep and I had a good sleep just under 12 hours lol!

So back to this rocking Saturday, I woke up at 11 am! I almost never sleep that long any more without waking up a billion times in between. Think this is my first really decent nights sleep since starting the lowered dose of quetiapine. I did feel better for it energy wise but pain wise it didn’t make any difference.

Chilled out watching friends for a bit, then got my butt into gear and had a shower, got dressed and took the pups to meet L and the boys.

We all went to Baiter park and played about in the tree’s lol πŸ™‚ we weren’t there long but it was really fun.

Came back to mine for a bit, I took Harvey out for an hour and I took him to the comic shop but it was shut, so I treated him to some toys instead and I got boo some cars, I got L some Vindaloo and yoghurt chocolate. Love treating them all πŸ™‚

I treated us all to a pizza hut for dinner πŸ˜€ it was so yum and we all enjoyed it. Had some cake after too. YUM so glad my appetite is good at the moment.

After L and the boys left I just watched tv for a bit and filled out some forms for the gender clinic and written stuff on my calender for September πŸ™‚ So I know what bills are coming out when and what I’m meant to be doing when so I don’t forget.

Just been relaxing this evening, well trying too. I can’t seem to get comfortable at all, my legs and back are really sore, along with the rest of my body. I can’t wait to jump into bed and sleep, also can’t wait to spend tomorrow just by myself. I so need a day to myself just to chill and do nothing.

Physically I feel like shit everything really hurts and I don’t seem to be getting any relief at all from my tramadol, which is really fucking shitty! If this carries on into next week then I will book in to see my GP cuz I can’t cope with this much longer.

Mentally I’m ok just drained by everything, but my letter from the gender clinic did lift my mood quite a bit. Still struggling with everything but I think that’s normal with everything I am dealing with right now.

Some pictures from the last few days

Β Meeee, look at those bruised legs lol

Β me and my Mr Scrappy doodles

Β Bruised elbow near the fracture

Β Swollen painful hand

Β Mr Doodles πŸ™‚

Β My gorgeous Foxy girl

Β Happy Foxy girl

Β Cats playing with their new toy πŸ™‚

Β Found a Harvey in the tree lol

Β Boys playing

Β Foxy girl didn’t want to play lol bless her. It was cold and raining.

Peace out


A better day, feeling grateful

Ah I am so tired right now but my pain levels are much much easier to deal with but I think that is because I am just getting used to it now. The swelling has gone down a bit and the bruising has come out, I just can’t wait till the fracture clinic Thursday.

Despite everything, today has been really productive. I sorted out getting a new bus pass sent to me. The pet shop I get the animals food from were able to drop my order of their food to me this evening which was amazing and just so so helpful!

This morning I managed to clean up the flat as much as I could. L and the boys came over in the afternoon, we chilled out for a bit and had some lunch then L and Harvey helped me do the bits I couldn’t which was great and I am so grateful of the help.

We went into town so I could pay my rent and get electric, I also got myself 2 pairs of jogging bottoms because they are easier to get on then jeans lol! because I can’t do my belts up.

I treated myself and the animals to some bits on amazon last night because I felt so shit I think I deserved a treat.

I didn’t end up going to the group social as the location was changed to a pub, it’s quite a small pub and I didn’t want to go just in case anyone bumped into me. It will be much better if/when they cast my arm. I really hope they do! Any wrong movement or small bump really fucking hurts! So yeah missing group all this week 😦 gutted!

Overall I’ve had a good day πŸ™‚ despite my broken bones lol! I’m grateful to have such amazing friends.

Tomorrow I am just going to rest all day! I think I need it. My energy levels have just been zapped, all used up by being in so much pain. Slept ok last night, I’ve found the perfect sleeping solution, all propped up with pillows and blankets lol but it works so can’t knock it.

So I’m off to bed after this to relax and sleep.

This has taken so so long to write one handed lol.

Peace out


A lil irritable

Ahhh I keep getting distracted by the pups, cat and the tiny kitten that keeps meowing at me lol! It’s now gone midnight so I better crack on as I’ve got to get up early tomorrow to take foxy girl to get her haircut.

I’m just trying to think what the heck happened today lol, I woke up early but was still tired so I had breakfast and went back to bed until a more reasonable hour then 6 am.

Chilled out for a bit but time was getting on so had to get my butt up and clean the flat up, oh and get showered and dressed before my O.T came over lol. But I always feel good when the place is looking tidy. Harley didn’t like the hoover lol, she ran and hid under the sofa till I finished, bless her.

My O.T (occupational therapist) arrived about 12:30 pm and she didn’t leave till 2:15 pm lol. She was so nice and we ended up just chatting about everything which was cool. I actually know her son, he was the year below me at school, such a small world. Anyway she is going to order me the perching stool for the kitchen and I will get that Mon at the latest which is cool, but the corner stool that she thinks will be best for the shower is something the don’t stock so she has to take that to the team meeting on Tues to put the case forward, but she said it shouldn’t be a problem. It will just take a bit longer which sucks a bit as I’m so desperate for it but least the ball is rolling now πŸ™‚

After she left I went into town, got some electric and paid my rent. I used my love to shop voucher to go towards a ring that I’ve had my eye on, so I treated myself to that πŸ™‚ I went to Primark and bought a cool Batman wallet, a Jaws vest top and just a plain vest top. I had my shopping list with me and ended up getting all the non food bits I needed in poundland, they had everything I needed and worked out cheaper then getting it in Asda.

So I dropped my shopping home and went to do my food shopping and had to order some meds as well. Got everything I needed and I may have a little bit accidentally bought Leo a Batman pj set lol πŸ˜€ and I got myself Maze runner on dvd, it’s such a good film.

I got ambushed by my happy puppies when I got home lol, which I love coming home too πŸ™‚ unpacked the shopping and shoved it all away. Then chilled and watched friends for a bit before having some dinner again, I’m happy that I’ve been eating a bit more then I have been, I feel less dizzy all the time.

After dinner I felt so tired, so I laid out on the sofa with the pups just watching friends still. I was thinking that maybe I would have a lil snooze but I felt restless at the same time so ended up getting back up. My nan and grandad popped over for 10 mins with some beetroot and potatoes that they’ve grown in their allotment, so that’s pretty cool and can’t wait to try them.

The pups were restless and I was tired but restless…so I took them out for a walk. It was ok but it started to rain and it was freaking cold! I come over feeling really irritable and grumpy so didn’t really enjoy the walk at all just wanted to go home.

My mood has picked up a bit this evening and I feel less easily irritated and grumpy. But I suppose I can’t be happy 24/7 lol, as soon as my mood changes I jump straight on it and analyze the shit out of it and my brain just goes into over drive when it really doesn’t need to but I can’t help it. Anyway when I got in I got straight onto the laptop and I’ve been distracted away from the fuzz that was going around in my head. I do feel like I just need one whole day of doing nothing, not even getting dressed, so I am hoping I can do that at some point this week *fingers*crossed* I need it so I don’t burn out or piss someone off by accident.

My chest is still a bit tight and chesty so I’m going to try and do another sputum sample this week and I’m hoping I don’t need another round of antibiotics….but I may well do. I also need to go back to the hand therapist as my fingers are still quite sore and my little finger is bent as fuck and I cannot straighten it! So I need to book another appointment with them.

Tomorrow morning foxy is off to the groomers so she will be able to see again lol, need to pick up food for the pups and the cats while I’m near the pet shop that holds the more natural food I get them. The cats food is good because I can give it to both Marley and Harley without having to give Harley separate kitten food, she can eat what Moo eats which is a money saver lol. I’ve also caught Harley eating the dogs kibble lol! she will eat whatever! She keeps jumping onto my plate while I’m trying to eat my dinner, she kept stealing my bacon bits lol. I digress lol so after that my bro wants to meet up so don’t know what we’ll be doing but should be a good afternoon πŸ™‚

Ooops it’s gone 1 am, I am SOOOO not going to want to get up tomorrow.. :/ well better get this posted and my lil butt off to bed πŸ™‚

Peace out


A lil bit of everything

So I’ve not blogged for a while, mainly because I’ve been busy with my buddy J who was down Fri-Mon and sort of because I’m doing well and haven’t really had much to talk about…or not needed to write about. But I thought I would do a bit of a catch up now, enjoy.

I sit here once again and it’s mid week, it’s crazy how fast time is going.

Feeling much less sick, dizzy and faint today. That is because I have made an effort for actually eat! The last few weeks I’ve lost so much weight without really doing anything and my appetite has just vanished. It’s good because I’m now not far off a healthier weight, I feel better, look better. When I my appetite lessoned I wasn’t eating much because I wasn’t hungry but that didn’t make me feel too good. So now I have been eating little and often and I’ve been trying to eat more healthy things as well, I’ve ditched drinking Pepsi when I’m at home and I’m only going to try and drink lemon squash, I need to consume more water. I’ve been eating fruit and veg and proper dinners. They’ve only been small portions but it’s better then nothing. I think my body just had a hard time adjusting from wanting to eat loads and being fed all the time to not being hungry and not being fed as often. Going to try and keep this up as I know a good diet will definitely be my friend when I stop my bipolar meds altogether. I’ve lost 16lbs so far want to loose another 14lbs that will take me down to pre quetiapine weight.

The first part of my day was spent laying on the sofa with the pups, sleeping, watching tv and just being lazy. I did get my lil butt into gear and cleaned the whole flat, which felt like it would take FOREVER because it was so messy! But it took about the same time as usual so not too bad. Ooh and I have planted my sunflower and some peppers, I want to start growing stuff out of my lil balcony πŸ™‚

I made the pups loads of ice treats with some stock and their treats, that was a bit of a balancing act getting it all in the freezer without spilling it all everywhere lol oh and making space too, it was like tetris! They love playing with ice and licking their ice treats πŸ™‚ lucky pups.

After messing about I got myself ready and rush out to get the bus, just made my appointment with like 1min to spare…phew! I was cutting it fine lol. But I had a great appointment πŸ™‚ I am going to be lazy and just copy and paste what I put on fb, saves writing it all out again.

Facebook status

Ah man binding hurts and I can’t wear it for too long… Hoping it gets easier.

Good doctors app, he’s agreed to let me continue to take doxycycline for the next 50 days, the plan after that is to have a break for a month and if I get a sinus infection after then he’s going to refer me back to my ent specialist for further investigation.

He’s going to chase up the pain clinic for me and it shouldn’t be too much longer till I get a letter to book an appointment with a new bone doc at Poole hospital.

He’s happy with my weight loss and he’s glad I’m doing really well coming off the quetiapine.

He’s been on the Charing cross website and found it extremely helpful. He’s half way through the referral as he said it’s huge! But I should hear from them in the next 8-12 weeks and after my initial appointment with them he’s happy to talk about me getting a full hysterectomy. And he’s just so happy that I’m doing well

So yeah! Here is to the future, I cannot wait for the next steps in all of it.

And binding does hurt, I can’t bind for too long. It makes me back and chest hurt… It can be very dangerous, so I’ve got to be really sensible about it.

Spent some time out with the pups this evening, just sat in the sun on the grass, watching them run about playing πŸ™‚ wish I could stay in those moments forever. So at peace, happy, content, bliss ❀

Been thinking about my dad lately, he’s been on my mind. Maybe because he’s close with me right now, I don’t know. But I miss him so so much! My heart hurts when I think about him not being here, I hate not being able to ring and talk to him or see him. The pain never goes, it just gets easier to deal with. I would do anything to be with him again. But he will forever and always be in my heart and soul ❀ I love you daddy and I miss you so much that words just can’t describe it.

I’ve just been putting some new music on my phone, as I was getting bored with what was on there.

Group tomorrow, so looking forward to it πŸ™‚

Over all this boy is good πŸ™‚ super nervous and excited about tomorrow being my last day on quetiapine…Hopefully I can do this without meds.

Peace out


Don’t mess with the Batman!

My brain hurts right now. But on the upside its 12 hours till my buddy J is here for a long weekend! YAY super excited.

After I wrote yesterday, I sat and wrote down my feedback for the group and what I want from the group in regards to coming off my bipolar meds.

I didn’t get to sleep till nearly 2 am I think but I did sleep well so that’s cool.

Did the usual morning things I do while getting ready for group and then at 11:30 am I had a text to say it’s not on because M is ill….totally gutted :/ But I arranged to meet L earlier rather then when I was meant to finish group.

Sorted the pups out before I left and gave them their ice treats. It wasn’t as hot out today but they still enjoyed them πŸ™‚ scrappy was eating them as soon as I’d put them out for them both lol.

I met up with L and the boys, we went to Flirt for some lunch which was cool. Bumped into D who were up there having a drink with his friend. After lunch we walked through the gardens and sat on the beach for a bit but the boys and I got a bit hot with no shade, so we went back and sat in the gardens so we could be in the shade. I’ve even caught the sun on the back of my neck, I can feel it. We had a ice cream and just chilled out.

I wanted to pup up to a shop to see if they had any shorts in there and sadly they had a few I liked but they were a bit long, it sucks being 5ft 3″ most shorts end up looking like trousers that don’t fit properly lol. I like them just above or just past my knees. Oh I did see one pair but they didn’t have my size… sucks as I only have 2 pairs of shorts. I did however end up buying two tops and a thin jumper….but I HAD to get them, they were whispering out to me πŸ˜‰ one was a Joker t-shirt with Heath Ledger as the Joker on it! The other was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle top, YEAH BOY old school! and a Batman jumper. It’s all totally awesome stuff so yeah hahahaha.

We’d said to Harvey all day we will go to the 6D cinema, which he talked about loads until I said that if he keeps asking we aren’t going so he stopped lol. But he picked one and we went on it together and OMG! It was so fast and it threw us about lol, we both kept ducking when the bike went under stuff, so funny. We got water sprayed at us too, it was so good and they have new horror ones in that I need to go try πŸ˜€

After that we sat down for a bit, chilled out. Said our goodbyes and headed home.

Didn’t get back till gone 7pm and my happy puppies were bouncing about like the usually do when I walk in lol. I sorted my stuff out and sorted out the pee in the hallway. Put their blankets on to wash as they had been peed on too lol.

I sat and played with scrappy and gave foxy cuddles for a bit. Put the clean washing away that was out on the balcony, I tidied up a bit, just pottered about making sure everything was all sorted, so I don’t have to do much tomorrow morning. The only thing I will need to do tomorrow is the washing up! BOOM.

I order my food shopping online and get it delivered because it’s just easier….well It’s meant to be! The driver was 20 mins late and I saw him go up and down my road about 4 times. When drivers can’t find my place I usually get a phone call so I can try and direct them. This guy didn’t ring me, so I had to ring the help line, they couldn’t get hold of his work phone because it was off. So they had to contact the store to see if they could contact his personal phone. But the bloke turned up not long after I rang, when he buzzed up he came without my shopping just to check he was in the right place….which added another 5mins to him pissing about. I then got a phone call from my local store, the woman asked to speak to Mr Mills, I said speaking and I explained the situation and she said about giving me some money back for the hassle, then she called me madam at the end of the conversation! So yeah I was FURIOUS! And I have sent an email to complain. Bang out of order. I will hear back from them in 24 hours. I might try and get them to give me the money back for my entire shop. That’s the least they can do are this massive cock up.

Anyway after all that bollox I put the shopping away and had a burger for dinner and was finally able to relax.

Apart from being angry about that, it’s been a good day and I am SO excited for tomorrow YAY!

Ooooh also I’ve lost 1st in total now! yay, so happy. I’m now 10st 12lbs πŸ˜€ and I haven’t even tried. Yup this is all down to coming off the evil quetiapine.

Rocking my new clothes πŸ™‚

Peace out

From a VERY excited Batman πŸ˜€

Busy busy boy!

I’ve been a busy boy today. Got lots done and I’m still busyΒ beavering away. I need to stop really but, I’m really into it lol.

I slept well last night and was wide awake when I woke up πŸ™‚

Went to see my psych this morning, had a pretty good appointment. He’s given me 25mgs of quetiapine to take as and when to help me sleep when I am completely off the 50mgs. He’s just generally happy for me and with how things are going. While I was up there I changed my title πŸ™‚ so well happy with that.

On my way home I went to the bank to change my title there and that went really well πŸ™‚ the lady I spoke to was really nice and I didn’t need any proof as your title is social rather then legal. I only did it through deed poll because I had to drop my middle name.

I got in to my happy puppies πŸ™‚ and I took them across the road for a run about. Dropped then back and nipped to asda for a few bits and ended up treating myself to a dvd! :p

When I got in I spent the afternoon looking up numbers and sorting things out with my name of title. I managed 9 places and everyone was actually really nice and really helpful. I was actually shocked but it was nice πŸ™‚ all of them were woman…maybe it would be different it I spoke to guys I don’t know. But yeah very positive!

While I was doing that I finally booked miss Foxy in to be spayed, so next week she has an app for a check up and then after that I can book her in to be spayed. It really needs to be sorted! So glad its going to be done.

I then spent AGES sorting out getting my scanner to work, so I could do some copies of my deed poll as I need to send some off a few places. I then came up with the bright idea of taking my book of mandala’s apart to scan into the laptop and print off. So that’s what I’ve been doing πŸ™‚ its now 8:30 pm and I’ve not stopped all day! I am writing this in between scanning and printing πŸ™‚

I have my little Leo in the morning, I need to go down to the council to do a few things as well. My head is racing with things I have to do! and want it all done now lol.

So yeah busy busy boy. But I am feeling so great, just so happy πŸ™‚

Peace out