Time to work on my body (as well as my mind

Hey all, how are you finding lockdown this time around? I am overall doing ok, but I’m still struggling a bit, but I am just trying to take things at my own pace and not getting too wrapped up in trying to compete and keep up with what I see other people doing, especially on social media. It’s super easy to compare your life to others and for me personally I can get myself completely lost in another person and just completely abandon who I am because I want to make that other person happy, which that in itself isn’t bad, but losing yourself in the process isn’t great and I also feel guilty about the things I think I SHOULD be doing with my time during lockdown… but ya know most days my focus is on getting through another day, my focus isn’t on the future right now because it is too uncertain.

Having my complete focus on making myself feel safe and comfortable has made other things fall by the way side, which isn’t too good but I can’t do it all. But I do need to find a bit more balance then I have at the moment. I’ve been doing too much sitting around and snoozing and not enough moving around, but its Jan, I find it harder to get motivated to get out anyway because its cold and rainy, however some days I have used that as a bit of an excuse to not bother lol!

So I ordered myself a mini stepper, now I have never been super healthy and fit because of my autoimmune disorder but I was much fitter then I am now before the very first lockdown. Like now I get out of breath putting my boots on which is really bad and I keep getting constipated, I know TMI but I’m here to tell my whole truth and that is partly because I’ve been so lazy regarding cooking different things and I’ve been eating too much sweet stuff, not drinking nearly half of what I usually drink and just not moving a whole lot and all of that has contributed to weight gain and belly issues.

My goal aimed at just loosing weight, I want to get my fitness levels back to where they were before lockdown and in fact probably before I had top surgery nearly 18 months ago now because that’s when the weight started piling on. So hopefully eating a bit better, drinking more water and moving more I will feel so much better over all.

Right now because I keep getting constipated my belly looks like I’m pregnant and that’s partly down to testosterone too as its redistributing fat and muscle, but it does make me feel uncomfortable and doesn’t help with the gender dysphoria. So that’s another big reason I want to try and get healthier.

My goal is to use the mini stepper every day and push myself further each day or every few days, set myself little goals etc as I am quite competitive so I know I can do it.

Keeping up with my walking which is where I get my exercise from has been more difficult during lockdown because I am high risk, shouldn’t really be out or going very far and its had a huge impact on my over all health and mental health so I am really hoping this can help me.

I shall keep everyone posted

Peace out

Zak

Forever waiting – Massive catch up

Again it’s been just over a month since I last wrote anything about my exciting life lol, I’ve been struggling to write at the moment because my life is in a bit of a limbo and the benefits saga seems to be over shadowing everything else and the other stuff seems to be a lot of inconvenient bullshit, that occurs on a regular basis it seems at the moment. But like I said the benefits saga is the main concern and looks like it will be that way for another 3 months.

Whilst I am on the subject of benefits I may as well do a proper update of this ridiculous situation. So in my last post I said that the courts had gotten the appeal with all the information I sent and they were waiting to hear from the Department of Work and Pensions. It’s now 5 weeks later and I rang the courts up last week to see what was going on and they said it can take up to 12-17 weeks for a court date and I am on week 5, so I’ve possibly got to wait another 12 weeks or 3 months which makes it sound longer, just for a court date. September should be when I get a date but fuck knows when the date will be for, probably for 3 months after that, by September it will be 7 months since my money stopped but it all started back last September, when I got the form to fill out, December I had my face to face assessment, January they said no, February I did the mandatory reconsideration, last month I appealed that… and here I am yet again waiting. If I get a court date by September then it will be a year since this whole thing started and to be honest I’m surprised I’ve got through without self harming because it has been incredibly stressful, soul destroying and just utterly horrific. Having to do the appeals and write down all the things I cannot do or that I struggle to do, it has totally destroyed any confidence or self esteem I had about myself and has knocked me to the floor and I’ve been struggling to pick myself back up again. When I read the statistics about the people who have killed themselves because they’ve been deemed fit to work and are no longer entitled to disability benefits, I totally fucking understand why! I totally get it! I have felt so close to the edge and I’ve wanted to end it all several fucking times because I felt like I could just not do this any more. It does make you question the fact of well am I fit to work? Am I really this ill? Is it all just in my head? Even though the rational part of you knows you are ill and you are entitled to the benefits. It’s horrible questioning you’re entire life, whilst having to prove it to others who simply have no fucking clue. Right now this isn’t living it’s existing and everyone is entitled to a decent quality of life. I’m lucky that I have a few good friends who’ve helped me out with money, emotional support, love and just everything a great friendship is made of and I’m lucky to live in such a beautiful place, where I can sit by the water with my dogs just a stones throw from my house.

That nicely brings me onto the rest of my life and what I’ve been up too. I don’t feel like I’ve done a lot really and that’s mainly because everything I do something I have to then spend time recovering from it, which is frustrating to say the least because someone of my age shouldn’t have to rest and recover from activities that most people do without thinking. I’ve spent a lot of time with L and the boys either being here at mine or being at their place and as always its a good laugh but so exhausting, I honestly don’t know how she does it with all her problems too, big respect to her. L dyed my Mohawk blue 😀 and yeah it looks so awesome! I’ve also been regularly going to my groups and counselling, which at times has been hard because I have been so unmotivated and just so low but I’ve pushed myself through it all. Like I previously said I live a stones throw away from the sea and its such a beautiful place, when the weather is nice I could just stay out there forever. I’ve just been trying to maintain some sort of normality, which includes the odd treat for myself and the animals, its been the very rare occasion but I think we all to often forget the power of treating/pampering yourself has, whether it be ice cream, a facial, a holiday or a Lego set. Treating yourself isn’t something you should be ashamed of or guilty about, because lets face it no matter what walk of life you are from, life gets fucking hard and whoever you are, you should have enough self respect to say YES I deserve this. Yes I am on benefits but does it mean I am less worthy to treat myself then someone who works hard for their money? No! that’s what the media wants you to think with all there shit fucking shows about a small minority of people on benefits and they do not at all represent people like me, who have a well documented and real health condition that effects my daily life because they don’t want you to know about genuine people like myself, they have their own agenda and they just demonise everyone on benefits, which if you haven’t already guessed really grinds my fucking gears. Anyway that was off on a bit of a rant lol so back to what I was talking about, so yes I have continued to treat myself, obviously not as much as I did before as I’ve just not had the money but it has been an important part of keeping me going and keeping me sane. I’ve also taken a lot of time over the past month to just be by myself and not talking to anyone and that’s also been a vital part of getting through all this. Overall the last month has been good but the really low darkness is always there in the background, I’m just working really hard not to let it overpower me on a daily basis and I don’t think people appreciate just how hard it is, to battle with your own mind every second of every day, its exhausting. I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve been really low and struggling and I still feel low and I am still struggling and in all honestly without my lovely friends, my groups and counselling I probably wouldn’t be here right now. Besides I do not want to die as the person that isn’t my true self, I need to go through my journey to be the real me.

Moving on to my physical health, which as usual has been a bundle of fun…NOT! Where to start… I suppose I’ll start with my transition stuff as that is fairly straight forward because I am still waiting for my first appointment. But I am going to send them a letter with my new NHS number and ask if they know roughly when I should be hearing about my first appointment. To be honest right now I’m happy to be waiting for this for a few reasons, even though I’m desperate to get on my journey, I have other things in my life that need to be sorted before hand, ie money and meds, so its not really high on my list even though I want it so bad. Sometimes wants and needs differ and needs are more important. Last time I wrote about my knee and trying anti-inflammatory’s, I tried two and neither helped so two weeks ago today I had a steroid injection right into the joint and it has helped to a degree but it still keeps swelling up and hurting, it’s not as bad but still its not great. Also two weeks ago I started Gabapentin which is a anti-epileptic which is also used as pain relief. It seems to be working well along side my Tramadol but I am slowly lowering the Tramadol as my body is addicted to it and I want to see how well the Gabapentin works by itself. The other reason I want to come off the Tramadol is because I will need strong opiate based drugs after the surgeries I have throughout my transition. So I need to detox off it and hopefully when I need it in the future it will be more effective then it is right now. Oh my appetite is great since starting the Gabapentin, it has the same weight gaining effect as Quetiapine and I’ve put on 5lbs in two weeks. It does seem to be slowing down now and I’m not nearly as hungry as last week, I just couldn’t stop eating lol! I am being mindful of what and how much I am eating but it is hard. But to be honest I’m just glad I’m eating and its not a stressful thing. I’ve spoken to my GP about what’s happening with my referral to Southampton hospital and it’s basically down to my gender change…DO’H! So because I’ve changed my gender and title I effectively have become a whole new person, which is true but what happens is that all your medical history is deleted from the doctors system and your are put back on as a new patient, so what they are currently trying to do is get hold of the hard copy of my medical records in order to send to Southampton as they need to know everything before they see me. I certainly don’t remember everything that’s happened to me medically in the last 31 years because well its been loads lol. But yeah I’ve been assured that the practice manager is on it, I feel better now I know what’s happening but it is another thing that I am in limbo with. I swear I spend most of my time waiting for shit to get sorted out lol! Other then that not much has changed, still struggling with fatigue and not sleeping well but it is what it is, I wake up a few times a night sometimes and I just get up have a drink or a wee and sometimes I go straight back to sleep but sometimes I have to get up for a hour or so. I’m not stressing about this because my insomnia or painsomnia issues have been going on for so long now and I’ve tried everything to help me sleep through the night but its clearly not meant to be. I’m on long term Doxycycline at the moment so I’ve not caught any colds, although I have a bit of a chesty cough at the moment but that’s probably down to my sinus gunk dripping down to my chest, which ironically the Doxycycline is meant to help with…I feel its not working lol, my ENT app isn’t until next month so not much I can do or my GP can do right now.

Wow that’s a lot of stuff about me aha! I shall end on a update of my 4 four babies, who are all just in perfect health and are all amazing and are all helping me get through the darkest times and I am totally in love with them ❤

Ooh also here’s a few pics of us all

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^^ yeah boi I am 😀 haha

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^^ Me and Harvey on his 9th Birthday last week ❤

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^^ Me and my boo boo ❤

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^^ Harley doing a bit of yoga lol

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^^Marley moo

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^^ Mr Scrappy doodle

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^^ My beautiful Foxy girl

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^^ I love this place

Right that’s all from this boi, its taken me hours to write this, its very therapeutic though and I do feel calm and grounded.

Peace out Batman

 

 

Head cold…YUP sick AGAIN!

Today has been crappy again! I have a head cold…yeah sick AGAIN! Now there is a surprise…NOT! GAH. Everything hurts, my whole face, head and ears 😦

I felt crap last night and was in bed by 11 pm and pretty much asleep not long after. Exhausted after my metoject.

Slept a solid 11 hours, which I only usually do after the metoject. Woke up with this stinking head cold, my head feels more woolly then usual. Just totally exhausted despite the 11 hours of sleep.

I snuggled up on the sofa with the pups, had some breakfast and pain killers, I watched tv and I did end up sleeping again until gone midday.

Watched TV for a bit, just felt so fucking bored and restless but feeling so fucking ill too…argh hate this! Makes me feel agitated.

Eventually I got my butt into the shower, it took a while but I got cleaned and got dressed. Put the pups in the hallway and went down to the shop and treated myself to some sweets and a Lego set because I was bored and ill.

Came back and took the pups across the road for a run, we met a friend over there a guy with a dog called Rocky so the pups were chasing each other about which is funny to watch. I was chatting with this guy, his English isn’t very good so I don’t always get what he’s saying lol but I get the general jist.

Got back in with the pups, I couldn’t stay out too long because I was frozen! Couldn’t even decide what to watch on tv so just ended up watching the Simpsons, had some chocolate and put my Lego together.

Played with scrappy, playing fetch and tug 🙂 he loves it. Foxy just watches us play lol and stays out of our boy play time.

Just sat about…chatting to friends online and stuff. Had myself a nice steak dinner 🙂

Been doing my usual nightly things. Going to get to bed soon, I got to get up for the GP. Need to do a little list of things I need to say, even if I don’t show it writing it down helps me to remember.

Another day I feel low and unmotivated…but I think that maybe the exhaustion rather then depression…I think I am doing really well despite everything especially on a low dose of quetiapine. I am proud of myself for that.

It’s mothers day here. I did send her a card and she sent a text to thank me. But that was it. She’s not bothered with me since my birthday. She is far too busy sorting out her new life and new family with her new bf and his kids to be worried about me. She didn’t even bother to ask about my hospital appointment which she knew that was coming up. We aren’t close at all and I don’t expect any less from her. It still hurts though. I hate mothers day so much, all rammed down your throat that mums are so amazing and whatever but they fucking aren’t some fucking suck! My transition is going to happen regardless of whether or not she approves so yeah tough shit. GAH! needed to get that out.

 Just saying

Peace out

Batman

Low and unmotivated

Eeeeep! So I saw 3 am again this morning. Oh well, I just lack motivation for trying to stick to any kind of routine. I was actually in bed a bit before 3 am but I was playing on my tab for a bit.

For some reason this morning I woke up at 6:30 am…That was until I saw the time and got straight back into bed and went straight back to sleep. Hate when that happens, its so weird almost like your body is woah we gotta get up lets go! Um not sit your ass back down its sleepy time still lol.

Got up at a more reasonable time of about I don’t know maybe half 10 am. I was so cold this morning well I have been all day, haven’t been able to keep warm. I snuggled on the sofa with the pups, chocolate lucky charms and crappy tv 🙂 I did eventually fall back to sleep and I didn’t get up till 1:30 pm ah such a lazy boy. But I was tired and my leg muscles are aching from my injection.

I got my butt into the shower, got dressed and put the pups in the hallway and I went into town. Only for like 10 mins I just wanted to see if there were any ps2 games I wanted but it was busy in there and there wasn’t much that I could see. Went to one other shop and came home….gah just couldn’t be bothered! Like no motivation. Got back in and in the post came the new t-shirt I’d ordered for my foxy girl and I am so pleased that it fits just perfectly.

The pups needed to go out for a run, so I got them ready and went across the road. I love watching them race about its so funny, we were out for about 20mins. I would have stayed longer but I got so cold, I had to come back :/ I can’t wait for the weather to be a bit warmer.

I spent some time on the laptop and tab just playing games. Made myself proper dinner tonight, cheesy mash, peas and fish fingers 🙂 yum. I got steak tomorrow, can’t wait I need a proper meal.

I’ve watched a few films too today Lego Movie, Empire Records and Suckerpunch all amazing films that I’ve not seen for ages.

Posting earlier tonight in the hope I will get to bed earlier so tomorrow I can actually do something other then sleep.

Kinda feel like I am just existing right now, I have little motivation, moods been low-ish, life has thrown some crappy things at me and I am just so exhausted and I’ve felt so ill and in pain. Day to day things are hard, I just want them to ease so I feel like a human again, feel like I am living. But hey I suppose it is what it is right now.

Ah my muscles are aching so much right now. I can’t get comfortable.

Struggling with it all right now 😦

Peace out

Batman

Conflicted. Happy things, but also sad things :(:

Sat here feeling pretty conflicted about how I should feel. I have good things going on in my life and that’s cool, I’m happy about that. But there are other things that a really crappy, so sort of stuck in the middle, not sure how to feel…

Urgh I’m really tired, so this is taking ages to write.

So last I think I was in bed by like 2:30 am, I played on the tab for a bit and was asleep by around 3 am.

Think I was up around just before 9 am. Had some breakfast and watched tv. I felt really tired still so I snuggled up with the pups and slept again till about 12:30 pm I think.

Just relaxed for a bit, still felt a bit tired and unmotivated. But eventually got my butt up, cleaned up the kitchen, cleaned the litter tray and hoovered up and washed my blanket. I have group tomorrow, so I don’t want to have to rush in the morning but it will be nice to come home to a clean flat. I then got myself showered and dressed, just had time to nip across the road with the pups. Dropped them back and headed down to the tattoo shop.

Got to the shop and it was so great to see everyone 🙂 had a really warm welcome, so that was really nice. A said so what are we doing I’ve forgotten, but because the tattoo is on my leg and I’ve not been shaving I wanted to come out to her first before she looked, so I didn’t have to explain the hairy legs. The shop is pretty small and it was full, so just took her outside and said yeah Dyllan’s a boy and she was like…what?! So I was like yeah I’m a boy and I’m gonna transition, I don’t think she was really surprised about it but yeah she was really happy for me and that was so cool and meant a lot. So yay 🙂 She had a look at my leg and talked about what we were doing. I had my Joker tattoo coloured in and I had “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stranger” written on the back of my leg. A set up her stuff and cracked on tattooing me and we were talking, catching up and she was asking questions and stuff, I told H the other tattooist and she was like oh that’s really cool. They were just so accepting it was amazing. Oh how I have missed the pain of the tattoo gun, loved it! And DUDE! did the back of my leg HURT! Ha. So good though. It was really good to be there and just be accepted for me. After my tattoo was done, I sat in the shop and chatted with everyone more, told B who does piercing about being trans, she was really nice and asked me questions and stuff, so yeah it was really cool. Felt good 🙂 Oh and I got given some nice home made jam, yum.

My step dad’s back in hospital again. He’s in the hospital nearest to me, the one I went to the other week. So we’ve been texting and I text him before I left the tattoo shop to see if he was still up for me to go visit him and if he needed anything. He said he was still happy for me to come up and that he didn’t need anything. I popped into a shop on the way up and got myself a drink and cheese roll, I also got my step dad a bar of galaxy chocolate as that’s his favourite.

Got up to the hospital just after half 5 pm. My step dad was laying on the bed hooked up to oxygen, he said he can’t even walk about without taking his oxygen tank with him, bless him. But we chilled out and chatted for a while, which was nice. I think its nice for him to talk to me because he knows that I am dealing with chronic health issues, so he knows I understand what he’s going through. I stayed till just gone 8 pm…although visiting times were up at 7 pm lol. But whatever no one kicked me out. I said to him I’ll text him tomorrow to see if he’s still there and if he is I’ll pop in and see him on my way home from group. And if he is still there Fri I can pop and see him in the afternoon as I need to go up to the hospital and get my bloods done anyway so he said that would be nice. He’s pretty poorly, so I want to see him as much as I can. He maybe taken to a different hospital soon, one that’s further away from me 😦 which really sucks. I love my step dad so much. He’s my dad’s brother and was like a second dad to me, we were really close when I was growing up as well. Just makes me feel so so sad 😥 I don’t want him to die too.

I seen yesterday that Kieran’s funeral lands on my bday…so I said to H to not worry about my bday if she really needs to go and wants to go. I’m not going, not because its my birthday. But because its not something I want to deal with right now. I could be losing my step dad…I’m still angry and K for not helping himself. I’ll say goodbye in my own way. I can’t say I’m not a little upset but it is what it is there’s nothing I can do.

Got home at 8:30 pm. The pups were so freaking excited, they make me smile so much. After making a fuss of them, I did myself dinner. I was so freaking hungry, luckily I had a dinner that as quick to do, smoked haddock, peas and chips. Lush.

Just been doing my usual this evening, watching tv, catching up on fb and writing my blog.

Physically I’m am ok although I am a little chesty again…meh. I’m really tired as well and can’t wait for bed. It’s been really hard to concentrate tonight and writing has taken a while longer.

Mentally I’m tired, but feeling free and like a weight has been lifted. But I’m also feeling so sad about my step dad, like really really sad and keep feeling guilty for feeling good. Meh I don’t know, just confused, happy, sad. Whatever :(:

My tattoo

 Joker got coloured in 🙂

 Had the gap under Harley Quinn filled

 This says What doesn’t kill you only makes you stranger! Totally love it and so freaking true lol.

Peace out

Batman

Breezy beach walk :)

Well I managed to get to bed at just gone 1 am. I did my injection in my thigh, which hurt like a mother fucker! lol. Went into the bedroom, put the heating on and turned on the tv and xbox. Pulled the covers over the bed so if the dogs are a bit wet when we get in, they don’t get the inside of the bed wet. Sorted out my hot water bottle and picked a dvd to watch in bed and I chose Monsters Inc 🙂 Went and put my water bottle at the end of the bed, mainly use it to warm up my little feet. Got the pups ready and took them out for a quick walk and wee.

Got all snuggled in bed watching the film and playing on my tab, although I didn’t stay up for long, I was really drowsy. But I slept really well 🙂

Had about 8 and a half hours sleep again, so woke up about 10 am. Still felt pretty low and unmotivated…Didn’t want to do anything. So I fell back to sleep again on the sofa till midday.

When I woke up I had s choice to make. Either I got my butt off the sofa, cleaned up and bit and went out and did something, or to stay in all day and feel even worse. So after some back and forth chatter with myself, I decided to stop be so fucking lazy and unmotivated and to get my backside into gear and not to waste yet another day. Yeah I gave myself a good talking to lol.

Didn’t quite know where to start, what I was going to do….I just stood for a bit, until I came up with a plan that was in order, made sense and was something I wanted to do.

First I sorted out the kitchen, it was in a bit of a mess. So I cleaned that up, sorted out the bin that was pretty much over flowing.. :/ Then I cleaned out the litter box, decided I was going to do the bare minimum so I left the poop on the balcony for another time. Put all the dog toys in the box and hooverd up. Just straightened everything up. Boom flat sorted!

I got myself showered and dressed, wore my cuff jeans today, so I could wear my boots and I find the cuff jeans keep me a little warmer. I got my backpack ready, packed a spare jumper for me, foxy’s blanket just in case she got really cold, a drink for me, treats for the pups and scrappy’s ball and ball thrower thing. Oh and made sure I had spare pain killers too. I took pain killers before we left, to tide me over for when we are out. I wrapped myself up in a nice thick jumper and a hoodie over the top, I had my boots on, my fingerless gloves…I hate full length gloves they make me feel weird, stupid I know, but I don’t like the feel on them and I had my beanie hat on to keep my ears warm.

Got the pups ready to go out and made sure I had poo bags…..well nappy bags but same thing lol, they are way cheaper the poo bags.

We were off, we left about 2 pm. Walking through the high street took a while because it was busy and people stopped to say hello 🙂 Hopped onto the bus and we were on our way to Bournemouth beach.

Walked through Bournemouth gardens and scrappy was just bursting to get off and run, he was pretty much dragging me along. He may be small but he’s strong. My lil foxy was just trotting along with me, she’s such a lil princess. Scrappy hasn’t been on a proper sandy beach before and as soon as we got there I let him off and zoom! He was gone, running all over, saying hello to everyone. He just went crazy. Foxy just continued to trot along slowly, but she did go say hello to lots of people. I was played fetch with scrappy, what else would that boy be doing lol. He was running in and out of the waves that were crashing onto the beach. He didn’t go right out for a proper swim, he would have been swept away. But he doesn’t mind getting wet and he was soon covered in sand as well. We walked up and down the beach, didn’t go too far though as I knew how ever far we walk, I have to walk back that far, so we stayed within the second groyne out from either side of the pier. That was a comfortable distance for me to walk to and from. It was such a lovely day and I got some really amazing photos 🙂 I think we were out for about an hour and a half. Which was more then enough time. Foxy was getting cold and my hips were starting to feel stiff. Scrappy however could have stayed forever, that boy just doesn’t stop!

We walked back through the gardens to the bus and luckily one just pulled up so we didn’t have to wait. It was nice to sit down in the warm. Half way through the bus trip scrappy was sick…glad he was sat on the floor and it was just water. Thankfully I had tissues, so I moped it up and put it in a poo bag. He was sick again and again it was just water…He’d drank too much sea water, that’s all it was. So cleaned it up and the bus was just coming up to the hospital, so I decided to get off, just in case he was going to be sick again and I am SO glad we got off when we did. Started heading home and yep I guessed right, because he threw up a lot…it was watery and sandy..gross! walked a bit more and he was sick again. My poorly boy so horrible to watch, but he was happy enough walking along. He probably felt better for being sick.

Got home and yeah there was a reason I left the heating on…ah it was so nice and warm 🙂 scrappy had a drink and threw up again, it was just sand, so gross! But that was the last of it, that will teach him to drink sea water. But partly my fault for not bringing him clean water to drink, he gets really thirsty racing about, so that is a lesson for us both for next time we go there.

Sat and relaxed for a bit, had a Pepsi. Foxy curled up on the sofa on her blanket, I think she was happy to be home and warm. Scrappy however just went and brought me his ball we use just indoors….Yeah I just looked at him and said not a chance my boy! I need to rest for a bit.

I remembered I didn’t have anything out for dinner. I wasn’t really hungry, but I needed to eat. Even though I had breakfast and lunch today, I felt like I hadn’t eaten anything at all…its weird. But like I keep saying I think my body is still getting used to not eating so much. Its not used to being full and bloated all the time. Anyway I went down to asda, I got myself some microwave chips and smoked haddock, some sweets and treats for the dogs. Didn’t ended up eating the fish, just the chips. The fish will keep till tomorrow though. Nice easy, healthy-ish dinner.

Haven’t done much this evening, just had the crime channel on, played fb games, uploaded my pics to laptop and fb. Nearly 11 pm and I think I am going to head to bed after I have done this. I’m pretty tired after all that fresh air.

Not a solid plan for tomorrow as of yet. On fb this woman posted a picture of some dog stuff and I really like two all in one coats. So I am going over near where she lives at some point tomorrow for foxy to try them on. I’m hoping they fit as they are a bargain for £2 each. I won’t be far from the beach, so I may take them down there again if the weather is still good. And by that I mean not raining. Just haven’t sorted out a time with the lady yet, she just said to tell her when I am ready to leave. So that’s good.

Mood is feeling much better then yesterday, not feeling as dark and low. Still a little low, but that’s ok. I’m really glad I chose to get up and out, I really needed it, it helped and the pups loved it so that made me happy.

Pain has been manageable today, kept up on taking my pain killers. I’ve just been really fatigued, sleeping more then usual. That maybe the low mood, I’m not sure what came first.

Some pictures from today

Peace out

Batman

Feel like utter crap!

Well mood has well and truly crashed today 😦 

I woke up at 10am to put on my chicken casserole. My head was pounding and I couldn’t even look at my phone… yup another migraine. So I took some pain killers and snuggled up on the sofa and went back to sleep till half 12 pm, got woken up by a text, I replied and then led back down and didn’t wake up till 3:30pm! WTF! The weather was shit so just decided to stay snuggled on the sofa in my pjs.  

My chicken casserole turned out shit! The veg wasn’t cooked and tasted of nothing 😦 waste of a dinner… nothing I can do to salvage it. 

Just feel depressed and un motivated. 

Peace out

Tank girl