It’s the eve before another lockdown here in the UK, it was something I was anticipating due to the slow reaction on the part of our government, but I won’t go into my thoughts and feelings on that subject right now.
I knew another lockdown would happen, for me it was just a matter of when it would happen. I just about survived last time but I feel much more prepared, I know what to expect and I know what I can and cannot do. I have also spent time writing a lot of lists and making sure my cupboards are full.
I haven’t been panic buying, but due to living on my own I usually by things as and when I need them, so my kitchen is rarely stocked up. Most of my cupboards and fridge freezer are usually half full, but the first lockdown getting things in I needed was highly stressful for two reasons, one is because I am high risk so going food shopping felt a bit scary and two it was hard to get hold of what I needed because people were panic buying. So over the the few months I have been making sure that my kitchen cupboards are fully stocked up with non perishables, so that I don’t have to risk food shopping on a regular basis and it has calmed my anxiety down so much.
Due to lockdown my anxiety has been sky high and I’ve even found it extremely hard to leave my flat and when I do, I don’t want to go far and all I think about is going home where I’m safe. Now I’ve suffered with anxiety all of my life and I’ve never experienced such intense anxiety to the point that even going out makes me feel like I’m going to pass out from anxiety/panic attacks. By making sure I have everything in I will need has made me feel so much better and I feel like I can handle this lockdown better then last time.
Also there’s a lot of online shaming around people who have been panic buying, there are lots of reason why people did it. It could be any number of reason and I expect anxiety comes high on the list of reasons. We need to try and be a bit more compassionate and try and think about the reasons why people have acted in the way that they have during this incredibly difficult times. We’re all trying to survive and get through this as best we can, we need to be kinder and judge less without knowing the full story.
Over the next few days, I’m going to write up some of the stuff I’ve written to help me get through this next 4 weeks and hopefully it will help some of you get through these coming weeks as well.
One thing that I’ve been finding extremely helpful recently is journaling. I write every evening and it always surprises me about how much stuff I have going on in my brain, some days I can write 1 page of A5 and other days I can write 8 pages, but I always feel so much better for it. I think people under estimate how healing it is to write, it has helped me continue to identify my trauma, my reactions to that trauma, patterns that keep repeating, just so many things that I’ve been able to look at and work through. I highly recommend journaling throughout these next 4 weeks, it will really help.
I’m actually feeling pretty good right now, which feels so good after spending most of this year feeling so depressed, lost in the darkness not sure if I’d ever find the light again. I feel like I’m not going to crash so hard this time around, I think I’ve prepared myself fairly well and it gave me something to focus on, took my mind off what is out of my control and I focused on what I could control which has eased my anxiety no end.
Anyway look out for some self care lockdown posts, I’ll get on it tomorrow